@coffindancer - Tumblr Blog

Said a little prayer to get me through the day and apparently gods solution is to have everyone refuse???

Yeah alright!

#a delighted sort of anger #idk you know I get a bad vibe from this person. and you’re doing a duo cosplay with em #WHATEVER WHATEVA

Car made it home

#was praying out loud #you can do it buddy #the car? or the boy? not sure #but he made it back and we’re all safe and mom saved us and it’s okay #little things

If I couldn’t handle it, god wouldn’t give it to me

“I don’t think I can handle people relying on me in any way”

#from c close friends #yeah #I knew #so I never did

hewoweens

u can be boiling alive in your mind for months and then on a random tuesday ur head gets so clear and life is worth living again and you're like damn what was all that about then

5th grade friend -> maybe her older brother was doing it to her? maybe she just had too much access to the internet??

6th grade -> same thing. same thing

high school -> multiple factors.

sophmore year -> roommate

january -> alcohol

I have to keep reminding myself that I was not comfortable with her with the expectation of her wanting more. As she should. She should have a girlfriend that can reciprocate on her level.

#feeling some regrets tonight #I miss her I miss talking to her #but I don’t miss the good mornings #and the constant need to be seen #I am awful for that <- bad thought #I am different for that #and different is not always bad

it’s frustrating to know I’m probably not the one they’ll choose

#and can I blame them?#A LITTLE. YEAH.#but that’s how it goes you blame the person who initiated the breakup because they’re evil #I couldn’t live with it so I’ll learn to live without

stardollly

I hate that I hurt her

#and it was inevitable in a way #I have to frame it as a good thing #it would not have been good to keep going #it was best this way and now she will have space and time to be loved the way she actually should be

It’s a little scary being alone

#or maybe it’s just too late #it’s scary hurting someone

I actually feel more secure than I have in a very long time

#what a privilege

#just thinking about it. for no reason in particular #july 2026 being the time i finally get therapy lets go

Being told and confirmed that what happened was a big deal and was traumatizing is very comforting somehow. Like I was not able to consent. Nobody straight up told me no or stopped me. Everyone left quickly the morning after. That was genuinely the worst week of my life. And then I just had to pretend it didn’t happen so no one got uncomfortable again when it’s something I think about every single day.

#and the consensus being that i need better friends is #disconcerting #I don’t know what to do there

Today started out the worst day ever and ended with so much peace that I’m genuinely astounded. I know his hand was in it. I’m so grateful.

#told my parents told iel and Izzy #told em that we need to talk because I cannot go on with things the way they are #and my opinion of this relationship matters too dammit #everything is okay #everything is very okay #and my dad wants to meet em #started praying for help and guidance ended praying to thank #little things

I don't know when it will be the right time. aren't you sick of me yet? aren't you tired of waiting around?

#what if i am never who you want #what do we do then

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