I watch the dash often, I lurk and like posts all the time because I am too shy or feel too bad for being so spotty with activity to reach out to anyone QQ/ thats on me tho. I'm not gonna read more this tho since its nothing inherently bad? Just a lil long.
I wanna be here. I wanna write, I wanna redo so much but the task paralysis is hitting hard and I think its due to multiple things which I'm gonna yap about.
First off, whats draining me especially right now, is how hard I hit the art grind last week. Three pieces entirely colored and inked done along with starting a friend's birthday illustration and inking that too, in one week which is amazing progress for me considering my arms and the slow path of recovery and fact it used to take months to finish even just one illustration, and my ass did 3 of em! (I'll share em later, right now is serious talk time) But it drained me more than I realized too so I unwinded with gaming the past few days and still am.
Another problem is I feel my muses aren't really meshing with most of the rpc as a whole due to how I write them. That's only part of the problem tho.
The other problem is my two muses here, aren't open to shipping. I blame this on bad past experiences (force shipping, stalking and especially the "if we write ships online wr're dating irl" plague that was a blight in the early 2010's ) but also because I'm focusing on developing them for a webcomic I'm hoping to start releasing by the end of the year. So my brain isn't really all for Au's and what ifs unless its within the narrative I've woven for them or helps explore or strengthen their character in general. But the biggest issue IS my inability or want to romantically ship with most people. It doesn't help they're both demi; Toni being bisexual Demi romantic and Kazic being Demi through and through but also Bisexual too. So any possibility means a LOT of plotting and I'm talking months of interacting and figuring things out because I am above all else a slowburn writer. Anything you see romantically written on here has been either plotted for years or talked about months before even giving it a whirl. That's just the kinda gal I am with my ships.
My stupid kids typically are very tied up romantically. Toni is open for fwb flings and fizzled out romances due to her destructive vices and coping through her narrative but also being written as someone very loose in the worse ways possible when indulging in vices. Kazic, on the other hand, is just tapped out and has such a hyperfocus on one person due to his story and sexuality in general that even showing physical interests in others goes no where, because he's a coward and just resorts to people watching.
I would love to explore these parts of both characters, but I feel it turns people off because there's automatically no chance of shipping romantically or long term. And that honestly bums me out because there's so many more ships that can happen outside of romance! And this is no slight on anyone, curate your space, write what you enjoy, ship romantically as much as you want! It's just not my thing and makes it harder to interact with others. And the few times I have responded to others "hey let's see how our muses are smooching and test the waters" posts its gone silent, so SHRUG.
I just need to be clear and stress this is no yelling or pointing the finger at people, just patterns I have noticed and honestly sum it up to it being because of HOW I prefer to write my characters and focus on development rather than shipping outside of my few ship partners. So yeah, that's where I am right now. Just figured I'd get it all off my chest instead of keeping it in. And again, nothing bad towards anyone, just little observations and things I've noticed about my muses specifically and all through my time in the rpc for jfc over ten plus years at this point.
