the man who sleeps with a machete is a fool every night but one

dave; 31; he/his; navi

[comicsnas]

♪ [explosion] ♪

[weevildead]

i eat 15 apples for breakfast then drive myself to the hospital just to watch the doctors get blasted backward into the drywall bc they cant withstand my aura

[weaver-z]

Wowww hehe I love your restaurant (eats blue cheese burger with a ferocity that foreshadows my death by panther mauling at age 18)

[comicsnas]

the only m!a that i ever wanna think about is the one that gave me the kurt russell santa beard

[transfemininomenon]

good god when the onions and garlic hit the olive oil..........

[clubpenguin2005]

Panties hit the FLOOR

[transfemininomenon]

you know it sister

[skyphile]

you know what they’d call it if there were a thousand of me?

a kilograham!

Keep reading

[comicsnas]

im being chased by a huge four tier fondant cake but its got really strong human legs and is holding an actual gun

[comicsnas]

@trainstabbin i dont bike in la theyll squish me to death with their cars my whole point of running is that i get to take to the rooftops cause theres no damn traffic up there

[comicsnas]

this is i think my favorite me related headline

[comicsnas]

i ate shit on my run like last weekend and my back still hurts i love my 30s

[comicsnas]

i think pomme grenade is my fruitsona name actually

[comicsnas]

hey is pomegranate pronounced like pomme grenade or nah

[comicsnas]

if i ever really start copyrighting my shit yall can take me out back

[comicsnas]

hey guys

[comicsnas]

theres a timeline out there where colonel sanders is my lifelong alien nemesis and i have the hots for betty crocker

[comicsnas]

@trainstabbin

i guess you guys have similar tastes! 

we do we have similar color schemes and everything too its real embarrassing dont know how she deals with it

[comicsnas]

yeah i was right she actually was married to a colonel decades ago lmao im gonna get myself killed