fire hunter

chi // 20, student. "He says my problem is that I was born with a thousand beginnings and no endings at all. (Zhang, 2016)" {★}

[cometicescapades]

n e w blog

I've decided not to use this account anymore because I made a new one.

It's an accident, actually. I thought I lost my password for this account but hence, here I am, still able to open this blog and post this very text.

I guess it's kind of a sign? Idk. I reached a new chapter of my life. This blog holds a lot of things for me. I use this to rant, to find inspiration, to share my thoughts and writings. This blog symbolizes my teenage self: the angsty hopeless romantic Arianne who loves K-dramas, foreign bands, and cute guys.

Maybe I'm still kind of like that. But a lot has changed. Mainly my disposition and perspective.

I'm a lot happier now. I'm 20(!!!!) and still lost in life, still has to figure things out. But I'm in this calm state of mind. I'm afraid of everything happening in my life right now, but I'm not gonna push them away. Not anymore.

So to welcome the better Arianne and a better life, adios.

[cometicescapades]

Last week, I met up

with two of my friends who already graduated. In the middle of the conversation, one of them said, “Parang ang lungkot mo ngayon. Dati, nung roommates tayo, hindi ka naman ganyan. Ang tahimik mo.” I was caught by surprise. My other friend replied, “Hindi ‘yan malungkot. Ganyan lang talaga si Arianne.”

In that moment I began to think, what if I really am not happy? What if I’m only fooling myself into thinking I’m doing fine when, subconsciously, I feel shitty?

For one, I should have graduated this semester. I feel like a failure now for not completing my units and deciding to just finish next semester. My batch mates are graduating. My close friends who are so damn busy managed to finish everything on time. And here I am, left with four units. Fuck.

Another one: I lost some close friends. I have never been good with relationships. I always try to be a good person in general but maybe with my character, I can’t sustain some friendships. I hate losing people. I feel like a part of me is also lost as they go. Fucking hurts.

And lastly, I realized I’m not good in the very thing I thought I’m good at: writing. Like, fuck. My academic papers average 1.75 to barely passing 3.0. What am I even doing? And the fact that I am major in writing. Major blow.

It just sucks to think that I am all these things, and I’m not sure if I’m okay with that. To be honest, I’m in the phase where all I want is to feel calm or just rest. This is the truth: I am fucking sad.

But then again, after everything that happened, I think I’m in a better place than I was. There is still a lot to figure out and I feel shitty af right now, but there are people who believes in me, cares for me, are there for me. I’m not alone in this.

Though sometimes, it sucks more when you realize you’re not worthy of those people.

[dualvoidanima]

‘on_my_way’

[cometicescapades]

TANGINA I CAN’T BELIEVE BITTER PA RIN AKO NA HINDI AKO GAGRADUATE PUTANGINA

[cometicescapades]

arianne bilang selfish (or self-interested) little bitch

[virgocity]

Happy 28th birthday to the guy who practically invented the phrase “duality of man”

[fluffypcy]

happy birthday, kim minseok! [1990.03.26]

i will love you forever and always ♡ 

[cr. x,x,x,x,x,x,x,x,x]

[cometicescapades]

PUTANGINA NAKAKAPAGOD MAGKA-FEELINGS

[cometicescapades]

first week mishaps:

i was the only student wearing PE uniform on my PE class

i waited in the wrong classroom and was late for class — in two different classes

i got sad because of a text from someone i don’t even know so much

i won’t graduate this sem and that’s putangina

[cometicescapades]

180110 life update:

Watched four (4) MMFF entries — Ang Larawan (!!!!!!), All of You, Siargao, and Deadma Walking. Loved them all, SUPER!!

Bought makeup stuff — primer, foundation, contour & eye shadow palette, 32-piece brush set, silicon sponge, lip & cheek tint. KAKARIRIN KO NA ‘TO PARA ‘DI NA AKO HASSLE SA MGA NAGME-MAKE UP SAKIN HAHAHAHA PUSH 

Tried Tinder for the first time, and I was, like, “WTF IS THIS HAHAHAHA WHAAAAAAT”. Let’s see what will happen.

Just had my first meetings this semester and I’m not sure kung kakayanin ko????? HAHAHAHAHA HWAITING!

I can’t believe my character development? Sobrang 180 degrees e. Hahahahaha putek.

I’ll enroll 12 units this semester. Hello, #Sablay2019.

[cometicescapades]

180105

I feel so blissful knowing I got to spend one of the first days of the year with you. More than 10 years na tayo oh. Hahahaha. Thank you for being my constant. Sobra.

To more moments with you, Marielle. I love you so much!

[cometicescapades]

It’s already 2018. My goal last year (2017) was not to run away anymore. To be honest, with others and especially myself. So, did I?

A big YES. And, I realized that with it comes a lot of things; some good, some bad.

I was lost, for the most part of 2017. I was trying to figure things out because something was changing in me. I broke down a lot, I cursed so much. I was turning into this person that I never thought I will be.

I was doing so much, for my organizations and the people I love. I wanted to do the right thing, I wanted to be there for them. They needed me.

And, now, I realize that is where I went wrong. I never thought of myself.

So, this year, my goal is to be there for myself first, before anyone and anything else. Because, I realized I would not be a good daughter, sister, friend, orgmate, student, and person in general if I am not a good person to myself first. I know that now.

With God’s guidance, I know 2018 will be another year of love and learning.

[cometicescapades]

Moonrise Kingdom

i have a copy of this tho i haven’t watched it yet :3 what about Moonrise Kingdom? :)

[cometicescapades]

movie suggestions?

i have a weird taste in films tbh kasi pinapanood ko naman kahit ano pero nagugustuhan ko talaga siya pag i can relate to it or i feel something that is personal while watching it? ayun. anyway, here are some films na ganun yung naramdaman ko:

perks of being a wallflower (2012)

walang forever (2016)

like crazy (2011)

kimi no nawa (2016)

respeto (2017)

siargao (2017)

you can narrow the scope of your question by giving specifics haha. pwede mo rin akong i-PM or something if you want haha so we can talk about it in detail (lol)

((ngayon ko lang napansin tong question, sorry hahahaha akala ko walang may pake sakin dito sa tumblr hahahahaha))

[cometicescapades]

171228 life lately:

thinking about the things that happened this (last) sem

writing a lot. not creatively though, more of musings and letters to people

watched Ang Larawan; also planning to watch Siargao, Deadma Walking, and All of You

will go to Divisoria before next sem starts

actually contemplating whether to enroll next sem or not

extrovert af rn

lumalandi at lalandi pa sa 2018

ganito pa rin: semper ad meliora

[cometicescapades]

what should i do w/ my life (xmas 2017 edition)

LOA or underload or push! #sablay2018 (note: highly discouraged)

short hair w/ undercut or long hair still w/ undercut or just long hair

love or lust CHAR (or char ba talaga hmmm)

what i want or what i need or what i should do huhuhuhuhu

[cometicescapades]

PUTA. Pagod na ako. AS IN, SOBRA.

Ang sad kasi wala naman talaga akong naa-accomplish tapos bakit BAKIT  B A K I T  ako napapagod PUTA