embedded
more permanent than ink
as common as the dandelion
each one its own
delicately tracing growth
an ever changing nature
Misplaced Lens Cap
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@coffeehousespy
embedded
more permanent than ink
as common as the dandelion
each one its own
delicately tracing growth
an ever changing nature
pipe dream
filtered stardust trickles down the drain
to forgotten worlds below
to think that a century ago it was yet to be imagined
how history takes its toll on the land
carved self-righteously into the hillside
ripping through the brush, attempting feebly to subdue
forget-me-nots creep ironically through the cracks
the crunch of broken glass, cigarette butts, branches from storms past litter each step
graffiti stains the stale air
forgotten, unused, abused
nothing more than an empty scene
waiting
to be consumed
It’s a usual Saturday afternoon, I’m back from break. It’s scheduled too early for my liking but that’s the way at the store when Dea is working; breaks start at eleven thirty and are finished by four, even though the store is open until six.
There are always at least ten people rostered on: grey faces at ten to nine in the morning, hair frantically air-drying as we scorch our tongues on nuclear-grade black coffee in randomly salvaged mugs and get our breaths back from the wind tunnels that command Wellington City.
The day begins with a lady in an overcoat from the 1890s, and an umbrella not much younger, demanding the paper and dropping change on the counter. She turns and wrestles the door, unable to decide whether to push or pull (we should enlarge that dumb sign), her wheelie bag trailing despondently, the weekend paper stuffed under her left arm.
Kia ora, how’s it going? Don’t mind us, just catching up all all the ‘bad dog’ notes from yesterday and drinking magical wake-up juice. Anyway, how can I help?
The computers need to be backed up which makes for some fun caffeine-addled conversation between employees.
... Where’s that copy of The Power? It’s not in fiction...
... Can you recommend a good book for a twelve year old who doesn’t like horses or fantasy?
... Who wrote that bestiary that we were looking at the other day?
Making mindfulness from repetitive work is easy when it’s books. I can sit there for hours reading and organising the overstocks, shuffling and reshuffling the books to make the shop pretty. Finding books others have lost, more often than not it’s some dafty who can’t be bothered popping it back. Shelving, shelving, always shelving.
Can you help me find a book?
Well, it was a usual Saturday afternoon until now. Hair that is windblown into place and gently hand-swept out of stunning grey eyes. An olive skin tone, a prominent nose and a crooked smile that could warm frost bitten toes. You’ve been here before. I’ve seen you around, intimately familiar with the science section. We have a mutual friend. Driven, introverted, with gentle lines caressing the inner corners of your mouth, indicating more humour than stress. Your hands have guitar calluses on each fingertip. I wonder who you think about as you drift off each night.
I want to know.
*taking about hollywood & golden age glamour*
'we need to embrace beauty, not create it'
tarot notes-to-self: minor arcana
wands are fire, they are the spark (passion, creativity, desire, will).
cups are water, they are emotion (receptivity, spirituality, love, relationships).
swords are air, they are intellect (reason, logic, intelligence).
pentacles are earth, they are the physical (the body, sensuality, health, material things).
no matter how the tide changes
no matter what the swells
the boat stays afloat
the boat stays level
all will be well
- my nandad
i have am always glad when the night has come, for things best happen under the night sky...
every time i see her, she steals my breath away a little more violently
and injects my heart with more amour than she did the night before
i am in awe of her
this courageous and unafraid woman who endlessly runs her fingers through the tendrils of my hair
while murmuring lines from books I've never read
i suppose it's her enamour, her thirsty heart i will hold on to,
even if the whole world sparks damning eyes and suspicious opinions
this woman, with her soft hips and sharp lips
in these times i cannot be certain if that marks the beginning or the ending of everything
but i believe in her.
flesh memory
embedded in my skin
forever in my pores
rising, denting, scarring
perfection
I’ve moved on (but I still hold a grudge)
You bitch. You hurt me.Â
You toxic piece of trash.Â
Why does the memory of you cling like static spider webs on my lost nylon tights?Â
I feel nauseated (not nauseous, that's different. Google it.)Â
I still feel the vibrations of the destruction you trampled into the emotional cortex of my being.Â
I hate myself for loving you. For respecting you.Â
I looked up to you and you spat on me and punctured my dreary reality.Â
Thanks. And Fuck You. Aching fog encroaches on my mood.
I've moved on (but I still hold a grudge)
Still working through the scars you inflicted.
I’m good.
I know I'm stronger and more me because I let you in and tasted your poison.
...
I'm tired of you.
Saturday nights..
i want to feel your warmth
tingle against my skin
between cotton sheets and mink-feel blankets thrown carelessly across the floor
i want your scent to permiate my being and leave imprints in my memory
i want to play with your mind and encounter your rhythms
your smile warms my heart, your fingers make me itch, your intellect is so sexy.
I want to know...
Will there be a chance to love you again?
I really miss you. Like, really. Really. Miss. You.
I want more than one person.
I want you.
I want him.
For four years I've wanted him. I still do.
But.
I just don't know right now.
you broke up with me
it was grey that morning
the sky started crying
but i couldn't
at least
not in your presence.
i wanted to stay strong because we both knew it had to end. i had plans to go to other side of the earth before you came along.
it hurts, to know you don't want to hold me, or touch me, or breathe me in. i became very fond of you. very fast. too fast, some may say, "BUT I'M BUILT THAT WAY," i scream wearily (and in my head.)
i still want to know you. the curves of your jaw are imprinted on my palms. the flutter of your smile is still in my memory. the way you look at life in an 'it comes easily to me, and if it doesn't then i accept the challenge,' kind of way. the analytical way of processing information. just like an engineer would do.. how you know so much of what you want but still don't understand what your body is saying. it's all there. stabbing emotion behind my eyelids whenever i blink. i learned so much from sharing moments of myself with you. about life. about myself. about what i want. how carefully and cleverly you can take emotion out of a situation and just bask in the feeling of being.
i miss you
but you're still here.
it's me who has to leave.
say, you
make me shiver
such pleasurable melancholy
anticipation skipping between my fingertips
i want to know you more
types of jam forgotten in the back of your fridge
mold creeping up the inside of a window
your favourite bowl, do you still play guitar
strips of glass smattered by gas sparkling glances towards port
sushi dries in wind-soaked sunshine
god, i want this
you
until it
..a..c..h..e..s..
basically
whirrr.... whirrr... gathergathergather... swish, swoosh, swish, swoosh... (ow)... fssshhhh....
and repeat
still stitching still life in garments in art
trying to whirr clarity into seams of consciousness
choosing to focus taking measured steps
trying failing revising and revisiting
it's the only way i've found to learn
why do i fight it
emotion in every thread
every stitch a possible tear
follow the rules slow down take time
investing makes the end worth the risk
i think
The smallest little mountain, a nub
interesting how time takes you places
teaches you things
rips holes in jeans
lovely how people smile and swoon
and are comfortable talking for hours
between sips of floral cheap vine
i want to kiss you, she said
maybe not yet, they replied
a few sips more and a dance or two
trips to the bathroom in socks over stones
over the edge, i'll only be a moment
fifty three? shit you're tiny
oh god, i hope i didn't cause offense
let's walk south
let me try, trust me
stumble, fall, bruises and headbanging
holyfuck are you ok?
here, you try... now let go. see?
kiss me, she asked, her breath close to his
is this ok?
walk on, wait, all the way?
i have all night and nothing to do
What to write?
Starting from the beginning and writing.. whatever.. comes to mind.........
cheese skirts and leather jerseys.
......Time is a flight. We need to board
Or stay waiting
in the sticky seat equipping
one with boredom forma and
miscellany if one has imagination..............
Other lethargies
happen if you catch not the tide.......
Sleep is your friend but not too much.....
Get out of the seat......... Rain spatter yourself far and wide.............
Drink in the wine-tainted evenings
and vomit out your lungs
.......
Kidneys hurt if you dance on them with taps. Good job hips
................
keep swinging grinding
round till you stop on my face
and sing
sweetly of nectar yet to give........
Buns are tasty if covered in butter, mushrooms and garlic snails...
It's easier to spot information bias than an outright lie.
One chunk at a time,
........one ooze, one look, one speculation.
Groove or get caught in it
and forget the leverage
but not having arms to withstand the murder of souls
...
shoot caffeine cheerfully and relax
into the sediment grime produced in a fresh duvet cover after a night wrestling in jam.
Pretend indifference,
forget the game.
..........Lose........ Win............. Draw...............
Crush
Confusion. Intrusion. Exclusion. Blurred vision. On a mission. Self-contrition. Vocal admission of loss and self doubt a written confession of a lack of know how: Passion. Fashion. Crashing. Returning. Retiring. Trying to find a clue; trying to make sense of the puzzle. The cuddly-wuddly muddle. Peep. Keep going, growing, flowing. Piece by piece step the jigsaw into place. Wrinkle and tooth show it all. Face The reality Like Eminem with no gravity Soaring above because Fuck who needs theories and construct in an age of emotion. Cut some more pieces; as long as I'm there.
But slowly, gently. For time is our friend.