dorian @commugoth - Tumblr Blog

I’m in a very ocean era of my life rn

#ocean #oceancore #I love the ocean #please put me in an aquarium

saw a seal today AND got a seal plushie honestly life complete

commugoth

if all goes to plan, I’ll be kissing girls this friday

commugoth

NOTHING EVER GOES TO PLAN I’VE KISSED 0 GIRLS

I’m like if zendaya’s character from challengers was a lesbian and submissive and liked watching girls kiss

#challengers #lesbian #I seriously don’t know #maybe I’m not like her at all actually #why didn’t they just have a threesome

I drink like once every six months and it’s such an anxiety inducing experience that I’m good for another six months

one thing to know about me is I’m a FREAK. nothing phases me. I can hear about a lot of crazy stuff and go “yeah okay I see where you’re coming from”

#this obviously doesn’t apply to things that are ILLEGAL OR IMMORAL…..#don’t hide your freak from me #We freak together

it’s kinda crazy that I don’t even know anymore if I’m having an anxiety attack because I’m so used to feeling insanely anxious

#this is currently happening to me right now #I feel so anxious #like heart pounding chest tight hard to breathe #limbs hurt and feeling dizzy #sick to my stomach #am I just more anxious than normal or is this an anxiety attack #we may never know

taking my hammerhead shark plushie with me on vacation so he can see the world

#is this autism

ooooh my stomach hurts. oh my stomach hurts so bad. I have such terrible anxiety and my stomach hurts so bad. these pills are NOT working

#help

need him and his stupid face

#seal

thinking about the baby harbor seals. thinking about the seals in the kelp forests of laguna beach. why the hell am I not there right now????

#seals #seal posting

the difference between being a polisci major and being a communications major is so stark. my comm course this summer was an easy little quiz and doing some broadcast writing (equivalent of maybe two paragraphs) each week. I didn’t even have a proper midterm or final. my polisci homework has been reading multiple chapters of a textbook on the creation and institutionalization of race and racism, watching hour long lectures, reading supplemental materials on race, doing a quiz every week which involves a 500 word essay question about the readings and I have an essay coming up for my midterm. I don’t know how I was doing four polisci classes a semester before I switched to communications because I feel like I’m already overwhelmed with work from this one class.

#college #being a polisci major is so much harder and I didn’t even get to the really difficult classes

If I don’t get a pair of tabbies for my birthday I’m killing myself

#this is a joke #mostly

I 😭 know 😭 she’s 😭 your 😭 girl 😭 now 😭 but 😭 she 😭 was 😭 my 😭 girl 😭 first 😭 she 😭 was 😭 my 😭 girl 😭 first 😭 I 😭 can 😭 see 😭 the 😭 end 😭 in 😭 the 😭 beginning 😭 of 😭 everything 😭 and 😭 in 😭 it 😭 you 😭 don’t 😭 want 😭 me

#ENOUGHHHH #RELEASE ME FROM THIS PRISON #I HATE THIS SONG #janie

I’ve been having so many dreams lately where the worst things happen to me

#it would be better if they were scary or violent but they never are #its this very slow underlying feeling of dread and despair #it almost always involves feeling abandoned #or the people I love and care about most moving on from me and finding someone they care about more #had a dream once where everyone knew something except me #and no one would tell me what they all knew #I was the only one who couldn’t understand #I felt so awful #had another dream where I was being blatantly excluded #and when I broke down crying #and telling everyone how sad I felt and how terrible they were being to me #they all looked at me like I was crazy #I felt crazy #and embarrassed #it feels so embarrassing feeling like you’re clinging onto every person who’s ever loved you #hoping and praying they don’t change their mind #and getting scared that if you’re too much or you show how much they truly mean to you they’ll find it disturbing or strange #and push you away #I see it happen with every person who is in my life #it’s so hard to stop the dread #and the feeling that they’ll no longer want you around #and I tell myself that’s not true #but it doesn’t do me any good #anyway listen to janie by ethel cain #txt

bayzed2024

I literally had a goal this summer to finish editing and completely publish my xiaoven fic and then I haven’t done anything with it for months 😭😭 man whatever

#I’m in a fanfic writing slump #I want to write yuri but about whom #fanfic #ao3 writer #ao3 #xiaoven

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