It has only been a year but it feels like a lifetime down here. You’re out there somewhere and I’m here just getting more and more lost with everything.
I wish you could know that I’m doing better, I’ve been actively working on that, I’m trying to decompress all the things that tend to mess me up and knowing you’re not here anymore just breaks me apart and makes me wish I didn’t feel better if that could take you back. I would totally go back and loose myself again if that meant to have you still with us.
We were always dreaming together, always looking for happiness by any means. Nothing else mattered but feeling good and nobody could teach me that better than you did. And in that journey I also learned that in order to feel good, making others feel the same also helped.
And that’s what you always did, you always cared for everybody to feel good, you always looked for that because that made you feel good too, and that there is genuine, unconditional love ‘cause you were like that with everybody, it didn’t matter, you never cared and always just shared positivity with everyone else. You taught me more than I knew and I didn’t realize it until you were taken away.
And everyday I think of you, just because or in any situation I live, I think of what would you do, what would you say, what would you wear ‘cause you always looked fresh, the sound of your contagious laughs that everybody loved, your jokes, your tight hugs, how I felt safe with you, how I felt fine and wished I could spend more time with you, how you made me realize how happy I was with my brothers.
You were my brothers. You are. Always caring for me, always wanting the best for me and giving me advice, you helped me to not give up, and you were remarkable at changing my life perspective for good and that’s something I wish I could have told you while you were alive. I wish that we could talk about it but there, that's the problem.
There’s a lot of things I wish I could tell you right now. How much of an impact you have made in me, ‘cause you still do. How we all talk about you everyday and miss you and hurt from your absence. My grandma is 90 now, and she is sad, she is tired, and always thinking about you, I see it in her eyes and in her tears. Your parents are the strongest people I’ve ever known and also I’m doing things for them, I honestly feel it’s hard but I wish for them to love life or love some things in life again. They are doing it all for you, we all are.
I hope you can see me and I hope one day you feel proud of me, ‘cause I swear I’m living up to your thoughts and there’s nothing I want more than to be like you and to feel and give love to everybody.
You were never an example of someone who was giving up and you had all the options, you probably needed someone around you, ‘cause if there was something you always wanted to be was someone better. You were just lost on how to do it but you did it anyways.
It's a dark science when your brothers start dying, like
Can you please help me find my brothers?
I’ll give you anything you need multiplied by ten
I heard they moved to a place where the time don't end”
And if I listen to it closely I can still hear all the love in your hearts, every time I take a look at the skyline it makes me feel better ‘cause I just miss you down here where the other people try to move on.
It's the way that things are.
But you’re my stars and I will always look up at the sky and know you’re always watching over me.
