Colden Møller

"I am the father of chaos, and his name is Shuonun Møller."

[colden-fatherofchaos]

About the Muse

Name: Colden Møller

Birthdate: January, 1504

Gender: Male

Pronouns: He/him

Orientation: Biromantic Demisexual

Father of @hellachaotic @the-good-brother and (in some AUs) @should-a-would-a-could-a

Husband of @bornfromoriginalsin

Brother of @jokingly-demonic-brother and @wh0s-count1ng

Colden was born in Norway and now lives outside of Ottawa, Ontario.

He plays the guitar, and drives a red Dodge Demon. He has a tattoo, the words "Good timing brought me to you." on his left shoulder.

[quilliander]

Summer, 1987. A dry breeze wafted through dusty Stull, Kansas. That breeze brought little relief to the farmers in the fields wiping the sweat from their brows. It brought little change to the direction of the weather vanes on the barn rooftops. It brought little rustling to the cornstalks in the fields or the leaves on the trees. That breeze blew the Møller family right into town. Colden, Lilla, and their three children had landed in the country less than three hours prior. They had bought a house in Kansas through a friend of a friend. They had needed to leave their home in Paris for... reasons. Reasons the oldest son, Stefan wouldn't reveal except under waterboarding, reasons the younger son, Shuonun, thought were stupid and sort of funny, and reasons the youngest daughter, a bouncing baby girl named Sarpedon, were oblivious to. Stull was to be their new home, much to the chagrin of Shuonun. He was not excited for country life like his parents were. He was not relieved to be in America like his brother was. He was not blissfully ignorant like his six-month-old sister was.

Alexander thanked himself that his parents weren’t farmers, they owned the drug store in the sleepy town, but he felt they had as many kids as most. The town was large enough that the kids weren’t forced to all play with each other in some one-room-schoolhouse but small enough that everybody knew the Pine last name.

Furthermore, everyone knew that a new family was moving to town, and the young boy would be damned if he didn’t see them in person. Pushing his way to the front of the crowd around the house, he took note of the ages of the children, already planning to brag to his younger sister that there was a boy his age.

Watching the mayor welcome the family to town, he rolled his eyes at the over-friendliness from a woman who had yelled at him for climbing a tree an hour prior.

[hellachaotic]

While the family tried to accept these niceties graciously, Stefan ran into the house almost immediately. Shuonun rolled his eyes.

"Je veux voir ma chambre," he whispered in his mother's ear.

"You stay right where you are," she replied sternly. She jostled the baby in her arms who was quickly tiring of being outside.

Colden, the patriarch, shook every hand that came within a couple inches of his face. He introduced himself and the rest of his family time and time again because he knew he was expected to.

Lilla became increasingly flustered as she tried to calm her baby. It wasn't long before Sarpedon began to cry. Lilla sighed, apologized, and dashed into the house. All bets were off then for Shuonun, who darted in after her leaving Colden alone on the step shaking hands.

[quilliander]

Alexander eventually made it up to the steps the house, looking up at Colden with his free hand shielding his eyes and head tilted.

Revealing a set of surprisingly straight white teeth for a boy who looked more punching bag than human, he piped up with a, “my parents said you’re fancy, from out of the country, but you look pretty normal to me, sir. I don’t mean it as an insult either, you just look like you blend in, sir.”

“They also said your son is the same age as me, and I’m getting tired of running around with my younger sister so…can I come inside?”

Alexander was tempted to just waltz right in and make himself at home as he usually did, but he was taught to be polite and ask. Furthermore, he knew it was rude to eat others food, even if he thought everything better than what was prepared at home.

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Well hello there, kiddo!" Colden smiled down at Alex. "Of course you can come in but I'm gonna warn you; Shuonun is not in a fantastic mood. He's jet lagged something awful right now. But maybe someone his own age can cheer him up! He'll be upstairs."

[colden-fatherofchaos]

[sword-and-sorrow]

Shuonun traipsed off stage with a grin as big as his face plastered on. He was completely and utterly wiped out as he crashed into the arms of his agent.

"Alex, can't you hear them?" he gasped out. "They're still screaming out there. My name. Over and over. My name. Holy shit. I see spots. I need a drink."

Shuonun and Alex had been business partners for a couple of years. Shuonun was the face of the operation, and to his fans he was practically a god, but he was nothing without Alex to advocate for him, to sort out his contracts, to organize the tours where his fans could throw themselves at him in glorious fits of insane devotion.

He had never voiced it before, but the man was his own personal hero.

And he was easy on the eyes too.

Alexander didn’t say much, tensing up as Shuonun crashed into him. Even though he mourned the loss of the crispness of his suit now that the taller man had wrinkled it, he didn’t comment on it.

Shuonun at the moment was one of the biggest names not only in Hollywood but practically worldwide, and Alexander didn’t take jealousy in that. Instead, he simply did his job and tilted his head down whenever someone recognised him from a press conference or video that Alexander kept advising his client against.

Motioning for one of the stage hands to find Shuonun some water, the brand he liked to be exact, he then motioned to another to get the car. Although they weren’t in view of any fans, he still knew their ability to somehow sneak backstage.

It had happened countless times by now, usually a crazed individual claiming they’d name their child after the man if he’d sign an autograph. To everyone, Shuonun was a god, and his voice the answer to all.

Shaking the thought of Shuonun possibly being in danger, Alexander mumbled something before speaking up with a, “we were supposed to be on the road by now…you can’t do oncores every time, your next set of fans will be…upset that you’re late.”

Alexander wanted to use stronger words than that, rip into Shuonun, but he didn’t; he was paid handsomely to work for the star, and he’d known him before fame.

@hellachaotic

[hellachaotic]

Shuonun stepped into the door and practically directly into his mother's arms. With a bashful smile, he leaned into her embrace and listened to her chastise him for having been gone so long.

Shuonun's father went right for Alex, hand outstretched to help him with his bag immediately. "Alex," he said cheerfully. "Alex! It's been way too long. I swear you've grown."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Alexander was still shy, even in groups of people that he knew, which is why his face flushed with a, “oh uhm…I don’t know, I shouldn’t be growing?” as he struggled to understand the joke.

However, that didn’t stop him from handing a bouquet over to Lilla after introductions with a, “least I could do, beautiful flowers for a beautiful home.”

Not used to not being Shuonun’s agent everywhere, he watched as the other man interacted with family and his home, for once feeling like the one without knowledge. This extended to dinner, sitting and staring at the table full of people with some sort of awe and tentativeness; afraid to speak as if he’d be kicked out if his presence were known, he listened to Shuonun take credit for his stardom with a small smile.

[hellachaotic]

Alex was sat between Shuonun brothers. Stefan, his older brother, knew Alex well. Sarpedon, who was nearly five years younger than Shuonun, knew Alex as more of a poltergeist figure, his elusive big brother's sidekick. As a result, he was fascinated by him.

"Alex," he asked through half a mouthful. "Shuonun kind of lucked into working with you because you grew up together. You got any colleagues you can put in touch with me?"

[sword-and-sorrow]

“Hm? Oh…I don’t really think you’d want that, and a college education is worth far more than anything else,” he responded quickly, as if that were the response he gave all of Shuonun’s fans and lower level stars.

However, what he always wanted to do was take the person by the shoulders and yell at them until his mouth bled to never say that, as if the very thought of wanting to be a star would curse you to endless nights and a drug fuelled death.

Furthermore, while Shuonun and him grew up together, their current relationship was far from that of childhood. In fact, Alexander was the loud one as a kid, constantly told to stop tearing through the halls and drawing on furniture. He didn’t mourn that time though, happy to be financially stable and in charge of something while the rest of his life crumbled around him.

As the dinner progressed, he found himself drawn in by the conversations, happy to witness something so real after realising that no celebrity actually voiced their thoughts on things he found important. No matter how imperfect an average conversation was, it was raw and that’s what mattered to Alexander.

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"What do you want one of Alex's colleagues for?" asked Shuonun.

Sarpedon opened his mouth to answer, but Colden beat him to it. The man was simply bursting with pride as he said, "He's an artist! Kiddo, you should show Shuonun your paintings after supper." Clearly having one impossibly famous child had not desensitized him to fatherly pride. "They're amazing," he beamed.

Sarpedon looked aways with a bashful sort of smile.

Shuonun smiled weakly, trying to ignore the gnawing in his stomach. He knew he had been gone too long this time.

[hellachaotic]

Alexander hadn’t ever been trusting to begin with, knowing it would either get him harmed or at least show people that there was a crack in his armour. Furthermore, secret self doubt propelled him into daily thoughts of why he made it instead of his more prepared siblings, those who would handle an apocalypse well instead of wandering around for a few days hoping for a quick death.

Nowadays, even a year or so later, nobody was quite sure what caused it. News outlets shut down too quickly to spread news, and wifi was the first thing to go. However, the only thing that was sure was that Alexander was still here- desperately untrusting and tired but still here.

Unlike other survivors, he refused to join a group, hearing the horror stories of what happened when somebody fell behind or was declared useless. If he’d made it until now, he didn’t even see the point.

The Møller family were an absolute paradox. Together, they had survived the approximate year and a half and actually managed to live through it all. Their underground base, a defunct military bunker from the cold war, was more of a home than most people had. They fiercely guarded each other, understanding that relying on each other was the only way to make it through.

However, they didn't trust outsiders in the slightest.

How could they? Every day, people were double-crossing one another. Raiders were everywhere and would rob you blind in a world where no one had anything of value but water. The entire world had turned their backs on each other. The family did well not to do the same intrinsically. They had no room in their lives to risk it all for anyone else.

That is until one night. Stephy, Rina, their niece Aslog, and their nephew Shuonun were out hunting deer for the week in the forest.

@sword-and-sorrow

[bornfromoriginalsin]

"What I want is for you to spend the winter here," Lilla blurted out.

"Lilla," tutted Alma.

"No. Quiet. Listen. Stephy doesn't call the shots around here. I am confident that you won't hurt any of us, Alex, and I firmly believe that even if you wanted to you couldn't. I don't believe you when you say you've got somewhere safe to go because you won't look me in the eyes and say it. What's more, you shot Shuonun in the arm and not only has he completely forgiven you but he's more curious about you than anything else. I can promise you safety here, Alexander, and in return I ask for peace of mind. I'll drive myself crazy wondering if you're alright by December. I won't make it through the winter if I don't know you're alright."

Giovanni cleared his throat. "If he is dead set on repaying you," he began. He too had an accent but his was strange. Was it Italian? Quebecois? A mixture of the two? "If you won't take her help for nothing," he continued, addressing Alex directly. "Perhaps you could do something to help us. There is a lot that goes into maintaining this bunker. Between cleaning, repairs, gathering food, is no small task. Help us out with these things and you will more than earn your keep. You'll get on Stephy's good side too."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Alexander didn’t take offence to her doubting his weakness, knowing she wasn’t able to pour love from her mouth without countering it somehow-which he knew she was doing for him as well, knowing he’d be uncomfortable if not.

For some reason, that was what convinced him to nod and decide to take on the burden of being a perpetual stranger in his newfound family. That, and he was starting to feel the effects of the medicine Lilla gave him mere hours ago.

As Giovanni spoke and cemented the deal, Alexander turned to him with a simple nod and a polite, “that’s what I’ve been saying this whole time, I’m glad we came to an agreement. I have a feeling we’re too similar, so I’ll stay out of your way this winter.”

Raising a brow as if expecting Giovanni to react strongly-which Alexander secretly wanted even as he declined being an attention seeker-he then did what he did best.

He ignored the crowd gathered around him in favour of walking past them and into the bunker. In truth, he was starting to feel not the medicine but sickness as well, aching to close his eyes.

It had been years since he’d fully done that, nervous even in safe buildings with other people on watch. He liked always knowing what was going on, which made being sick an especially tiresome burden.

[bornfromoriginalsin]

Lilla followed behind him at a distance.

"You can sleep in my room," she said. She could tell he was exhausted. "The door locks from the inside. I'll make you up a proper place to sleep while you rest. When you wake up, there'll be goose to eat. If you'd rather eat in privacy you can."

She passed Alex and guided him down the hall.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Alexander was hesitant to ask how she knew he’d ask for a room that could lock before chalking it up to her noticing his unlimited caution. Therefore, instead of replying he focused on getting down the hallway to the room itself, no easy feat as of that moment.

He only straightened up when he caught sight of Shuonun, or someone that looked like him, out of the corner of his eye. Coughing into his arm before not quite waving-he didn’t want to show visible interest-he then kept following Lilla.

[bornfromoriginalsin]

Shuonun waved at him, visibly confused about the entire situation.

Lilla opened a door for him and gestured for him to step in. Besides a messy bed, there wasn't much in the room. Two vegetable crates served as bed-side tables. On one, there was a picture frame standing up with a photo of Lilla, a man who was presumably her husband, and their children. On the other, there was an old electric lamp. It was the only light source in the room, its soft glow illuminating the cream coloured walls. In the corner there was a box full of nearly folded clothes, both women's and men's. Besides that, the room was bare.

"You can rest in here for as long as you like," said Lilla. "There are other rooms just like this one clustered in this wing. I'll sort one out for you. When you wake up, you can come and find me if you like."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Alexander focused on the picture above everything else, quietly asking if, “your husband is still around” before adding a quick, “and if he knows I’m here.”

Not waiting for a response lest he find himself in even more danger, the teenager found himself sitting down on the bed and feeling grateful that at least one thing in the bunker was messy, even if just a bed.

As he looked up at Lilla from his new spot, he coughed a few times, apologised, and finished his thought of, “you never told me how your son’s leg healed so quickly, I shot it at close range and hit an artery.”

“I know what I saw, I don’t commonly miss things….is he….oh god, is he sick?”

Sick was referring to the lucky few who, upon surviving the disease, somehow found themselves part of the living dead- while none of them could function as before and would do anything for the taste of human flesh, they were still invincible to most weapons.

[hellachaotic]

"My husband is still around," Lilla said softly. "He knows about you and I'll tell him you're staying once he gets home."

When Alex asked her about Shuonun she sucked in a breath.

"He's not sick, I promise. He did heal quickly and I will tell you why but I'll tell you when you wake up, once I've had a chance to talk to everyone about it, alright? You don't have anything to worry about. No one down here is sick. I promise."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Alexander found himself too tired to mumble anything other than, “you don’t realise your kid is sick until they’re lunging at you and sinking their teeth into your shoulder” before warily eyeing the door.

He wasn’t suspicious of the locks, persay, but those behind the door. Knowing there was a chance he’d be kicked out when Colden finally came home, whoever he was, Alexander knew the only thing he could do was save the time he had and try not to think about ruining the perfect bedspread he was tracking dirt on.

“….I won’t steal or break anything, promise.”

[bornfromoriginalsin]

"I know, sweetheart. I trust you," Lilla said soothingly. "Get some rest. I won't go far. If you need anything, holler."

With that, Lilla stepped out of the room. With one final wave, she shut the door lightly. The lock was a deadbolt on the inside that Alex could close.

Lilla walked off to go make him a more permanent place to stay.

[sword-and-sorrow]

When Alexander woke, far later than he would’ve hoped, he immediately rose to his feet and managed to stumble out into the hallway. Feeling what every functioning human felt after they went to bed and woke up even sicker, he forced himself to look around before sitting down against the wall.

The teenager wasn’t prone to getting sick, proud of his usual abilities to fend off illnesses that constantly befell others. However, he was human, and nothing was more inescapable than the common cold transforming into the flu.

Sitting there and looking at the rough hewn walls, he secretly hoped Lilla was nearby, not entirely sure why.

[hellachaotic]

She was, but she wasn't who found him first.

"Oh my goodness, you look awful. Here, let me take you to my mother."

Shuonun spoke softly, as if being mindful of Alex's current state. He seemed to know that his head was no doubt pounding. He reached out a hand in front of him, as if offering to support Alex.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Shaking his head with a hoarse, “I’m fine, I’m fine”, Alexander shook his head and rose to his feet. Looking up at the other boy with a light, “why do you always find me in my worst fucking moments, it’s like you’re attuned to disaster”, he then closed his eyes for a moment before sitting back down.

However, as a surrender, he patted the spot next to him for Shuonun to sit down. Moving away ever so slightly with the impression that he could get Shuonun sick, Alexander coughed into his arm before mumbling, “you don’t look like you’ve ever gotten sick, look at you. No acne either, it’s weird.”

[hellachaotic]

Shuonun scoffed.

"Jealous, much?" he asked. He sat down, closer to Alex than he had suggested. "Look, why don't I go and get you some medicine? Or water? Or something? You're obviously incredibly unwell. My mother will be pissed if you die on my watch, you know. She's worked hard on helping you stay afloat."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Secretly overjoyed at having someone his own age to talk to, Alexander rolled his eyes with a, “hey, that isn’t a compliment. It’s an insult, actually. You have no pores or whatever beauty commercials used to rave about….do you remember those?…TV commercials? I used to think they were annoying, but I’d give anything for bright colours and sounds now.”

“Don’t….I don’t want anything, just sit here with me until I can stand up again.”

“….your mom’s a saint by the way. Don’t tell her I told you that, mom’s tend to get weird when you tell them that, really take it to heart.”

“…if we’re going to be sitting here a while, you should probably tell me about yourself and your stupidly smooth skin-once again, weird.”

[hellachaotic]

Shuonun's nose crinkled in distaste.

"Alright, first of all, you're the weird one. Who makes remarks about other people's pores? Secondly, yes, I do remember commercials. Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat with the "O'Riley's Auto Parts" theme playing in my head. Or the fucking "Marineland" song. God. Nobody loves Marineland."

He chuckled, and was quiet for a moment.

"My mother is a saint," he mumbled. "If I didn't have her I wouldn't be here right now. Neither would you. Are you going to let me medicate you, or are you just going to sit there staring at my skin?"

[sword-and-sorrow]

“…..I guess it wouldn’t hurt, where did you learn medical skills? Let me guess, your family wanted you to be useful but didn’t trust you with sharp tools or keeping the family running,” he responded with a small sigh. Even though he said it with the same tone he’d use to describe something monotonous, Alexander couldn’t hide his small smile.

Trying to appear casual when he asked, “is your dad around?”, he then found himself looking around the hallway in case he would suddenly appear. Weirder things had happened since Alexander got to know the being living inside the bunker, which is why he forgave himself for believing in that sort of magic over factual science.

[hellachaotic]

"He's in the kitchen, trying to reason with my uncle on your behalf," he said. He rolled his eyes. "Perhaps it would help if they saw you, actually. If they saw just how sickly you are. Then uncle Stephy would realize you pose no threat."

Shuonun's tone was teasing, if not annoyed. He moved a little closer to Alex.

"For what it's worth, I actually do want to help you recover."

He drew a bottle of Tylenol from his pocket and passed it over to Alex.

"My mother is worried, you know. She feels like it's her fault you're sick. If she had had her way, you would have been living here already."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Alexander, and everyone else in these times, thought of Tylenol like gold. Looking at it with surprise, he handled the dented and pockmarked bottle as if it were precious china.

Not even speaking for a moment as if to fully savour the feeling of it in his hands, he at last spoke with a quieter than usual, “huh?….oh yeah, I know. It’s not her fault though, she probably just feels guilty or something. I hope I don’t remind her of you, god what a nightmare…..no worse fate.”

“Your uncle is the only guy here with survival skills, I admire that a little-don’t tell him that.”

[hellachaotic]

Shuonun snorted.

"Hardly. You're hardly a threat. I mean yes, you shot me, but I got better. In this state, I could probably knock you down just by flicking you on the nose. Take your medicine and then I'll take you to see my father and my uncle if you want."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Raising an eyebrow with a, “no water with my meal?” that was meant to be volleying back the sarcasm ball rather than indignant, Alexander shook the bottle as a second reminder.

It was only once he’d taken two-figuring Shuonun could yell at him but he didn’t exactly care-and rested for a few minutes more that he finally nodded at the other boy.

Rising to his feet with a, “let’s go, before the medicine hits-always liked the kind that helps you sleep better, it’s a bonus,” Alexander somehow found his way to the kitchen with minimal assistance.

Alexander prided himself on finding places from walking any route once, figuring it was more important in this era than memorising every Pokemon. As they entered the kitchen, he scanned the room for someone who looked like Shuonun but older.

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Shuonun clearly looked more like his mother. Sitting at a table across from a blonde man he was arguing with sat a man who was nearly Shuonun's opposite. Where Shuonun had white hair, Colden had black. Where Shuonun was tall, Colden was almost short. It was all in the eyes. Their eyes matched unmistakably.

"The kid isn't a danger to anyone!"

"Colden, do you know why we're all still alive?! It isn't because we go around picking up strays!"

"Says you! Gio was a stray."

"That was before the world went to shit! I said it when we were kids and I'll say it now; I can afford to look out for you but I can't take care of the entire world."

"No one is asking-"

That's when Colden caught sight of Alex. He clammed up, sitting up straight.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Alexander immediately motioned for them to keep going before remembering that snark would get him nowhere. Instead, he stepped forward into the light of the kitchen with a simple, “no, I am a danger, but that’s a bonus-I don’t have anything to live for, so I’ll die for anything. Also, there’s multiple points of entry into this bunker, raiders could get to you easily. I’ll fix that for you, because nobody else in this bunker has caught those mistakes.”

Then, coughing into his arm and leaning against the wall, he added a quiet, “I’m a hard worker, and I’m above begging for help but above begging for a chance.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Stephy turned to face Alex. He raised an eyebrow. He opened his mouth to speak, but Colden stood quickly and held out a hand for Alex to shake.

"I'm Colden," he said. "You already met Lilla. I'm my wife's husband. I mean, you already met my wife. My wife, Lilla. Lilla is- sorry. No, Lilla's not sorry, I'm sorry. I'm-"

"Colden," said Stephy. "I think he gets it." Stephy turned to Alex again. "You're awake," he said. He looked Alex up and down. "You look like you got the shit kicked out of you."

[hellachaotic]

Alexander hadn’t ever been trusting to begin with, knowing it would either get him harmed or at least show people that there was a crack in his armour. Furthermore, secret self doubt propelled him into daily thoughts of why he made it instead of his more prepared siblings, those who would handle an apocalypse well instead of wandering around for a few days hoping for a quick death.

Nowadays, even a year or so later, nobody was quite sure what caused it. News outlets shut down too quickly to spread news, and wifi was the first thing to go. However, the only thing that was sure was that Alexander was still here- desperately untrusting and tired but still here.

Unlike other survivors, he refused to join a group, hearing the horror stories of what happened when somebody fell behind or was declared useless. If he’d made it until now, he didn’t even see the point.

The Møller family were an absolute paradox. Together, they had survived the approximate year and a half and actually managed to live through it all. Their underground base, a defunct military bunker from the cold war, was more of a home than most people had. They fiercely guarded each other, understanding that relying on each other was the only way to make it through.

However, they didn't trust outsiders in the slightest.

How could they? Every day, people were double-crossing one another. Raiders were everywhere and would rob you blind in a world where no one had anything of value but water. The entire world had turned their backs on each other. The family did well not to do the same intrinsically. They had no room in their lives to risk it all for anyone else.

That is until one night. Stephy, Rina, their niece Aslog, and their nephew Shuonun were out hunting deer for the week in the forest.

@sword-and-sorrow

[bornfromoriginalsin]

"What I want is for you to spend the winter here," Lilla blurted out.

"Lilla," tutted Alma.

"No. Quiet. Listen. Stephy doesn't call the shots around here. I am confident that you won't hurt any of us, Alex, and I firmly believe that even if you wanted to you couldn't. I don't believe you when you say you've got somewhere safe to go because you won't look me in the eyes and say it. What's more, you shot Shuonun in the arm and not only has he completely forgiven you but he's more curious about you than anything else. I can promise you safety here, Alexander, and in return I ask for peace of mind. I'll drive myself crazy wondering if you're alright by December. I won't make it through the winter if I don't know you're alright."

Giovanni cleared his throat. "If he is dead set on repaying you," he began. He too had an accent but his was strange. Was it Italian? Quebecois? A mixture of the two? "If you won't take her help for nothing," he continued, addressing Alex directly. "Perhaps you could do something to help us. There is a lot that goes into maintaining this bunker. Between cleaning, repairs, gathering food, is no small task. Help us out with these things and you will more than earn your keep. You'll get on Stephy's good side too."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Alexander didn’t take offence to her doubting his weakness, knowing she wasn’t able to pour love from her mouth without countering it somehow-which he knew she was doing for him as well, knowing he’d be uncomfortable if not.

For some reason, that was what convinced him to nod and decide to take on the burden of being a perpetual stranger in his newfound family. That, and he was starting to feel the effects of the medicine Lilla gave him mere hours ago.

As Giovanni spoke and cemented the deal, Alexander turned to him with a simple nod and a polite, “that’s what I’ve been saying this whole time, I’m glad we came to an agreement. I have a feeling we’re too similar, so I’ll stay out of your way this winter.”

Raising a brow as if expecting Giovanni to react strongly-which Alexander secretly wanted even as he declined being an attention seeker-he then did what he did best.

He ignored the crowd gathered around him in favour of walking past them and into the bunker. In truth, he was starting to feel not the medicine but sickness as well, aching to close his eyes.

It had been years since he’d fully done that, nervous even in safe buildings with other people on watch. He liked always knowing what was going on, which made being sick an especially tiresome burden.

[bornfromoriginalsin]

Lilla followed behind him at a distance.

"You can sleep in my room," she said. She could tell he was exhausted. "The door locks from the inside. I'll make you up a proper place to sleep while you rest. When you wake up, there'll be goose to eat. If you'd rather eat in privacy you can."

She passed Alex and guided him down the hall.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Alexander was hesitant to ask how she knew he’d ask for a room that could lock before chalking it up to her noticing his unlimited caution. Therefore, instead of replying he focused on getting down the hallway to the room itself, no easy feat as of that moment.

He only straightened up when he caught sight of Shuonun, or someone that looked like him, out of the corner of his eye. Coughing into his arm before not quite waving-he didn’t want to show visible interest-he then kept following Lilla.

[bornfromoriginalsin]

Shuonun waved at him, visibly confused about the entire situation.

Lilla opened a door for him and gestured for him to step in. Besides a messy bed, there wasn't much in the room. Two vegetable crates served as bed-side tables. On one, there was a picture frame standing up with a photo of Lilla, a man who was presumably her husband, and their children. On the other, there was an old electric lamp. It was the only light source in the room, its soft glow illuminating the cream coloured walls. In the corner there was a box full of nearly folded clothes, both women's and men's. Besides that, the room was bare.

"You can rest in here for as long as you like," said Lilla. "There are other rooms just like this one clustered in this wing. I'll sort one out for you. When you wake up, you can come and find me if you like."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Alexander focused on the picture above everything else, quietly asking if, “your husband is still around” before adding a quick, “and if he knows I’m here.”

Not waiting for a response lest he find himself in even more danger, the teenager found himself sitting down on the bed and feeling grateful that at least one thing in the bunker was messy, even if just a bed.

As he looked up at Lilla from his new spot, he coughed a few times, apologised, and finished his thought of, “you never told me how your son’s leg healed so quickly, I shot it at close range and hit an artery.”

“I know what I saw, I don’t commonly miss things….is he….oh god, is he sick?”

Sick was referring to the lucky few who, upon surviving the disease, somehow found themselves part of the living dead- while none of them could function as before and would do anything for the taste of human flesh, they were still invincible to most weapons.

[hellachaotic]

"My husband is still around," Lilla said softly. "He knows about you and I'll tell him you're staying once he gets home."

When Alex asked her about Shuonun she sucked in a breath.

"He's not sick, I promise. He did heal quickly and I will tell you why but I'll tell you when you wake up, once I've had a chance to talk to everyone about it, alright? You don't have anything to worry about. No one down here is sick. I promise."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Alexander found himself too tired to mumble anything other than, “you don’t realise your kid is sick until they’re lunging at you and sinking their teeth into your shoulder” before warily eyeing the door.

He wasn’t suspicious of the locks, persay, but those behind the door. Knowing there was a chance he’d be kicked out when Colden finally came home, whoever he was, Alexander knew the only thing he could do was save the time he had and try not to think about ruining the perfect bedspread he was tracking dirt on.

“….I won’t steal or break anything, promise.”

[bornfromoriginalsin]

"I know, sweetheart. I trust you," Lilla said soothingly. "Get some rest. I won't go far. If you need anything, holler."

With that, Lilla stepped out of the room. With one final wave, she shut the door lightly. The lock was a deadbolt on the inside that Alex could close.

Lilla walked off to go make him a more permanent place to stay.

[sword-and-sorrow]

When Alexander woke, far later than he would’ve hoped, he immediately rose to his feet and managed to stumble out into the hallway. Feeling what every functioning human felt after they went to bed and woke up even sicker, he forced himself to look around before sitting down against the wall.

The teenager wasn’t prone to getting sick, proud of his usual abilities to fend off illnesses that constantly befell others. However, he was human, and nothing was more inescapable than the common cold transforming into the flu.

Sitting there and looking at the rough hewn walls, he secretly hoped Lilla was nearby, not entirely sure why.

[hellachaotic]

She was, but she wasn't who found him first.

"Oh my goodness, you look awful. Here, let me take you to my mother."

Shuonun spoke softly, as if being mindful of Alex's current state. He seemed to know that his head was no doubt pounding. He reached out a hand in front of him, as if offering to support Alex.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Shaking his head with a hoarse, “I’m fine, I’m fine”, Alexander shook his head and rose to his feet. Looking up at the other boy with a light, “why do you always find me in my worst fucking moments, it’s like you’re attuned to disaster”, he then closed his eyes for a moment before sitting back down.

However, as a surrender, he patted the spot next to him for Shuonun to sit down. Moving away ever so slightly with the impression that he could get Shuonun sick, Alexander coughed into his arm before mumbling, “you don’t look like you’ve ever gotten sick, look at you. No acne either, it’s weird.”

[hellachaotic]

Shuonun scoffed.

"Jealous, much?" he asked. He sat down, closer to Alex than he had suggested. "Look, why don't I go and get you some medicine? Or water? Or something? You're obviously incredibly unwell. My mother will be pissed if you die on my watch, you know. She's worked hard on helping you stay afloat."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Secretly overjoyed at having someone his own age to talk to, Alexander rolled his eyes with a, “hey, that isn’t a compliment. It’s an insult, actually. You have no pores or whatever beauty commercials used to rave about….do you remember those?…TV commercials? I used to think they were annoying, but I’d give anything for bright colours and sounds now.”

“Don’t….I don’t want anything, just sit here with me until I can stand up again.”

“….your mom’s a saint by the way. Don’t tell her I told you that, mom’s tend to get weird when you tell them that, really take it to heart.”

“…if we’re going to be sitting here a while, you should probably tell me about yourself and your stupidly smooth skin-once again, weird.”

[hellachaotic]

Shuonun's nose crinkled in distaste.

"Alright, first of all, you're the weird one. Who makes remarks about other people's pores? Secondly, yes, I do remember commercials. Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat with the "O'Riley's Auto Parts" theme playing in my head. Or the fucking "Marineland" song. God. Nobody loves Marineland."

He chuckled, and was quiet for a moment.

"My mother is a saint," he mumbled. "If I didn't have her I wouldn't be here right now. Neither would you. Are you going to let me medicate you, or are you just going to sit there staring at my skin?"

[sword-and-sorrow]

“…..I guess it wouldn’t hurt, where did you learn medical skills? Let me guess, your family wanted you to be useful but didn’t trust you with sharp tools or keeping the family running,” he responded with a small sigh. Even though he said it with the same tone he’d use to describe something monotonous, Alexander couldn’t hide his small smile.

Trying to appear casual when he asked, “is your dad around?”, he then found himself looking around the hallway in case he would suddenly appear. Weirder things had happened since Alexander got to know the being living inside the bunker, which is why he forgave himself for believing in that sort of magic over factual science.

[hellachaotic]

"He's in the kitchen, trying to reason with my uncle on your behalf," he said. He rolled his eyes. "Perhaps it would help if they saw you, actually. If they saw just how sickly you are. Then uncle Stephy would realize you pose no threat."

Shuonun's tone was teasing, if not annoyed. He moved a little closer to Alex.

"For what it's worth, I actually do want to help you recover."

He drew a bottle of Tylenol from his pocket and passed it over to Alex.

"My mother is worried, you know. She feels like it's her fault you're sick. If she had had her way, you would have been living here already."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Alexander, and everyone else in these times, thought of Tylenol like gold. Looking at it with surprise, he handled the dented and pockmarked bottle as if it were precious china.

Not even speaking for a moment as if to fully savour the feeling of it in his hands, he at last spoke with a quieter than usual, “huh?….oh yeah, I know. It’s not her fault though, she probably just feels guilty or something. I hope I don’t remind her of you, god what a nightmare…..no worse fate.”

“Your uncle is the only guy here with survival skills, I admire that a little-don’t tell him that.”

[hellachaotic]

Shuonun snorted.

"Hardly. You're hardly a threat. I mean yes, you shot me, but I got better. In this state, I could probably knock you down just by flicking you on the nose. Take your medicine and then I'll take you to see my father and my uncle if you want."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Raising an eyebrow with a, “no water with my meal?” that was meant to be volleying back the sarcasm ball rather than indignant, Alexander shook the bottle as a second reminder.

It was only once he’d taken two-figuring Shuonun could yell at him but he didn’t exactly care-and rested for a few minutes more that he finally nodded at the other boy.

Rising to his feet with a, “let’s go, before the medicine hits-always liked the kind that helps you sleep better, it’s a bonus,” Alexander somehow found his way to the kitchen with minimal assistance.

Alexander prided himself on finding places from walking any route once, figuring it was more important in this era than memorising every Pokemon. As they entered the kitchen, he scanned the room for someone who looked like Shuonun but older.

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Shuonun clearly looked more like his mother. Sitting at a table across from a blonde man he was arguing with sat a man who was nearly Shuonun's opposite. Where Shuonun had white hair, Colden had black. Where Shuonun was tall, Colden was almost short. It was all in the eyes. Their eyes matched unmistakably.

"The kid isn't a danger to anyone!"

"Colden, do you know why we're all still alive?! It isn't because we go around picking up strays!"

"Says you! Gio was a stray."

"That was before the world went to shit! I said it when we were kids and I'll say it now; I can afford to look out for you but I can't take care of the entire world."

"No one is asking-"

That's when Colden caught sight of Alex. He clammed up, sitting up straight.

[castiellesbian]

[sword-and-sorrow]

Colden sat, bouncing his leg. His eyes were tired. His shoulders were tense. His hands were clasped on front of him. He had a cheerful smile plastered over his lips.

"I uh, I know I'm supposed to be here an hour today but uh, I'm gonna need to leave early. My uh, my kid is at school and I need to pick him up at 4:00 so, uh, yeah."

He moved to sit on his hands, leg still bouncing.

"You have kids, right? You know."

He could hear the clock on wall ticking much too slowly for his taste.

Magnus smiled as well, though his bordered more on genuine than anything else. While he looked far from a therapist, all bulk and a beard that could hide more than a few pencils in it, he was sitting in the chair and had the position.

While Colden talked at him, the older man wasn’t even registering what he was saying, instead taking note of how tense his client looked. While he knew most of the people he helped didn’t want to be in his office most of the time, he also knew the ends justified the means.

Looking up from his clipboard after checking it to see if Colden was telling the truth about school aged children, he laughed with a, “first minute of meeting me, and you already want to see my face as least as possible.”

“I don’t know if you’ve ever been in therapy-” “Mr. Colden, but it usually doesn’t allow other activities to push in.”

“I’ll cut to the chase, I don’t think you’re allowed to drive anymore to begin with. Do you want to tell me why that might be?”

“The court doesn’t tell me shit-you’re allowed to swear in here if I can.”

@hellachaotic

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I-I don't know what you're implying," said Colden, a little too quickly. "I'm telling the truth, I have to go and get my son from school. I didn't say anything about driving. I uh, I'm not driving now because my car is in the shop. No other reason."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus laughed again with a, “alright man-can I call you that?”

“I’m not implying anything, just trying to get to know you without asking those stupid questions everyone asks.”

Then, shifting in his seat, he smiled at Colden once more before sighing and continuing. However, he spoke softly this time, as if trying to create a calming environment contrasting his words.

“I hate it when people ask you if you’re alright when something horrific happens. They never do that when you’re just having a normal day.”

“It’s like, how do you even respond, right? ‘no, sorry, i was doing fine until you asked me that, made me remember that my life is shitty, and now i want to hit you with my car’”

“Listen, I won’t ask you how you’re feeling if you just…relax, take your hands out from under you, take a moment to just exist. If you want to pace around the room, that’s completely fine with me.”

“How about we introduce ourselves to each other, how does that sound?”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"What did they tell you?" Colden asked suddenly with an eyebrow cocked. "I thought you said they didn't tell you anything, but I see you looking at your papers and the questions you're asking me make it sound and awful lot like you know things that I didn't tell you."

Colden's breath quickened and he could feel his chest getting tighter. He longed to stand up and run out of the room but his legs felt paralyzed.

"I'm not going to introduce myself so you can sit here and ridicule me. You only know half the story anyway."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus stood up when he noticed Colden tense up to the point of looking ready to snap, trying to appear as non-threatening as possible. Then, looking sheepish for a moment, he turned his clipboard around to show that he was hiding something behind it, but it wasn’t paper.

Instead of there being any information about Colden, there was an explanation of, “Sorry, I’m trying to make sure my son gets home from school on time. He has a habit of wandering anywhere but back home. Kids! What can you do without them, right?”

“Anyways, they don’t tell me anything, and I prefer it that way. I like a clean slate and think any judge who tells me information only gets one side of the story.”

“How about we take a walk this session while I introduce myself? I won’t tell the court officer if you don’t.”

Holding open the front door to his office with a small smile, Magnus began talking once they hit the woods behind the building.

“How about you go first? I’ll take any information I can get, it helps me from rambling on about myself for too long.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I don't like to talk about myself," Colden said meekly. "I'm not very interesting. I uh, I have two kids, two boys, and I worked as a car salesman until I got fire- laid off a few weeks ago."

His face flushed as he looked down at the forest floor.

"You go. You. Talk. Now. Please."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Laughing-he seemed to do that a lot but it was never aimed at Colden’s words-as his work boots crushed undergrowth, Magnus shrugged.

“I’d say having kids is interesting, never a dull moment right? Also, you can tell me you got fired, this is therapy. Whatever is said to me remains in my head until I die, and then that dust lifts up into the sky and becomes one with the universe-can you tell I’m into that sort of thing?”

“It used to drive my sons insane, both analytical and methodical to the bone, but I’ve always been a dreamer. Anyways, my name’s Magnus and my sons also told me a while ago that pronouns are important so…I’m a man? I’m saying it correctly, right?”

Holding up his hand to show his wedding ring, he smiled with a, “I’m married too, my wife’s who keeps me in line and out of trouble.” before adding a sudden, soft, “we don’t have to talk about any of that though, you’re not here for that.”

Raising his voice back to its usual loud volume, he finished off with a serious, “you’re here for something else, and I’m hoping you could let me know instead of it just hanging in the air. There’s no way for me to help you, Mr. Colden, if you don’t say anything.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I don't need help," he scoffed. "There are people a lot worse off than me. Besides, I just had a little slip. That's all. I really don't need this. What I need is to be left alone for a little while so I can deal with this shit."

As Colden spoke, he waved his hand dismissively. The words he said sounded like someone else's, as if he had been practicing for this day.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus replied with a, “hey, no rehearsed words in this space, okay? You’re making me feel like I’m at a job interview, I want this to be more like coffee with an old friend.” as they walked the beaten path.

Silent for a few minutes after that, he only spoke to direct Colden away from a pothole and alert him to a biker headed his way. Other than that, he’d simply eye the shorter man every so often with something akin to curiosity more than pity or condolence.

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Colden followed along the path in silence. He very clearly did not want to be out in the woods and he wanted even less to be with Magnus. He was not relaxed.

He didn't speak again until their path ended and they turned around and reversed course.

"You and I aren't old friends," he said softly. "I don't know you and I still feel like you know way too much about me. I don't wanna be psychoanalyzed. I don't want your help. I'm sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear. It's true though. I'm here because I have to be. I don't think it's going to help at all. I feel worse, a lot worse, than I did when I woke up this morning. Okay? I consider myself a friendly person, and I can be friends with almost anyone, but you need to stop acting like we are friends already because I don't know you."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus was silent even after Colden said that, not looking at him when he spoke as if he didn’t hear him. His facial expression, the same easy smile on his face, didn’t shift to any sort of hurt or even frustration over not getting to his client.

However, he eventually turned around to face the shorter man once they were back inside. That was when his smile dropped, replaced by something akin to boredom as if he had to explain it over and over again to those who wanted to know what gave him the right to his career.

Reaching over to his desk to grab a framed photo of what was seemingly the same boy but duplicated, Magnus pointed to the one on the right with a light, “I never got to even see his body, when they found him. The worst part is, I still see him in my house, with the same voice; he’s obviously not the same person, twins always find a way to be as different as possible, be their own people, but it doesn’t work as well as you’d think.”

“For the first month, I couldn’t feel joy that they both didn’t die; we’re not friends, Mr. Colden, otherwise I’d tell you what I did during that month, but we’re not enemies either. If you’re not going to talk, so be it.

I just want you to know that I’m qualified for this beyond having the doctorate.”

Setting the photo back on his desk, Magnus flashed Colden yet another easy smile before pointing at the door with a light, “you can go now, can’t keep you past the mandated few hours. I’ll see you next though, huh?”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Colden opened his mouth to say something but for a minute no sound came out. When he realized he didn't have any idea what to say, or where to even begin, he stood up and shuffled out of the room.

"See you next time," he murmured over his shoulder. His voice tremored as he did.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus had the same easy smile for Colden the next time he arrived, dirt encrusted work boots heavily contrasting a cardigan and rimmed glasses.

Reaching out his hand to shake the shorter man’s, he then pointed to one of the armchairs near his desk with a, “you want to sit down? We could always go outside again, I’d never mind.”

“No clipboard this time either, I noted how uncomfortable it made you last time-is it fine if I grab a piece of paper to draw on though? Sorry, got to focus my energy somewhere.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Uhhh, sure, fine, just, let's stay inside this time," he said as he moved to sink slowly into the chair.

"How... How was your week?"

[sword-and-sorrow]

As Magnus reached over for a sheet of paper, he replied with a, “good good, my dog got into our garden again, would’ve eaten it all if nobody caught him.”

“We actually got him not that long ago, supposed to be trained as a therapy dog but liked jumping up on people too much-that, and he still eats shoes.”

Then, he gestured at Colden with a, “I’d ask you how your week was, but you probably get that question too much. Instead, tell me about the worst and then best thing that happened this week.”

“I want honesty too, this is a no judgement zone-you could tell me your son is being a pain, and I wouldn’t think any less of him.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Uhh, okay. Worst thing, my youngest got suspended from school for three days because he hit his teacher and he wouldn't say why he did it."

Colden sighed heavily.

"Best thing, I dunno. Oh, yes I do. My oldest passed a biology test that he thought he might fail. He did good, too. He got a B."

Colden looked up at Magnus.

"What kind of dog is he? Like 15 years ago we had a German shepherd named Prince."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus didn’t even look surprised that Colden responded, knowing it was easy for any parent to talk about their child. Following that thread with a, “Oh, congratulations to him. Is he into science?”, he then added a casual, “what grade is your youngest in?”

“Also, the breeders and internet tell me he’s some sort of labrador, supposed to be loyal and all that jazz. I think he’s part dinosaur though-my son refuses to let me tell him that though, says the dog has feelings beyond any of us.”

“….is there anything specific you’d like to talk about today? If not, I’ll lead the conversation, but that means bringing up tough topics.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Oh don't you worry, I can be specific," said Colden as he crossed his arms. "My youngest is in grade nine, my oldest is in grade eleven.

Neither of them like science, but graduation requirements and all that mean they have to take either bio or physics. Stefan should have taken physics, I think. He's good at math, and he cried when they tried to get him to dissect a frog. He couldn't do it so he told them it was against his religion and took a B- on the assignment. I don't know why he wouldn't take physics, he just wouldn't.

Shuonun is still at that grade in school where they tell you what to take so he's doing so-so in all his classes because he doesn't really care about them. I was the same at his age, he'll grow out of it."

Colden could talk for hours about anything except himself, it seemed.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus leaned back in his chair and fell silent, which was surprisingly easy for the man who took a career where he did the opposite of that most days. When he did finally speak, it was only to urge Colden to, “tell me more, if you’d like.”

“…..you’re so quick to forgive your children for everything that happens, have you always been like that, or is that a recent change?”

“You don’t have to answer that, let the conversation go wherever you’d like it to go.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Colden shrugged. "Their kids. They're gonna flunk tests and have trouble in school. That's life. As long as they aren't picking on anyone or getting picked on, they'll be fine. I guess I've always thought that."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus took the space in between Colden’s words to laugh with a, “I think we’re more similar than we both think, I’ve always loved that mentality. Everyone around me hates it though, thinks it won’t prepare my kids for college or whatever else everyone believes they should choose.”

Then, without even a pause, he added a casual, “was your wife like that too? Same mentality?” before shrugging and acting as if he had simply slipped it into the conversation and wasn’t a therapist.

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Better," Colden said softly. "She was better. I didn't think I could be a parent. My brother was the only "parent" I ever had and I didn't think I could do it. She was the one who taught me-" he shook his head as if to clear it.

"Shuonun came home from school the other day with a test he had taken -not taken- in the class of the teacher he hit. He didn't answer a single question and turned it in blank. I wonder if it has anything to do with him losing it and getting himself suspended."

[sword-and-sorrow]

“It’s terrifying being a parent these days, isn’t it? You hope your kids know you love them, but how would they know that when they’re at school where they’re taught that hate is the strongest emotion and helps you succeed,” Magnus replied soothingly.

“Your wife sounds wonderful, do you have any pictures of her? I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t. There still aren’t any up of my son, it feels like he’s watching over us, and I can’t even tell him to stop.”

Then laughing softly, a known habit by now, he added, “how do you tell the dead to move on when you don’t even know if that’s a thing, right? You want them there but not when you’re drinking a whole bottle of wine in one day and not looking for spiritual judgment.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"We're talking about my kids right now, not my drinking," said Colden flatly. Then he processed what Magnus has said about his own son.

"I'm... Sorry for your loss," he said. "I didn't know what to say last session so I'll say it now. I'm sorry for your loss."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus, on his part, simply shrugged with a light, “you don’t have to say that like I’m going to break- it’s shitty, but that’s life. We don’t get to decide when people die, otherwise you wouldn’t be here.”

“Also, I never said anything about your drinking habits, Colden-did you want to talk about that, since you’re bringing it up?”

“You look cold by the way, like you’re not wearing a jacket because the cold reminds you you’re alive rather than forgetting it everytime.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"What is your problem?" murmured Colden.

He stood up.

"I think we're out of time. I'm out of time, anyway. I have to go and pick up my son."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Colden sat, bouncing his leg. His eyes were tired. His shoulders were tense. His hands were clasped on front of him. He had a cheerful smile plastered over his lips.

"I uh, I know I'm supposed to be here an hour today but uh, I'm gonna need to leave early. My uh, my kid is at school and I need to pick him up at 4:00 so, uh, yeah."

He moved to sit on his hands, leg still bouncing.

"You have kids, right? You know."

He could hear the clock on wall ticking much too slowly for his taste.

Magnus smiled as well, though his bordered more on genuine than anything else. While he looked far from a therapist, all bulk and a beard that could hide more than a few pencils in it, he was sitting in the chair and had the position.

While Colden talked at him, the older man wasn’t even registering what he was saying, instead taking note of how tense his client looked. While he knew most of the people he helped didn’t want to be in his office most of the time, he also knew the ends justified the means.

Looking up from his clipboard after checking it to see if Colden was telling the truth about school aged children, he laughed with a, “first minute of meeting me, and you already want to see my face as least as possible.”

“I don’t know if you’ve ever been in therapy-” “Mr. Colden, but it usually doesn’t allow other activities to push in.”

“I’ll cut to the chase, I don’t think you’re allowed to drive anymore to begin with. Do you want to tell me why that might be?”

“The court doesn’t tell me shit-you’re allowed to swear in here if I can.”

@hellachaotic

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I-I don't know what you're implying," said Colden, a little too quickly. "I'm telling the truth, I have to go and get my son from school. I didn't say anything about driving. I uh, I'm not driving now because my car is in the shop. No other reason."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus laughed again with a, “alright man-can I call you that?”

“I’m not implying anything, just trying to get to know you without asking those stupid questions everyone asks.”

Then, shifting in his seat, he smiled at Colden once more before sighing and continuing. However, he spoke softly this time, as if trying to create a calming environment contrasting his words.

“I hate it when people ask you if you’re alright when something horrific happens. They never do that when you’re just having a normal day.”

“It’s like, how do you even respond, right? ‘no, sorry, i was doing fine until you asked me that, made me remember that my life is shitty, and now i want to hit you with my car’”

“Listen, I won’t ask you how you’re feeling if you just…relax, take your hands out from under you, take a moment to just exist. If you want to pace around the room, that’s completely fine with me.”

“How about we introduce ourselves to each other, how does that sound?”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"What did they tell you?" Colden asked suddenly with an eyebrow cocked. "I thought you said they didn't tell you anything, but I see you looking at your papers and the questions you're asking me make it sound and awful lot like you know things that I didn't tell you."

Colden's breath quickened and he could feel his chest getting tighter. He longed to stand up and run out of the room but his legs felt paralyzed.

"I'm not going to introduce myself so you can sit here and ridicule me. You only know half the story anyway."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus stood up when he noticed Colden tense up to the point of looking ready to snap, trying to appear as non-threatening as possible. Then, looking sheepish for a moment, he turned his clipboard around to show that he was hiding something behind it, but it wasn’t paper.

Instead of there being any information about Colden, there was an explanation of, “Sorry, I’m trying to make sure my son gets home from school on time. He has a habit of wandering anywhere but back home. Kids! What can you do without them, right?”

“Anyways, they don’t tell me anything, and I prefer it that way. I like a clean slate and think any judge who tells me information only gets one side of the story.”

“How about we take a walk this session while I introduce myself? I won’t tell the court officer if you don’t.”

Holding open the front door to his office with a small smile, Magnus began talking once they hit the woods behind the building.

“How about you go first? I’ll take any information I can get, it helps me from rambling on about myself for too long.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I don't like to talk about myself," Colden said meekly. "I'm not very interesting. I uh, I have two kids, two boys, and I worked as a car salesman until I got fire- laid off a few weeks ago."

His face flushed as he looked down at the forest floor.

"You go. You. Talk. Now. Please."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Laughing-he seemed to do that a lot but it was never aimed at Colden’s words-as his work boots crushed undergrowth, Magnus shrugged.

“I’d say having kids is interesting, never a dull moment right? Also, you can tell me you got fired, this is therapy. Whatever is said to me remains in my head until I die, and then that dust lifts up into the sky and becomes one with the universe-can you tell I’m into that sort of thing?”

“It used to drive my sons insane, both analytical and methodical to the bone, but I’ve always been a dreamer. Anyways, my name’s Magnus and my sons also told me a while ago that pronouns are important so…I’m a man? I’m saying it correctly, right?”

Holding up his hand to show his wedding ring, he smiled with a, “I’m married too, my wife’s who keeps me in line and out of trouble.” before adding a sudden, soft, “we don’t have to talk about any of that though, you’re not here for that.”

Raising his voice back to its usual loud volume, he finished off with a serious, “you’re here for something else, and I’m hoping you could let me know instead of it just hanging in the air. There’s no way for me to help you, Mr. Colden, if you don’t say anything.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I don't need help," he scoffed. "There are people a lot worse off than me. Besides, I just had a little slip. That's all. I really don't need this. What I need is to be left alone for a little while so I can deal with this shit."

As Colden spoke, he waved his hand dismissively. The words he said sounded like someone else's, as if he had been practicing for this day.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus replied with a, “hey, no rehearsed words in this space, okay? You’re making me feel like I’m at a job interview, I want this to be more like coffee with an old friend.” as they walked the beaten path.

Silent for a few minutes after that, he only spoke to direct Colden away from a pothole and alert him to a biker headed his way. Other than that, he’d simply eye the shorter man every so often with something akin to curiosity more than pity or condolence.

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Colden followed along the path in silence. He very clearly did not want to be out in the woods and he wanted even less to be with Magnus. He was not relaxed.

He didn't speak again until their path ended and they turned around and reversed course.

"You and I aren't old friends," he said softly. "I don't know you and I still feel like you know way too much about me. I don't wanna be psychoanalyzed. I don't want your help. I'm sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear. It's true though. I'm here because I have to be. I don't think it's going to help at all. I feel worse, a lot worse, than I did when I woke up this morning. Okay? I consider myself a friendly person, and I can be friends with almost anyone, but you need to stop acting like we are friends already because I don't know you."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus was silent even after Colden said that, not looking at him when he spoke as if he didn’t hear him. His facial expression, the same easy smile on his face, didn’t shift to any sort of hurt or even frustration over not getting to his client.

However, he eventually turned around to face the shorter man once they were back inside. That was when his smile dropped, replaced by something akin to boredom as if he had to explain it over and over again to those who wanted to know what gave him the right to his career.

Reaching over to his desk to grab a framed photo of what was seemingly the same boy but duplicated, Magnus pointed to the one on the right with a light, “I never got to even see his body, when they found him. The worst part is, I still see him in my house, with the same voice; he’s obviously not the same person, twins always find a way to be as different as possible, be their own people, but it doesn’t work as well as you’d think.”

“For the first month, I couldn’t feel joy that they both didn’t die; we’re not friends, Mr. Colden, otherwise I’d tell you what I did during that month, but we’re not enemies either. If you’re not going to talk, so be it.

I just want you to know that I’m qualified for this beyond having the doctorate.”

Setting the photo back on his desk, Magnus flashed Colden yet another easy smile before pointing at the door with a light, “you can go now, can’t keep you past the mandated few hours. I’ll see you next though, huh?”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Colden opened his mouth to say something but for a minute no sound came out. When he realized he didn't have any idea what to say, or where to even begin, he stood up and shuffled out of the room.

"See you next time," he murmured over his shoulder. His voice tremored as he did.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus had the same easy smile for Colden the next time he arrived, dirt encrusted work boots heavily contrasting a cardigan and rimmed glasses.

Reaching out his hand to shake the shorter man’s, he then pointed to one of the armchairs near his desk with a, “you want to sit down? We could always go outside again, I’d never mind.”

“No clipboard this time either, I noted how uncomfortable it made you last time-is it fine if I grab a piece of paper to draw on though? Sorry, got to focus my energy somewhere.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Uhhh, sure, fine, just, let's stay inside this time," he said as he moved to sink slowly into the chair.

"How... How was your week?"

[sword-and-sorrow]

As Magnus reached over for a sheet of paper, he replied with a, “good good, my dog got into our garden again, would’ve eaten it all if nobody caught him.”

“We actually got him not that long ago, supposed to be trained as a therapy dog but liked jumping up on people too much-that, and he still eats shoes.”

Then, he gestured at Colden with a, “I’d ask you how your week was, but you probably get that question too much. Instead, tell me about the worst and then best thing that happened this week.”

“I want honesty too, this is a no judgement zone-you could tell me your son is being a pain, and I wouldn’t think any less of him.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Uhh, okay. Worst thing, my youngest got suspended from school for three days because he hit his teacher and he wouldn't say why he did it."

Colden sighed heavily.

"Best thing, I dunno. Oh, yes I do. My oldest passed a biology test that he thought he might fail. He did good, too. He got a B."

Colden looked up at Magnus.

"What kind of dog is he? Like 15 years ago we had a German shepherd named Prince."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus didn’t even look surprised that Colden responded, knowing it was easy for any parent to talk about their child. Following that thread with a, “Oh, congratulations to him. Is he into science?”, he then added a casual, “what grade is your youngest in?”

“Also, the breeders and internet tell me he’s some sort of labrador, supposed to be loyal and all that jazz. I think he’s part dinosaur though-my son refuses to let me tell him that though, says the dog has feelings beyond any of us.”

“….is there anything specific you’d like to talk about today? If not, I’ll lead the conversation, but that means bringing up tough topics.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Oh don't you worry, I can be specific," said Colden as he crossed his arms. "My youngest is in grade nine, my oldest is in grade eleven.

Neither of them like science, but graduation requirements and all that mean they have to take either bio or physics. Stefan should have taken physics, I think. He's good at math, and he cried when they tried to get him to dissect a frog. He couldn't do it so he told them it was against his religion and took a B- on the assignment. I don't know why he wouldn't take physics, he just wouldn't.

Shuonun is still at that grade in school where they tell you what to take so he's doing so-so in all his classes because he doesn't really care about them. I was the same at his age, he'll grow out of it."

Colden could talk for hours about anything except himself, it seemed.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus leaned back in his chair and fell silent, which was surprisingly easy for the man who took a career where he did the opposite of that most days. When he did finally speak, it was only to urge Colden to, “tell me more, if you’d like.”

“…..you’re so quick to forgive your children for everything that happens, have you always been like that, or is that a recent change?”

“You don’t have to answer that, let the conversation go wherever you’d like it to go.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Colden shrugged. "Their kids. They're gonna flunk tests and have trouble in school. That's life. As long as they aren't picking on anyone or getting picked on, they'll be fine. I guess I've always thought that."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus took the space in between Colden’s words to laugh with a, “I think we’re more similar than we both think, I’ve always loved that mentality. Everyone around me hates it though, thinks it won’t prepare my kids for college or whatever else everyone believes they should choose.”

Then, without even a pause, he added a casual, “was your wife like that too? Same mentality?” before shrugging and acting as if he had simply slipped it into the conversation and wasn’t a therapist.

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Better," Colden said softly. "She was better. I didn't think I could be a parent. My brother was the only "parent" I ever had and I didn't think I could do it. She was the one who taught me-" he shook his head as if to clear it.

"Shuonun came home from school the other day with a test he had taken -not taken- in the class of the teacher he hit. He didn't answer a single question and turned it in blank. I wonder if it has anything to do with him losing it and getting himself suspended."

[sword-and-sorrow]

“It’s terrifying being a parent these days, isn’t it? You hope your kids know you love them, but how would they know that when they’re at school where they’re taught that hate is the strongest emotion and helps you succeed,” Magnus replied soothingly.

“Your wife sounds wonderful, do you have any pictures of her? I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t. There still aren’t any up of my son, it feels like he’s watching over us, and I can’t even tell him to stop.”

Then laughing softly, a known habit by now, he added, “how do you tell the dead to move on when you don’t even know if that’s a thing, right? You want them there but not when you’re drinking a whole bottle of wine in one day and not looking for spiritual judgment.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"We're talking about my kids right now, not my drinking," said Colden flatly. Then he processed what Magnus has said about his own son.

"I'm... Sorry for your loss," he said. "I didn't know what to say last session so I'll say it now. I'm sorry for your loss."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Colden sat, bouncing his leg. His eyes were tired. His shoulders were tense. His hands were clasped on front of him. He had a cheerful smile plastered over his lips.

"I uh, I know I'm supposed to be here an hour today but uh, I'm gonna need to leave early. My uh, my kid is at school and I need to pick him up at 4:00 so, uh, yeah."

He moved to sit on his hands, leg still bouncing.

"You have kids, right? You know."

He could hear the clock on wall ticking much too slowly for his taste.

Magnus smiled as well, though his bordered more on genuine than anything else. While he looked far from a therapist, all bulk and a beard that could hide more than a few pencils in it, he was sitting in the chair and had the position.

While Colden talked at him, the older man wasn’t even registering what he was saying, instead taking note of how tense his client looked. While he knew most of the people he helped didn’t want to be in his office most of the time, he also knew the ends justified the means.

Looking up from his clipboard after checking it to see if Colden was telling the truth about school aged children, he laughed with a, “first minute of meeting me, and you already want to see my face as least as possible.”

“I don’t know if you’ve ever been in therapy-” “Mr. Colden, but it usually doesn’t allow other activities to push in.”

“I’ll cut to the chase, I don’t think you’re allowed to drive anymore to begin with. Do you want to tell me why that might be?”

“The court doesn’t tell me shit-you’re allowed to swear in here if I can.”

@hellachaotic

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I-I don't know what you're implying," said Colden, a little too quickly. "I'm telling the truth, I have to go and get my son from school. I didn't say anything about driving. I uh, I'm not driving now because my car is in the shop. No other reason."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus laughed again with a, “alright man-can I call you that?”

“I’m not implying anything, just trying to get to know you without asking those stupid questions everyone asks.”

Then, shifting in his seat, he smiled at Colden once more before sighing and continuing. However, he spoke softly this time, as if trying to create a calming environment contrasting his words.

“I hate it when people ask you if you’re alright when something horrific happens. They never do that when you’re just having a normal day.”

“It’s like, how do you even respond, right? ‘no, sorry, i was doing fine until you asked me that, made me remember that my life is shitty, and now i want to hit you with my car’”

“Listen, I won’t ask you how you’re feeling if you just…relax, take your hands out from under you, take a moment to just exist. If you want to pace around the room, that’s completely fine with me.”

“How about we introduce ourselves to each other, how does that sound?”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"What did they tell you?" Colden asked suddenly with an eyebrow cocked. "I thought you said they didn't tell you anything, but I see you looking at your papers and the questions you're asking me make it sound and awful lot like you know things that I didn't tell you."

Colden's breath quickened and he could feel his chest getting tighter. He longed to stand up and run out of the room but his legs felt paralyzed.

"I'm not going to introduce myself so you can sit here and ridicule me. You only know half the story anyway."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus stood up when he noticed Colden tense up to the point of looking ready to snap, trying to appear as non-threatening as possible. Then, looking sheepish for a moment, he turned his clipboard around to show that he was hiding something behind it, but it wasn’t paper.

Instead of there being any information about Colden, there was an explanation of, “Sorry, I’m trying to make sure my son gets home from school on time. He has a habit of wandering anywhere but back home. Kids! What can you do without them, right?”

“Anyways, they don’t tell me anything, and I prefer it that way. I like a clean slate and think any judge who tells me information only gets one side of the story.”

“How about we take a walk this session while I introduce myself? I won’t tell the court officer if you don’t.”

Holding open the front door to his office with a small smile, Magnus began talking once they hit the woods behind the building.

“How about you go first? I’ll take any information I can get, it helps me from rambling on about myself for too long.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I don't like to talk about myself," Colden said meekly. "I'm not very interesting. I uh, I have two kids, two boys, and I worked as a car salesman until I got fire- laid off a few weeks ago."

His face flushed as he looked down at the forest floor.

"You go. You. Talk. Now. Please."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Laughing-he seemed to do that a lot but it was never aimed at Colden’s words-as his work boots crushed undergrowth, Magnus shrugged.

“I’d say having kids is interesting, never a dull moment right? Also, you can tell me you got fired, this is therapy. Whatever is said to me remains in my head until I die, and then that dust lifts up into the sky and becomes one with the universe-can you tell I’m into that sort of thing?”

“It used to drive my sons insane, both analytical and methodical to the bone, but I’ve always been a dreamer. Anyways, my name’s Magnus and my sons also told me a while ago that pronouns are important so…I’m a man? I’m saying it correctly, right?”

Holding up his hand to show his wedding ring, he smiled with a, “I’m married too, my wife’s who keeps me in line and out of trouble.” before adding a sudden, soft, “we don’t have to talk about any of that though, you’re not here for that.”

Raising his voice back to its usual loud volume, he finished off with a serious, “you’re here for something else, and I’m hoping you could let me know instead of it just hanging in the air. There’s no way for me to help you, Mr. Colden, if you don’t say anything.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I don't need help," he scoffed. "There are people a lot worse off than me. Besides, I just had a little slip. That's all. I really don't need this. What I need is to be left alone for a little while so I can deal with this shit."

As Colden spoke, he waved his hand dismissively. The words he said sounded like someone else's, as if he had been practicing for this day.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus replied with a, “hey, no rehearsed words in this space, okay? You’re making me feel like I’m at a job interview, I want this to be more like coffee with an old friend.” as they walked the beaten path.

Silent for a few minutes after that, he only spoke to direct Colden away from a pothole and alert him to a biker headed his way. Other than that, he’d simply eye the shorter man every so often with something akin to curiosity more than pity or condolence.

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Colden followed along the path in silence. He very clearly did not want to be out in the woods and he wanted even less to be with Magnus. He was not relaxed.

He didn't speak again until their path ended and they turned around and reversed course.

"You and I aren't old friends," he said softly. "I don't know you and I still feel like you know way too much about me. I don't wanna be psychoanalyzed. I don't want your help. I'm sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear. It's true though. I'm here because I have to be. I don't think it's going to help at all. I feel worse, a lot worse, than I did when I woke up this morning. Okay? I consider myself a friendly person, and I can be friends with almost anyone, but you need to stop acting like we are friends already because I don't know you."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus was silent even after Colden said that, not looking at him when he spoke as if he didn’t hear him. His facial expression, the same easy smile on his face, didn’t shift to any sort of hurt or even frustration over not getting to his client.

However, he eventually turned around to face the shorter man once they were back inside. That was when his smile dropped, replaced by something akin to boredom as if he had to explain it over and over again to those who wanted to know what gave him the right to his career.

Reaching over to his desk to grab a framed photo of what was seemingly the same boy but duplicated, Magnus pointed to the one on the right with a light, “I never got to even see his body, when they found him. The worst part is, I still see him in my house, with the same voice; he’s obviously not the same person, twins always find a way to be as different as possible, be their own people, but it doesn’t work as well as you’d think.”

“For the first month, I couldn’t feel joy that they both didn’t die; we’re not friends, Mr. Colden, otherwise I’d tell you what I did during that month, but we’re not enemies either. If you’re not going to talk, so be it.

I just want you to know that I’m qualified for this beyond having the doctorate.”

Setting the photo back on his desk, Magnus flashed Colden yet another easy smile before pointing at the door with a light, “you can go now, can’t keep you past the mandated few hours. I’ll see you next though, huh?”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Colden opened his mouth to say something but for a minute no sound came out. When he realized he didn't have any idea what to say, or where to even begin, he stood up and shuffled out of the room.

"See you next time," he murmured over his shoulder. His voice tremored as he did.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus had the same easy smile for Colden the next time he arrived, dirt encrusted work boots heavily contrasting a cardigan and rimmed glasses.

Reaching out his hand to shake the shorter man’s, he then pointed to one of the armchairs near his desk with a, “you want to sit down? We could always go outside again, I’d never mind.”

“No clipboard this time either, I noted how uncomfortable it made you last time-is it fine if I grab a piece of paper to draw on though? Sorry, got to focus my energy somewhere.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Uhhh, sure, fine, just, let's stay inside this time," he said as he moved to sink slowly into the chair.

"How... How was your week?"

[sword-and-sorrow]

As Magnus reached over for a sheet of paper, he replied with a, “good good, my dog got into our garden again, would’ve eaten it all if nobody caught him.”

“We actually got him not that long ago, supposed to be trained as a therapy dog but liked jumping up on people too much-that, and he still eats shoes.”

Then, he gestured at Colden with a, “I’d ask you how your week was, but you probably get that question too much. Instead, tell me about the worst and then best thing that happened this week.”

“I want honesty too, this is a no judgement zone-you could tell me your son is being a pain, and I wouldn’t think any less of him.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Uhh, okay. Worst thing, my youngest got suspended from school for three days because he hit his teacher and he wouldn't say why he did it."

Colden sighed heavily.

"Best thing, I dunno. Oh, yes I do. My oldest passed a biology test that he thought he might fail. He did good, too. He got a B."

Colden looked up at Magnus.

"What kind of dog is he? Like 15 years ago we had a German shepherd named Prince."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus didn’t even look surprised that Colden responded, knowing it was easy for any parent to talk about their child. Following that thread with a, “Oh, congratulations to him. Is he into science?”, he then added a casual, “what grade is your youngest in?”

“Also, the breeders and internet tell me he’s some sort of labrador, supposed to be loyal and all that jazz. I think he’s part dinosaur though-my son refuses to let me tell him that though, says the dog has feelings beyond any of us.”

“….is there anything specific you’d like to talk about today? If not, I’ll lead the conversation, but that means bringing up tough topics.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Oh don't you worry, I can be specific," said Colden as he crossed his arms. "My youngest is in grade nine, my oldest is in grade eleven.

Neither of them like science, but graduation requirements and all that mean they have to take either bio or physics. Stefan should have taken physics, I think. He's good at math, and he cried when they tried to get him to dissect a frog. He couldn't do it so he told them it was against his religion and took a B- on the assignment. I don't know why he wouldn't take physics, he just wouldn't.

Shuonun is still at that grade in school where they tell you what to take so he's doing so-so in all his classes because he doesn't really care about them. I was the same at his age, he'll grow out of it."

Colden could talk for hours about anything except himself, it seemed.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus leaned back in his chair and fell silent, which was surprisingly easy for the man who took a career where he did the opposite of that most days. When he did finally speak, it was only to urge Colden to, “tell me more, if you’d like.”

“…..you’re so quick to forgive your children for everything that happens, have you always been like that, or is that a recent change?”

“You don’t have to answer that, let the conversation go wherever you’d like it to go.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Colden shrugged. "Their kids. They're gonna flunk tests and have trouble in school. That's life. As long as they aren't picking on anyone or getting picked on, they'll be fine. I guess I've always thought that."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus took the space in between Colden’s words to laugh with a, “I think we’re more similar than we both think, I’ve always loved that mentality. Everyone around me hates it though, thinks it won’t prepare my kids for college or whatever else everyone believes they should choose.”

Then, without even a pause, he added a casual, “was your wife like that too? Same mentality?” before shrugging and acting as if he had simply slipped it into the conversation and wasn’t a therapist.

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Better," Colden said softly. "She was better. I didn't think I could be a parent. My brother was the only "parent" I ever had and I didn't think I could do it. She was the one who taught me-" he shook his head as if to clear it.

"Shuonun came home from school the other day with a test he had taken -not taken- in the class of the teacher he hit. He didn't answer a single question and turned it in blank. I wonder if it has anything to do with him losing it and getting himself suspended."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Colden sat, bouncing his leg. His eyes were tired. His shoulders were tense. His hands were clasped on front of him. He had a cheerful smile plastered over his lips.

"I uh, I know I'm supposed to be here an hour today but uh, I'm gonna need to leave early. My uh, my kid is at school and I need to pick him up at 4:00 so, uh, yeah."

He moved to sit on his hands, leg still bouncing.

"You have kids, right? You know."

He could hear the clock on wall ticking much too slowly for his taste.

Magnus smiled as well, though his bordered more on genuine than anything else. While he looked far from a therapist, all bulk and a beard that could hide more than a few pencils in it, he was sitting in the chair and had the position.

While Colden talked at him, the older man wasn’t even registering what he was saying, instead taking note of how tense his client looked. While he knew most of the people he helped didn’t want to be in his office most of the time, he also knew the ends justified the means.

Looking up from his clipboard after checking it to see if Colden was telling the truth about school aged children, he laughed with a, “first minute of meeting me, and you already want to see my face as least as possible.”

“I don’t know if you’ve ever been in therapy-” “Mr. Colden, but it usually doesn’t allow other activities to push in.”

“I’ll cut to the chase, I don’t think you’re allowed to drive anymore to begin with. Do you want to tell me why that might be?”

“The court doesn’t tell me shit-you’re allowed to swear in here if I can.”

@hellachaotic

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I-I don't know what you're implying," said Colden, a little too quickly. "I'm telling the truth, I have to go and get my son from school. I didn't say anything about driving. I uh, I'm not driving now because my car is in the shop. No other reason."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus laughed again with a, “alright man-can I call you that?”

“I’m not implying anything, just trying to get to know you without asking those stupid questions everyone asks.”

Then, shifting in his seat, he smiled at Colden once more before sighing and continuing. However, he spoke softly this time, as if trying to create a calming environment contrasting his words.

“I hate it when people ask you if you’re alright when something horrific happens. They never do that when you’re just having a normal day.”

“It’s like, how do you even respond, right? ‘no, sorry, i was doing fine until you asked me that, made me remember that my life is shitty, and now i want to hit you with my car’”

“Listen, I won’t ask you how you’re feeling if you just…relax, take your hands out from under you, take a moment to just exist. If you want to pace around the room, that’s completely fine with me.”

“How about we introduce ourselves to each other, how does that sound?”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"What did they tell you?" Colden asked suddenly with an eyebrow cocked. "I thought you said they didn't tell you anything, but I see you looking at your papers and the questions you're asking me make it sound and awful lot like you know things that I didn't tell you."

Colden's breath quickened and he could feel his chest getting tighter. He longed to stand up and run out of the room but his legs felt paralyzed.

"I'm not going to introduce myself so you can sit here and ridicule me. You only know half the story anyway."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus stood up when he noticed Colden tense up to the point of looking ready to snap, trying to appear as non-threatening as possible. Then, looking sheepish for a moment, he turned his clipboard around to show that he was hiding something behind it, but it wasn’t paper.

Instead of there being any information about Colden, there was an explanation of, “Sorry, I’m trying to make sure my son gets home from school on time. He has a habit of wandering anywhere but back home. Kids! What can you do without them, right?”

“Anyways, they don’t tell me anything, and I prefer it that way. I like a clean slate and think any judge who tells me information only gets one side of the story.”

“How about we take a walk this session while I introduce myself? I won’t tell the court officer if you don’t.”

Holding open the front door to his office with a small smile, Magnus began talking once they hit the woods behind the building.

“How about you go first? I’ll take any information I can get, it helps me from rambling on about myself for too long.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I don't like to talk about myself," Colden said meekly. "I'm not very interesting. I uh, I have two kids, two boys, and I worked as a car salesman until I got fire- laid off a few weeks ago."

His face flushed as he looked down at the forest floor.

"You go. You. Talk. Now. Please."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Laughing-he seemed to do that a lot but it was never aimed at Colden’s words-as his work boots crushed undergrowth, Magnus shrugged.

“I’d say having kids is interesting, never a dull moment right? Also, you can tell me you got fired, this is therapy. Whatever is said to me remains in my head until I die, and then that dust lifts up into the sky and becomes one with the universe-can you tell I’m into that sort of thing?”

“It used to drive my sons insane, both analytical and methodical to the bone, but I’ve always been a dreamer. Anyways, my name’s Magnus and my sons also told me a while ago that pronouns are important so…I’m a man? I’m saying it correctly, right?”

Holding up his hand to show his wedding ring, he smiled with a, “I’m married too, my wife’s who keeps me in line and out of trouble.” before adding a sudden, soft, “we don’t have to talk about any of that though, you’re not here for that.”

Raising his voice back to its usual loud volume, he finished off with a serious, “you’re here for something else, and I’m hoping you could let me know instead of it just hanging in the air. There’s no way for me to help you, Mr. Colden, if you don’t say anything.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I don't need help," he scoffed. "There are people a lot worse off than me. Besides, I just had a little slip. That's all. I really don't need this. What I need is to be left alone for a little while so I can deal with this shit."

As Colden spoke, he waved his hand dismissively. The words he said sounded like someone else's, as if he had been practicing for this day.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus replied with a, “hey, no rehearsed words in this space, okay? You’re making me feel like I’m at a job interview, I want this to be more like coffee with an old friend.” as they walked the beaten path.

Silent for a few minutes after that, he only spoke to direct Colden away from a pothole and alert him to a biker headed his way. Other than that, he’d simply eye the shorter man every so often with something akin to curiosity more than pity or condolence.

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Colden followed along the path in silence. He very clearly did not want to be out in the woods and he wanted even less to be with Magnus. He was not relaxed.

He didn't speak again until their path ended and they turned around and reversed course.

"You and I aren't old friends," he said softly. "I don't know you and I still feel like you know way too much about me. I don't wanna be psychoanalyzed. I don't want your help. I'm sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear. It's true though. I'm here because I have to be. I don't think it's going to help at all. I feel worse, a lot worse, than I did when I woke up this morning. Okay? I consider myself a friendly person, and I can be friends with almost anyone, but you need to stop acting like we are friends already because I don't know you."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus was silent even after Colden said that, not looking at him when he spoke as if he didn’t hear him. His facial expression, the same easy smile on his face, didn’t shift to any sort of hurt or even frustration over not getting to his client.

However, he eventually turned around to face the shorter man once they were back inside. That was when his smile dropped, replaced by something akin to boredom as if he had to explain it over and over again to those who wanted to know what gave him the right to his career.

Reaching over to his desk to grab a framed photo of what was seemingly the same boy but duplicated, Magnus pointed to the one on the right with a light, “I never got to even see his body, when they found him. The worst part is, I still see him in my house, with the same voice; he’s obviously not the same person, twins always find a way to be as different as possible, be their own people, but it doesn’t work as well as you’d think.”

“For the first month, I couldn’t feel joy that they both didn’t die; we’re not friends, Mr. Colden, otherwise I’d tell you what I did during that month, but we’re not enemies either. If you’re not going to talk, so be it.

I just want you to know that I’m qualified for this beyond having the doctorate.”

Setting the photo back on his desk, Magnus flashed Colden yet another easy smile before pointing at the door with a light, “you can go now, can’t keep you past the mandated few hours. I’ll see you next though, huh?”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Colden opened his mouth to say something but for a minute no sound came out. When he realized he didn't have any idea what to say, or where to even begin, he stood up and shuffled out of the room.

"See you next time," he murmured over his shoulder. His voice tremored as he did.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus had the same easy smile for Colden the next time he arrived, dirt encrusted work boots heavily contrasting a cardigan and rimmed glasses.

Reaching out his hand to shake the shorter man’s, he then pointed to one of the armchairs near his desk with a, “you want to sit down? We could always go outside again, I’d never mind.”

“No clipboard this time either, I noted how uncomfortable it made you last time-is it fine if I grab a piece of paper to draw on though? Sorry, got to focus my energy somewhere.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Uhhh, sure, fine, just, let's stay inside this time," he said as he moved to sink slowly into the chair.

"How... How was your week?"

[sword-and-sorrow]

As Magnus reached over for a sheet of paper, he replied with a, “good good, my dog got into our garden again, would’ve eaten it all if nobody caught him.”

“We actually got him not that long ago, supposed to be trained as a therapy dog but liked jumping up on people too much-that, and he still eats shoes.”

Then, he gestured at Colden with a, “I’d ask you how your week was, but you probably get that question too much. Instead, tell me about the worst and then best thing that happened this week.”

“I want honesty too, this is a no judgement zone-you could tell me your son is being a pain, and I wouldn’t think any less of him.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Uhh, okay. Worst thing, my youngest got suspended from school for three days because he hit his teacher and he wouldn't say why he did it."

Colden sighed heavily.

"Best thing, I dunno. Oh, yes I do. My oldest passed a biology test that he thought he might fail. He did good, too. He got a B."

Colden looked up at Magnus.

"What kind of dog is he? Like 15 years ago we had a German shepherd named Prince."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus didn’t even look surprised that Colden responded, knowing it was easy for any parent to talk about their child. Following that thread with a, “Oh, congratulations to him. Is he into science?”, he then added a casual, “what grade is your youngest in?”

“Also, the breeders and internet tell me he’s some sort of labrador, supposed to be loyal and all that jazz. I think he’s part dinosaur though-my son refuses to let me tell him that though, says the dog has feelings beyond any of us.”

“….is there anything specific you’d like to talk about today? If not, I’ll lead the conversation, but that means bringing up tough topics.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Oh don't you worry, I can be specific," said Colden as he crossed his arms. "My youngest is in grade nine, my oldest is in grade eleven.

Neither of them like science, but graduation requirements and all that mean they have to take either bio or physics. Stefan should have taken physics, I think. He's good at math, and he cried when they tried to get him to dissect a frog. He couldn't do it so he told them it was against his religion and took a B- on the assignment. I don't know why he wouldn't take physics, he just wouldn't.

Shuonun is still at that grade in school where they tell you what to take so he's doing so-so in all his classes because he doesn't really care about them. I was the same at his age, he'll grow out of it."

Colden could talk for hours about anything except himself, it seemed.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus leaned back in his chair and fell silent, which was surprisingly easy for the man who took a career where he did the opposite of that most days. When he did finally speak, it was only to urge Colden to, “tell me more, if you’d like.”

“…..you’re so quick to forgive your children for everything that happens, have you always been like that, or is that a recent change?”

“You don’t have to answer that, let the conversation go wherever you’d like it to go.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Colden shrugged. "Their kids. They're gonna flunk tests and have trouble in school. That's life. As long as they aren't picking on anyone or getting picked on, they'll be fine. I guess I've always thought that."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Colden sat, bouncing his leg. His eyes were tired. His shoulders were tense. His hands were clasped on front of him. He had a cheerful smile plastered over his lips.

"I uh, I know I'm supposed to be here an hour today but uh, I'm gonna need to leave early. My uh, my kid is at school and I need to pick him up at 4:00 so, uh, yeah."

He moved to sit on his hands, leg still bouncing.

"You have kids, right? You know."

He could hear the clock on wall ticking much too slowly for his taste.

Magnus smiled as well, though his bordered more on genuine than anything else. While he looked far from a therapist, all bulk and a beard that could hide more than a few pencils in it, he was sitting in the chair and had the position.

While Colden talked at him, the older man wasn’t even registering what he was saying, instead taking note of how tense his client looked. While he knew most of the people he helped didn’t want to be in his office most of the time, he also knew the ends justified the means.

Looking up from his clipboard after checking it to see if Colden was telling the truth about school aged children, he laughed with a, “first minute of meeting me, and you already want to see my face as least as possible.”

“I don’t know if you’ve ever been in therapy-” “Mr. Colden, but it usually doesn’t allow other activities to push in.”

“I’ll cut to the chase, I don’t think you’re allowed to drive anymore to begin with. Do you want to tell me why that might be?”

“The court doesn’t tell me shit-you’re allowed to swear in here if I can.”

@hellachaotic

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I-I don't know what you're implying," said Colden, a little too quickly. "I'm telling the truth, I have to go and get my son from school. I didn't say anything about driving. I uh, I'm not driving now because my car is in the shop. No other reason."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus laughed again with a, “alright man-can I call you that?”

“I’m not implying anything, just trying to get to know you without asking those stupid questions everyone asks.”

Then, shifting in his seat, he smiled at Colden once more before sighing and continuing. However, he spoke softly this time, as if trying to create a calming environment contrasting his words.

“I hate it when people ask you if you’re alright when something horrific happens. They never do that when you’re just having a normal day.”

“It’s like, how do you even respond, right? ‘no, sorry, i was doing fine until you asked me that, made me remember that my life is shitty, and now i want to hit you with my car’”

“Listen, I won’t ask you how you’re feeling if you just…relax, take your hands out from under you, take a moment to just exist. If you want to pace around the room, that’s completely fine with me.”

“How about we introduce ourselves to each other, how does that sound?”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"What did they tell you?" Colden asked suddenly with an eyebrow cocked. "I thought you said they didn't tell you anything, but I see you looking at your papers and the questions you're asking me make it sound and awful lot like you know things that I didn't tell you."

Colden's breath quickened and he could feel his chest getting tighter. He longed to stand up and run out of the room but his legs felt paralyzed.

"I'm not going to introduce myself so you can sit here and ridicule me. You only know half the story anyway."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus stood up when he noticed Colden tense up to the point of looking ready to snap, trying to appear as non-threatening as possible. Then, looking sheepish for a moment, he turned his clipboard around to show that he was hiding something behind it, but it wasn’t paper.

Instead of there being any information about Colden, there was an explanation of, “Sorry, I’m trying to make sure my son gets home from school on time. He has a habit of wandering anywhere but back home. Kids! What can you do without them, right?”

“Anyways, they don’t tell me anything, and I prefer it that way. I like a clean slate and think any judge who tells me information only gets one side of the story.”

“How about we take a walk this session while I introduce myself? I won’t tell the court officer if you don’t.”

Holding open the front door to his office with a small smile, Magnus began talking once they hit the woods behind the building.

“How about you go first? I’ll take any information I can get, it helps me from rambling on about myself for too long.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I don't like to talk about myself," Colden said meekly. "I'm not very interesting. I uh, I have two kids, two boys, and I worked as a car salesman until I got fire- laid off a few weeks ago."

His face flushed as he looked down at the forest floor.

"You go. You. Talk. Now. Please."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Laughing-he seemed to do that a lot but it was never aimed at Colden’s words-as his work boots crushed undergrowth, Magnus shrugged.

“I’d say having kids is interesting, never a dull moment right? Also, you can tell me you got fired, this is therapy. Whatever is said to me remains in my head until I die, and then that dust lifts up into the sky and becomes one with the universe-can you tell I’m into that sort of thing?”

“It used to drive my sons insane, both analytical and methodical to the bone, but I’ve always been a dreamer. Anyways, my name’s Magnus and my sons also told me a while ago that pronouns are important so…I’m a man? I’m saying it correctly, right?”

Holding up his hand to show his wedding ring, he smiled with a, “I’m married too, my wife’s who keeps me in line and out of trouble.” before adding a sudden, soft, “we don’t have to talk about any of that though, you’re not here for that.”

Raising his voice back to its usual loud volume, he finished off with a serious, “you’re here for something else, and I’m hoping you could let me know instead of it just hanging in the air. There’s no way for me to help you, Mr. Colden, if you don’t say anything.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I don't need help," he scoffed. "There are people a lot worse off than me. Besides, I just had a little slip. That's all. I really don't need this. What I need is to be left alone for a little while so I can deal with this shit."

As Colden spoke, he waved his hand dismissively. The words he said sounded like someone else's, as if he had been practicing for this day.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus replied with a, “hey, no rehearsed words in this space, okay? You’re making me feel like I’m at a job interview, I want this to be more like coffee with an old friend.” as they walked the beaten path.

Silent for a few minutes after that, he only spoke to direct Colden away from a pothole and alert him to a biker headed his way. Other than that, he’d simply eye the shorter man every so often with something akin to curiosity more than pity or condolence.

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Colden followed along the path in silence. He very clearly did not want to be out in the woods and he wanted even less to be with Magnus. He was not relaxed.

He didn't speak again until their path ended and they turned around and reversed course.

"You and I aren't old friends," he said softly. "I don't know you and I still feel like you know way too much about me. I don't wanna be psychoanalyzed. I don't want your help. I'm sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear. It's true though. I'm here because I have to be. I don't think it's going to help at all. I feel worse, a lot worse, than I did when I woke up this morning. Okay? I consider myself a friendly person, and I can be friends with almost anyone, but you need to stop acting like we are friends already because I don't know you."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus was silent even after Colden said that, not looking at him when he spoke as if he didn’t hear him. His facial expression, the same easy smile on his face, didn’t shift to any sort of hurt or even frustration over not getting to his client.

However, he eventually turned around to face the shorter man once they were back inside. That was when his smile dropped, replaced by something akin to boredom as if he had to explain it over and over again to those who wanted to know what gave him the right to his career.

Reaching over to his desk to grab a framed photo of what was seemingly the same boy but duplicated, Magnus pointed to the one on the right with a light, “I never got to even see his body, when they found him. The worst part is, I still see him in my house, with the same voice; he’s obviously not the same person, twins always find a way to be as different as possible, be their own people, but it doesn’t work as well as you’d think.”

“For the first month, I couldn’t feel joy that they both didn’t die; we’re not friends, Mr. Colden, otherwise I’d tell you what I did during that month, but we’re not enemies either. If you’re not going to talk, so be it.

I just want you to know that I’m qualified for this beyond having the doctorate.”

Setting the photo back on his desk, Magnus flashed Colden yet another easy smile before pointing at the door with a light, “you can go now, can’t keep you past the mandated few hours. I’ll see you next though, huh?”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Colden opened his mouth to say something but for a minute no sound came out. When he realized he didn't have any idea what to say, or where to even begin, he stood up and shuffled out of the room.

"See you next time," he murmured over his shoulder. His voice tremored as he did.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus had the same easy smile for Colden the next time he arrived, dirt encrusted work boots heavily contrasting a cardigan and rimmed glasses.

Reaching out his hand to shake the shorter man’s, he then pointed to one of the armchairs near his desk with a, “you want to sit down? We could always go outside again, I’d never mind.”

“No clipboard this time either, I noted how uncomfortable it made you last time-is it fine if I grab a piece of paper to draw on though? Sorry, got to focus my energy somewhere.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Uhhh, sure, fine, just, let's stay inside this time," he said as he moved to sink slowly into the chair.

"How... How was your week?"

[sword-and-sorrow]

As Magnus reached over for a sheet of paper, he replied with a, “good good, my dog got into our garden again, would’ve eaten it all if nobody caught him.”

“We actually got him not that long ago, supposed to be trained as a therapy dog but liked jumping up on people too much-that, and he still eats shoes.”

Then, he gestured at Colden with a, “I’d ask you how your week was, but you probably get that question too much. Instead, tell me about the worst and then best thing that happened this week.”

“I want honesty too, this is a no judgement zone-you could tell me your son is being a pain, and I wouldn’t think any less of him.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Uhh, okay. Worst thing, my youngest got suspended from school for three days because he hit his teacher and he wouldn't say why he did it."

Colden sighed heavily.

"Best thing, I dunno. Oh, yes I do. My oldest passed a biology test that he thought he might fail. He did good, too. He got a B."

Colden looked up at Magnus.

"What kind of dog is he? Like 15 years ago we had a German shepherd named Prince."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus didn’t even look surprised that Colden responded, knowing it was easy for any parent to talk about their child. Following that thread with a, “Oh, congratulations to him. Is he into science?”, he then added a casual, “what grade is your youngest in?”

“Also, the breeders and internet tell me he’s some sort of labrador, supposed to be loyal and all that jazz. I think he’s part dinosaur though-my son refuses to let me tell him that though, says the dog has feelings beyond any of us.”

“….is there anything specific you’d like to talk about today? If not, I’ll lead the conversation, but that means bringing up tough topics.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Oh don't you worry, I can be specific," said Colden as he crossed his arms. "My youngest is in grade nine, my oldest is in grade eleven.

Neither of them like science, but graduation requirements and all that mean they have to take either bio or physics. Stefan should have taken physics, I think. He's good at math, and he cried when they tried to get him to dissect a frog. He couldn't do it so he told them it was against his religion and took a B- on the assignment. I don't know why he wouldn't take physics, he just wouldn't.

Shuonun is still at that grade in school where they tell you what to take so he's doing so-so in all his classes because he doesn't really care about them. I was the same at his age, he'll grow out of it."

Colden could talk for hours about anything except himself, it seemed.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Colden sat, bouncing his leg. His eyes were tired. His shoulders were tense. His hands were clasped on front of him. He had a cheerful smile plastered over his lips.

"I uh, I know I'm supposed to be here an hour today but uh, I'm gonna need to leave early. My uh, my kid is at school and I need to pick him up at 4:00 so, uh, yeah."

He moved to sit on his hands, leg still bouncing.

"You have kids, right? You know."

He could hear the clock on wall ticking much too slowly for his taste.

Magnus smiled as well, though his bordered more on genuine than anything else. While he looked far from a therapist, all bulk and a beard that could hide more than a few pencils in it, he was sitting in the chair and had the position.

While Colden talked at him, the older man wasn’t even registering what he was saying, instead taking note of how tense his client looked. While he knew most of the people he helped didn’t want to be in his office most of the time, he also knew the ends justified the means.

Looking up from his clipboard after checking it to see if Colden was telling the truth about school aged children, he laughed with a, “first minute of meeting me, and you already want to see my face as least as possible.”

“I don’t know if you’ve ever been in therapy-” “Mr. Colden, but it usually doesn’t allow other activities to push in.”

“I’ll cut to the chase, I don’t think you’re allowed to drive anymore to begin with. Do you want to tell me why that might be?”

“The court doesn’t tell me shit-you’re allowed to swear in here if I can.”

@hellachaotic

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I-I don't know what you're implying," said Colden, a little too quickly. "I'm telling the truth, I have to go and get my son from school. I didn't say anything about driving. I uh, I'm not driving now because my car is in the shop. No other reason."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus laughed again with a, “alright man-can I call you that?”

“I’m not implying anything, just trying to get to know you without asking those stupid questions everyone asks.”

Then, shifting in his seat, he smiled at Colden once more before sighing and continuing. However, he spoke softly this time, as if trying to create a calming environment contrasting his words.

“I hate it when people ask you if you’re alright when something horrific happens. They never do that when you’re just having a normal day.”

“It’s like, how do you even respond, right? ‘no, sorry, i was doing fine until you asked me that, made me remember that my life is shitty, and now i want to hit you with my car’”

“Listen, I won’t ask you how you’re feeling if you just…relax, take your hands out from under you, take a moment to just exist. If you want to pace around the room, that’s completely fine with me.”

“How about we introduce ourselves to each other, how does that sound?”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"What did they tell you?" Colden asked suddenly with an eyebrow cocked. "I thought you said they didn't tell you anything, but I see you looking at your papers and the questions you're asking me make it sound and awful lot like you know things that I didn't tell you."

Colden's breath quickened and he could feel his chest getting tighter. He longed to stand up and run out of the room but his legs felt paralyzed.

"I'm not going to introduce myself so you can sit here and ridicule me. You only know half the story anyway."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus stood up when he noticed Colden tense up to the point of looking ready to snap, trying to appear as non-threatening as possible. Then, looking sheepish for a moment, he turned his clipboard around to show that he was hiding something behind it, but it wasn’t paper.

Instead of there being any information about Colden, there was an explanation of, “Sorry, I’m trying to make sure my son gets home from school on time. He has a habit of wandering anywhere but back home. Kids! What can you do without them, right?”

“Anyways, they don’t tell me anything, and I prefer it that way. I like a clean slate and think any judge who tells me information only gets one side of the story.”

“How about we take a walk this session while I introduce myself? I won’t tell the court officer if you don’t.”

Holding open the front door to his office with a small smile, Magnus began talking once they hit the woods behind the building.

“How about you go first? I’ll take any information I can get, it helps me from rambling on about myself for too long.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I don't like to talk about myself," Colden said meekly. "I'm not very interesting. I uh, I have two kids, two boys, and I worked as a car salesman until I got fire- laid off a few weeks ago."

His face flushed as he looked down at the forest floor.

"You go. You. Talk. Now. Please."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Laughing-he seemed to do that a lot but it was never aimed at Colden’s words-as his work boots crushed undergrowth, Magnus shrugged.

“I’d say having kids is interesting, never a dull moment right? Also, you can tell me you got fired, this is therapy. Whatever is said to me remains in my head until I die, and then that dust lifts up into the sky and becomes one with the universe-can you tell I’m into that sort of thing?”

“It used to drive my sons insane, both analytical and methodical to the bone, but I’ve always been a dreamer. Anyways, my name’s Magnus and my sons also told me a while ago that pronouns are important so…I’m a man? I’m saying it correctly, right?”

Holding up his hand to show his wedding ring, he smiled with a, “I’m married too, my wife’s who keeps me in line and out of trouble.” before adding a sudden, soft, “we don’t have to talk about any of that though, you’re not here for that.”

Raising his voice back to its usual loud volume, he finished off with a serious, “you’re here for something else, and I’m hoping you could let me know instead of it just hanging in the air. There’s no way for me to help you, Mr. Colden, if you don’t say anything.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I don't need help," he scoffed. "There are people a lot worse off than me. Besides, I just had a little slip. That's all. I really don't need this. What I need is to be left alone for a little while so I can deal with this shit."

As Colden spoke, he waved his hand dismissively. The words he said sounded like someone else's, as if he had been practicing for this day.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus replied with a, “hey, no rehearsed words in this space, okay? You’re making me feel like I’m at a job interview, I want this to be more like coffee with an old friend.” as they walked the beaten path.

Silent for a few minutes after that, he only spoke to direct Colden away from a pothole and alert him to a biker headed his way. Other than that, he’d simply eye the shorter man every so often with something akin to curiosity more than pity or condolence.

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Colden followed along the path in silence. He very clearly did not want to be out in the woods and he wanted even less to be with Magnus. He was not relaxed.

He didn't speak again until their path ended and they turned around and reversed course.

"You and I aren't old friends," he said softly. "I don't know you and I still feel like you know way too much about me. I don't wanna be psychoanalyzed. I don't want your help. I'm sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear. It's true though. I'm here because I have to be. I don't think it's going to help at all. I feel worse, a lot worse, than I did when I woke up this morning. Okay? I consider myself a friendly person, and I can be friends with almost anyone, but you need to stop acting like we are friends already because I don't know you."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus was silent even after Colden said that, not looking at him when he spoke as if he didn’t hear him. His facial expression, the same easy smile on his face, didn’t shift to any sort of hurt or even frustration over not getting to his client.

However, he eventually turned around to face the shorter man once they were back inside. That was when his smile dropped, replaced by something akin to boredom as if he had to explain it over and over again to those who wanted to know what gave him the right to his career.

Reaching over to his desk to grab a framed photo of what was seemingly the same boy but duplicated, Magnus pointed to the one on the right with a light, “I never got to even see his body, when they found him. The worst part is, I still see him in my house, with the same voice; he’s obviously not the same person, twins always find a way to be as different as possible, be their own people, but it doesn’t work as well as you’d think.”

“For the first month, I couldn’t feel joy that they both didn’t die; we’re not friends, Mr. Colden, otherwise I’d tell you what I did during that month, but we’re not enemies either. If you’re not going to talk, so be it.

I just want you to know that I’m qualified for this beyond having the doctorate.”

Setting the photo back on his desk, Magnus flashed Colden yet another easy smile before pointing at the door with a light, “you can go now, can’t keep you past the mandated few hours. I’ll see you next though, huh?”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Colden opened his mouth to say something but for a minute no sound came out. When he realized he didn't have any idea what to say, or where to even begin, he stood up and shuffled out of the room.

"See you next time," he murmured over his shoulder. His voice tremored as he did.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus had the same easy smile for Colden the next time he arrived, dirt encrusted work boots heavily contrasting a cardigan and rimmed glasses.

Reaching out his hand to shake the shorter man’s, he then pointed to one of the armchairs near his desk with a, “you want to sit down? We could always go outside again, I’d never mind.”

“No clipboard this time either, I noted how uncomfortable it made you last time-is it fine if I grab a piece of paper to draw on though? Sorry, got to focus my energy somewhere.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Uhhh, sure, fine, just, let's stay inside this time," he said as he moved to sink slowly into the chair.

"How... How was your week?"

[sword-and-sorrow]

As Magnus reached over for a sheet of paper, he replied with a, “good good, my dog got into our garden again, would’ve eaten it all if nobody caught him.”

“We actually got him not that long ago, supposed to be trained as a therapy dog but liked jumping up on people too much-that, and he still eats shoes.”

Then, he gestured at Colden with a, “I’d ask you how your week was, but you probably get that question too much. Instead, tell me about the worst and then best thing that happened this week.”

“I want honesty too, this is a no judgement zone-you could tell me your son is being a pain, and I wouldn’t think any less of him.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Uhh, okay. Worst thing, my youngest got suspended from school for three days because he hit his teacher and he wouldn't say why he did it."

Colden sighed heavily.

"Best thing, I dunno. Oh, yes I do. My oldest passed a biology test that he thought he might fail. He did good, too. He got a B."

Colden looked up at Magnus.

"What kind of dog is he? Like 15 years ago we had a German shepherd named Prince."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Colden sat, bouncing his leg. His eyes were tired. His shoulders were tense. His hands were clasped on front of him. He had a cheerful smile plastered over his lips.

"I uh, I know I'm supposed to be here an hour today but uh, I'm gonna need to leave early. My uh, my kid is at school and I need to pick him up at 4:00 so, uh, yeah."

He moved to sit on his hands, leg still bouncing.

"You have kids, right? You know."

He could hear the clock on wall ticking much too slowly for his taste.

Magnus smiled as well, though his bordered more on genuine than anything else. While he looked far from a therapist, all bulk and a beard that could hide more than a few pencils in it, he was sitting in the chair and had the position.

While Colden talked at him, the older man wasn’t even registering what he was saying, instead taking note of how tense his client looked. While he knew most of the people he helped didn’t want to be in his office most of the time, he also knew the ends justified the means.

Looking up from his clipboard after checking it to see if Colden was telling the truth about school aged children, he laughed with a, “first minute of meeting me, and you already want to see my face as least as possible.”

“I don’t know if you’ve ever been in therapy-” “Mr. Colden, but it usually doesn’t allow other activities to push in.”

“I’ll cut to the chase, I don’t think you’re allowed to drive anymore to begin with. Do you want to tell me why that might be?”

“The court doesn’t tell me shit-you’re allowed to swear in here if I can.”

@hellachaotic

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I-I don't know what you're implying," said Colden, a little too quickly. "I'm telling the truth, I have to go and get my son from school. I didn't say anything about driving. I uh, I'm not driving now because my car is in the shop. No other reason."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus laughed again with a, “alright man-can I call you that?”

“I’m not implying anything, just trying to get to know you without asking those stupid questions everyone asks.”

Then, shifting in his seat, he smiled at Colden once more before sighing and continuing. However, he spoke softly this time, as if trying to create a calming environment contrasting his words.

“I hate it when people ask you if you’re alright when something horrific happens. They never do that when you’re just having a normal day.”

“It’s like, how do you even respond, right? ‘no, sorry, i was doing fine until you asked me that, made me remember that my life is shitty, and now i want to hit you with my car’”

“Listen, I won’t ask you how you’re feeling if you just…relax, take your hands out from under you, take a moment to just exist. If you want to pace around the room, that’s completely fine with me.”

“How about we introduce ourselves to each other, how does that sound?”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"What did they tell you?" Colden asked suddenly with an eyebrow cocked. "I thought you said they didn't tell you anything, but I see you looking at your papers and the questions you're asking me make it sound and awful lot like you know things that I didn't tell you."

Colden's breath quickened and he could feel his chest getting tighter. He longed to stand up and run out of the room but his legs felt paralyzed.

"I'm not going to introduce myself so you can sit here and ridicule me. You only know half the story anyway."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus stood up when he noticed Colden tense up to the point of looking ready to snap, trying to appear as non-threatening as possible. Then, looking sheepish for a moment, he turned his clipboard around to show that he was hiding something behind it, but it wasn’t paper.

Instead of there being any information about Colden, there was an explanation of, “Sorry, I’m trying to make sure my son gets home from school on time. He has a habit of wandering anywhere but back home. Kids! What can you do without them, right?”

“Anyways, they don’t tell me anything, and I prefer it that way. I like a clean slate and think any judge who tells me information only gets one side of the story.”

“How about we take a walk this session while I introduce myself? I won’t tell the court officer if you don’t.”

Holding open the front door to his office with a small smile, Magnus began talking once they hit the woods behind the building.

“How about you go first? I’ll take any information I can get, it helps me from rambling on about myself for too long.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I don't like to talk about myself," Colden said meekly. "I'm not very interesting. I uh, I have two kids, two boys, and I worked as a car salesman until I got fire- laid off a few weeks ago."

His face flushed as he looked down at the forest floor.

"You go. You. Talk. Now. Please."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Laughing-he seemed to do that a lot but it was never aimed at Colden’s words-as his work boots crushed undergrowth, Magnus shrugged.

“I’d say having kids is interesting, never a dull moment right? Also, you can tell me you got fired, this is therapy. Whatever is said to me remains in my head until I die, and then that dust lifts up into the sky and becomes one with the universe-can you tell I’m into that sort of thing?”

“It used to drive my sons insane, both analytical and methodical to the bone, but I’ve always been a dreamer. Anyways, my name’s Magnus and my sons also told me a while ago that pronouns are important so…I’m a man? I’m saying it correctly, right?”

Holding up his hand to show his wedding ring, he smiled with a, “I’m married too, my wife’s who keeps me in line and out of trouble.” before adding a sudden, soft, “we don’t have to talk about any of that though, you’re not here for that.”

Raising his voice back to its usual loud volume, he finished off with a serious, “you’re here for something else, and I’m hoping you could let me know instead of it just hanging in the air. There’s no way for me to help you, Mr. Colden, if you don’t say anything.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I don't need help," he scoffed. "There are people a lot worse off than me. Besides, I just had a little slip. That's all. I really don't need this. What I need is to be left alone for a little while so I can deal with this shit."

As Colden spoke, he waved his hand dismissively. The words he said sounded like someone else's, as if he had been practicing for this day.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus replied with a, “hey, no rehearsed words in this space, okay? You’re making me feel like I’m at a job interview, I want this to be more like coffee with an old friend.” as they walked the beaten path.

Silent for a few minutes after that, he only spoke to direct Colden away from a pothole and alert him to a biker headed his way. Other than that, he’d simply eye the shorter man every so often with something akin to curiosity more than pity or condolence.

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Colden followed along the path in silence. He very clearly did not want to be out in the woods and he wanted even less to be with Magnus. He was not relaxed.

He didn't speak again until their path ended and they turned around and reversed course.

"You and I aren't old friends," he said softly. "I don't know you and I still feel like you know way too much about me. I don't wanna be psychoanalyzed. I don't want your help. I'm sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear. It's true though. I'm here because I have to be. I don't think it's going to help at all. I feel worse, a lot worse, than I did when I woke up this morning. Okay? I consider myself a friendly person, and I can be friends with almost anyone, but you need to stop acting like we are friends already because I don't know you."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus was silent even after Colden said that, not looking at him when he spoke as if he didn’t hear him. His facial expression, the same easy smile on his face, didn’t shift to any sort of hurt or even frustration over not getting to his client.

However, he eventually turned around to face the shorter man once they were back inside. That was when his smile dropped, replaced by something akin to boredom as if he had to explain it over and over again to those who wanted to know what gave him the right to his career.

Reaching over to his desk to grab a framed photo of what was seemingly the same boy but duplicated, Magnus pointed to the one on the right with a light, “I never got to even see his body, when they found him. The worst part is, I still see him in my house, with the same voice; he’s obviously not the same person, twins always find a way to be as different as possible, be their own people, but it doesn’t work as well as you’d think.”

“For the first month, I couldn’t feel joy that they both didn’t die; we’re not friends, Mr. Colden, otherwise I’d tell you what I did during that month, but we’re not enemies either. If you’re not going to talk, so be it.

I just want you to know that I’m qualified for this beyond having the doctorate.”

Setting the photo back on his desk, Magnus flashed Colden yet another easy smile before pointing at the door with a light, “you can go now, can’t keep you past the mandated few hours. I’ll see you next though, huh?”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Colden opened his mouth to say something but for a minute no sound came out. When he realized he didn't have any idea what to say, or where to even begin, he stood up and shuffled out of the room.

"See you next time," he murmured over his shoulder. His voice tremored as he did.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus had the same easy smile for Colden the next time he arrived, dirt encrusted work boots heavily contrasting a cardigan and rimmed glasses.

Reaching out his hand to shake the shorter man’s, he then pointed to one of the armchairs near his desk with a, “you want to sit down? We could always go outside again, I’d never mind.”

“No clipboard this time either, I noted how uncomfortable it made you last time-is it fine if I grab a piece of paper to draw on though? Sorry, got to focus my energy somewhere.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"Uhhh, sure, fine, just, let's stay inside this time," he said as he moved to sink slowly into the chair.

"How... How was your week?"

[sword-and-sorrow]

Colden sat, bouncing his leg. His eyes were tired. His shoulders were tense. His hands were clasped on front of him. He had a cheerful smile plastered over his lips.

"I uh, I know I'm supposed to be here an hour today but uh, I'm gonna need to leave early. My uh, my kid is at school and I need to pick him up at 4:00 so, uh, yeah."

He moved to sit on his hands, leg still bouncing.

"You have kids, right? You know."

He could hear the clock on wall ticking much too slowly for his taste.

Magnus smiled as well, though his bordered more on genuine than anything else. While he looked far from a therapist, all bulk and a beard that could hide more than a few pencils in it, he was sitting in the chair and had the position.

While Colden talked at him, the older man wasn’t even registering what he was saying, instead taking note of how tense his client looked. While he knew most of the people he helped didn’t want to be in his office most of the time, he also knew the ends justified the means.

Looking up from his clipboard after checking it to see if Colden was telling the truth about school aged children, he laughed with a, “first minute of meeting me, and you already want to see my face as least as possible.”

“I don’t know if you’ve ever been in therapy-” “Mr. Colden, but it usually doesn’t allow other activities to push in.”

“I’ll cut to the chase, I don’t think you’re allowed to drive anymore to begin with. Do you want to tell me why that might be?”

“The court doesn’t tell me shit-you’re allowed to swear in here if I can.”

@hellachaotic

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I-I don't know what you're implying," said Colden, a little too quickly. "I'm telling the truth, I have to go and get my son from school. I didn't say anything about driving. I uh, I'm not driving now because my car is in the shop. No other reason."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus laughed again with a, “alright man-can I call you that?”

“I’m not implying anything, just trying to get to know you without asking those stupid questions everyone asks.”

Then, shifting in his seat, he smiled at Colden once more before sighing and continuing. However, he spoke softly this time, as if trying to create a calming environment contrasting his words.

“I hate it when people ask you if you’re alright when something horrific happens. They never do that when you’re just having a normal day.”

“It’s like, how do you even respond, right? ‘no, sorry, i was doing fine until you asked me that, made me remember that my life is shitty, and now i want to hit you with my car’”

“Listen, I won’t ask you how you’re feeling if you just…relax, take your hands out from under you, take a moment to just exist. If you want to pace around the room, that’s completely fine with me.”

“How about we introduce ourselves to each other, how does that sound?”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"What did they tell you?" Colden asked suddenly with an eyebrow cocked. "I thought you said they didn't tell you anything, but I see you looking at your papers and the questions you're asking me make it sound and awful lot like you know things that I didn't tell you."

Colden's breath quickened and he could feel his chest getting tighter. He longed to stand up and run out of the room but his legs felt paralyzed.

"I'm not going to introduce myself so you can sit here and ridicule me. You only know half the story anyway."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus stood up when he noticed Colden tense up to the point of looking ready to snap, trying to appear as non-threatening as possible. Then, looking sheepish for a moment, he turned his clipboard around to show that he was hiding something behind it, but it wasn’t paper.

Instead of there being any information about Colden, there was an explanation of, “Sorry, I’m trying to make sure my son gets home from school on time. He has a habit of wandering anywhere but back home. Kids! What can you do without them, right?”

“Anyways, they don’t tell me anything, and I prefer it that way. I like a clean slate and think any judge who tells me information only gets one side of the story.”

“How about we take a walk this session while I introduce myself? I won’t tell the court officer if you don’t.”

Holding open the front door to his office with a small smile, Magnus began talking once they hit the woods behind the building.

“How about you go first? I’ll take any information I can get, it helps me from rambling on about myself for too long.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I don't like to talk about myself," Colden said meekly. "I'm not very interesting. I uh, I have two kids, two boys, and I worked as a car salesman until I got fire- laid off a few weeks ago."

His face flushed as he looked down at the forest floor.

"You go. You. Talk. Now. Please."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Laughing-he seemed to do that a lot but it was never aimed at Colden’s words-as his work boots crushed undergrowth, Magnus shrugged.

“I’d say having kids is interesting, never a dull moment right? Also, you can tell me you got fired, this is therapy. Whatever is said to me remains in my head until I die, and then that dust lifts up into the sky and becomes one with the universe-can you tell I’m into that sort of thing?”

“It used to drive my sons insane, both analytical and methodical to the bone, but I’ve always been a dreamer. Anyways, my name’s Magnus and my sons also told me a while ago that pronouns are important so…I’m a man? I’m saying it correctly, right?”

Holding up his hand to show his wedding ring, he smiled with a, “I’m married too, my wife’s who keeps me in line and out of trouble.” before adding a sudden, soft, “we don’t have to talk about any of that though, you’re not here for that.”

Raising his voice back to its usual loud volume, he finished off with a serious, “you’re here for something else, and I’m hoping you could let me know instead of it just hanging in the air. There’s no way for me to help you, Mr. Colden, if you don’t say anything.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I don't need help," he scoffed. "There are people a lot worse off than me. Besides, I just had a little slip. That's all. I really don't need this. What I need is to be left alone for a little while so I can deal with this shit."

As Colden spoke, he waved his hand dismissively. The words he said sounded like someone else's, as if he had been practicing for this day.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus replied with a, “hey, no rehearsed words in this space, okay? You’re making me feel like I’m at a job interview, I want this to be more like coffee with an old friend.” as they walked the beaten path.

Silent for a few minutes after that, he only spoke to direct Colden away from a pothole and alert him to a biker headed his way. Other than that, he’d simply eye the shorter man every so often with something akin to curiosity more than pity or condolence.

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Colden followed along the path in silence. He very clearly did not want to be out in the woods and he wanted even less to be with Magnus. He was not relaxed.

He didn't speak again until their path ended and they turned around and reversed course.

"You and I aren't old friends," he said softly. "I don't know you and I still feel like you know way too much about me. I don't wanna be psychoanalyzed. I don't want your help. I'm sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear. It's true though. I'm here because I have to be. I don't think it's going to help at all. I feel worse, a lot worse, than I did when I woke up this morning. Okay? I consider myself a friendly person, and I can be friends with almost anyone, but you need to stop acting like we are friends already because I don't know you."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus was silent even after Colden said that, not looking at him when he spoke as if he didn’t hear him. His facial expression, the same easy smile on his face, didn’t shift to any sort of hurt or even frustration over not getting to his client.

However, he eventually turned around to face the shorter man once they were back inside. That was when his smile dropped, replaced by something akin to boredom as if he had to explain it over and over again to those who wanted to know what gave him the right to his career.

Reaching over to his desk to grab a framed photo of what was seemingly the same boy but duplicated, Magnus pointed to the one on the right with a light, “I never got to even see his body, when they found him. The worst part is, I still see him in my house, with the same voice; he’s obviously not the same person, twins always find a way to be as different as possible, be their own people, but it doesn’t work as well as you’d think.”

“For the first month, I couldn’t feel joy that they both didn’t die; we’re not friends, Mr. Colden, otherwise I’d tell you what I did during that month, but we’re not enemies either. If you’re not going to talk, so be it.

I just want you to know that I’m qualified for this beyond having the doctorate.”

Setting the photo back on his desk, Magnus flashed Colden yet another easy smile before pointing at the door with a light, “you can go now, can’t keep you past the mandated few hours. I’ll see you next though, huh?”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Colden opened his mouth to say something but for a minute no sound came out. When he realized he didn't have any idea what to say, or where to even begin, he stood up and shuffled out of the room.

"See you next time," he murmured over his shoulder. His voice tremored as he did.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Colden sat, bouncing his leg. His eyes were tired. His shoulders were tense. His hands were clasped on front of him. He had a cheerful smile plastered over his lips.

"I uh, I know I'm supposed to be here an hour today but uh, I'm gonna need to leave early. My uh, my kid is at school and I need to pick him up at 4:00 so, uh, yeah."

He moved to sit on his hands, leg still bouncing.

"You have kids, right? You know."

He could hear the clock on wall ticking much too slowly for his taste.

Magnus smiled as well, though his bordered more on genuine than anything else. While he looked far from a therapist, all bulk and a beard that could hide more than a few pencils in it, he was sitting in the chair and had the position.

While Colden talked at him, the older man wasn’t even registering what he was saying, instead taking note of how tense his client looked. While he knew most of the people he helped didn’t want to be in his office most of the time, he also knew the ends justified the means.

Looking up from his clipboard after checking it to see if Colden was telling the truth about school aged children, he laughed with a, “first minute of meeting me, and you already want to see my face as least as possible.”

“I don’t know if you’ve ever been in therapy-” “Mr. Colden, but it usually doesn’t allow other activities to push in.”

“I’ll cut to the chase, I don’t think you’re allowed to drive anymore to begin with. Do you want to tell me why that might be?”

“The court doesn’t tell me shit-you’re allowed to swear in here if I can.”

@hellachaotic

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I-I don't know what you're implying," said Colden, a little too quickly. "I'm telling the truth, I have to go and get my son from school. I didn't say anything about driving. I uh, I'm not driving now because my car is in the shop. No other reason."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus laughed again with a, “alright man-can I call you that?”

“I’m not implying anything, just trying to get to know you without asking those stupid questions everyone asks.”

Then, shifting in his seat, he smiled at Colden once more before sighing and continuing. However, he spoke softly this time, as if trying to create a calming environment contrasting his words.

“I hate it when people ask you if you’re alright when something horrific happens. They never do that when you’re just having a normal day.”

“It’s like, how do you even respond, right? ‘no, sorry, i was doing fine until you asked me that, made me remember that my life is shitty, and now i want to hit you with my car’”

“Listen, I won’t ask you how you’re feeling if you just…relax, take your hands out from under you, take a moment to just exist. If you want to pace around the room, that’s completely fine with me.”

“How about we introduce ourselves to each other, how does that sound?”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"What did they tell you?" Colden asked suddenly with an eyebrow cocked. "I thought you said they didn't tell you anything, but I see you looking at your papers and the questions you're asking me make it sound and awful lot like you know things that I didn't tell you."

Colden's breath quickened and he could feel his chest getting tighter. He longed to stand up and run out of the room but his legs felt paralyzed.

"I'm not going to introduce myself so you can sit here and ridicule me. You only know half the story anyway."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus stood up when he noticed Colden tense up to the point of looking ready to snap, trying to appear as non-threatening as possible. Then, looking sheepish for a moment, he turned his clipboard around to show that he was hiding something behind it, but it wasn’t paper.

Instead of there being any information about Colden, there was an explanation of, “Sorry, I’m trying to make sure my son gets home from school on time. He has a habit of wandering anywhere but back home. Kids! What can you do without them, right?”

“Anyways, they don’t tell me anything, and I prefer it that way. I like a clean slate and think any judge who tells me information only gets one side of the story.”

“How about we take a walk this session while I introduce myself? I won’t tell the court officer if you don’t.”

Holding open the front door to his office with a small smile, Magnus began talking once they hit the woods behind the building.

“How about you go first? I’ll take any information I can get, it helps me from rambling on about myself for too long.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I don't like to talk about myself," Colden said meekly. "I'm not very interesting. I uh, I have two kids, two boys, and I worked as a car salesman until I got fire- laid off a few weeks ago."

His face flushed as he looked down at the forest floor.

"You go. You. Talk. Now. Please."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Laughing-he seemed to do that a lot but it was never aimed at Colden’s words-as his work boots crushed undergrowth, Magnus shrugged.

“I’d say having kids is interesting, never a dull moment right? Also, you can tell me you got fired, this is therapy. Whatever is said to me remains in my head until I die, and then that dust lifts up into the sky and becomes one with the universe-can you tell I’m into that sort of thing?”

“It used to drive my sons insane, both analytical and methodical to the bone, but I’ve always been a dreamer. Anyways, my name’s Magnus and my sons also told me a while ago that pronouns are important so…I’m a man? I’m saying it correctly, right?”

Holding up his hand to show his wedding ring, he smiled with a, “I’m married too, my wife’s who keeps me in line and out of trouble.” before adding a sudden, soft, “we don’t have to talk about any of that though, you’re not here for that.”

Raising his voice back to its usual loud volume, he finished off with a serious, “you’re here for something else, and I’m hoping you could let me know instead of it just hanging in the air. There’s no way for me to help you, Mr. Colden, if you don’t say anything.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I don't need help," he scoffed. "There are people a lot worse off than me. Besides, I just had a little slip. That's all. I really don't need this. What I need is to be left alone for a little while so I can deal with this shit."

As Colden spoke, he waved his hand dismissively. The words he said sounded like someone else's, as if he had been practicing for this day.

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus replied with a, “hey, no rehearsed words in this space, okay? You’re making me feel like I’m at a job interview, I want this to be more like coffee with an old friend.” as they walked the beaten path.

Silent for a few minutes after that, he only spoke to direct Colden away from a pothole and alert him to a biker headed his way. Other than that, he’d simply eye the shorter man every so often with something akin to curiosity more than pity or condolence.

[colden-fatherofchaos]

Colden followed along the path in silence. He very clearly did not want to be out in the woods and he wanted even less to be with Magnus. He was not relaxed.

He didn't speak again until their path ended and they turned around and reversed course.

"You and I aren't old friends," he said softly. "I don't know you and I still feel like you know way too much about me. I don't wanna be psychoanalyzed. I don't want your help. I'm sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear. It's true though. I'm here because I have to be. I don't think it's going to help at all. I feel worse, a lot worse, than I did when I woke up this morning. Okay? I consider myself a friendly person, and I can be friends with almost anyone, but you need to stop acting like we are friends already because I don't know you."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Colden sat, bouncing his leg. His eyes were tired. His shoulders were tense. His hands were clasped on front of him. He had a cheerful smile plastered over his lips.

"I uh, I know I'm supposed to be here an hour today but uh, I'm gonna need to leave early. My uh, my kid is at school and I need to pick him up at 4:00 so, uh, yeah."

He moved to sit on his hands, leg still bouncing.

"You have kids, right? You know."

He could hear the clock on wall ticking much too slowly for his taste.

Magnus smiled as well, though his bordered more on genuine than anything else. While he looked far from a therapist, all bulk and a beard that could hide more than a few pencils in it, he was sitting in the chair and had the position.

While Colden talked at him, the older man wasn’t even registering what he was saying, instead taking note of how tense his client looked. While he knew most of the people he helped didn’t want to be in his office most of the time, he also knew the ends justified the means.

Looking up from his clipboard after checking it to see if Colden was telling the truth about school aged children, he laughed with a, “first minute of meeting me, and you already want to see my face as least as possible.”

“I don’t know if you’ve ever been in therapy-” “Mr. Colden, but it usually doesn’t allow other activities to push in.”

“I’ll cut to the chase, I don’t think you’re allowed to drive anymore to begin with. Do you want to tell me why that might be?”

“The court doesn’t tell me shit-you’re allowed to swear in here if I can.”

@hellachaotic

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I-I don't know what you're implying," said Colden, a little too quickly. "I'm telling the truth, I have to go and get my son from school. I didn't say anything about driving. I uh, I'm not driving now because my car is in the shop. No other reason."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus laughed again with a, “alright man-can I call you that?”

“I’m not implying anything, just trying to get to know you without asking those stupid questions everyone asks.”

Then, shifting in his seat, he smiled at Colden once more before sighing and continuing. However, he spoke softly this time, as if trying to create a calming environment contrasting his words.

“I hate it when people ask you if you’re alright when something horrific happens. They never do that when you’re just having a normal day.”

“It’s like, how do you even respond, right? ‘no, sorry, i was doing fine until you asked me that, made me remember that my life is shitty, and now i want to hit you with my car’”

“Listen, I won’t ask you how you’re feeling if you just…relax, take your hands out from under you, take a moment to just exist. If you want to pace around the room, that’s completely fine with me.”

“How about we introduce ourselves to each other, how does that sound?”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"What did they tell you?" Colden asked suddenly with an eyebrow cocked. "I thought you said they didn't tell you anything, but I see you looking at your papers and the questions you're asking me make it sound and awful lot like you know things that I didn't tell you."

Colden's breath quickened and he could feel his chest getting tighter. He longed to stand up and run out of the room but his legs felt paralyzed.

"I'm not going to introduce myself so you can sit here and ridicule me. You only know half the story anyway."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Magnus stood up when he noticed Colden tense up to the point of looking ready to snap, trying to appear as non-threatening as possible. Then, looking sheepish for a moment, he turned his clipboard around to show that he was hiding something behind it, but it wasn’t paper.

Instead of there being any information about Colden, there was an explanation of, “Sorry, I’m trying to make sure my son gets home from school on time. He has a habit of wandering anywhere but back home. Kids! What can you do without them, right?”

“Anyways, they don’t tell me anything, and I prefer it that way. I like a clean slate and think any judge who tells me information only gets one side of the story.”

“How about we take a walk this session while I introduce myself? I won’t tell the court officer if you don’t.”

Holding open the front door to his office with a small smile, Magnus began talking once they hit the woods behind the building.

“How about you go first? I’ll take any information I can get, it helps me from rambling on about myself for too long.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I don't like to talk about myself," Colden said meekly. "I'm not very interesting. I uh, I have two kids, two boys, and I worked as a car salesman until I got fire- laid off a few weeks ago."

His face flushed as he looked down at the forest floor.

"You go. You. Talk. Now. Please."

[sword-and-sorrow]

Laughing-he seemed to do that a lot but it was never aimed at Colden’s words-as his work boots crushed undergrowth, Magnus shrugged.

“I’d say having kids is interesting, never a dull moment right? Also, you can tell me you got fired, this is therapy. Whatever is said to me remains in my head until I die, and then that dust lifts up into the sky and becomes one with the universe-can you tell I’m into that sort of thing?”

“It used to drive my sons insane, both analytical and methodical to the bone, but I’ve always been a dreamer. Anyways, my name’s Magnus and my sons also told me a while ago that pronouns are important so…I’m a man? I’m saying it correctly, right?”

Holding up his hand to show his wedding ring, he smiled with a, “I’m married too, my wife’s who keeps me in line and out of trouble.” before adding a sudden, soft, “we don’t have to talk about any of that though, you’re not here for that.”

Raising his voice back to its usual loud volume, he finished off with a serious, “you’re here for something else, and I’m hoping you could let me know instead of it just hanging in the air. There’s no way for me to help you, Mr. Colden, if you don’t say anything.”

[colden-fatherofchaos]

"I don't need help," he scoffed. "There are people a lot worse off than me. Besides, I just had a little slip. That's all. I really don't need this. What I need is to be left alone for a little while so I can deal with this shit."

As Colden spoke, he waved his hand dismissively. The words he said sounded like someone else's, as if he had been practicing for this day.