It ached a little to hear that Touko wasn't regarded in the whole scheme, but he wouldn't say anything about it. As far as he knew, she had never come into proper contact with Cheren or Bianca, and it was probably fear on her own part considering the whole affair with the former, but it didn't stop him from grinding his teeth ever so slightly, or the buzz in his head that told him to slow down and that it can't be helped. But of course, he couldn't, she mattered too much to him and he didn't care if the other two didn't think of her as much.
"It's always going to be the four of us." Came his firm reply, pulling back ever so slightly to meet her gaze and stare down the green pools swirling in watery eyes. "I'm not going to choose between any of you as far as friendship comes, it... it doesn't matter how many times you leave or how many fights you have with him, none of that compares with the amount of memories I have with you that are good and that I treasure more than my blanket--" Scoff. "-- Which I definitely don't still have, but anyway, the point still stands. Just because I love Cheren... it doesn't mean I don't love you or Koko Pops as my best friends, even if he doesn't have the best relationship with both of you." The crack in his voice wasn't supposed to be there, especially not when it came to his feelings about the raven, and after he finished his sentence, Touya came to a precipitous road block in his night light drive to persuasion.
This really was killing him, wasn't it. Metaphorically, of course, he wouldn't ever go back to that night in the kitchen with a knife buried in clenched hands and a whining voice screaming at him from the other side of the door, but now it was only getting worse. Circumstances were bad, then, it wasn't this pretend bullshit where they pursued happiness and in the end, were left with an immortal and perpetual grief, just adding onto the already accumulated worry and exhaustion over this past year alone. Three years, if you counted the sightless turmoil through the days they hadn't seen each other. Touya despised thinking about it in his free time, the fact their lives hadn't brought each other together, but had infact left one or two on their own, and drove the rest away--
A bright squeak brought him back to his senses, and abashedly he stared forward with a blink or two before it registered wholesomely that she had fallen over. And then she smiled, a beautifully sad upturn of the lips, which was horribly cliche and he felt kinda sick for just thinking of it like that, but it fit, so remarkably enough he didn't bother groaning at himself. Too bad her question left him feeling incredibly split between what to answer.
'Yes, I'll help, and no, we're not okay.'
That was what he wanted to say, at least. Optimistic as ever, Touya failed to really give a solid answer, feeling the need to say the truth, that everything wasn't alright and this was just temporary, it was just a dream, something he couldn't even possibly tell her. After his speech about how everything would be alright, how they had to have hope, it would be incredibly pessimistic and hypocritical, if not just down right demoralizing and far ahead in the dejection, they would probably still be facing the same problem all along. A long time ago, he had learned that jealously and rejection were always going to be tied together, and those two matters were precisely the reason nothing would ever be the same. He couldn't live a double life, he couldn't pretend everything was fine and dandy when he lived in a house with a man whose shattered ideals and shards for words was living proof that they couldn't make things better.
And as such, he barely found it in himself to come here. Visiting was abrupt and therefore his feelings were similarly executed, sort of smashed with a thousand little pieces of glass representing his thoughts, and each kind of just stabbed into him and demanded to be felt, like pain, like sticky note reminders with tape for application. Rocking back onto his heels and propelling himself skyward to stand, he bit back a sigh and took her petite hand in his own, giving a little tug to lift her back from the floor.
"Yeah, let's get your life back on track."
