Welcome to the horrible brainchild of Relena Warcraft and DrugLordKai: a review show where we focus on the wonderful world of giant robots and giant robot accessories. Enjoy a smattering of video reviews of anime, movies, video games, toys, and some Let's Plays just for the hell of it.
Disclaimer as required by the legal offices of the shady guy operating out of the back of a defunct van by the river
(...trust me, it actually looks GREAT on a business card)
The author of the works therein has never done a Let's Play before. He's read a few, largely for longer, more complex titles than this one. In fact, as writing goes, his skill set is more oriented towards film than gaming. So what you're about to read is an experiment. Hopefully it will prove entertaining...if not...well, we'll worry about that when we get to it.
There, now everyone's ass is loosely covered and let's begin this.
This LP is inspired by one of the more tumultuous relationships to come out of Japan's history of licensed goods - Gundam and gaming.
Mobile Suit Gundam has trucked along in Japan as a franchise for 30 years now. It's an established mini-industry in its own right with the proverbial shitload of merchandise to go with it, model kits, comics, video games, you name it, someone's done it. In terms of marketing soak, they're like Star Wars here.
...and, like Star Wars, a lot of it can be mixed quality. This holds especially true with the games. For every one good one, there's usually a fair number that range from 'Just OK' to (textual equivalent of the pod person shriek to go here.)
It's with this in mind we consider one of the offerings from the SNES era - an era that ran the gamut from the much-praised Gundam Wing: Endless Duel to the downright painful Victory Gundam (for a show with a lot of light, high speed ingenuity in its mecha battles, the game plays like cold molasses and with very little actual tension beyond rage at how easily Zanscare's forces can rain hits on you as you struggle to even dash across screen... ...depending how things go, that may turn up here in the future)
This entry runs on the higher end of things - in surprisingly one of the only games of the console to go to the franchise's roots, we're going to run through the strategy RPG Cross Dimension 0079.
Here we have the opening animation - which itself is a 16-bit recap of the introduction to both the series and the movies. If you're familiar with the show already, you can skip past these pretty guiltlessly. If you're not...well, read on, though I wonder what prompted you to check this out anyway (hey, hopefully it gets you interested.)
"The death toll was catastophic... It was an era of fear..." -- That's where you come in, you lucky gamer you!
Additionally, I can't help but be a bit perversely amused at the Zaku II up front giving a thumbs up as they send a colony crashing down to Earth
"War crimes! Fuck yeah!"
and with that, we begin this installment's mission:
CHAPTER 1
GUNDAM RISING!
...and again, for anyone who already knows the story - TS, here's more recap.
You can't be that shocked though. Wouldn't do much good to retell 0079 if they were gonna skip over all of this, now would it?
OK...that's the last of the text dump. For those who went to get a drink or use the bathroom, let's sum up:
-Earth colonizes space - things good.
-Space decides they'd rather run things themselves - OK.
-Space decides to start a war over this - NOW WAIT JUST A FUCKING MINUTE--
-Things go south quick, lots of people dead - In short, shit happened.
-Earth decides to make their own robots to counter this - good
-Space gets word of this - Uh oh...
-Shooting occurs - Shiiiiiiit.
We now return to your shooting spree, already in progress:
Enter our hero:
whose entry into this game seems less 'Desperate launch for survival' and more 'What the Hell, I'm trying to sleep! Damned kids...'
Everyone, meet Bright. For the majority of this game, he will be your commanding officer. This doesn't admittedly amount to much here, as he doesn't get the opportunities to slap the sass out of you or save you by headshotting a guy in cold blood...but you can only ask just so much from an SNES game.
A local civilian? What the Hell does he think this is? Some giant robot anime?
...ah Hell.
Also, here we have our protagonist, local boy and tech enthusiast Amuro Ray, tooling around in the machine his father built...though that's also not in the game so for our purposes, it's a moot point.
...and speaking of moot points, no more time for intros, cause the Gundam's been spotted.
Oh...OK then. Guess this was all just a big misunderstandi--
On second thought, fuck this guy!
Forget him, Denim! He wants to tangle for a promotion, that's fine. In fact, I'm feeling generous enough to send him back to you with two.
Brilliant logic, Jean. It's the giant robot version of "Will you relax? It's probably not even loaded!"
and with that, it's officially on!
Control system (now that it finally gets to it) is pretty straight forward:
-The bar on the left is ammo (lack of a gun right now means that's empty)
-Move - ...does this even need an explanation?
-Attack - Again, kind of self-explanatory. Some cool stuff with unlockable attacks here later though.
-Item - ...why the Hell am I explaining these again?
-Member - OK, here's one worth explaining. In later missions, this is what allows you to switch over to other units to control, look at the map, or if you're really unsure of the enemy and just want to be a dick, have Ryu or Sayla strafe an area with an air strike.
-Status - ...and we're back to the self-explanatory
-Lost - AKA the 'Fuck This Shit! I'm Outta Here!' button
Now that we're all up to speed, it's time to roll out the welcome wagon...and do some hit-and-runs with it.
On the downside, the starting movement rate is a joke.
On the upside, they're gonna come right to me, so here's to convenience!
and they got the first hit in! Now I can claim self-defense!
...and what ensues at this low level is the giant robot version of a stooge slap fight. Trust me, with a bit of levelling, these attacks will look a lot better.
"Why you..." (/Moe)
OK...under the circumstances, MAYBE I deserved that one.
...not that he's getting away with it.
You know, it's funny. In the original series, Amuro feared what blowing up a single Zaku would do inside a closed colony in space. Here, it's about as harmful as a chain of firecrackers.
...or Amuro's potentially a sociopath in this game. Take your pick.
Elsewhere, as our hero deals with the ethical ramifications of taking human life off-screen so as to not guilt the player...
Char's classic 'Mistakes of our youth' line in this has apparently been reworded into a classic 'Kids today got not respect for their elders' moment.
Yeah, nice work, Gundam. You really saved the day!
Now enjoy your prize...
YOU'VE JUST MADE THE ENEMY ACE'S SHIT LIST!
and on that happy note, we end this, the first mission of Cross Dimension 0079.
Hopefully you enjoyed enough to come back next time. I promise, future entries will have less screencapped text dumping and more actual commentary on the game itself (...and...well...more game itself.) The one drawback to the start stage - it only gives you just so much to do some games...
Keep an eye out next time, in which we first throw down against Char, discover the joy of leveling up and...well, that's about it...intro stages.
Feel free to leave any constructive criticisms/feedback/pointers for future entries (it may be the only way I'll learn)
