It has become more landing zone for all your other social media outlets. I see the same thing here that I do on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. Instead of a place to write out your own thoughts, its now just the stopping grounds for regrams, retweets, and reblogs. I just want to know what you think. That's all I really want. Tumblr used to be about our thoughts. Our stories. It was easier than Wordpress, and cooler than Blogspot or Blogger. I didn't have to know how to use html and my pictures loaded faster. BAM. All that now is vanished, and its just a repeat of what I have already seen earlier in the day. OR Maybe I just follow the wrong people. REGARDLESS. It's almost over between tumblr and I.
Sometimes though, I make it back here. I make it back here when I find myself lost in a thought or drowning in someone else's pool and I want to write about it. I am not gonna write about their pool (frankly, because I don't know what their pool is at the moment) but here is a thought I do have.
It started with me regretting (on a level... don't freak people) getting my pup. NOW she is CAHUTE. and I tell her that everyday. She is naughty sometimes, but over all, she is a pretty decent pup. Here is my regret… I love her. I love her so much. My soul is invested into taking care of this little creature who depends on me and who without me would die sooner rather than later unless by God's grace someone else picked her up. She will hardly ever let me down and the day she does actually hurt me, is when she has passed away. Until then her little butt will wag every time I come home and she will cuddle with me when we sleep and in the morning she will be so excited that I am alive. When all that love ceases, that is going to suck. My life is invested in her and when she is gone it's going to be like Marley and Me all over again (a sad story, which I will tell at a later time).
This realization made me look at my other relationships and my future ones. Specifically my relationship with my future kids and my soon-to-be husband. I AM INVESTED IN THEM (I sound crazy I know when I say I am invested in people who are not even on this planet yet, but if I love my dog as much as I do… Lord, help me when I have kids). My fiancé, my boyfriend, my husband (for all you politically and un-politically correct people, I covered my bases), I am attached to him. It's only going to grow. My heart, my soul, my mind is invested into his well being. One of my first thoughts in the day is "did the man eat" or "did he get home last night?" Relationships grip you and they are not for you. As much as you may benefit from them, a true loving, caring, and God-appointed relationship is about serving and investing.
I will openly admit that me regretting getting a dog is purely out of selfishness. I don't want to deal with the hurt. I don't want to deal with humanity. I don't want to deal with the fact that one day my dog will die, one day my kids will disappointment and one day my husband will go through life questioning it all and I won't be the answer.
So here I am. Complaining about twitter, regretting getting the cutest pup in the world and pleading/praying that God will show me the servant's heart so that one day when my dog dies and I cry I still feel hope and a sense of accomplishment in my investment in this little thing's life; that one day when my kids sit across from me and confess something horrid (which I am sure they will because all kids do) that through my disappointment I remember my investment and find hope that God will bring them through it; that one day when my husband comes home and his world is crumbling that I remember my investment I made to commit till death do us part and find hope that despite it all I serve him and God will bring us through it.
This is an original post. This is not a regram or a reblog. This is me basically saying I am so so selfish and the life I am heading into is completely the opposite from that. If you think about me, EVER, pray for me because I am going to need it.
