Cobalt's Writing

This is where all my stuff with writing prompts/meta stuff goes~

[kianamaiart]

Hey, fellow storyteller here. I just want to let you know that I see you're talented, but your writing skills could use some work. For example, the cartoon you made that's making the rounds lately needs a shorter title to be easier to search. "Pretty, Pretty, Please, I Don't Want To Be A Magical Girl" is such a mouthful. Try something like Magical Girl Aika or Aika & Zira's Magical Adventures. The title should easily roll off the tongue and give a clear idea as to what the show is about. Additionally, you really need a better grasp of "show, don't tell." Instead of spoonfeeding the audience exposition, you should just focus on the present-day activities of the characters and show the magical elements organically through the perspective of Zira. Also, cut back on the dialogue if it's expository and unnatural. Ask yourself, "How would these characters talk if they were real people?" If you really want this pilot to be picked up, you got to make the characters more relatable and likable. It's not enough to have Aika be the magical girl that wants to be normal or Zira be the over chatty fan girl. What is normal for Aika? Is it being a reserved, quiet, obedient student that's shy and socially awkward? Or is it happy-go-lucky, bubbly sweetheart that sees the best in people and has a clear sense of righteousness? You really need to figure these things out before putting pen to paper. To help you better understand writing 101, here are Pixar's 22 Rules For Storytelling as well as a link to a beginner's guide to writing 101: https://www.writerstreasure.com/creative-writing-101/ I also recommend watching some of your favorite shows and movies and analyze why they worked so well. Hopefully this helps you realize your mistakes when working on the pilot so that you can do better next time.

I appreciate the advice but I think I’m okay! I am well aware of the the rules of pixar as I was chosen to be a part of their story intensive back in 2017. As well as these rules work for feature, they’re not all quite as applicable for an 11 minute comedy series. These writing techniques are something I’ve learned from my 7 years working at DTVA (better to be clear than leave your audience guessing!). Not saying you have to like my writing style at all though, it’s not for everyone. Every genre requires different styles of writing and I think you limit yourself by abiding to one studio’s way of doing things. The premise itself, by sort of being a parody can only succeed if the audience is in on the joke, which does require SOME explaining especially for folks who aren’t familiar with the genre! I’m also playing on anime tropes which includes the wordiness and overexplainy-ness that I personally find funny and camp at this point. The goal is to make it feel like anime but also its own thing.

I feel ya on the title LMAO. This project was not supposed to go beyond the pilot and was originally just a personal portfolio piece for myself to show off my storyboarding. So I made a dumb ass title parodying long anime/light novel titles. It made me laugh in the moment so I went with it, not expecting it to blow up or gain studio interest. But since there has been studio interest and I’ve gotten a couple formal offers, I’d be open to changing it depending on who I end up going with (or if I stay independent). I’m still in the middle of deciding if and how I want to move forward with this premise since it wasn’t planned for and showrunning is something I’ve personally been avoiding for a while (because it’s hard and scary haha)

As for their characterization, I think it’s important to remember that this is just an 11 minute pilot hahaha. Plenty more character development to come over a paced out amount of time should I decide to make this a full series~ Aika’s happy go lucky optimism, naivety about the world as well as her innate need to make people feel happy (despite reluctantly doing her job) is all there if you look for it. Pilots are all just setups and should be simple by nature.

Again, I appreciate the advice and am well aware I still have a lot to learn. Always room for improvement! I’m learning a lot from talking to my peers and other showrunners but I also have gotten to the point in my artistic journey where I finally feel comfortable trusting my own gut and making decisions I feel are best for the type of stories I want to tell and who I want to make them for. It’s gotten me this far!

[cobaltswriting]

I was originally just gonna leave this alone after the person who sent the ask blocked me, but it's dug it's way into my brain so I'm gonna try and critique the critique! Besides, dude has me blocked already so I can just do this for the funsies. Unless it doesn't apply to sideblogs... but anyway. And out of respect to Kiana, I'll keep the unnecessary dunking to a minimum.

...The thing about this critique is that it's all very... by the book. And by that I mean boring. I don't think any of these things would actually make the pilot better. I mean, considering how positive the feedback and response to it has been... yeah.

Also, bringing up Pixar's rules... don't get me wrong, having some rules are good, but rigidly sticking to them, saying that you HAVE to follow those rules is just gonna limit you in the long run. Especially since Pixar themselves don't stick to them. Like, let's grab one rule for example's sake...

If Pixar stuck to this rule all the time, the movies would be... a lot more difficult to follow. The 1st thing that comes to mind might end up being the most obvious thing... but sometimes that's because it's the best way to go about it. Occam's Razor and all, the most obvious answer is the one that is most likely to be right. So, to borrow a phrase from a Disney movie... The code is more what you'd call guidelines that actual rules.

Most of the critique just seems to be the guy saying "This doesn't appeal to me, here's how to make it appeal to me" which... isn't exactly critique.

Like, the one thing I'll give him is him saying that the name "Pretty Pretty Please, I Don't Want To Be A Magical Girl" is a mouthful. He's got a point there.

...But that doesn't mean it needs to change. I think it would be detrimental for it to change.

First off, look at it. That's a memorable title, and it tells you what to expect from the show. There are ways to shorten it, like 'I don't want to be a magical girl', 'don't want to be a magical girl', and even the abbrievation IDWTBAMG. As Kiana said, it was supposed to parody long anime titles, like "Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?".

Secondly, let's look at the titles he suggests... "Magical Girl Aika or Aika & Zira's Magical Adventures". I don't think I've ever seen such generic names... and they miss out one of the most important parts of the show, that being that Aika doesn't WANT to be a magical girl.

Exposition stuff... you expect that in a pilot. You're being shown a new universe so you need to get a handle on what's going on. And I think Kiana hit a good balance between keeping the dialogue feeling like what characters would actually say, the only different really being is that they were a bit more specific about some things... but even then, sometimes people like to be specific when they talk about things. Saying "Show don't tell" is all well and good... but the guy doesn't actually give any specific advice on how you should do that for this specific thing. Just very general 'show it through blah blah blah', nothing specific.

Many, many other people have already pointed out that he clearly doesn't know who he's talking to, bringing up Pixar's rules and creative writing 101 to someone who works at Disney, so I won't go into that.

Basically, this, to me, just seems like very poor and generic 'critique' with a healthy dose of 'make it appeal to me specifically'. Considering the majority of the feedback has been positive (a fair chunk of people being negative just try to discredit it as an indie work because they work at Disney) I don't think much needs to be changed, especially not something that'd require strictly abiding by rules that are more made for 2 hour movies rather than 11 minute pilots.

Also, for a writer, the guy doesn’t seem to know how paragraphs work, so he ended up actually making his critique pretty hard to read.

But anyway, that's my critique of the critique, because the idea burrowed into my brain and wouldn't leave.

[writing-prompt-s]

You we’re once a well respected and feared villain, that is until you had a child. However, they’ve been caught in the crossfire of a hero fight. Now, you’ll show them why you were so feared.

[cobaltswriting]

The hero, sidekick, and the villain who was involved were killed, and you then surrendered. You pleaded guilty in court, stating your reason as being 'your son'.

No-one thought much of it, save for one reporter who investigated it after you had been sentenced to jail for life, and when the story broke, there were protests and riots calling for your release, or at the very least, a lighter sentence.

You did not care though. Revenge had only brought you momentary satisfaction, and now you lived with the guilt of killing 3 people, the loss of your respect, and, worst of all, the grief of losing your son.

[cobaltswriting]

One thing I've been thinking about Harry Potter (I know I shouldn't, but I grew up with it, it's likely always going to be on my mind in some shape and form) is...

The Pensieve, and memories.

One smaller thing I think about is whether Dumbledore's is the only one. Like, Harry sees it in Snape's office and immediately assumes that it's Dumbledore's, and maybe Snape did borrow it from Dumbledore to keep some of his memories away from Harry, on the off chance Harry managed to reverse or repel Snape's attempts to break into his mind. But Harry's knowledge of the Wizarding World is fairly lacking, maybe Pensieves are an uncommon thing, but not to the point that there is only one.

But that's besides the point I was thinking of.

The question is, can you really completely trust the memories in the Pensieve? Especially the really old ones.

Like, people have been know to subconsciously change their memories, to paint themselves in a better light or to justify their actions within said memories.

Like, let's take Snape's memory of being bullied by the Marauders. I am aware that Sirius and Lupin didn't notice anything strange in the recollection when Harry told them, but they didn't get to see it with their own eyes.

What if Snape was less helpless than he let on? What if he was the one who had actually instigated it, but his subconscious changed it to having been attacked by the Marauders? These are hypothetical questions, by the way, they don't need answering.

Memories can be unreliable, so... maybe there is some inaccuracies, moreso depending on how old the memory is and how good the memory of the person whom the memory came from.

I also question what the point of the Pensieve is. Like, viewing your memories like that is all well and good, but Dumbledore mentions having too many memories in his head, and once you've watched the memory again... aren't you going to have said memory in your head again?

[writing-prompt-s]

You are a notorious hitman. Seriously one bad mother!@#$er. And this little kid just gave you a big fistful of change to get his bike back from the neighborhood bullies.

[cobaltswriting]

Usually, when you get jobs, you’re paid hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars, to make sure a target takes their last breath.

When a kid had asked you what your job was, you said that you solved problems in exchange for money.

You were surprised when the kid came to you, teary-eyed, and forced a big handful of loose change into your hand, to get his bike back from a group of bullies.

But that was what you told him your job was, wasn’t it?

Locating the bullies was, of course easily enough. It wasn’t like they were a high ranking military figure, an important political figure, or some underworld crime boss, after all. If any of those had even a hint that someone was after them, they immediately went to ground, hunkered down in a bunker, a safe house, or even a panic room.

It never saved them, though.

Of course, you were never going to use force on these bullies. Bullies or no, they were children.

In the end, it might have been better for them if you had done. After all, most children are not ready to hear the sorts of things you could tell them.

A lot of people were never ready to hear about what the crack of someone's neck was like, and what the immediately limp body felt like.

To hear how hard you have to pull on the wire while you were strangling someone, how their struggles quickly weaken as their bodies are starved of oxygen, the colours their face takes on.

To hear how to harm someone to maximise pain and minimise the risk of them dying, to hear how long it would take for someone to bleed out depending on what you do to them.

Should you have told these things to children? No.

Should they have stolen another child's bicycle? Also no.

You had never claimed to be a saint, though. And those bullies would never bother that child again.

Yet another job well done, even if not an official job.

[writing-prompt-s]

Centuries into a generation ship’s journey, the ship has a constant plethora of tiny issues and malfunctions overlooked by most of the crew’s mechanics in favour of the larger issues. In your off-time, you decide to start fixing some of these minor issues and discover some interesting functions.

[cobaltswriting]

"Are you aware that a lot of these 'tiny issues' and 'malfunctions' that you decided to overlook are the reason behind the larger issues?"

"Not this again... I told you, you're a junior engineer, you're not authorised to-"

The Captain held up his hand, silencing the Chief Engineer.

"...This is actually the first I've heard of it. Continue, Engineer...?"

"Ramirez. Audrey Ramirez."

"Well, Engineer Ramirez?"

The junior engineer took a breath to steady herself before speaking.

"A lot of these smaller issues are supposed to be failsafes, in order to keep the major issues from happening. Like, whenever we have the engine overheating, there are supposed to be heatsinks to divert that heat, instead of it being an ship-threatening emergency. Those heatsinks are currently broken, and in need of repairs or replacements. Whenever a missile fails to launch, there is supposed to be a secondary firing system to launch it. And if that fails, then a small localized EMP is used to disable the missile, rather than risking it exploding while still in the port. You shouldn't be surprised to know that both of those failsafes are in need of maintenance."

Audrey listed off many many other issues, most of which had failsafes which had been deemed 'tiny issues and malfunctions'.

The Captain was shocked.

"...How did no-one else realise this?"

Ramirez looked at the Chief Engineer, who was looking pale and scared by now.

"Ramirez, don't you d-"

"Sheer laziness, Captain. All of Engineering knows these problems, but refuse to deal with it out of laziness, despite the fact that if we fixed these failsafes, the end result would be having a lot less work than we do now, and far fewer emergencies."

The Captain's eyes moved to the Chief Engineer.

"... No longer. You will remedy this, Chief Engineer. You, and several other of the most skilled members of the crew, will be excused from this duty, but you will be organizing and directing the others to these tiny issues to fix them. If a larger issue occurs while they are at work, it will be down to you and the most skilled mechanics to fix it."

The Captain looked to Engineer Ramirez.

"...Audrey Ramirez will be promoted and will be part of your group-"

"I appreciate the promotion, Captain, but I would rather be part of the group fixing these issues."

"...Ramirez?"

"This issue was caused by laziness. It seems like a poor choice for you to let too many people continue to be lazy while this is being fixed. I believe that the Chief Engineer and the most skilled in the department, while lazy, will be enough to deal with any major emergencies."

The Captain considered this, while the Chief Engineer was seething, glaring daggers at Ramirez.

"...True enough. You will be part of the groups fixing the various issues around the ship, then. And Chief Engineer..." His eyes moved back to the Chief. "...I know you are angry at her, but you are not to punish Ramirez at all. If I get even a WHISPER that you are abusing your position to make her life a misery, she will be replacing you far sooner than she ordinarily would be. Do I make myself clear?"

"...Yes, Captain." He said, gritting his teeth.

"I will want regular reports on the progress, and I will clear space for a meeting with the both of you again when you have solved all of the issues. And hopefully the ship will be running a whole lot smoother by then." The Captain stood up, surverying both the Chief and Junior Engineer in front of him for a few moments, before nodding. "You are dismissed. Get back to your tasks."

[writing-prompt-s]

You were once the demon king. “Defeated” by the hero, you went into hiding to pursue a simpler life. Today the “hero” has appeared, threatening you family to pay tribute, not realizing who you actually are. Today you show them what happens when you have something worth fighting to protect.

[cobaltswriting]

"...What happened to you, hero?" The farmer asked, raising an eyebrow and resting his hoe on his shoulder, adjusting his hat. "You defeated the demon king, and now you're going around telling us to pay tribute to you?"

The hero smirked, a nasty look in his eye. "Nothing happened, except I realized that I was due reward and gratitude for what I did so many years ago. I saved you all from the Demon King. I deserve to be paid for my efforts, don't you think? You wouldn't be standing here if not for me."

The farmer shook his head, frowning a little. "Seems like all you did right now is replace one tyrant with another. You won't be getting so much as a gold coin outta me, my friend. I can't hardly afford it, in any case."

The hero scowled, stomping over to the farmer, grabbing him by the front of his shirt, and pulling the farmer close.

"Listen to me, you ungrateful bastard. You wouldn't even have a farm if it weren't for me. This land would be razed. The water would be poison. And you would be forced to pay the Demon King far more than I am asking for." He gave the farmer a shove, forcing him to the ground. "You will pay me tribute, or you and your family will burn."

The farmer's eyes had widened when the hero grabbed him... but funnily enough, now he was on the ground, and his family was being threatened, he was smirking. He gave a soft chuckle as he got up, that had blossomed into a full fledged laugh.

"So, that's how you wanna play this, huh?" He said, after he had stopped laughing.

"And to think, I thought you would be better than this... When i surrendered to you, let you win, I thought it would be good for the realm. I had seen that I had gone too far... That's your big secret, isn't it? You made a deal with the Demon King. He would vanish after being 'defeated', and in return, you would spare his life." The farmer took step after step towards the hero, each step sounding heavier and heavier to the hero, starting to shake the ground.

The hero stepped back as the farmer got closer, his eyes widening.

"How... how could you know...?"

The farmer grinned, closing his eyes, and when he had opened them again, they were red, and the pupils were slits, and his form was changing, his body morphing from his eyes outward. The short, greying hair had turned into a long mane of silver hair. The muscles under his clothes swelled, tearing through his clothes, the ripped clothes being replaced by black, infernal armour. His teeth lengthening into lethal looking fangs, claws spouting from his fingers, two large swords bursting from flame sliding into scabbards that appeared on his back.

The Demon King towered above the hero.

"I know because I was there, foolish hero. You have made a grave mistake. While you have been growing fat and lazy in the lap of luxury, even before you started demanding tribute, I have been working the field. I kept working, keeping my muscles in shape, while you kept coasting through life on the accomplishment of 'beating the Demon King."

"And now you've made a second grave mistake. You threatened me, which I could simply ignore... but..." He growled, drawing his swords, both of them slamming into the ground as he drew them, sinking into the ground a little, cracking the ground around them. "Then you threatened my family. Which is too far."

The Demon King gave a snort, purple, cursed flame shooting from his nose.

"So, hero, shall we see if you can still 'beat' me? Back when we fought, it could have very easily gone either way. Now, I am still at my peak strength, while you have grown fat and lazy. More than that, I have something to fight for, while all you have to fight for is your pride and the hope of being able to extort more money from people in exchange for your 'heroism'."

"But after all you've done? No one shall miss you. No one shall mourn you. No one shall weep over your grave. I would say that it's time for you to learn what happens when you threaten the wrong person's family, but people do not often survive to learn from their last mistake. This time, someone will die, and it shall not be me."

The Demon King did not wait for the hero to draw his weapon. The hero did not deserve a fair fight, not any more. He didn't even deserve the quick death that the Demon King would give him.

A few days later, there was a new scarecrow in the farmer's field. Many people whispered about how it looked like the armour of the 'hero' who had gone missing, but no one questioned it. They had all been victims of the hero demanding tribute to some extent. And the farmer had been nothing but good to them. So they turned a blind eye to it. One of the blacksmiths in town even claimed that he had made the 'replica' of the armour when soldiers came to ask about the hero's whereabouts.

The hero was never seen again, and was not missed. Nor mourned. Nor did anyone weep over his unmarked grave, underneath the farmer's fields.

[sleepsucks]

[pukicho]

I love dark souls. I remember playing it for the first time and you talk to ANY NPC and they go "I am miserable, I'm going to fucking kill my son, I hope demons kill us all, Heheheheheh" and I remember thinking to myself "this fucking rules"

[chasing-caws]

Too many words to read 0/10 post Puki

[pukicho]

dark soul awesome

[vermary]

This should be canon

[our-blood-is-our-ink]

Bite him bite him! Go for the throat Liv! Why use words when you can use teeth!

[writing-prompt-s]

“How many people have died to achieve this world domination of yours?” “769.” “…What?” “769 people died to achieve my plans. I counted them, and had each of their names etched on my throne so I never forget what my victory cost the world. Now tell me, how many have you killed to see me dead?”

[cobaltswriting]

The hero didn't answer as the Dark King rose from his throne, his fingers brushing along one of the arms of his throne.

"There was a hero, much like you, named Celeste. She went upon her journey to defeat me, and met her death at my hands. She is one of the more recent deaths." He paused, before he looked at the hero. His gaze was not cruel, but there was a certain judgement in them. "...I asked her how many she had killed, as well. Her number was far less than yours, but still, she did not know."

He stepped around the throne, his hand gripping the back of it, just underneath another name. "Here is the name of the previous Lord who owned this castle, Lord Tyrone." He said. "He was a cruel lord who taxed their residents far too harshly, took far too much of the harvest from them. The people who lived here were poor and starving... now, they are flourishing. Despite being ruled by an 'evil king'. So, I hope the whole world shall flourish and thrive as they do."

He stepped around the throne, his fingers tracing a small path down the back of his throne. "...Here is a name you may recognise. I believe they were your uncle, Phineas Fletcher. The one who taught you the blade." He paused. "And part of the reason you went on this quest was to attempt to avenge him, no?" The Dark King sighed. "...He didn't kill anyone on his journey here, though. He came to the gates, hailed the guards, and asked for audience with me, upon which he challenged me to a duel. He is, perhaps, the one amongst those I killed who I respect the most."

He stepped forward, descending from the dias that the throne was upon, his gleaming red eyes fixed upon the hero.

"And yet you do not know how many have died for your cause, to see me defeated? I will let you in on a secret, 'hero'... your number far exceeds my own."

"Any I have killed were those in your service!" The hero spoke, breaking their silence, pointing an accusing finger at the Dark King. "They deserved to die!"

The Dark King gave an angry hiss, his eyes narrowing.

"...Do they? Do people who were simply working for one whom you consider to be 'evil' necessarily 'evil' themselves?" He said, taking another step closer to the hero.

"You killed more than a 1,000 on your assault of the city under my control. And despite your claims, civilians were amongst that number, since you decided to use fire to set buildings alight."

Another step, this one sounding louder. "Another 1,500 died, although not only to your hand, but to the hands of the boats you used to sink my fleet. You were still the one who ordered the attack, though. Who commanded those boats to be filled with gunpowder and set on a collision course with my ships? And that is simply a rough estimate."

Another step. Another loud thud upon the floor. "And then you tore your way through 200 of my best men simply to get your way through the castle to me. One of those men had just become a father. Several of them were women. That number, I know for a fact to be accurate. You hunted them all down before you came to me. Left not a single one alive."

The Dark King stopped several feet in front of the hero, glaring down at them. Now there was hatred in their glare, now that the Hero seemed to think that some of his loyal followers 'deserved' death.

"Do you understand now, Hero? Can you feel the weight of your sins? I can feel the weight of mine. It has been a weight I have had to bear, as I work towards my goals of bringing the entire world under my control, of bringing the world to peace."

The hero was frozen in place, by the realization of how many he had killed, as the Dark King summoned a scythe into his hands.

"Can you feel them crawling on your back?"

The Dark King stepped forward, raising his scythe, and the hero started to shake, his eyes starting to tear up.

"Can you feel them weighing on your neck?"

The Dark King struck, swinging the scythe upwards, impaling the hero straight through the heart. The hero gave a heavy cough, blood splattering the ground, as he felt his strength start to leave him. The Dark King reached forward, placing a hand under his chin, and making him look at him. Watching the light fade from his eyes.

"Can you feel your karma coursing through your veins?"

Those were the last words the hero heard, his body going limp. The Dark King pushed the body off of his scythe, looking weary and tired. Like he'd done it many times before.

"Doomed to a death of karma." The Dark King said, with a heavy sigh. He stepped away from the body. He considered, for a moment, not giving it a proper burial... but he had set aside a section of the castle's courtyard as a graveyard for a reason. His scythe vanished back into darkness as he knelt by his throne, picking up a small chisel and a hammer that he had set next to it, moving behind his throne, carving the hero's name into it, just below his uncle's.

The name of Finn Fletcher, the 'hero' who had killed over 3,000 people simply to get to him.

The sins of the Dark King grew heavier, but he was still willing to shoulder it. Once the world was under his control, and he had set rules in place for all to live fairly, and found one who shared his views to become his heir, he would allow for himself to be executed.

Until then, he needed to keep going.

For the greater good.

[writing-prompt-s]

“If I wanted the heroes dead, I’ve would have killed them already! So shut up about ‘efficient strategy’ and 'tactical advantage’ already, and worry about what I pay you to worry about! Like making sure the band doesn’t miss their cue to play my theme when I reveal my plan.” the villain yelled.

[cobaltswriting]

When the heroes had turned up, there were in for a shock. The man sitting upon the throne of their nemesis was not the villain, but the villain's assistant. His 'sidekick'. Holding a smoking gun, with the villain's corpse several feet away.

"What… what did you do?" The leader of the heroes asked, shocked.

"He was an idiot." The sidekick said. "A self centred moron. So many people working underneath him, yet he did not care about beating you. All he cared about was maintaining his image, his drama. More concerned about the band playing his theme at the precise moment when he reveals his plan to you than about the henchmen who had been brutally injured by your exploits." The sidekick fixed them with a glare. "Like Barry's seven broken ribs, Gordon's fractured collar bone… for heroes, you certainly aren’t very nice to your enemies."

"Well, what now?" One of the other heroes asked, a young, spirited hothead. "What are your evil plans?"

"Oh, come now." The sidekick rolled his eyes as he stood up, twirling the gun in his hand. "If I did have evil plans, I wouldn’t tell you. But as it happens… I don’t have any."

There was a loud silence following his words.

"I… don’t understand." The veteran hero spoke up, after a few moments. "For as long as we’ve known you, you’ve been evil, just like him."

"Yes, but think about it. There isn’t any point to all of this evil stuff. We have a very specific staff here, all the things he-" The sidekick gestured to the villain's corpse. "-wanted to get? To make? Freeze rays, weather control machines… all of those things could be used for good. We could sell them. We’d become rich without even needing to commit a single crime!"

"But…. What if we… stop… you…?" The leader said, clearly confused.

"From what? What crime am I committing? The only thing you could even say is morally wrong is that I’m not giving the inventions away. And while you might have a point, I and all of my henchmen… now just employees and researchers… do need to eat and have bills to pay."

"…And what about that?" The veteran hero pointed at the corpse.

"Well, put it this way…" The sidekick said, with a smirk. "Are you going to put me away, after what I’ve just said? I could make a real, good differnce in the world, and you are just costumed vigilantes. We're both committing crimes here. But are you really going to let the murder of a man who has done so much harm to the city stop me from making a positive difference in the world?"

The heroes were silent for a moment, looking to their leader for guidance. They’d never been in a situation like this before.

"Fine." The leader said, grudgingly. "But remember, we'll be watching you. Put a toe out of line, give even the slightest hint you’re doing something evil, and we'll be back."

"Watch all you want." The sidekick said, dismissively. "Watch my rise to power. No more Dr. Malevolence, no more Malignant Boy. No more Chaos Corp. You will all watch the rise of Mr. Brilliant and Luminaire Inc.!"

The sidekick slid the gun away. "Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have business to attend to, problems that need to be cleaned up… and you all are trespassing on private property."

[writing-prompt-s]

You are a doctor, world-wide known, because of your abilities to cure people with just touching them with your left hand. Today one of your parters asks why you always wear a red glove in your right hand.

[cobaltswriting]

"Ah, yes…" The doctor looked down at his red glove. "You’re aware of how things cannot be destroyed, correct? The same goes for the diseases and injuries that people sustain. I 'cure' them, but it comes at a cost…"

The Doctor slid his glove carefully off, revealing a hand that was completely riddled with injuries and disease. Several of the fingers were broken, it was covered in pustules and lesions. There were even a few lumps that could be tumours or cysts. It was almost unrecognisable as a hand.

The doctor slid the glove carefully back on, wincing as he did so.

"I was born with a couple of abilities. The ability to siphon things from other people."

"What… other things can you siphon?"

"Don’t ask." The doctor's face became haunted for a moment, before he remembered himself. "I use it to siphon illnesses, injuries, pain, and then siphon it from my left hand into my right. My other ability… is a regenerative healing factor."

"Like Wolverine?"

"…In essence, yes. But I chose to do this with my life instead. Become a doctor. Heal people."

"But… doesn’t it hurt?"

"Oh, it's excruitating."

"Then why…?"

The doctor turned to his partner.

"…Because, with my healing factor, I can handle it. All those injuries and illnesses you saw there? They’ll be gone in a few days, a week at most. They’re contained there by my healing factor, nothing can get in or out of there. But they’ll be replaced by new illnesses and injuries as I heal them. And, don’t forget, some of those illnesses I’m 'curing' don’t have an actual cure yet. No medicine or surgery to fix them. But my body… my healing factor, can handle them."

"What if you’re wrong, and someday there is something you wouldn’t be able to handle?"

"Then I shall die reassured by the knowledge that at least it is not my patients who die."

"…Is this why you don’t have any children?"

The doctor paused, his right hand clenching.

"…This is my burden to bear." He said. "I am not going to risk passing this curse onto a child."

"But…"

"Listen. This is the path I chose." The doctor fixed his partner with a steely glare. "I refuse to bring a child into the world who would either use these powers for evil, or feel that they had to make the same decisions I did. Now drop it. We have more work to do."

[cobaltswriting]

Huh. I was actually a little worried that my Snape essay might get some hate, but I guess tagging it with 'anti snape' worked well enough. Either that or people who came across it who are pro snape read the intro and decided "y'know what, this isn't for me". Props to you if the latter is the case.

[cobaltswriting]

Character Essay: Snape

So, there are some characters that I have feelings about. Like, that I can see what the author was trying to do with them, but I also just... think they failed.

Unsurprisingly, two of these characters have to do with Harry Potter. Severus Snape, and Albus Dumbledore.

Yes, I know, J.K. Rowling is a terrible person and a TERF. But this is still something I wanna write about. And this is my blog. So... yeah. The Albus Dumbledore post might come later.

So, Severus Snape.

I’m gonna break this down into 3 big issues I have with the character. Which does definitely call into question the way Snape was written. And I'll even put it under a read more so any people who are pro-Snape for whatever reason don't have to read any further.

And yeah, this isn't going to be nice to Snape. Like, I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Albus Severus Potter should have been named Rubeus Remus. It is actually kind of a crime that he never named a child for Hagrid, considering Hagrid was literally the first person who was nice to him and introduced him to the Wizarding World. But I digress, let's get to the main subject of this essay.

1. Treatment of Students

We know why Snape treats Harry like shit. It doesn't make it ok, but I wanna talk about other students. Disregarding the favouritism towards his own house, we already come across a huge problem, that is also a problem with Dumbledore as well...

Snape's an abusive teacher.

Even if we disregard Snape's treatment of Harry, we have how he treats students like Neville, and insults leveled at students not within his house. Even the best Hermione, who is basically as close to a perfect student as we get, is simply ignored and passed over without a comment, and Neville... Hoo boy.

Like, I don't know the specific guidelines teachers are given that they're not allowed to cross, but Snape breaks almost all of them. Insults and abuse are hurled towards Neville constantly, even when he's in other classes, like him insulting Neville right in front of Lupin. And while I do like Lupin... Lupin just smiles at it. Nothing ever happens. Snape apparently never even gets told off about abusing his students. Hell, he yells at Hermione and Harry in front of the Minister for Magic in the 3rd book, and Fudge, while surprised, does nothing about it other than trying to calm Snape down.

Like, is abuse just... not a thing in the Wizarding World? This comes up in my thoughts about Dumbledore as well, beyond this, but...

If Snape was a teacher anywhere else, he would have been fired. Like, immediately. But he's just allowed to do so. Like, the closest thing to punishment he gets is that he's not allowed to teach Defence of the Dark arts until Harry's 6th year.

And just so we know this isn't the norm, let's look at another teacher... Minerva McGonagall.

She is the head of Gryffindor House (although I still think she should be a Ravenclaw. As should Hermione. BUT ANYWAY) but she does not favour her house. Excluding Quidditch, in which she supports her House's team, but that's a different thing, that's fine. Whereas Snape has probably never taken so much as a single point from Slytherin, she was responsible for the largest amount of points taken from Harry at one time, if I'm right. If not the largest amount, certainly the largest amount of points taken in the first book. She is also strict, but is also shown to be fair, and will compliment a student and praise them if they do well. She praises Hermione in their first class, because while Hermione did not entirely succeed, she did show godd progress for her first try. And while we do not see her compliment a student from another House, it can be assumed that it does happen.

This is how a teacher SHOULD be. They are there to nurture students, teach them, not abuse them and play favourites.

There are other teachers in Hogwarts, but Snape is the main one who abuses them. A case could be made for Barty Crouch (disguised as Mad-Eye Moody) abusing them, by putting them under the Imperius Curse) but considering he was a Death Eater, and was apparently doing it because Dumbledore wanted him to, we'll just... ignore him. I don't think it's too far from what Moody would actually do, although I don't like to think of Moody as abusive.

But yeah, Snape is very abusive of his students, to the point that the most positive thing he can really do towards a student that isn't from Slytherin is ignore them or say nothing. And abuse is a really fucking bad thing, in case you didn't know.

Let's move onto the next topic...

2. His 'love' of Lily Evans

Yeah, I put the love in quotation marks. Mainly because it... doesn't really read that much like love to me. I am aromantic, so that might have SOMETHING to do with it, but...

It just comes off more as a creepy sort of obsession than anything else. An obsession deep enough for him to have a doe as a patronus.

Like... let's start from the beginning. The first time we see Snape and Lily, Snape is spying on her and it's implied that he's been doing so for a little bit. Even though they're just kids, I'm pretty sure that counts as stalking. And then he makes a branch fall on Petunia when she insults them, which could have seriously injured her, depending on the size of the branch and where it hit her. It was enough to make Petunia cry at the least when it hit her shoulder.

Snape also encouraged Lily to steal letters from her sister and read them, when they found out that Petunia had written to Hogwarts. Although I guess that doesn't really come into the subject of his 'love' for Lily.

We also see that Snape is very... racist, I guess? Does the whole blood thing count as racist? Calling Lily a Mudblood, and then when he tries to apologise he can't even deny that if it was anyone but her, he would not apologise for it. So basically having different rules for her, which I guess could come into a love thing but the fact that he calls muggleborns Mudblood and yet 'loves' one comes out as... kinda fetishistic to me, I'm not gonna lie.

In the books we also have him desperate to protect her from Voldemort, crying when she's dead... And yet despite that, he is horribly abusive to her son, just because he looks like his father. And yet he does say that he wants to keep him safe, angry at Dumbledore when he finds out they've basically been raising him like a lamb to the slaughter. So apparently he's fine with possibly mentally scarring Harry, but killing him? Oh, that's just totally unforgivable!

You can point out various things across the books that Snape has done for Harry, but that doesn't change the fact that Snape is INCREDIBLY abusive to Harry, even moreso than he is to other students.

And then we have him taking part of Lily's letter, just because it had her signiture, and part of the photo that showed her in it, which just... always struck me as creepy. Stalker-ish. I dunno how to explain it any better than that.

And then, we have absolutely the creepiest part... him wanting Harry to look at him as he dies. Just so he can pretend that he's looking into Lily's eyes, probably. Which... yeah, that's just super creepy.

Like, I honestly cannot see it as romance at all. It just comes off as Snape having an obsession. It's even worse in the movies where he is shown cradling Lily's dead body against him and crying. Which normally wouldn't be that bad but with everything else on top of that... yeah.

This does bring us onto the last subject...

3. Snape's 'Redemption'

Snape's redemption is supposed to happen after his death. Here's the problem... he's one of the main examples about why J.K. is very poor when it comes to redeeming characters. Like, Draco could have been set up for a redemption, but he wasn't, as were his parents. Snape was set up for a redemption... and J.K. seems to think it was enough?

So, the main thing that is supposed to redeem Snape, that is meant to make us think he's ok... is showing us his past with Lily, and various discussions with Dumbledore. The whole sequence is for exposition and to try and make us think Snape is a good guy because he 'loved' Lily, and that was his motivation for everything good he did. Which, again, comes off as pretty obsessive.

Here's the thing though...

Snape abused Harry for 6 years of his life. He made Draco set a snake on him in his second year. He repeatedly broke into Harry's mind which seemed to end up having the opposite effect that Dumbledore wanted. Dumbledore even basically admits as much, saying that Snape was a poor choice for it, that he had hoped Snape would be able to see past his hatred of Harry's father. He refused to listen to anyone when it came to Sirius, refusing the possibility that Sirius might be innocent (until Dumbledore talked to him about it, probably), outed a colleague as a werewolf, which, considering the allergory J.K. was aiming for, was like outing a gay man, and made him resign from his job because he knew student's parents would be writing in to complain about it, so it essentially cost Lupin a job, which as we know, is already something that werewolves had problems with.

I do have issues with J.K.'s allergory of werewolves as homosexuals... but let's just say that one of the most notable werewolves, after Remus, was known for attacking and 'turning' children and leave it at that. It's not relevant to the topic at hand anyway.

Showing us that Snape did some things right, and that he 'loved' Lily... like, let's pretend that he did love Lily for a moment, and that it wasn't a creepy obsession.

... That still doesn't excuse the shit he did. It doesn't excuse the abuse at all. It doesn't redeem him from being a Death Eater. His only reason for wanting to save the Potter family was Lily.

Saving Harry's life in the first year by countering Quirrell's curse, and then acting as referee in the next match to protect Harry? That doesn't redeem the abuse that he inflicted upon Harry in the first year, let alone the rest of it.

Let's assume he had the best intentions in Prisoner of Azkaban, and he was interested in rescuing Harry, Ron and Hermione from Sirius. Although that is a HUGE assumption, all things considered... still doesn't redeem him.

Checking that Sirius was indeed at headquarters and then alerting them that Harry had gone to the Department of Mysteries to try and save Sirius when Sirius wasn't even there? Still doesn't redeem him.

None of the good things Snape does redeems him for the abuse he inflicted upon his students and especially Harry and Neville, and his love for Lily reads more like a creepy obsession.

J.K. tried to redeem Snape... and absolutely failed. Sometimes when you write a character, you need more than a single chapter to redeem them.

I'm not even sure if Snape was redeemable at all. Abusing children is a pretty fucking terrible thing. And I don't think it's even me being biased for being abused by a teacher, it's just unacceptable.

[cobaltswriting]

I’ve come to share a small snippet I wrote after I came across this post...

"So, you're a shapeshifter?" "Yes." "...So what's your 'true' form?" "Any form I desire. If I take a form, you can consider it a true form of mine. Every form I have taken is designed to represent me, and thus, is a true form.”

[cobaltswriting]

Universe 1: Fortitude turns rogue

Genesis stumbled into her lab, her footsteps uneven as she removed her helmet, her breathing heavy and laboured, a hand pressed against the wound at her side, blood dripping down from it, a large section of the suit having been damaged and broken off in that area.

A robot hovered over to her.

“Mistress Genesis, your vitals are erratic and you appear to have been injured. Do you require assistance?”

Genesis gritted her teeth, her knuckles clenching on the edge of her helmet, but managed to control herself enough not to throw it at the robot.

“...I’ll be fine, Zero-Two-One. Fetch me the First Aid Kit, I will patch myself up. And alert Zero-Three-Five, my suit will need repairs.”

“As you wish, Mistress.”

Genesis placed the helmet down, managing to make her way to the chair in front of her computer, dragging one of her legs, before collapsing in it, hitting the on button of the computer.

“Computer, bring up all the recent news on Fortitude.”

“Searching... Searching... Searching...”

As the computer searched, the robot that Genesis had spoken to before hovered over, handing her the First Aid kit, which she snatched from him.

“...Mistress Genesis, you seem agitated and upset. This is unusual-”

“Get out of my sight, Zero-Two-One.” She spat, as she started disinfecting and cleaning the wound on her side. “Make sure Zero-Three-Five is on standby for when I get out of this suit.

As the robot hovered away, and Genesis continued tending to her wound, the computer brought up several articles. Including a very recent one, stating that Fortitude had killed the villain Genesis.

She gave a grim smile as she started stitching up her wound, struggling slightly to keep her hand steady, giving a sharp intake of breathe every time she pushed the needle through her skin. At least the improvised plan to fake her death had gone off without a hitch. With any luck, Fortitude would buy it as well, and wouldn’t come to her hideout. Or reveal her secret identity.

Then again, even if he did, she could reveal his identity as well... for all the good it’d do.

Her eyes scanned over the other articles, which told of mounting damages from Fortitude’s exploits, fatalities including villains and other heroes, and a few articles speaking of him negatively.

She thought for a moment, before leaning back in her chair, placing a hand over her eyes.

“God dammit, Fortitude... did you really let these articles get under your skin? Have you honestly lost your mind?”

She knew that Fortitude craved positive attention, and that negative attention made him angry. But had he really let it get to him, and gone from wanting just positive attention to wanting any sort of attention at all?

She didn’t want to believe it, but that’s what all the evidence pointed to. Including the painful evidence in her side, where Fortitude had struck her with deadly intent.

And she had missed all the signs.

She sighed again, slamming a fist down on the keyboard, closing all the article windows. She stood up, bandaging her wound before stepping into a small tube, which removed her suit, and gave her the clothes she was wearing before she had suited up.

“Ok, I need to lay low for a bit, so Fortitude will think I’m dead... luckily, I do have supplies down here, I should be able to stay here for quite a while...” She mused. She’d probably lose her job while she was hiding, but that was of little consequence.

“As for Fortitude... Computer, make sure to keep me updated on his movements and actions.” It was a dim hope, but she hoped that it was just him throwing a temper tantrum, and that he’d be back to normal soon.

She sighed a little, as Zero-Two-One approached her, apprehensively.

“Zero-Three-Five had said that he has started working on your suit, Mistress Genesis. I have already sent your helmet down to him, I noted several cracks upon it.

“...Thank you, Zero-Two-One. I am sorry for snapping at you earlier.” She gave the robot a few appreciative pats on the head. “I’m going to have to stay here for a few nights, could you make sure the bedroom is all in order? Clean sheets and whatnot.”

“Yes, Mistress. Would you also like me to prepare you some dinner?”

“No, I’ll manage that myself.”

Genesis sighed a little and stretched, wincing as she felt the stitches in her side stretching a little as well. She’d have to be more careful.

In the meantime, she’d need to think of some ways to pacify or neutralize Fortitude, which would be a problem. Although, if he kept leaving giant areas of destruction... That did mean she could use that to her advantage, without causing extra damage to the city.

She’d still need to lay low at least until she’d healed enough to remove the stitches. And the hideout was not the most comfortable of living spaces.

“... Unit-Zero-Six-Eight, do we have any wine here? I think I’m going to need a drink.” She said, walking towards the small kitchen she had in a corner of the hideout.

[writing-prompt-s]

The world’s most powerful superhero have gone rogue. All the remaining heroes and villains are helpless on their own. So they must free the hero’s greatest enemy, who is sealed away in a supposedly impenetrable prison.

[cobaltswriting]

“I don’t like this.” One of the superheroes, an older man with greying hair said, looking around nervously as they advanced through the prison.

“Oh jeez, here we go again...” The woman, who seemed to be the leader of the trio that had been chosen to do this mission, said, rolling her eyes.

“You do know that we’re unlikely to get arrested for this, right?” A young hero said, optimistically. “If we take down this superhero, we’ll be famous, and likely be thanked by all!”

“...You weren’t paying attention at the briefing, were you?” The older man sighed, eyeing the young hero with distaste. “Being arrested is the least of my worries.”

The woman simply rolled her eyes more, looking at the small map on a holographic display on her wrist as they continued forward.

“Ok then, what’s your issues with this then?” The young hero shot back, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh lord, here we go...” The female muttered.

“Oh, I have MANY issues with this.” The old man said, taking a deep breath before continuing. “First off, we’re talking about releasing a villain who is in an ‘impenetrable’ prison. Even if we’re proving it’s not that impenetrable, this is a huge gamble. What if they end up joining up with their enemy instead, considering they’re now evil themselves?”

There was silence at that remark. No-one had an answer.

“This guy has also never been able to defeat the rogue hero. Why are we expecting any different this time?”

“B-because we’ll be helping him...?” The younger hero said, although he was starting to sound unsure.

“And let’s assume they do manage to defeat the rogue hero... again, this guy is dangerous enough to be put in this ‘impenetrable’ prison. If he succeeds, and then goes back to his evil ways, who’s to say that we’d be able to stop him? This isn’t even a case of going with the lesser evil, here.”

There was even more silence at this.

“And what exactly are we going to offer him for his help? A pardon for his previous crimes? A location for him to build a base? We can’t trust this guy as far as we can throw him!”

“Barret.” The leader interjected, turning to him. “I get it. You don’t like this plan. Everything you’ve mentioned, it’s all well within the realms of possibility. But face facts for a moment. We stand no chance against the rogue. Even if all the other heroes teamed up, we’d be destroyed within minutes.” She placed her hands on her hips, fixing the older man with a hard glare. “This is the only plan we have that even has a chance of succeeding. We’ll just have to hope that being in prison has made the villain rethink on his career and that he doesn’t want to take over the world any more.”

Barret opened his mouth to speak, before pausing, realizing he didn’t really have much of a comeback for that.

“...I still don’t like this.”

“Nor do I. As I said, your worries are very valid. There’s no guarantee he’ll want to help, there’s no guarantee he’ll be able to defeat the rogue, and there’s no guarantee that, if he does defeat the rogue, and then goes back to his evil ways, that we’ll be able to stop him. This plan is shit. But it’s the only one we have.” She turned away. “And I’d rather die trying than staying huddled in some hidden hideout, waiting for the rogue to find and kill us.”

“Uhm, guys?” The younger hero said, having gone on a little ahead while the other two were talking. “I think this is him.”

The younger hero was looking up at a very large, and very thick gate.

“Good work, Lightbug.” The female said, striding over, tapping a few buttons on her wrist.

The door hissed as it unlocked, the thick steel doors moving slowly, opening up into a small cell where an imposing figure sat on a chair, multiple devices on him to dampen his power, chained against the chair.

Still, even in such a position, the villain was grinning widely.

“Ah, hello Barret, Sage and... a newbie that I don’t recognise.” The villain drawled, shifting a bit in his chair, the chains clinking gently. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”