Call Me York, everypony does

The RP blog of agentcoffeeseer

[zoeyrph]

a really long, but categorized, ask meme

ACTIONS - ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING

*Accidentally spills [[SPECIFY HERE]] on you*

*Slaps you*

*Kisses you on the lips*

*Bites your lip*

*Rubs your shoulders*

*Dumps ice water over your head*

*Winks at you*

*Flips hair at you*

*Throws a ball of paper towards you*

*Hands you a note, inside it says [[SPECIFY HERE]]*

*Slams the door shut behind you*

*Storms out of the room*

*Wraps my arms around you from behind*

*Kisses your neck*

*Nibbles on your earlobe*

*Tucks a strand of hair behind your ear*

*Strokes your hair*

*Caresses your cheek*

*Holds you in my arms*

QUOTES - PICK UP LINES EDITION

"You’re cute and I’m horny. You thinking what I’m thinking?"

"I see you like cardio… wanna go back to my place and do it together?"

"I’m sorry, but I just received a call for you. From heaven? I think they’re missing an angel."

"Hold my hand? I’m afraid I’m getting lost in your eyes."

"Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants."

"Are you a pokemon? Because I’d like to peek-at-chu.”

"If I had a dollar for every beautiful girl/guy I saw tonight, I’d have one dollar. Because the only beautiful girl/guy in here is you."

"Maybe I could show you my [[SPECIFY ITEM]] collection. It’s back at my house, so we’d have to go there but…”

*Spills a drink on your shirt* “I’m so sorry! But if it’s any reassurance, I think that top would look better on my bedroom floor anyways.”

QUOTES - STRANGERS EDITION

"I’m sorry, have we met before?"

"I don’t know you, but thanks."

"You’re a very nice guy/girl, you know that?"

"We only just met… but I’d really like to see you again."

"Do you think you could move your ass out of my friend’s seat?"

"It’s none of your business. We just met."

"Hey I’m [[NAME HERE]] and my crazy ex-girlfriend/boyfriend is here and I was wondering if you’d pretend to date me so I can get them off my back?”

"I’m so sorry about that! Let me buy you a new sandwich."

"Oh shit. I didn’t mean to trip you I swear, I’m sorry."

QUOTES - WORKPLACE EDITION

"Did you get that email I sent you last night?"

"No, I’m serious. She/he brought a flask to work.”

"I overheard the boss and I think you’re about to be put up for a promotion!"

"I know what you’ve got in that top drawer."

"I can’t believe you’re drunk at work."

"You know, most people watch porn at home."

"Your Netflix binge is using up all the broadband."

"Stop torrenting, asshole! I have a report to send off to Japan in an hour and I can’t even open Gmail!"

"If you spent half as much time on doing your job as you do on World on Warcraft, maybe you’d have a chance at a promotion too."

"You’ve been working here for 6 years and you don’t know where the break room is?"

QUOTES - SCHOOL EDITION

"Didn’t you hear? [[NAME HERE]] and [[NAME HERE]] hooked up last night!”

"We lost the playoffs."

"The girls team beat the boys!"

"I heard he/she got called into the principal’s office."

"Apparently the swim team had an orgy after hours."

"I heard they were fucking in the bathroom."

"She/he’s been paying people to do their homework!"

"She/he fell running in the hallway and knocked out a few teeth."

"I can’t believe we’re graduating this year."

"Being a freshman sucks."

"I slept with a sophomore last weekend."

"She/he told me they were a junior!"

"Why are those freshmen staring at you?"

"Is there a reason everyone suddenly knows your name overnight?"

"How come everyone suddenly knows who I am?"

"Did you tell them about my [[INSERT SECRET HERE]]?!”

"I can’t believe you hooked up with my boyfriend/girlfriend."

"I definitely failed that test."

"I got an A on my essay!"

QUOTES - SASS EDITION

"Wow, there’s a stick wedged so far up your ass I don’t think I can even pull it out."

"I’m sorry, but my number of fucks to give has officially reached a negative number."

"Uranus called and said I’m huge and in the way.”

"I’m searching… searching… oh. Well would you look at that. I couldn’t find any fucks to give."

"What’s the difference between a dolphin and you? Dolphins have brains."

"Just because that’s mistletoe hanging above us doesn’t mean I’m going to kiss you."

"Take a picture, it’ll last longer."

"At this point you might as well ask for my autograph."

QUOTES - ARGUMENTS/ROWS/QUARRELS EDITION

"You know I’m right! I’m always right!”

"Shut up. Just shut up!"

"I don’t need to listen to this."

"You’re lying."

"I can’t believe you’d say that. Even in an argument, that was low of you."

"I can’t look at you."

"Don’t fucking touch me."

"If you say one more word, I swear…"

"Pipe down, you’re making a scene."

"What’s wrong with you?"

"Now I know why people think you’re neurotic."

"You must be crazy."

"I’m not backing down.”

"You can’t hide the truth forever, you know."

"What’s your issue?”

"You make me so angry.”

"This has nothing to do with you.”

QUOTES - LOVERS EDITION

"And… and I love you! It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all along."

"I don’t know how to say it. But you know what I’m trying to say, right?"

"I’ve never been good at this. I don’t do relationships. But I… I want to try with you.”

"You’re the one that I want."

"I don’t care. I don’t give a shit, don’t you get it? I don’t give a flying fuck unless it has to do with you. I love you.”

"Please don’t say that. You know you’re the only one for me. Fuck everyone else."

"I can’t stop thinking about you. Every minute of every day. I could be standing in the shower or cooking breakfast, but you’re still the only thought on my mind."

"I want to wake up next to you, everyday for the rest of my life."

"I’ve always been afraid of commitment, okay? That’s why I sleep around.”

"I’ve never wanted to give love a try until now."

"Please, don’t leave me."

"I need you more than you will ever know."

"I love you more than I could ever express in words."

QUOTES - DRUNK AND KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR EDITION

*Starts singing [[SPECIFY SONG NAME]] outside your door/window*

"I didn’t fuck him/her, I swear!"

"I brought vodka and ice cream."

"You left your anal beads at my house. Wait… no, they’re just normal mardi gras beads."

"I can’t believe you went without me!"

"I love you, I love you so much and you just don’t see it. What am I supposed to do?"

"I know you’re sad and upset. Let me be your distraction! I want to be your distraction!"

"I can’t find my apartment and I couldn’t stop thinking about you."

"Let me in! I think I’m gonna throw up."

QUOTES - NSFW EDITION

"What do you think about this outfit?"

"Bend over."

"It’s not going to get up by itself, you know."

"I thought you’d be bigger."

"Where did we leave those damned handcuffs?"

"I can’t find my vibrator."

"Just set your phone on vibrate!"

"I want to fuck you until you’re raw and shaking."

"That’s it… do a little striptease for me."

"You can watch… but you can’t touch."

"Be quiet! They’re going to hear us."

"And get this… the new toy? It glows in the dark."

"I’ve got two flavours. Cherry or fruit punch?"

"I want to be on top."

"That is one fine ass."

"You look like a screamer."

"Let me tie you up."

"What’ll our safeword be?"

"I love making you squirm."

"Not my neck! It’s summer, I can’t wear a turtleneck in the sun."

TEXTS - DRUNK EDITION

[TEXT] You dumped me for HIM/HER?

[TEXT] I can’t stop listening to our song.

[TEXT] My pillow still smells like you.

[TEXT] You left your cologne when you moved out. I used it up.

[TEXT] Do you even love me?

[TEXT] What happened to us?

[TEXT] I just want to eat bacon and see you naked. And then eat bacon off of you naked.

[TEXT] IM26C4U.

[TEXT] You never gave a shit about me.

[TEXT] I couldn’t care less.

[TEXT] Now you know how it feels.

[TEXT] I still love you.

[TEXT] I can’t stop thinking about all the times you told me you loved me… and wondering if they were lies.

TEXTS - NSFW EDITION

[TEXT] You can’t have me if you can’t even get the three C’s. Chocolates, champagne, and candles.

[TEXT] I’m in the bath… come join me?

[TEXT] Don’t tease. You know I like it rough.

[TEXT] Bed, counter, or floor?

[TEXT] If you can get here in five minutes I’ll suck you off first.

[TEXT] What do you think about threesomes? And, what about foursomes?

[TEXT] You’ve been naughty, I’m going to punish you.

[TEXT] I can’t believe you just sent me that. I’m at work/school!

TEXTS - EMERGENCY EDITION

[TEXT] I fell down the stairs and… well, I’m in the ER.

[TEXT] ______ got injured during their game and I’m waiting with them at the hospital but I can’t do this alone.

[TEXT] Did you know your mother/father is at the hospital right now??

[TEXT] I was cleaning out the garage and I’m stuck under some boxes!! Please help before the spiders get me.

[TEXT] I don’t know what happened I was just cooking and then all of a sudden the pasta was on fire!

[agentcoffeeseer]

The coffee meeting with Flaxseed turned out alright. He’s quite an interesting fellow. He told me he used to be a host for a community radio program. The station was quite an interesting place at the height of it’s popularity. It was practically the spirit of Hoofington given a voice.

Oh, thank you Zach, I almost forgot! I wanted to make an announcement.

Citizens, you probably are reading the blog because I put up flyers all over town with links to this website. Maybe you should ignore the first paragraph. Perhaps you’ve noticed by now the construction workers building at the abandoned lot behind the supermarket. You know the one.

In light of the increased population, the formation of Princess Twilight’s Castle, and the frequent unusual activity in and around the city, the Equestrian Bureau of Investigations has deemed it necessary to establish a field office in Ponyville. I will be overseeing it’s construction. If you haven’t met me by now, I am EBI Special Agent Coffeeseer. Call me York. That’s what everypony calls me. I enjoy movies, dining, and punk rock.

Though normally around this time I would be monitoring the town for unusual activity, it has been decided that this will not be necessary until next spring.

Please address any concerns by contacting me directly (I can be found around town), bringing a letter to the old hotel (you know the one) or placing a message in my inbox.

[coffeeseer-rp]

((Thinking of retooling York's backstory. The bit with the griffon is a little farfetched.))

[sorcerouscheerleader-deactivate]

Send me "alt!" and I'll introduce you to a charecter I've rped in the past, want to play in the future or am currently playing somewhere else!

[coffeeseer-rp]

LMAO IS YOUR FUCKING TAIL A TIE?? IVE NEVER SEEN YOUR FULL BODY OMG

In a sense. It’s a prosthetic. I lost my tail in an…accident. I don’t really like to talk about the accident, but I do like to talk about the prosthetic. Went with a tie after I started working for the EBI. When I was a punk rocker, I wore a small chain and spiked ball. Otherwise I normally wore imitiation tails.

[coffeeseer-rp]

Don’t you agree, Zach?

who the fuck is zach, and what does he have to do with any of thise.

Zach is…Well, he’s…it’s a little complicated

a very good friend. You could say we’re the same person, but that would be a mistake.

[sexxi-bbz]

Is he an alter? (You’ve got DID?)

[coffeeseer-rp]

A sort of supernatural version of that, you could say.

[coffeeseer-rp]

LMAO IS YOUR FUCKING TAIL A TIE?? IVE NEVER SEEN YOUR FULL BODY OMG

In a sense. It’s a prosthetic. I lost my tail in an…accident. I don’t really like to talk about the accident, but I do like to talk about the prosthetic. Went with a tie after I started working for the EBI. When I was a punk rocker, I wore a small chain and spiked ball. Otherwise I normally wore imitiation tails.

[sexxi-bbz]

THAT IS HILARIOUS

I mean, i am sorry for your loss.

you had a punk phase though wtf

[coffeeseer-rp]

Yes! I was a punk rocker in boarding school! It was amazing! 

[sexxi-bbz]

hold on. omg. i dont care about that anymore, because im thinking of puns.

You have a….tiel….a….tail..t-aeil..?

taeil. Tiell…..Tile…

mm…T….yeah, lets go with Tiel. YOU HAVE A TIEL LOL.

[coffeeseer-rp]

This pun however, is not so good.

Don’t you agree, Zach?

[sexxi-bbz]

who the fuck is zach, and what does he have to do with any of thise.

[coffeeseer-rp]

Zach is...Well, he's...it's a little complicated

a very good friend. You could say we're the same person, but that would be a mistake.

[prince-shining-armor]

Ѡ "i dont see why this is useful for a grinding-based application"

[txt] i liked it better when you just send me rambling texts about old cartoons and movies

[coffeeseer-rp]

[txt] oh no

[txt] im so sorry

[txt] please do not cheat on your wife

[coffeeseer-rp]

Hey, York. Bbz is cool and his spamming is hip. I'd try to mask that I'm being specifically told to tell you this, but it's fairly obvious. I mean, there's no reason I'd ever say this otherwise. Anyway, sorry I missed that Hoedown. I guess I missed the Running of the Leaves too. Hope you still had fun!

Oh, thank you, Lyra!

He is pretty cool, isn't he?

[coffeeseer-rp]

LMAO IS YOUR FUCKING TAIL A TIE?? IVE NEVER SEEN YOUR FULL BODY OMG

In a sense. It’s a prosthetic. I lost my tail in an…accident. I don’t really like to talk about the accident, but I do like to talk about the prosthetic. Went with a tie after I started working for the EBI. When I was a punk rocker, I wore a small chain and spiked ball. Otherwise I normally wore imitiation tails.

[sexxi-bbz]

THAT IS HILARIOUS

I mean, i am sorry for your loss.

you had a punk phase though wtf

[coffeeseer-rp]

Yes! I was a punk rocker in boarding school! It was amazing! 

[sexxi-bbz]

hold on. omg. i dont care about that anymore, because im thinking of puns.

You have a….tiel….a….tail..t-aeil..?

taeil. Tiell…..Tile…

mm…T….yeah, lets go with Tiel. YOU HAVE A TIEL LOL.

[coffeeseer-rp]

This pun however, is not so good.

Don't you agree, Zach?

[coffeeseer-rp]

life is beautiful when you have a bodySUIT and a prosethetic TAEIL. wait is that the pun i decided on. i forgot

I guess it would be. It always is for me.

[coffeeseer-rp]

your autoplay is too cheery btw. I hate it. im keeping it open. WTF ITS EVEN CALLED LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL. IM GONNA

Perhaps you'd like some Comic Relief instead?

[coffeeseer-rp]

also is your shirt connected to your pants. Its like a suit for your whole body, thats weir-A BODY SUIT!! LOL.

Well, the one in the picture is. While my wardrobe consists entirely of suits nowadays, most of them aren't connected like that.

Good pun.

[coffeeseer-rp]

"call me york, everypony does" I havent called you York ever, Coffee. why must you lie to all these people. ponies. my bad

People is fine. There are non-ponies reading this.

I swear when I first introduced myself to you, I insisted upon York. Then again, we didn't speak again for a long time after that.

[coffeeseer-rp]

LMAO IS YOUR FUCKING TAIL A TIE?? IVE NEVER SEEN YOUR FULL BODY OMG

In a sense. It’s a prosthetic. I lost my tail in an…accident. I don’t really like to talk about the accident, but I do like to talk about the prosthetic. Went with a tie after I started working for the EBI. When I was a punk rocker, I wore a small chain and spiked ball. Otherwise I normally wore imitiation tails.

[sexxi-bbz]

THAT IS HILARIOUS

I mean, i am sorry for your loss.

you had a punk phase though wtf

[coffeeseer-rp]

Yes! I was a punk rocker in boarding school! It was amazing! 

[coffeeseer-rp]

“Ѡ”

[txt] oh my

[txt] i didn’t expect you to be overthehillluvr66

[iamthesindarinkingofmirkwood-de]

Send an “Ѡ” for my muse’s reaction to being sent accidental nudes.

[coffeeseer-rp]

LMAO IS YOUR FUCKING TAIL A TIE?? IVE NEVER SEEN YOUR FULL BODY OMG

In a sense. It’s a prosthetic. I lost my tail in an…accident. I don’t really like to talk about the accident, but I do like to talk about the prosthetic. Went with a tie after I started working for the EBI. When I was a punk rocker, I wore a small chain and spiked ball. Otherwise I normally wore imitiation tails.