I started using cocaine with Marianela, an Argentinian goddess, 5'11" tall, with the face and hair of a 70s French actress.
She—I'm sure she lied to me—had just moved to my city, and since I'm a musician, she asked me if I used drugs. I said no. I was 52 (but I really looked between 35 and 40) and she was 25. Marianela had confessed to me that a stepfather, her mother's boyfriend, had abused her from the age of 4 until she was 9, when she went to live with her grandparents because her mother didn't believe her.
I think that confession—three weeks into our relationship, when things were idyllic—was a test she gave me to gauge my love and respect. Of course, I reacted by supporting her and showing her that my presence by her side was unwavering. And at that moment, knowing I was loyal, she transformed into a psychopath, quarrelsome, argumentative, manipulative. She'd text me on WhatsApp in the afternoon and then at 8:30 pm send another one asking, "Honey, shall we go out today?"
Well, she told me she had an older brother who was an addict, and that's why "she'd never tried it," but she felt so much trust in me, so much support… that she wanted to start under my care.
I did some research among my musician friends—lying, since I didn't use—until I got some from a girl who ran errands (paid bills and things like that) on a motorcycle. I snorted a line… I didn't like it… but as soon as Marianela inhaled the first one, she said, "Ugh… I'm already addicted."
The reason I played along was because all her malice disappeared when the cocaine was in control. She was good, supportive, and apologized for her hurtful behavior towards me. But also… she was a total slut after just two or three lines!
Okay. A few months later we stopped seeing each other, and she called the cleaning lady to ask if she knew Laura's phone number—the girl who handled the paperwork. And that's when I understood: Marianela had only been living in my city for four or five days, she had no contacts, and she lied to me, flattering me by using her for protection, to get cocaine…
Later, I met Natalia, a Uruguayan girl, online. We had long-distance sex: sexting. And one of the things that turned her on the most was when I sent her videos of myself snorting cocaine. When she came to visit me for the first time and I initiated her… she couldn't stop.
I loved watching them snort coke and how it freed their brains and their vaginas… when Natalia decided to move back to her country three years later… I was torn between yes and no… until the pandemic hit and that's when I lost control… now, if I don't snort one or two grams, I don't even get out of bed.
I snort every day, I borrow, I ask friends for money with excuses, but I've even done four grams and gone three days without sleep.
Now... white cocaine is my lover.
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