How I felt like the last week.
Does it make sense to say like there are those of us who enjoy different parts of this and I'm using enjoy here extremely loosely. For me it's not the ultimate result but it's the suffering and the grind there that seems to purify my soul in a way that crying never can. Its a trial by fire that I crave and I don't know why but otherwise I feel I have no value.
Or maybe it's because no matter how talented of an artist I have been, or ever will be, it will still not be enough if I am not thin enough and pretty enough and cool enough for these people.
And will they ignore me when I am done? They will probably beg for my art, my accessories, my style and will never ever be able to purchase it again.
If you've made it this far thank you. I listed it all. 10years of a dream. Im done rehearsing for acceptance. I liquidated my studio. If you're an artist then think you understand what that means. I've inherited a lot of it and I've been collecting it all since I was a child.
I had this vision during a flash the other day and it was a Buddhist monk smiling, soiled a bit and ratted robes and thin. Completely covered in the aura of enlightenment and it makes me wonder if that's what I should.
Just strip it all to the bottom and find my center, my purpose. Or maybe I just want someone to grieve and breathe with me why I'll let go of other people's expectations.
baratheonpilled
2087
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