jas .

silly notes from my phone and a little more .

[lamaery]

Beautiful

Alec having his epiphany in Stalking Darkness. Maybe not as straight as you thought, ey Sir of Ivywell?

(Decided to leave it as it is... before I ruin it. Actually the entry way into the first panel is mirrored to how it looks in my head when I read the scene, but I thought it works better this way on the page...)

[levok]

This poster is winning all the awards!

[moonepiphanyyyy]

"In this world, it's just us."

[coffeeaberration]

when you go to a bookstore do you actually buy books or do you just check if they have your favourites books, show them to your friends if they come with you and then leave? 

[coffeeaberration]

lovers who knew nothing but one another in the first lives are reborn with nothing but the passionate feelings they had for one another and become sworn enemies .

[coffeeaberration]

I am not sure if I was actually in love with her, but I was in love with the way that in her arms forever was an option  .

[coffeeaberration]

never in my 19 years have I felt freedom like this   .

I catch sight of a plane in the sky and think "you will never understand the joy i feel right now" but how i dream, i too, wish I could be so high in the sky. I wish I had wings! but do I? I have seen the birds in documentaries that traverse the sky above the open ocean, I have seen their cold plight and their fatigue. perhaps I am in the best position on my swingset, for if I had wings maybe there would be no joy in flight. instead I will enjoy the romanticism of walking on the ocean breeze from the height of my swingset.

[coffeeaberration]

I like to take my glasses off and look out into the distance. Everything goes hazy, as in a dream, or like a zoetrope - its wonderful. I can't see anything that's dirty. Only big things - vivid intense colors and light are all that enters my vision. I also like to take my glasses off and look at people. The faces around me, all of them, seem kind and pretty and smiling. What's more, when my glasses are off, I don't ever think about arguing with anyone at all, nor do I feel the need to make snide remarks. All I do is just blankly state in silence. During those moments, thinking that I must look like a nice young miss to everyone else I don't worry about the gawking, I just want to bask in their attention and I feel really and truly mellow. //schoolgirl, p. 19 Dazai Osamu, trans. by Allison Markin Powell

[kvkkiv]

it’s finally 11/03 here so happy birthday to rei and kaoru!

[chouetteffraie]

The Inherent Romanticism of Headpats - Why Ship Dazatsu

I was scrolling through the dark corners of bsd tumblr and came across a few “Why I Ship (blank)” posts and thought I’d like to try and articulate my unending love for dazatsu in a similar fashion! Please note that I am in no way trying to steal the spotlight from other ships or trying to claim that dazatsu is “better” - it’s just my favorite and I wanna talk about them! Also, I physically cannot talk about them without a shipper’s bias - I’ve had them in my heart since like late 2016. This is ingrained into my spirit.

So, without further ado, let’s talk about why I ship dazatsu (and why you should too). yes i’m kidding about that last part.

warning for manga spoilers and headers that would make amazing fic titles. tag me if you use one. manga pictures taken from dazaiscans and easygoingscans.

1. The Promise to be Good

hehehe let’s start with maybe the most obvious one that is, arguably, the most canon fact about these two. Just because I choose to view it as romantic doesn’t mean it IS - but it is certainly a beautiful aspect of their relationship and yes it makes me soft every time I think about it.

We all know Dazai’s past and what inspired him to make the switch from the Port Mafia to the side that saves people - Odasaku. No matter what you say, it’s obvious that Oda and Dazai have a very close, meaningful relationship - and arguably, Odasaku had the biggest impact (and the most importance?) in Dazai’s life. When Oda told Dazai to leave the Port Mafia, to go make something beautiful with his life - he did. And it’s those words alone that keep him motivated to stay in his job and help protect the city - because he loves it, maybe, but because someone he loves urged him to.

Dazai, despite what his strange poetry may make you believe, is only human. As much as those words mean to him, he gets discouraged.

Along comes Atsushi, the starving tiger boy by the river. Atsushi is an orphan parallels to oda saving the orphans already, and he was in dire need of someone to save him. So, Dazai did. Whether it was because of the tiger or Odasaku’s last words, Dazai saved Atsushi and gave him life. He provided food, shelter, a means to provide for himself - even companionship. Everything Atsushi has, it started with Dazai picking him up off the riverbed and lugging him along. What’s more, Dazai didn’t just turn him over to somebody else - he presented a case to Fukuzawa to keep him and serves as his mentor. Further along in the canon story, he provides Atsushi with the emotional guidance that he needs (Portrait of a Father, anyone? Let’s cry over that for a second.) He doesn’t just give Atsushi a moment’s care - he helps him build himself up, he supports him, and together, they protect the people of Yokohama.

Atsushi is living, breathing proof that Dazai is living up to his promise to be a good man. Even better, he seems to be perfectly happy with confirming that yes, Dazai is good, whenever Dazai needs it.

In this way, they complete each other. They provide a source of comfort that nobody else has been able to. Atsushi is Dazai’s proof that he is doing the one thing he wants to do, more than anything - be what Odasaku wanted.

2. You Saved Me, We Save Each Other

Keeping that in mind, Atsushi is sort of Dazai’s reward for being good. Now, I’m not implying Dazai is owed Atsushi at all - to an extent, you could argue Atsushi is maybe even too good for Dazai. But Dazai is trying to be a good man, and Atsushi is the one who tells him and reaffirms his efforts and gives him that praise, that recognition, that reward for being good. Dazai’s main inspiration to stay on the light(er) side is Odasaku - but that doesn’t mean that Atsushi can’t become another huge driving force that makes Dazai want to stay on that path. Oda motivates him, gives him the reason to start. Atsushi can be the prize that makes trying worth it when he tends to forget. 

Atsushi saves Dazai. He saves him from his self-doubt, and from the world that gives him every reason to believe he has failed in his promise. If anything, that promise might be Dazai’s strongest lifeline. By reinforcing the line, Atsushi is saving Dazai.

And of course, Dazai saves Atsushi. He did literally save him by the river, and he helps teach Atsushi how to Not Die by virtue of being his mentor, but it’s more than that. Dazai has been the one to save Atsushi from his own mind time and time again. He provides a reason for Atsushi to believe he has (or is) earned/earning the right to live. Atsushi isn’t entirely over his desire to prove himself worthy - but Dazai is always the one to tell him that he has succeeded in his goal. Dazai is the one to say “You’ve proven yourself. You deserve the life you’re living.”

3. You Learn Something New Every Day

As Atsushi’s mentor, Dazai naturally teaches Atsushi things. But beyond the simple strategic battlefield lessons, Dazai has been there for Atsushi multiple times to help him address and begin to overcome his trauma. Sure, some efforts are worse than the others (dazatsu stans just wipe our memories of the train station scene and that’s valid and sexy of us i think.) But in times when Atsushi is clearly distressed, Dazai has been there to help him through it. He’s helped Atsushi sort through his grief, and he’s helped Atsushi start to see that his feelings are valid and that he’s allowed to live a fulfilling life.

Atsushi isn’t the only one learning, though! That’s one of the best parts of the ship - Atsushi teaches Dazai, too. Dazai has spent a long time feeling as though nobody will understand him intimately, or as deeply as Odasaku did. But Atsushi is getting there. He’s one of the closest to it, I think. From saying things like Dazai is a good man, to picking up on Dazai’s feelings at Oda’s grave in Dead Apple, and even the end scene when Dazai asked Atsushi directly if he thought he was a good person and Atsushi said without hesitation “Sure, why?” Atsushi teaches Dazai that he is human. He teaches Dazai that he is capable of feeling and forming close, intimate connections. They help the other learn about the areas they need to, and in both cases, they’re becoming patient teachers and prized pupils.

4. I’ll Listen When Nobody Else Will

Everybody knows how Dazai is often brushed off when talking about dying. People have brought up that the agency just has faith in his resilience, but that doesn’t meant that they aren’t acting without care towards Dazai. Atsushi does this too - in the very first episode, Dazai’s attempt at suicide is just taken with him being exasperated at his antics before pushing him down. But here’s the thing - it’s generally agreed upon that Atsushi is the one who is sent out to find Dazai. Atsushi is the one who knows where to find him. Arguably, Atsushi is the one that will listen to Dazai. He’s becoming the one who can not only pick apart Dazai’s mannerisms and slightest tells - he isn’t proficient, but he’s working on it - but he’s the one that treats them with care.

I’ve spent a lot of time noting similarities between the understanding Atsushi has of Dazai to the understanding Dazai’s truest friend had to him. Here’s one thing that separates Oda from Atsushi, and for me, it’s one of the major reasons why I personally ship one more than the other: Odasaku didn’t push Dazai the way Atsushi does. Both Oda and Atsushi have a way of laying out a field for Dazai to talk and bounce his thoughts off of, no matter how cryptically they come out. But Atsushi asks questions, he prods at the darkest corners of Dazai and he allows Dazai to question himself so he can continue to grow. Where Oda gave Dazai a place to feel comfortable in where he was, Atsushi gives Dazai a space to feel comfortable as he grows, which is what he needs in order to continue being a good man.

And please note, this isn’t me saying dazatsu or Atsushi is better than odazai or Odasaku. What I mean to say is this is where the difference lies, and Atsushi gives Dazai what he needs now - something he might not have needed without Odasaku’s urging to leave.

5. Guiding Light

When two characters are each other’s north star, where is there not romance? Dazai is very much Atsushi’s main source of guidance, a side effect of being his mentor for sure - but it’s more than just asking questions. Their relationship runs deep into Atsushi’s train of thought, to the point where Atsushi hallucinates Dazai’s presence when he feels uncertain. Any time Atsushi needs guidance or reassurance, he looks to Dazai. 

This is more shipper goggle-y, but I like to believe Atsushi does the same for Dazai. I’ve said over and over again that above all else, Atsushi is Dazai’s proof that he is being good. I also like to think that Atsushi, in a way, is a ray of light for Dazai to follow. He’s selfless (although for some reasons that deserve to be readjusted), he’s kind, and he loves life - all life. He’s a sunbeam in action that provides a perfect example for what Dazai could be and is trying to be - and if this light is happy with keeping Dazai close, maybe there’s hope for him after all.

6. What Makes Life Worth Living

Atsushi and Dazai are opposites in once major aspect: Atsushi has a sort of reverence for life, whereas Dazai craves to escape it. These are two major points of their characters - but here’s the kicker. Dazai wants to get close to human emotion. He wants to understand what makes life worth living. Atsushi is quite possibly the strongest candidate to show him what he can do and how loving life can help. I’m not saying that Atsushi is Dazais’ fix-it-all elixir, but he has a good chance to gently prod at Dazai and get him thinking.

Atsushi can show Dazai what makes life worth living. And that’s something that I think would do Dazai a world of good.

7. Can I Change for the Better?

ATSUSHI! INSISTS! DAZAI! IS! GOOD! I will not ever diminish this point because it is so important! Dazai seems to have it in his head that his blood is mafia black, that he can play the charade of a good man but will never be more than an actor playing a part. Atsushi, though - Atsushi is constantly telling him that he is good. Atsushi, who probably couldn’t keep up a lie for that long because the poor boy has zero tact. Dazai even asks Atsushi frequently if he’s a good person, and Atsushi always says yes. Atsushi gives Dazai what he needs to hear.

Atsushi, however, has his own issues. He has his own trauma to tackle, and his own bad habits to reform to become a better person. Atsushi isn't’ a bad person, but he also isn’t the best version of himself. Dazai can help him become that. Dazai can give him the guidance he needs, as he did with sorting through his grief surrounding the headmaster. Dazai can help Atsushi start the battle against his past, and he has been there with him every step of the way, whether in body or spirit. They help each other be better.

8. I Trust You With What I Love Most

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again - the toast they added to the end of season 3 is one of the most tender moments Dazai has ever had with anybody. One thing Dazai never does is let people in on his past - not past the necessary details, anyway, and especially not the intimate moments he holds in his heart. But sharing that toast with Atsushi - inviting him in to the toast he shared with Oda and Ango, “To the stray dogs,” - it’s one of his most vulnerable times on screen. I don’t care what you say. Dazai deliberately letting Atsushi in, giving him this tiny piece of his past he’s had tucked away in a safe place - that was him offering up a piece of his heart. I’m soft just thinking about it again.

Other than that, Dazai has an enormous faith in Atsushi. He’s built entire plans trusting that Atsushi will do his job perfectly the way it needs to be done. Hell, towards the end of the Guild arc, it was his faith in Atsushi to bring the doll down to him that convinced Twain they were beat. Not to mention, Dazai has trusted Atsushi enough to form a new partnership without him in order to protect the city - and if that’s not one of the most blatant displays of trust and faith you’ve seen, I don’t know what is.

9. There’s a Softness Within Me I Didn’t Know I Had

Another thing that’s good for Dazai - Atsushi is comfortable. Dazai can let his guard down, just a tiny bit, around Atsushi, There was the graveyard scene in Dead Apple, or the toast scene at the end of season 3 - those are moments where Atsushi has given himself a moment to relax and show Atsushi how proud he is. This kind of emotion, this vulnerability that says ‘I’ve been hoping you’d pull through and look at how amazing you’ve become’ - there’s a softness that holds that Dazai doesn’t hold for anybody else. It’s a gentleness or pride, of trust, of somebody becoming more than you could ever imagine and coming back to you, even thanking you - it’s a sensation nobody else has given Dazai, because nobody else has been a protege as trustworthy and gentle as Atsushi.

(and, believe me, there’s a hundred other examples of the softness in the anime, manga, official art, and so much more. here’s a thread that you can still add to if you want)

Atsushi is also soft with Dazai. He wants to make him proud, sure, but there isn’t any fear once their job is done. Atsushi doesn’t have to fear horrible repercussions if he makes one misstep - Dazai allows him to learn, to grow, and to feel however he seems fit (or, it’s a skill he’s improving at as the series goes on.)

They give each other a safety to feel vulnerable. They are comfortable to each other. And, of course, they have a special softness for the other that they do not hold for anybody else.

10. My Mistakes are the Cracks You Have a Knack for Fixing

Again, Atsushi is always there to reassure Dazai that he can be a good man. One part of this is that he insist that Dazai’s past doesn’t have to affect his future. He’s one of the only people who tells Dazai that he doesn’t hold him accountable for what he’s done before - he’s Dazai-san now, and that’s what matters to Atsushi. Atsushi gives Dazai the most space to fix these mistakes, to move past them, and to learn from them, not holding them against him at all.

In the same way Atsushi is Dazai’s proof that he’s being a good man, he is also Dazai’s proof that he can fix the mistakes he made. (Of course, I’m not excusing the way he strings anybody along - but the first step to fixing a mistake is admitting you have made one and working on yourself, and that’s what Atsushi allows him to do.)

In conclusion, I think Dazatsu is so soft and amazing because it’s about the healing and acceptance. BSD is all about gray morality, and dazatsu is a soft ship that can take each other’s bad and accept them. It’s not only about seeing the darkest side of somebody - it’s about accepting those flaws but also giving them space to grow. They grow and they learn and they heal together. They ensure that the other never has to go through a drastic change alone. In a way, they can be home for the other, a refuge from the shitty cards life has dealt them and a steady lifeline to reach for a better tomorrow. That’s why I love dazatsu - because I can’t see another situation with nearly as much love and trust as they have. They are tender, they can be vulnerable, and they can heal. 

Like the beautiful sunset hours the met in, they celebrated in, they console each other in, they allow the other to turn the page on their past and start anew, with a clean canvas for a dazzling display that they can make together.

[coffeeaberration]

this is amazing and so so very true. this pairing doesn't get enough love for being such a pure and perfect depiction of what a relationship should be like - im not saying its perfect, aha neither of them are and far from it - but nowadays so many people choose the ships with flashy scenes and violent rivalry over ships that encourage growth and development in character and dazatsu is such a primary example of that. read this. it captures so much so perfectly.

[lavi-li]

Work on the fanfic “Attempts of double suicide” by Circie888 (ficbook.net/readfic/4526068)

[viria]

*subtly descends into banana fish hell*

[dailyfree]

Free! Precious Birthday

[coffeeaberration]

the blatant rinharu in Free! Take Your Marks!

I would like to start this by saying that it is Surreal to me that I have yet to see anyone mention this yet (if you know or have seen someone who has already please tell me!) especially considering the emphasis that was placed on the bench scene between Rin and Haru in TYM!. Firstly, TYM! doesn’t get enough hype, it’s totally awesome and the Best segue to season 3 and just... great all round but No One talks about the medley race with Rinharu vs. the Makoshiba Brothers. 

Because there is not only so Much Rinharu going on there but the foreshadowing and implications too!

The entire ep is very rin-centric giving the surprise party nature of the episode and therefore the final medley is really from Rin’s perspective so I’ll be considering it in that regard. Firstly, it’s absolutely exhilarating to get to see Rin and Haru swim together again Holy Shit and in such a way was totally wonderful. But more than that there is so much emotion going on (from Rin’s pov( in this moment Like seen above, Rin’s focus through the race is Haru. 

Even from such a distance, Rin’s not really racing against Momo anymore as much as he is swimming towards Haru. 

Rin’s once again got that determination is his eyes that we see so often when he verses other people but this is the first time, we didn’t even see it in the final Samezuka relay, where Rin is looking beyond the current race. This is the first time Rin, so well regarded for his determination and drive in every race he competes in, is seen looking further beyond it - everyone knows he has big dreams but it’s never been shown like this before - and further into the future for Rin is Haru. 

This shot that zooms in on Haru’s face as he gets closer and the absolute look of surpise present on Rin’s face is absolutely thrilling to me. Because Rin knows he’s got big dreams, Rin knows that he wants to swim for and with Haru now and in the future but it’s like at that moment he realises just how precious and prominent that desire is within him. From the start, and even now, racing with/for Haru just... keeps him going - if you want to relate it to the bench scene, you could pretend to take that seriously for a moment and reflect on the underlining message that with Haru and without his drive, Rin has no desire to swim - and in a show like this that is everything. 

So clearly can you see the euphoric realisation that spreads across Rin’s face as he goes ‘ah yes. this. this is why I swim.” More than anything he could have ever wanted he chooses his final farewell gift to be to swim With Haru because in the end that is all could ever dream of ; to swim with Haru, for Haru, against Haru, over and over again from the days of Iwatobi SC to the international scale. It is also what makes this scene the perfect segue to season 3 and beyond because it really highlights that at the end of the day this story is about Haru and Rin and as long as they are swimming for each other the story will go on. And even though that can just be seen as a narrative plot I think it says a lot about your own character if the majority of your characterisation and desire in life is based on your desire for someone else 0 just saying, if you want to view this a bit more romantically. 

And finally!

This scene is so important Because it’s from Rin’s perspective. Although quiet and not openly emotional, we do see most of their relationship through Haru’s point of view - even though Rin drives Haru to do things - and this is one of the first big times we get to see just how much, first hand not in words, swimming with Haru means to Rin. I think this is so so important for them as friends, partners, rivals and whatever more you desire them to be as it shows just the absolute connection and mutuality of their relationship. It’s just so two-sided its unbelievable. And back to the foreshadowing, it really portrays how more than anything they are each other’s future. This is Tark Your Marks! as in, “get ready to move forward” and Rin’s quite literally and metapohrically moving towards Haru. It foreshadows that the story is always going to be about them as they somehow move closer and closer to one another. 

Enough essay though! Moral of this story is go watch Tark Your Marks! again and again and again because this scene is just the absolute Best and it’s so gorgeous - maybe my favourite Free! moment yet. 

Credit of all images goes to the official Free! creators: Do Animation and Kyoto Animation. All shots were taken from Take Your Marks! Episode 4 and from Gogoanime !

[jinkies-binx]

one of my favourite things abt free! is fuckgn. theyre always like “youll understand his feelings once u swim with him” as if that means ANYTHING. they just swimming in the water real fast, side by side for like a minute in anime time, not even speaking, and when they get out of thw water they’ve bonded for life. like imagine being a bystander in the audience for one of these races. u maybe catch a glimpse of these two guys just glaring like theres no tomorrow before they dive, and then its over and theyre hugging the life out of each other. u look to ur left and their teammates are crying their eyes out, “i was so worried, i could sense the weight of the water pulling at his inner monologue but their friendship managed to pull through in the last second!!” like brO what did u SEE they were jsut sWIMMGIN. i love this show

[1bitmochi]

So these are my current feelings for season 3

Edit: Thank you so much for the Reblogs and Likes!!!

[granddaddyshiro]

The Free! fandom right now

[coffeeaberration]

unpopular opinion but I just can’t Stand this man