That's right, the world is so cruel

Nio | He/Him | 23 | UK/BR | 01, 05 & 07 fan | Shidou sympathist

[complexsaviour]

Muu Analysis Part 2: Muu as Human & her Upbringing

Picking up from where I left off in my previous post regarding Muu, part 2 of this analysis aims to approach Muu's character as a human being rather than as a sum of her symbolism. Although seemingly born into this world to be a human queen bee, what components came together to cast her in such a role, in a more literal sense?

Being the daughter of a foreigner whose job was modelling and having inherited her looks, Muu was, like a queen bee, seemingly bred to be a feminine symbol coveted by others - her value being her ability to appeal to others through her beauty, a virtue her family and those around her prized and taught her, too, to covet.

As seen in her case file, Muu explicitly got her beauty from her mother, and from a young age it was already attracting attention.

Here, Muu states that her father is a landlord, 'she thinks', who imports furniture from overseas. This paints a picture of an affluent man who concerns himself with seeking out beautiful things from overseas (including his wife, perhaps) and is in a very privileged position. Muu also initially stated that her mother was a model here, in Season 2's questionnaire answers. The fact that Muu only says that she 'thinks' her father is a landlord further evidences, I would say, the shallow, sheltered nature of her upbringing. Despite being spoiled all her life by his wealth and privilege, Muu doesn't even 100% know what her father does for a living, because her job as his daughter and a woman in his family is to be beautiful and looked after. That's it.

When asked about her parents way back in questionnaire answer 3 of Season 1, Muu specifically goes out of her way to say that her parents are beautiful, which is a not quite conventional, but not unheard of, quality to praise in both of one's parents. It's thus made clear early on how much value aesthetics have in her world, especially within her family. It's crucial, in her world, that her family and herself are beautiful - something she has been taught to value and be proud of specifically.

A model's job is to be aesthetically admirable, flawless and distantly exemplar, to be aspirational, at least aesthetically, to people who do not know them personally and never will. As a beautiful girl and the daughter of a model, Muu was only ever expected to be beautiful, to be looked at, and, perhaps like her mother, one day to breed. She even admits to thinking about following in her mother's footsteps pretty much exactly, having already been invited to do so at as young as 16.

Here, Muu is asked about her dream for the future and casually considers being a model as a possibility and, going by her tone, something extremely attainable for her, having apparently already received offers as a teenager.

Simply because of her perception as the social queen bee, because of where she came from (the royal jelly of growing up a spoiled rich shallow girl), she was groomed to grow up sheltered and provided for, perhaps with the expectation that one day she would follow the same path and have children with a wealthy man like her mother did.

When asked about her type, rather than commenting on a personal type based on her own taste or dating history (of which there seems not to be one), she says it's 'someone like [her] Papa'. She can already clearly envision an expected, safe path, perhaps either one explicitly suggested to her or just the one that makes sense to her if she is modelling herself after her mother and expected to be like her. Like mother, like daughter, beautiful women being married off to people who take care of them and provide for them in exchange for them simply being appealing.

However, much like a queen bee, whose main role is simply to be provided for and to pass on her genes, Muu was never allowed to be anything else and indeed it never occurred to her that she could. The unspoken social hierarchy that spread throughout her peers with pheromone-like unspoken militancy was a corruption that bred cruelty in them all without her ever knowing of any alternate possibility, in the same way that no bee will ever know of or care for a different way of life.

As seen in Muu's case file, she, like a queen bee, has no need to explicitly make demands or orders. She is utterly without explicit agency as a symbol of the system to be protected so that she can brood, rather than as an active regent. As though pheromonally, her 'workers' act to protect her supremacy blindly, simply guided by the cruel system that her existence as a symbol of appeal creates.

In any case, Muu seems to have not been the perfect queen bee that perhaps her mother was. She, for whatever reason, was born with some inherent weakness (whatever the green disease that appears throughout her videos is) and could not be the distant, impassive empress that her followers wanted to see her as. She was interested in that which did not worship her (Rei) rather than fighting or fearing it, and that was her downfall.

Muu isn't exactly embodying some kind of distant symbol of perfection here. It's foolish of her, as queen, to come this close without intent to fight her 'rival'.

A queen who does not sting her rival first herself once her workers fail to subdue her is a queen who will lose and die. The corrupting cannibalism that Muu's conditioned passive regiment bred in her followers doomed her and her hive.

The face of someone not interested in being distant and aloof and perfect, because she has never really understood her true duty as symbolic 'queen' of her social hive.

If Muu is indeed queer, she does not seem to fully understand that part of herself, nor acknowledge it. She's either queer (an identity often unfortunately associated with the repulsive or monstrous, or else with corruption of some kind, which the green goo in her MVs could symbolise, especially since green has an established association with grotesque queer symbolism in Milgram as seen in Kazui's MV's) or simply, deep down, wanted a friend who was her equal rather than beneath her.

Rather than recognising the danger she is in, the flawed, weak queen does not respond 'correctly' to the threat. Some kind of wire is crossed and she is intrigued instead. All well and good for humans but does not work out well in the shallow, cruel, superficial world Muu was born into and trapped in.

I hope one day Muu can have the equal friendships (and/or perhaps queer attention) she craves. I'm glad she was forgiven and I can only hope that she somehow gets a second chance. She was obviously a very sheltered, very emotionally stunted girl who lived in a very warped world due to how she was viewed and treated. Strangely enough, her recent outright acknowledgements that she isn't especially intelligent as she is now could I think do her a lot of good. She reminds me a lot of Daisy Buchanan from The Great Gatsby, as a matter of fact. They are two characters of a similar archetype.

In any case, thanks for reading if you made it to the end (and indeed even if you didn't). Please vote as often as you can if you are voting this trial. I'm still hoping to forgive everyone, but Mikoto might prove difficult from what I've been hearing and seeing.

Translation sources: The Milgram wiki, miraheze.org’s Milgram wiki, milgram_en on instagram

2/2.

[complexsaviour]

Muu Analysis Part 1: Bee Biology & Corruption

I meant to post this analysis all the way back in November, but never quite felt happy with it or sure where to take it from where I left off, since I've lost track of a few of my original ideas. In the end I decided it might be worth sharing what I wrote down anyways.

Ever since Pain dropped, I’ve been thinking a lot about Muu’s bee symbolism. It’s woven really deeply in her character in really interesting ways.

It became most prevalent ever since It’s Not My Fault dropped. It’s not difficult to pick up on the fact that Muu’s story closely aligns with the life cycle of a queen bee. But, upon rumination, it occurred to me just how well her videos line up with bee biology symbolism-wise. To preface my analysis, I should say that I am by all means no expert, but I wanted to explore this thread regardless.

It’s Not My Fault’s announcement and release really dialled the bee imagery up to 11. From the moment we learned of Muu’s accompanying voice drama title, ‘Queen B’, it was clear that her character was taking a turn. Throughout INMF we see Muu ruling over her classmates just as a queen bee would, much bigger and stronger than them and seated on some sort of throne awaiting offerings.

Here is a queen bee pictured beside a worker bee for reference. Much bigger!

When it comes to Muu’s ties to royalty, it should be noted that her dress includes some sort of ruff detail reminiscent of a Medici collar, a dress ornament first popularised by Marie de Medici of the famous Medici family (Queen of France for a period of 7 years in the early 17th century). This feels very fitting for Muu, given said Queen’s supposed ruthless nature (she even tried to usurp her own son).

Muu and her worker bees awaiting orders, as seen in INMF.

Marie de Medici, Queen of France (1610-1617). Note the similarities between her Medici collar and low cut dress similar to Muu's own ruff and dress cut.

With Muu’s ruthless Queen Bee status established, it’s worth delving into exactly how a queen bee comes to be in nature. When a hive is in need of a queen, worker bees will feed developing larvae royal jelly, a secretion akin to honey but compositionally distinct. This diet is what leads the queen-to-be larvae to develop functioning reproductive systems and eventually become adult brood mothers. The distinction between what is fed to regular worker larvae and queens is the key factor in whether or not an adult bee will be sterile and subordinate. Indeed, as seen in INMF, Muu’s worker bees indeed fed her a steady exclusive diet.

As is made clear in this screencap from INMF, all the worker bees present Muu with the exact same offerings to eat. They don't seem to feed her anything else, and Muu indeed doesn't seem to expect anything else.

If a developing queen is not consistently fed exclusively royal jelly, she will not mature properly into a queen. Recent research suggests that, contrary to popular belief prior, this seems likely to be because royal jelly lacks plant acids that strengthen the immune response of bees in adulthood, should they be weaned on a regular diet of bee bread (a bee secretion which includes honey and pollen). All larvae begin their lives feeding on royal jelly, but queen bee larvae maintain exclusive diets throughout maturation. It is thought that the lack of exposure to external substances such as the aforementioned plant acids has an insulating effect of sorts which allows the queen bees to prosperously develop into powerful and fertile adults, at cost to their immune systems. Without much exposure to foreign bodies through rearing on royal jelly alone, there is very little risk to the developing reproductive system, which remains intact, and indeed most successful queens never venture outside of their hives after mating, since their primary functions are simply to receive sustenance and produce offspring.

Throughout Muu’s music videos, the imagery of this viscous green substance is ubiquitous. It seems clear to me that it is intended to represent Muu’s royal jelly diet, a physical manifestation of her status as a queen bee. However, I think it could also be read to represent something else at the same time. Let’s put a pin in that for now.

Bee hives are a system which thrives on efficiency. In order to achieve this, there are bee practices which may read as brutal through the lens of human sensibilities. For example, larvae who are sickly or diseased are typically removed and left to die so as not to negatively impact the hive.

The queen is not typically directly involved in this process, but here we can see that as the head, Queen Bee Muu rejects those who disrupt the system that revolves around her.

One of Muu's worker bees as seen in INMF, moments before she destroys her for appearing before her empty-handed.

This violent rejection, which results in the shattering of this worker bee and presumed ensuing death, is one of several cues that something is amiss with Muu’s hive, despite her seeming contentedness. Even if worker bees are diligent in removing diseased individuals from the brood, if the disease originates in the surrounding vegetation, or is derived from pesticides pervading the area, it may not be so easily subdued. One behaviour that indicates hive stress is resorting to cannibalism due to disease-caused starvation. If the hive is not prosperous, feeding on larvae may occur. Unfortunately, if the larvae too are diseased, this may simply result in the further spread of disease and consequential starvation. Here we see this indicator of stress clearly observable in Muu’s hive - the lime green viscous substance seen throughout her MVs is both royal jelly and, it seems, her own larvae.

Muu savouring one of her workers' offerings which we can clearly see resembles a larva but does not have the physical qualities of larvae (it seems to be more liquid, perhaps simply a jelly imbued with the qualities of a larva).

In a normal hive, even one in the process of resorting to cannibalism, the queen bee would ordinarily continue to be fed royal jelly throughout her life cycle. However, if larvae cannibalism is especially prevalent in the diet of the worker bees feeding her royal jelly - a substance comprised of aliment predigested by her worker bees - even her royal jelly would thus be contaminated. So, although these offerings resemble Muu’s normal royal jelly, especially in hue, their shape is an indicator of the underlying turmoil pervasive throughout the hive, a turmoil Muu seems to be oblivious to.

As previously discussed, recent research suggests that the queen’s exclusive diet serves as an insulator of sorts, preserving her reproductive system by avoiding exposure to pathogens from outside the hive. However, if some sort of disease were to enter her diet via cannibalism-based royal jelly fed to her, Muu’s brooding capabilities might be negatively impacted, as well as her health and success as queen.

The imagery of the green substance representing Muu’s royal status, presumably her royal jelly, permeates her MVs extensively. However, as previously stated, I think there could be more to it.

Before Muu even fully emerges from her cocoon, we can see both a grey liquid and her signature neon green seeping from it.

One might think it’s logical, in a sense, that if Muu was raised on her green royal jelly alone, it might pervade the waste products left over in the process of her becoming an adult queen. However, I think it’s of note that this other grey liquid seems to be present here, a colour much more reminiscent of the white hive and even her cocoon. Yet Muu herself emerges soaked in green. With the idea of disease being rife throughout Muu’s hive at this point in mind, perhaps it is not as we thought.

Here especially, it is clear that the liquid seeping from Muu's cocoon is both grey and green. Considering that her cocoon is a much more similar colour to the grey closest to it, as well as to the monochrome white and grey of the surrounding hive, this green really stands out. Is this offending neon hue truly natural, or is it an indicator that something is amiss?

It should be known that if a queen bee is rejected by her hive for any reason she will typically be stung to death and replaced with a new queen bee reared from scratch. However, if the only food available is contaminated, does it not stand to reason that this new queen might be contaminated from scratch, too? Perhaps this was how Muu came to be.

Circling back to the grey substance coming out of Muu’s cocoon, a hue much more in line with the rest of the hive’s uniform white (as observed in both the environment and worker attire), perhaps this grey is more typical of a healthy new queen’s cocoon waste products, rather than the somewhat offensive green that Muu was born mired in, then subsequently fed throughout her reign. It does not escape my notice that bee blood is typically a colour ranging from yellow to green. If one is raising pupating insects, it is common practice to keep an eye out for cocoon bleeding - usually indicated by unexplained green leakage. I found more information on the matter pertinent to caterpillar rearing rather than bees, but I think it’s relevant regardless. Typically, green liquid seeping from the cocoon is an indicator that the larva within has suffered some sort of injury in the metamorphosis process, or worse. Here, I believe it may have been an indicator of disease-caused deformation.

Furthermore, with the colour of bee blood in mind, Muu’s royal jelly can be seen in a new light. As with humans, cannibalism can be largely harmless (biologically) for bees in dire straits, but it also has a lot of potential for harm and the spread of disease. I have to think that if Muu was a human, these bright green offerings would be a foreboding red - their colour seems emblematic of cannibalism and the disease that often goes hand-in-hand with it.

Another aspect of bee culture and biology that I intend to cover is the dynamic between queen bees. Queen bees generally cannot coexist or tolerate each other at all. It is natural for them to compete, because whichever proves herself successful gets to live and reign, while the other will have even her own hive turn on her and sting her to death. This seems to be what happened to Muu when Rei encroached on her territory. As Muu seems to have been the original queen in charge, Muu’s workers would have mobilised themselves to neutralise any threat to her initially, without her even having to lift a finger. Her workers’ top priority would have been protecting their brood mother with their very lives. It is standard behaviour for worker bees to attack and kill foreign queens the moment they sense one’s presence. However, in this case, Rei persisted and had her chance to confront Muu directly.

Though bigger and stronger than worker bees, queen bees don't usually get much of a chance to leave their hives beyond mating. As an established brooding queen, Muu probably did not have any particular reason to leave her hive prior to this.

As an errant queen bee without a hive of her own, Rei likely had much more exposure to the outside world. Her immune system would likely not be as frail as a queen comfortably reared in her own hive with no reason to venture out. When she had the opportunity to attack Muu directly, Muu was not equipped to defend herself. Here we see Muu’s human self bleeding red from her nose, clearly knocked down a peg from her queen bee self.

It's clear who won in the battle between queens.

From here, things played out as they typically would in the wild. Once a new queen proves herself stronger, she usurps the previous one and takes over. In the process, the previous queen’s workers will turn on her and sting her to death to ensure the success of their new leadership.

Here, notably, Muu's red human blood and her green bee blood coexist. Though the green substance here also more literally represents vomit, this is also the colour that pervades Muu's hive and is what (spoiler!) her fellow queen, Rei, bleeds when killed after allegorically ascending to queendom herself by removing Muu from her pedestal.

Reading this green substance as three things at once - royal jelly, bee blood, and a symbol of pestilence in Muu’s hive, this moment is monumental. Here, the royal jelly Muu was fed, symbol of her queenship, is forcefully ejected from her as she loses her title. It’s also the moment at which the hive witnessed her true weakness for the first time - the weakness which I believe resulted from disease pervading the hive, even infecting her food source. A diseased queen will likely not produce as well as an invading, more healthy queen. In the same way that diseased larvae are ejected, a queen who is not fulfilling her duties is also at risk of hive rejection.

Seeing this sickly, bloody weakness, the hive reclaimed Rei as their new queen and attacked Muu as the new intruder.

In a biological context, a rejected queen does not usually last long, soon killed by her ex-subjects. In this case, though, the attacks were not lethal. Muu turned on Rei and exacted her revenge.

Upon puncture, the new queen Rei bled royal jelly green, forcefully ejected from her via Muu's black-and-yellow utility knife 'stinger'.

An overarching theme of Muu’s music videos is a sense that these events are cyclical, with a status quo that is restored when one queen bee has her status revoked, then subsequently attacked as an intruder. This is represented by the hourglass filled with green jelly, symbol of ‘royalty’. The overturning of the hourglass is the establishing of a status quo, representing the reign of each queen bee. The conclusion of the events of Muu’s story marks the symbolic beginning of Muu reigning afresh, though obviously that isn’t what would have played out in a human context.

This image in particular I think sums up the core of the narrative pretty well.

As is made clear in Muu’s T2 music video title, she was quite literally weaned on the doomed notion of her queenhood, that status quo which mimicked the biological imperative that queen bees live under. Even though earlier in this MV we can see that there are other things in the top half of the hourglass, it’s only royal jelly that reaches Muu - the symbol of her queendom corrupted by a cannibalistic culture which had already spread throughout her hive from the moment that she emerged from her cocoon as a full-fledged queen, by design of all around her.

As of this point, I think it is especially important to note that these music videos are all from the perspective of their protagonists. This, too, is Muu’s view of things, despite how absolute it seems. Even so, just like a queen bee, Muu does not seem to have really had any say in her instalment as queen to begin with.

I also think it’s worth noting Muu’s fascination with Rei. This does not fall in line with her otherwise quite faithful depiction as a queen bee bound by biological imperatives (not literally biological in her case, it’s more of a very rigid social hierarchical structure) in almost every sense. It’s no wonder that many came to the conclusion that Muu had feelings for Rei. This is a very interesting and valid lens through which to view their relationship, even if it deviates from typical bee biology.

The dilation of Muu's pupils in this frame from After Pain could convey all sorts of things. Considering the unambiguous lyrics, the interpretation that Muu had a crush is understandable. Here, the lyric is 'I love you', or, more literally, but nonetheless very often meant with a romantic implication: 'I like you' (あなた”が好きよ).

I think we can safely assume, based on what we know, that every single person in Muu’s life seems to have maintained a worker-queen dynamic with her. Even her parents, whom one might have expected to have represented figures of authority in her life, she seems to have been ‘queen’ to. This is most evidenced in the lyrics of Pain, Muu calls herself their ‘aisareshi jo-ou bi’ (愛されし女王美), that is, their beloved (愛されし) queen (女王) beauty (美), with the words for ‘queen’ and ‘beauty’ here pronounced like ‘kuiinbi’ in order to sound like ‘queen bee’ in English.

In the official English lyrics, they translated the phrase '愛されし女王美' as seen above. It doesn't quite ring the same, but does convey how spoiled she was.

With this firmly entrenched dynamic in mind, imprisoning Muu in the hourglass of jelly from which she could not escape, Rei’s transfer to her school would have been extremely refreshing for her. Little did she know, when the stings of Muu’s workers did not succeed in eliminating her, Rei turned the hourglass on its head, overturning the status quo with it. With the structure of an hourglass in mind, what happens when you turn one over? The liquid contents all…flows to the other side. In this case, Rei’s.

Here, at the very end of It's Not My Fault, we can see the moment at which Rei steeled her resolve to bite back.

In the above image, appearing in INMF just before the one above it in this post, we see Rei about to turn over the hourglass in a metaphorical sense. She may not know it, but this represents the moment at which the status quo that revolved around Muu was doomed.

On that note, you will have noticed that thus far I’ve been viewing all of this largely through the lens of bee biology. There is another lens to apply, too: Muu’s lived experience as a real teenage girl, beneath this thorough metaphor. I aim to continue to explore that in part 2 of this post where I'll be going into her background in more detail.

Please consider reading part 2 on my blog if you got anything out of this analysis. Thanks for reading!

Translation sources: The Milgram wiki, miraheze.org’s Milgram wiki, milgram_en on instagram

1/2.

[kikskd]

And full

[c0riiander]

i just wanted to try doodling them all (is my favoritism obvious? 😔😔😔)

[hakuunomoto]

He is making me sick

[complexsaviour]

0507: As of Camouflage

As of T3 confirming Kazui's queerness, I can only think that one sided 0507 was essentially canon. What interests me is that Shidou seems to be a departure from Kazui's usual type looks-wise. His bartender friend definitely has a more rugged more typically masculine look to him. Now, it can be argued and is true that Kazui didn't exactly have many options for a new man to drool over in prison, but I also think there is a simple explanation here.

Much like the protagonist of the Yukio Mishima novel that Kazui's T3 voice drama is named for, Confessions of a Mask, Kazui seems to have not been especially tall and athletic the way he is now when he was young. He might have rather enjoyed that disparity between himself and the man he was in love with. I think these screenshots and his general submissive/typically feminine leaning in relationships bolsters that idea.

All this is not to say that Shidou is a feminine man per se, because he isn't really, especially in terms of his demeanour, career, values, behaviour etc. It's true that Shidou as we met him in Milgram was a gentle and understanding person, conflict averse to a fault, but he was still very much more assertive and proactive than Kazui. The role of protector and carer came very naturally to him in a way that it did not to Kazui, which is part of why Kazui admired him so much.

Still, Shidou has nothing on Kazui when it comes to physicality. Mahiru even commented that he is on the slim side for his height and should probably eat more in an early timeline. From what we've seen of Kazui's friend and the way Kazui sees him/his attraction, I think it's safe to say he was probably well built too.

My partner humorously pointed out Kazui's very obvious twink death as of becoming a police officer/completely committing himself to his hypermasculine deceit. He was absolutely right. When we saw Kazui and his childhood friend together as teenagers at the end of Camouflage though, Kazui gave off a very different impression to the one he gives off now with his gel-free hair, smooth face and bashful flush. He'd probably land somewhere in the realm of cute rather than handsome.

My point, moreover, is that I think in crushing on Shidou Kazui experienced the oh-so-common phenomenon that is attraction getting mixed up with admiration/envy. The age old question: do I want them, or do I want to be them? The answer, here, was both.

Anyhow, thanks for reading if you made it this far. I miss Shidou every day. I hope everyone remembers to vote. I'm definitely forgiving Kazui, I couldn't bear to reject him after he finally told the truth again.

[complexsaviour]

Was absolutely thrilled with Camouflage. I've seen quite a bit of discourse regarding Hinako's decision after Kazui finally told her the truth. We see her running through the Escher-esque labyrinth in the MV, desperately pursuing Kazui, clearly worried about him. With that in mind, her ultimate choice to end her life after learning the truth comes as a shock. However, it is my belief that there's more here emotionally than what meets the eye. If we think about it, despite never cheating outright, by this point Kazui had been essentially emotionally cheating on her with his childhood friend for years, maybe even decades. We know that he frequently stayed out late at his friend's bar instead of coming home, to the point that it worried Hinako. We also know, as of his case file, that their relationship lacked any sexual element, and Hinako respected that. For all this time, Kazui had been spending so much of his free time drowning his sorrows with his crush and avoiding an honest conversation with Hinako. When he does finally work up the courage to share some part of his greatest struggle with someone, it's the bartender he admits queerness to, and Hinako is only the person he runs to for comfort. Learning the truth from Kazui would only cement what she's probably been keeping at bay for years: despite her being married to him, Kazui consistently ranked his friend first, even though said friend was married too. Because they were both men and longtime friends, Hinako could probably cling to the idea that she was still Kazui's wife, that her utter devotion meant something. With this in mind, Kazui's reveal validates any suspicions that he and his crush's genders had been camouflaging (ha, ha). With this revelation of the true extent of his dishonesty, she also has no real reason to trust him. He might have just admitted to being in love with his best friend, but how could she know they hadn't been sleeping together for years? Knowing that she and Kazui were utterly celibate would only bolster such suspicions. With her trust and worldview shattered, Hinako could only assume the worst. I really feel for her.

[unowers]

to be half-clever was the worst thing i could have done

[aakipple]

less than a day to the mv release im shaking

[complexsaviour]

Thoughts on 0308 Parallels

I have been wondering as of late if Fuuta’s relationship with his parents, as well as the ways in which that dynamic has affected his relationship with reality, might have constituted some kind of common ground between him and Amane, even unconsciously.

First of all, it should be noted that both of them have very little to say on the subject of their mothers, though for very different reasons. In Fuuta’s case, it is likely because she has been almost completely absent from his life. Even so, in many ways she seems to be the parent he thinks of more fondly, or perhaps more aptly, more optimistically. In Amane’s case, omissions of her mother seem to be a concerted effort on her part to bring her up as little as possible, even though we now know that she seems to have been the more present parent in her life. Rather, for Amane, her father is the absent parent put on a pedestal in the same way that Fuuta seems to idealise his mother.

Upon being asked if there was anyone she held in high regard in Season 1’s questionnaire segment, Amane said the following: “My father. He is currently away on a trip, but that is a great honour for him.”

Despite seemingly being in almost every sense a good, polite, model obedient child, especially as far as we knew as of her Season 1 questionnaire, she made no mention of her mother here. On its own, this doesn’t stand out too much, especially knowing that, in retrospect, the honorable ‘trip’ she was referring to here was very likely a missionary expedition in the name of the faith she so reveres. But dismissing and treating her mother as a footnote is a recurring theme for Amane, despite how much time they must have spent together, based on what we saw in The Purge March.

More under the cut:

Upon being asked if there was anyone she’d like to meet right now in Season 1’s questionnaire segment, Amane said the following: “My father. I want him to praise me for doing my best.”

Once again, here she only mentions and looks up to her father, even though earlier in the questionnaire segment, when question 9 asked about her family unit, she didn’t exclude the fact that she has (or as we know now, had) a mother. This is particularly odd knowing that her father seems not to be an especially active presence in her life. Regardless, she only mentions her mother when directly prompted, and doesn’t seem to have much to say about her at all.

Come Season 2, Amane’s father continues to be the object of high praise. Upon being asked what he does for work, she said the following: “After working extremely hard, he became a lecturer. I am very proud of that.”

At every turn, Amane goes out of her way to praise her father without once even mentioning her mother if she can help it. She mentions her victim (that is, her mother) where prompted, but does not make any connection between the two if she can help it and is similarly not sympathetic towards said victim.

The only instance so far over the course of her questioning in which she specifically brought up her mother without being directly prompted to was:

In answering Season 2’s question 19, ‘is there anything you wish your parents would have done?’, Amane admonishes her mother as follows: “my mother should have kept her faith to the very end.”

Therefore, we can infer that the foremost sentiment she seems to be able to muster for her mother is disapproval and little else, understandably. Still, this stands out a great deal in comparison to how she talks about her father, considering that her father’s absence very likely enabled the way her mother abused her. Not once does Amane acknowledge this fact, preferring instead to optimistically omit the real horror of her situation and crime in favour of blindly praising her father. We don’t know how aware said father was of the abuse, or how much he approved of it, but either way, his neglect had a direct hand in all the ways she suffered. It seems almost certain that Amane’s mother used her faith to justify her actions, which ascribes additional responsibility to Amane’s father not only as her other legal guardian, but as a figure of authority in their religious sect (The Purge March provided us with the information that Amane’s father was both a reverend within their faith and a representative of it, even giving lectures across the country). Perhaps Amane’s mother was so ruthless with her so as to make an example of her, the daughter of someone of high status within their religious faction. It might have been some sort of expression of Amane’s mother’s conviction to her faith — or at least I could easily believe that that might have been one way in which she might have justified her behaviour to herself.

For Amane, I believe the reasoning for her efforts to omit her mother from the narrative where possible is twofold: reason one, likely closer to the forefront of Amane’s mind — because, as a blasphemer who interfered with god’s plan (that is, prematurely ending a life without moral cause — in this case, that of the cat as seen in The Purge March), she does not merit much mention and could only have been smote down and properly punished, which Amane granted her. Reason two, because Amane, despite the abuse, doesn't like to dwell on murdering her. She feels guilty about it and might even, somewhere deep down, feel sad that her mother died, despite everything the woman put her through. It's likely easier for Amane to function emotionally if she disregards her mother almost completely, rejecting her involvement in her life as much as possible, and instead focuses — with blind optimism — on what she still has: her faith, and her distant, venerated father who, based on The Purge March, seems to have been largely absent from her life.

In this shot from The Purge March, a printout advertising one of Amane’s father’s lectures can be seen. It seems likely that his missionary work entails travelling to give lectures on the behalf of the religious cult the Momoses were a part of.

A closer look at said printout.

We know that in Fuuta’s case, conversely, he probably couldn't have much to say about his mother even if he wanted to. Either he doesn't remember his mother almost at all and is thus free to fantasise about what a relationship with her could have been like (a behaviour reminiscent of the way Amane seems to look up to her own absent father despite how he must have enabled her mother’s abuse), or, he does remember her at least a bit, and might even remember why she was deemed unfit to be his mother and was thus mandatorily ejected from his life in accordance with Japanese child custody laws (which, it should be noted, almost always favour the mother except in extreme circumstances). Whatever the case may be, her absence and potential negative effect on his life hasn't deterred him at all from longing for a relationship with her, or at least to know more about her.

Fuuta on his father in Season 1’s questionnaire segment: “...my father is a fragile, pitiful old man.”

When asked if there was anyone he’d like to meet as of having nearly been beaten to death after Trial 1 during Season 2’s questionnaire segment, Fuuta answered: “I don’t know. Maybe my mum*.”

* here, Fuuta specifically used the term ‘母ちゃん’ (kaachan, ‘mummy’, informal, childish) to refer to his mother. It should be noted that when referring to his father in Season 2, Fuuta used the term ‘親父’ (oyaji, ‘my old man’, informal, disrespectful). This is a familiar, informal way of referring to one’s father, but it’s not nearly as affectionate.

Fuuta’s answer here isn’t all that odd at first glance. After a near death experience like his, it would be natural for most to seek comfort from their mother first and foremost. What’s unusual is that, well, from what we know, Fuuta’s mother doesn’t seem to have raised him, or really been present in his life at all. With that in mind, one might expect him to instead seek comfort in the guardian who was present as a guiding and protecting force throughout his childhood, in this case, his father. However, despite the stressful situation he finds himself in, Fuuta largely rejects and dismisses his father, as well as his role in his life. Just like Amane, he never pretends he doesn’t exist, but he self-admittedly hasn’t ever had much to say about him beyond expressing disapproval.

Fuuta on his father in Season 3’s questionnaire segment: “...I used to make fun of him and call him boring,”

One might thus think that Fuuta’s situation is, in many ways, markedly different from Amane’s, but that isn't all true. Are there similarities in their attitudes beyond idealising an absent parent? Yes. Most notably, in the way they cope with the way that absence hurts them.

Amane may have killed her mother in the end, but before that, the woman seems to have been abusing her for years. Despite that, Amane doesn't seem to have tried to seek help from anyone, even though she is precocious enough to know that the way she was treated was, to put it mildly, “peculiar”. Given what we know about all the abuse she endured at her mother’s hand, she had every right to seek help or at least confide in someone, but she actively decided not to.

During Amane’s second interrogation (‘Of Blessedness and Punishment’), she admitted that she is aware that her upbringing was atypical.

Instead of seeking help or human connection elsewhere, Amane seems to have made a concerted effort to forgive her mother right up until things reached a breaking point — that is until she felt she could finally justify not forgiving her, not because of her cruelty to her daughter, but instead for breaking the sacred doctrine she imposed upon them both. We can thus conclude that Amane is likely someone who wilfully idealises and prefers to believe in what could be, rather than what is — rejecting dissatisfactory reality in the process. She has this in common with Fuuta. The key difference, however, is that Amane’s optimism looks forward, whereas Fuuta is always looking back.

From here on out, I aim to explore the ways that Fuuta and Amane’s similar habits of rejecting reality negatively affect them both. First, it should be said that Amane did give us quite a gritty glimpse into the daily hell she lived through at home in The Purge March, a marked shift from Magic.

One example of the daily abuse Amane suffered, as seen in The Purge March.

Magic was a different story. Through the veneer of vibrant, childish kids’ television aesthetics, the abuse Amane endured, right up until it pushed her to her very limit and she snapped, was enshrouded in colorful cutesy imagery that obscured the true horror that drove Amane to the lengths she ended up going to to end the cycle of abuse. We saw the same taser-based punishment, as depicted in The Purge March, in Magic, but it was portrayed in a cartoonish, completely toothless manner that actively diminished how cruel and abominable it was.

The taser punishment as seen in Magic.

When it comes to Fuuta however, right up until The Appare March, we had nary a clue as to what Fuuta’s life was really like without the veneer of gaming and social media aesthetics over the top, painting him as some hero of justice as seen in Bring It On. We did see his daily life in university depicted, but it was very clear that what was happening online was the most important part of that time in his life.

Though surrounded by a vibrant real world on all sides, in Bring It On, Fuuta can be seen to be singularly focused on the twitter feed seen on the left as it updates in real time. His only other thoughts seem to be of immersing himself in the distraction that the virtual worlds available to him at the arcade offer.

In the game center segment of Bring It On, having just seen a brief glimpse of him in a non virtual space, pointedly not interacting with the other humans he is staring at from a distance, Fuuta is quick to resubmerge himself in a virtual fantasy of his online vigilantism. This too, he paints over with a hyperreal veneer of flashy self-aggrandising heroism.

Of interest to me in a similar vein is the way that many of Season 2’s music videos explored aspirations of the prisoners rather than constituting reflecting on their pasts — they reflected their present attitudes, though not without taking their pasts into consideration. Fuuta stood out for this reason, because his Trial 2 music video quite literally embodied tunnel vision, taking place in a tunnel in which Fuuta reaffirms his customary coping mechanism of victimising himself.

Not once during Backdraft does Fuuta leave this tunnel, nor spend any time outside of it. It can be inferred that this is him completely shutting down and folding in on himself. This seems to be a habit of his.

While his sin was explored here as well, his attitude in Backdraft feels like more of a regressive response rather than any form of aspiration of the kind that many other prisoners took on around this time (Haruka to protect Muu, Shidou to take up the mantle of doctor once again to protect his fellow prisoners, Kotoko to continue her mission to purge evil for better or worse, etc.). He victimised himself, understandably feeling persecuted, and retreated into feeling sorry for himself rather than having any sort of conviction for his future.

Fuuta’s self-victimisation as observable in Backdraft’s lyrics.

Feeling sorry for himself and recoiling into himself stagnantly seems to be a theme for Fuuta in most things, perhaps barring only his online harassment campaigns. After Backdraft, rather than wanting to change, he simply wanted to escape, looking back and wishing it could all be undone more so out of fear than entirely out of remorse.

During Fuuta’s second interrogation (‘Baptism of Fire’), he primarily expresses that he is in pain and afraid, rather than remorseful. His attitude here is completely passive and defeatist, begging for forgiveness simply in the hope that Es might take pity on him. Later in the same interrogation he brazenly threatened to kill Es in an emotional outburst, evincing the complete lack of conviction underlying his promises of forgiving them back.

Fuuta’s passivity stands in complete contrast to Amane, who, as of her unforgiven verdict, developed a whole vendetta to purge the prison and perhaps the world of evil going forward in Trial 2, all on her own if she had to — a very resolute conviction that reflects the optimism for the future lying at the core of her character. Her optimism and lofty aspirations are, however, just like Fuuta’s hopes for empty forgiveness and soothing of his pain without self reflection, at their root, mere rejections of reality.

Amane’s renewed conviction to personally purge perceived evil from the world, as seen in The Purge March’s lyrics.

Some imagery in particular comes to mind when it comes to embodying these key differences between them, despite that core shared value of rejection of reality standing strong throughout the course of MILGRAM. It's from the end segment of The Appare March, the part where Fuuta, in exact reverse parallel to Amane in The Purge March, literally retreats backward from his crime, and thus, away from reality.

Amane as seen in The Purge March, her fantasy of righteously purging evil in the name of her faith literally stepping out into her dismal reality.

A proceeding shot from The Purge March, in which we can clearly see the righteous crusader Amane who had seemed like a metaphor in the real world, standing before the spoils of the real violence that real-world enacted in the name of her final rejection of reality and ensuing full embrace of the emotional comfort of blind faith and optimism.

Fuuta as seen in The Appare March, literally doubling back away from the terrifying reality of having killed an innocent child into the metaphorical embrace of a much brighter, warmer fantasy space.

As seen below, Fuuta goes on to flee his cold, dark, frightening reality into the comforting glow of some sort of razed desert space. Here, he picks up one of Amane’s white Purge March flags, though it is tattered, with the logo torn clean through (or was it ever there to begin with?). It's worth noting that, without the logo, it strongly resembles a white flag of surrender. Here, just like always, Fuuta literally retreats backward into retrospective optimism, wanting to believe that, through Amane’s doctrine, his past could be looked upon more forgivingly, without giving the future any particular thought.

Fuuta as seen at the end of The Appare March, holding his literally hollowed out white flag of faith (or is it surrender?) aloft. Brandishing the symbol of his newfound mechanism of escapism, he stands in some nebulous empty space while black confetti rains down on him a la The Purge March’s own eddying confetti, this time more reminiscent of ashes due to their colour. Perhaps this is his own approximation of a phoenix springing forth from its own ashes. It’s a rather pathetic simulacrum that feels emblematic of the vacuous escapism of his character overall.

Just like Amane in The Purge March, for Fuuta, this moment embodies a complete rejection of reality in favour of taking comfort in blind faith. As of joining her cult, Fuuta doesn't seem to believe in his own future at all, not even asking for forgiveness during his Season 3 interrogation (‘The Second Coming’). He seems to all appearances to have resigned himself to his fate, content to cling to what soothes him in retrospect.

During Fuuta’s third interrogation (‘The Second Coming’), he doesn’t even bother to ask for forgiveness, or even seem to care whether he is forgiven or not. In essence, he’s ride or die for Amane’s fantasy.

To be fair to Fuuta, he has made a heel turn in terms of remorse and has seemingly sincerely apologised for his sins. Still, he remains content to passively cling to the rejection of reality that makes him feel safe, even as Amane’s more active rejections have quite literally caused people to die. This, it should be noted, he has acknowledged outright.

During Season 3’s questionnaire segment, when asked if he took part in Shidou’s murder, Fuuta said the following: “...I [accepted Amane’s] decision to [murder him]. So I’m not going to say that I had nothing to do with it.” Thus, though he admitted that he had no direct part in it, he also acknowledged that he knew that she was going to do it and passively allowed it to happen in service of her delusion of a religious crusade.

During his third interrogation (‘The Second Coming’), Fuuta also admitted that he knows that her grand plans of purging evil are wrong and reject reality. Still, he has made no effort to stop or confront her.

Upon reading through this analysis during the final touch stage, a friend of mine pointed out to me that, in rejecting reality and clinging to fantasies of what they lacked, both Fuuta and Amane came to embody what they most hated about the parents they rejected. In Fuuta’s case, he became a fragile and pitiful man, traits he ascribed to his father back in Season 1. In Amane’s case, she came to use her faith as justification for enacting cruelty upon others, just as her mother did.

In conclusion, these two really enable each other in a terrible way. But maybe ‘tis ordained.

Thanks for reading! Do let me know if you have anything you might like to add, or any thoughts of your own.

Translation sources: The Milgram wiki, miraheze.org’s Milgram wiki, milgram_en on instagram

[complexsaviour]

Thoughts on Fuuta's childhood, especially regarding his parents' divorce

Milgram Season 3, Prisoner 003 (Kajiyama Fuuta) | Questionnaire segment, question 4: what are your family members’ names?

Answer: “My dad’s Shoichi. Older sister’s Nagisa. My mom’s, though they’re divorced, is Yoko.”

This question and answer prompted me to give Fuuta’s family situation more thought, though I’d already been thinking about it for a while.

More under the cut:

Back in Season 1, Fuuta answered question 3: what kind of people are your parents? as follows -

“I don’t remember much about my mother after the divorce. My father is a fragile, pitiful old man.”

When speaking about his parents here, Fuuta specifically used the terms ‘母親’ (hahaoya, mother) and ‘父親’ (chichioya, father) to refer to them. These are quite formal ways of referring to one’s parents, typically used for example in the workplace. They translate as ‘maternal parent’ and ‘paternal parent’, rather than carrying more personal connotations. At the time one might not have thought much of it. It makes sense for Fuuta, who at this time seemed to be someone quite detached from any other person in real life, perhaps even his family. It creates a sense of distance between himself and those asking the questions — these are not conversational or casual ways to refer to one’s parents, so he is clearly treating this as a more formal questionnaire than some of the other prisoners.

However, there is another layer to this answer that Western audiences may not be aware of. I myself certainly was not. That is, divorce laws in Japan are quite different from the ones in, say, the UK, which is the legal system I am most familiar with. It may not prove surprising to learn that cases such as Fuuta’s, in which the father attained custody of his children rather than the mother, are very uncommon in Japan (according to Japanese court statistics from 2022, 90% of custody cases ruled in favour of the mother). Bias favouring mothers when it comes to child custody is a recurring theme in legal systems the world over. That is where similarities end, though, because, unusually, following the divorce process, in Japan, the parent who no longer has custody is very frequently not even permitted to visit their children post-separation. Even parents who are allowed to visit their children are typically only given the chance to see them for day visits of a mere few hours once a month, and even then, the visitation must be supervised. Not only that, but the visiting parent may even have limits imposed upon what kind of questions they are permitted to ask their child during said visits.

When I first learned of the divorce, and that Fuuta’s mother seems to have been absent for a long time, from my perspective, I assumed that she had voluntarily abandoned the family. That is very likely not the case. It really sounds like she might be one of the many Japanese parents who have lost all parental rights following a divorce and were not permitted to see their children ever again. As stated, this is very uncommon with mothers, prompting one to wonder what it is that caused her to lose custody to their father. Fuuta hasn’t given us many hints on that front. He may not know much about it himself. We don’t have any information suggesting when the divorce occurred as of yet, but Fuuta doesn’t seem to remember too much about her and indeed almost always speaks of her quite vaguely.

Season 1’s question 8’s answer could bolster the idea that the divorce might have happened when he was quite young, potentially meaning that he doesn’t remember much about his mother in general. When asked to describe his family structure, Fuuta only mentioned his father and sister (pictured below, lit. “father and sister”) again quite formally and impersonally.

Even so, I should say that his objective, exclusive answer may not actually indicate a lack of memories but instead convey a sense of emotional detachment, perhaps deliberate; or even may just just fall in line with the detached way in which he communicated with the audience in Season 1.

Fuuta’s language when it came to his family went through quite the shift following the beating he received from Kotoko after Season 1. Rather than the formal ‘父親’ (chichioya, father, professional language) from Season 1, when answering questions regarding his family (Season 2, question 5), he switched to ‘親父’ (oyaji) which in this context translates to something akin to the term ‘my old man’/‘pops’ in reference to one’s father. This, of course, is a lot more informal and, despite the lack of respect, more affectionate in its way. It’s pretty common among young people in Japan, especially young men and teenagers, to refer to their fathers in such a way. It definitely implies a great deal of familiarity and completely drops the sense of distance that he maintained when referring to real life people in Season 1.

Later on in the Season 2 questionnaire segment (Q11), when asked: at the moment, is there anyone you want to meet? Fuuta replied:

“I don’t know. Maybe my mum.”

When referring to his mother here, he specifically used the term ‘母ちゃん’ (kaachan, mum, or I might even hazard ‘mummy’, informal, childish language). The shortening of ‘お母さん’ (okaasan, the more formal way to refer to one’s mother) to ‘kaachan’, along with the added endearing honorific ‘-chan’ implies a great deal more familiarity (it should be noted that he did this in response to the other Season 2 question I mentioned as well). It’s a very affectionate way to refer to one’s mother more typical of a child than a grown man (though not unheard of). This is interesting, because we know for a fact that Fuuta hasn’t seen her for a long time and doesn’t seem to remember her very well. He might very well have not seen her even once since the divorce, which could have been many years ago. Even so, she’s the first person he could think of in terms of someone he’d like to see. Since he doesn’t remember much but seems to remember her fondly, one could postulate that the divorce occurred when he was quite little. Any child would miss a parent they had but haven’t been allowed to see for what might have been a lifetime, but it is interesting that she’s the one he wants to see, rather than his father who raised him, or the older sister who could, one would think, also be a comforting presence.

Overall this is all very typical of Fuuta, who in so many ways is someone never satisfied with what he materially has. In this case, it’s difficult to blame him, though. Never once seeing one’s mother even though she is presumably alive and out there simply because it is not allowed has to have been pretty traumatic. Rather than her abandoning him outright, she is not legally permitted to see him or be part of his life. It’s easy to see how this could have kindled his perpetually simmering sense of injustice early on. It’s also easy to thus infer that perhaps his frustrations towards his father at least partially stem from a need to direct his distress at the situation regarding his mother somewhere. The Japanese legal system is far more elusive, and far stronger and more concrete a foe, than his own father, or some vague, biased concept of society at large. Fuuta’s instinct to victimise himself and point the blame elsewhere, or else at some generalised sense of unfairness in the world, comes to make a great deal of sense with all this in mind. Furthermore, to be blunt, losing one’s mother at an early age, especially in such an inconclusive way, likely very difficult to properly explain to a child, is never good for any child’s development.

I have to think that a lot of Japanese fans knew all of this context from early on, but it really explains a great deal about Fuuta and his mindset. Not to excuse him at all. I just really feel for him, and even more so for the real Japanese kids who have lost living parents due to legal red tape. It’s a really bizarre system.

Being raised by a single father who had to juggle taking care of his children with his full time job as a civil servant probably meant that Fuuta didn’t spend as much time with a parent as he might have done if he hadn’t in essence had his mother forcibly removed from his life. We don’t know how old his older sister is, so it’s possible that, were she a decent amount older than him, she might have stepped up somewhat. It’s hard to say if this was the case, because for most of the time we have known him, he hasn’t spoken about her much, and when he has it wasn’t particularly respectfully or affectionately. For the duration of Seasons 1 and 2, Fuuta referred to his sister using quite formal, impersonal terms, such as ‘姉’ (ane, older sister, formal, impersonal), and did not speak about her conversationally at all. Interestingly, during Season 2, he did this even as he referred to his absent mother with the very affectionate ‘母ちゃん’ (kaachan, mummy). Unlike Fuuta, many Japanese people will opt for the more personal ‘姉さん’ (neesan, big sister, informal, ‘-san’ implies respect) or the affectionate ‘姉ちゃん’ (neechan, big sister, informal, ‘-chan’ implies endearment) — though it should be noted that Fuuta seems to be quick to drop honorifics in general. As far as I know, he alone doesn't use them for a single other prisoner.

At the very least, Fuuta does state that his sister has a job, so she might have started working quite young…or not. We really don’t know how old she is. In any case, she doesn’t seem to be the antisocial type like him, if she can hold down a job without issue - especially as a beautician, since that tends to require strong customer service skills. There has been some confusion regarding Fuuta’s sister’s profession in the West, given that the word he uses for it, ‘美容師’ (biyoushi) can refer to both a hairdresser and a beautician. I am uneducated on the matter, but I get the impression that, essentially, his sister probably works at a beauty salon. With that said, in question 3 of Season 3’s questionnaire, when asked if he cut Amane’s hair, he said that he “should have learned from [his] ‘姉ちゃん’ (neechan, big sister, informal, -chan implies endearment) imbuing the term with a great deal more affection and in general creating a much more conversational tone in his answers. Thus, the trifecta is complete. I am of the belief that Fuuta likely referred to his family members much more casually on a daily basis than he did in his first questionnaire. It’s not unusual to forgo honorifics or terms of endearment in passing, but I really got the impression that back then it might have been a concerted effort of sorts to distance himself from his family since, at that time, he was still deeply entrenched in a very antisocial me-against-the-world mindset.

Fuuta in Season 3’s questionnaire segment, on having cut Amane’s hair badly.

Now, having said all this, the reason why Fuuta’s mother lost custody is still in my thoughts. It doesn’t seem like he knows much about the situation, but there really are probably few things that could cause a court to rule in favour of awarding custody to the father, and furthermore, seemingly not allowing the mother visiting rights (though I suppose it could have been his father who enforced that). My first thought is that she could have been quite mentally ill, or perhaps had substance abuse problems. Or else perhaps she herself was abusive. Young children sometimes do remember abusive parents who exit their lives more favourably than they might with the greater cognitive capabilities that not being so young might afford them. It’s also possible that she was abusive towards Fuuta’s father but not to their children. It’s hard to say. In any case, it seems likely that for whatever reason it was not deemed safe that Fuuta and his sister remain in her care.

Regarding Fuuta’s attitude to his mother, there are a few possibilities. Despite everything, he seems to have retained quite a positive perception of her. As they say, ‘the grass is always greener’, and in Fuuta’s case that is more or less the crux of his character. We still don’t know how old he was when the divorce happened, or how well he remembers her, so that informs what I can infer as of now regarding their relationship.

If the divorce occurred when he was quite young, and he doesn’t remember her all that well, well…that’s probably about the most rose-tinted view he could possibly have of her. Regardless of what the court ruled, or of what his father or sister thought of her, from his perspective as a very young child, he might not remember anything bad about her at all, or even really anything much, and has thus been free for all this time to think that she might be some great missing piece in his life, or at the very least that he was lacking some fundamental maternal/feminine presence - even unconsciously. To an extent, he was, but if there really was some very unfortunate or even cruel reason why she was not fit to be his mother, that absence might have been for the best. Ultimately, no one will ever know. Furthermore, if his perception of his mother is very different to that of his father and sister for whatever reason, it could have created some sort of invisible rift in the family — some kind of silent us vs them that he might well never have put into words.

If the divorce didn’t occur so young, or even if it did but he still has a few positive memories to hang onto, his rose tinted view of her might be more deliberate. The fact that he hasn’t really gone into much detail about anything could be quite deliberate as well. He might have been quite aware of the problems, but still willing to ignore them, especially in retrospect, in favour of blind faith in some more optimistic possibility that did not occur or could, ambiguously, still be. That seems pretty in line with him as a person, especially as of the events of Season 3, with him joining Amane’s cult.

What we can observe in Fuuta, in my opinion, is a sort of relationship apathy. Why bother with anyone or anything else when this fundamental part of him was robbed and then not even properly given closure? He might not even know that he operates that way, but it does seem in line with his particular brand of apathetic fatalism. Once again, even if he does have memories of before, even if he shares not so good memories with his father and sister, he might have a more positive or even just more neutral view of said memories. When we first met him, he really seemed overall very adamant on his stance that nobody really understood him or even really wanted to, that he and his viewpoint had no place in convention or society, for better or worse. I can imagine that a core dissonance of this nature within his family could easily have been a starting point for that kind of mindset to develop. Depending on how aware he was of the situation with his mother, he might even have grown to see himself in her, in whatever flaws led her to be ousted as a maternal figure. He seems aware, in some non confrontational way, that he isn’t living up to his father and sister in the sense of falling into societal line. He also seems pretty resigned to it. Whatever it was that lost his mother the custody case, it might have been something considered very antisocial, much like his online harassment campaigns were. Depending on his knowledge of the divorce situation, that could also have fuelled his adult obsession with justice, if only in petty ways.

If Fuuta has more of a general gist of whatever it was that lost his mother custody, I think we can probably rule out substance abuse issues, given his disdain for substance use. I’m not sure what his stance is on alcohol, but I think we can infer that he clearly has animosity for substance dependents, if his vitriol towards the smoking prisoners is anything to go off of.

Fuuta on smokers in one of the timeline conversations from Season 1.

I did get the impression that his father might be a smoker, based on this particular flavour of scorn coming across similarly to his scorn for the man. I also derived the idea from his dislike for Kazui, who I thought might in some ways remind him of his father - a father who, much like Kazui, probably worked long hours and might have turned to substances to cope, and likewise like Kazui might have been quite concerned with fitting into society properly, especially given his unconventional family and the failure of his marriage. Fuuta seems to dislike the older male members of the cast in general, imposing upon them concepts of maturity with a particular kind of smugness.

Fuuta’s dissatisfaction with Kazui as showcased in one of the timeline conversations from Season 1.

Fuuta’s similar disdain for Shidou as showcased in one of the later timeline conversations from Season 1, undercut with a sort of smugness that he supposedly isn’t living up to the maturity Fuuta projected upon him in this small way.

Fuuta sitting with his back to 0507 in the MILGRAM Karatez karaoke collab (2023) art, with a disgruntled expression on his face. This isn’t an unusual expression for Fuuta, but he’s going out of his way to create some semblance of distance between them and himself here for no particular reason. He might also be trying to avoid secondhand smoke from Kazui’s cigarette, which he is irresponsibly holding almost directly in poor Amane’s face.

Fuuta’s contempt for Kazui was further emphasised in the MILGRAM AVIOT earbud collaboration in 2024. One of his earbud voicelines listed here entails him going out of his way to say he’s not dependable.

I don’t intend to go into detail regarding the matter in this post, but being a divorced woman in Japan can present many difficulties, even if Fuuta’s mother didn’t have to contend with the responsibility of raising her children alone. Fuuta’s mother may have dodged the issues that many Japanese single mothers face (to name a few: poverty, difficulty finding work, difficulty dating), but it’s still not easy being a divorcee (not that it’s really easy anywhere), especially because there are double standards between male and female divorcees, particularly in Japan. It was probably also difficult for her to go through such a traumatic experience and then probably not even be able to talk it out with her children afterwards. Of course, we don’t know anything about her really, so we don’t even know how she felt about the divorce, or losing custody, but I can imagine that that would be very distressing for most people.

Happily, things seem set to change. The Japanese government recently approved a bill permitting parents to elect to have joint custody of children post divorce if they so wish. These new rules are set to take effect from 2026.

Thanks for reading! Do let me know if you have anything you might like to add, or any thoughts of your own.

Translation sources: The Milgram wiki, milgram_en on instagram

[complexsaviour]

Everyone keeps predicting that we'll get the Milgram T3 teaser any day now, but I definitely think we'll get it after Shidou's birthday TL, at least a few days later at the earliest imo. I hope we might get something a little more plot heavy this time maybe

[purgemarchlockdown]

Liar Tax

(Also Known as: Nott had Visions due to Dehydration about the Shidou covers)

So the cover songs are some of my personal favorite things about Milgram. When I first got into Milgram I got brainblasted by the Animal cover and was never the same. Since then I've always wanted to write more about the covers but I never got around to writing anything about them at length.

And then I put on the Shidou Covers.

On the count of "I-love-you"

The most noticeable common denominator when it comes to these songs is the concept of lying which I will relegated to a secondary element because I think these two songs have something more interesting to give us when it comes to insight on Kirisaki Shidou.

Shidou is very much what I would dub an Eternity Seeker. He longs for the:

T1Q16: What is the definition of happiness? A: To be promised an unchanging tomorrow.

He has this distinct romanticized version of the past and wishes he had the stable family life that he lost. His songs and VDs are tinged with this very strong sense of grief and longing for the better past where nothing bad ever happened actually.

“Throw down” connecting you with me, To keep you alive, you are still living

His crime as well seems to be connected to him trying to save "someone" (presumably his wife but also possibly one of his children) and failing. He's not exactly someone who can cope with change Well. That's why he's here after all. He's forsaken a lot of "morality" to get what he wants here.

"Stolen? Just whatever do you mean?" Committing myself to this performance, set lines and all Those memories we've desperately created and clung to, they blend together and feelings between us intensify

That’s right, for all these dirty delusions, let’s settle the bill with this dirty money

And he's not exactly uh- great at coping with this entire.

For someone who has self admitted to have done a lot of bad things, is stubborn and unwilling to change, and still says that for love he would do:

T1Q6: What are you willing to sacrifice for love? A: Everything.

He's pretty unforgiving to himself about this. He asked a 15 year old to kill him and all. His morals and beliefs are strict and rigid and it hurts everyone around him, including him.

Liar Dance reflects this. The singer is unforgiving and hateful towards who their singing towards but the singer talks about how:

It's swallowed you up completely, hasn't it? Liar Turn me inside-out and I look just like you It's nice to meet you, "Crime" and Punishment" No matter what you say

It's too late to apologize We're already partners in this crime called "love"

Acknowledging that they are the same in the end. Akin to how even though Shidou makes a distinction between the part of him that committed horrible acts of presumed medical malpractice and the part that is a good respectable member of society in Throw Down. They are Both Him.

And the feelings of deceit and guilt that comes with tricking people into believing that you (Shidou) are better than you actually are. The feeling of having gone too far, That:

“Throw down” ethics is a delusion I’m still guilty even if the morning comes

Liar Dance thus functions as a bit of a self condemnation. But I don't think that's the only possible meaning that can be derived from it. As Liar Dance is also distinctly about weak and false love.

I'm not going to sit here and tell you Shidou didn't care about his family. What I will say is that You Should Read These Posts by @/archivalofsins that break down the distinct possibility that Shidou Kirisaki might just be kinda a bad dad. His romanticization obscuring the knowledge that, no family can be that perfect and that Shidou was most likely less good then he would like to admit.

Dance away, liar This love has swelled up like a balloon, let's turn it into a lie with the prick of a needle On the count of "I-love-you"

It's a lie because any sort of perfect cishet marriage is a lie. That's not a thing because there's no such thing as a perfect relationship. Shidou's standards are so high that they could be considered childish.

A family and love so perfect it can't be anything But a lie.

Turning wishes into reality

But that's not all.

While Delusion Tax is also a song that can pretty easily be mapped onto Shidou's feelings of selfishness about the morally questionable things he did for the sake of what he wants. There's also another aspect of it and Shidou's character I'd like to explore.

Kirisaki Shidou is a Boyprince.

Or uh- to read better in Milgram terms. A Savior.

Shidou Kirisaki has this thing about needing people to rely on him to feel...alive and needed.

That’s right, there’s justice that needs saving See, indispensable, I’m indispensable

Existing for your sake alone, mandatory affections and obligated kindness

He needs to be useful to others because to feel like he deserves a place in the world. To feel like he can live within it. He chose to be a doctor because:

T1Q1: Why did you choose your current workplace? A: Because I thought it'd let me contribute to society.

after all.

However, Shidou Kirisaki is self-admittedly selfish despite these seemingly altruistic intents.

Though you should be satisfied, a voice from within shouts “NO!” We have an idiot on our hands, it seems…

For many reasons, but one of them is because he doesn't really care too much about a person's autonomy if he thinks he needs to save or guide them in some way.

This is the most clear with Amane. Who hates him for this!

Shidou: I…… I just don’t understand. If everything about MILGRAM is true…… why did a child like you have to become a murderer? Just imagining what sort of circumstances must have led to that, it makes me so sad…… Amane: ……*sigh*. Is that right. I don’t think I’m going to get along with you, Shidou-san. I don’t agree with the fact you refuse to acknowledge that I have my own free will, and that I should be held accountable for my actions, just because I’m a child. I may have only been alive for 12 years, but all the choices I’ve made, even if they weren’t the best ones, were entirely my own. What point is there in you getting sad when I have no regrets myself?

Because he longs for someone to save to have purpose in this world, he implicitly imposes himself as a "larger authority" on them. Believing his actions and feelings to have a greater importance then what they say.

Let’s pay that Delusion Tax For the sake of making everyone’s life oh so wonderful…

While the Delusion Tax can also read as the "price" he paid in the attempt to what he wanted when it came to his crime.

That which you wish for, the person you think of, The past which you hate as well, they’ll all be as you like. The kind of face and chest you desire, they’ll be granted if you pay.

it can also be read as what Shidou "sacrifices" for the sake of:

making everyone’s life oh so wonderful…

Since, Shidou also has a thing about choosing what he believes to be more valuable and important to a community and this extends to how he treats the people around him.

“Throw down”, someone’s value Cannot be the same as another “Throw down” should choose between superiority or inferiority

He creates these defined lines of who is better and worse, who would be more helpful and who he can...ignore for the sake of others.

Not because he's an evil person who wants to sacrifice people. Again, he has world's worst guilt complex. Just because...from a pragmatic standpoint...some people just contribute less than others and Oh No Don't Look at this Wikipedia Page for Eugenics I have Accidentally Linked!

"Hey, that girl is pretty great… Her too!" Looks like you’re thinking some pretty nice thoughts over there… Are you really satisfied with just that? Don’t you think it’d be nice for it all to come true? “That girl is alright… That one works too, I guess” Pretending you love compromise, what a liar!

Delusion Tax's perspective Singer is talking about granting people's Wishes. For a price. But that price is good for something better right?

Turning wishes into reality Right now, buy back your future! Afflicted by so badly wanting to do “that”, consumed by desire Come now, let’s go beyond all this pain

Everything must have an equivalent exchange right?

Well, now we can circle back to his murder because, well, that's not really how life works either. Life isn't really fair in the sense of you pay something and you get what you want back. Sometimes you pay everything and still lose.

You can't save everyone, not necessarily because you were naive or because you didn't try hard enough or didn't do the dirty work you should of or whatever. But because, you just can't. It's impossible.

A Lie, a Farce, a Delusion, if you will.

But those wishes won't really come true, even if you pay For it’s all a lie, a great big farce

The Correct Answer, I Don’t Yet Know

Kirisaki Shidou I think, really does want the world to be fair. He wants to contribute, be useful, be important. Have the world stay in balance. He submits himself to be guilty verdict-ed because he Deserves To Die, but changes his mind and tries to convince Es to let him live because people now Need him and the "balance" of the "world" has now shifted into needing him.

It's his own perspective on the world applied onto himself. In Trial 1 he's sorted himself into an undesirable who should not be let into society anymore. In Trial 2 he's pinged himself as someone so important and priceless that they Must Not let him go.

Is this a necessarily healthy view? No! Not at all! This harms much more people than him really!

But Shidou's worldview is one that is rigid and working on thoughts on what is "good" or "bad" for the world. It's childish in that sense, causing him to harm others and be stubborn and unwilling to reflect and making him someone who Really Should Not be a doctor, and I think the cover songs explore what he does and the worldview around it really well.

[nomeniko]

playing w them like dolls this gay month

[nomeniko]

is this anything

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more on shidou and persephone (and other things) from me and pupa @ruptinea

cr: voice drama 1, voice drama 2, persephone wiki page

in both mvs shidou is in the real world first and walks into a place that looks like it's not placed in reality. in triage this place is a mortuary and it's supposed to be his house where he meets his family.

in throw down the greenhouse is also the place where he meets his family (creating a person out of flowers). both of these places are surrounded with flowers, and the flowers in throw down are mostly tropical and the house in triage is surrounded with tropical plants. the greenhouse and shidou's home are supposedly the same place.

When Hades was informed of Zeus' command to return Persephone, he complied with the request, but he first tricked her into eating pomegranate seeds. Hermes was sent to retrieve Persephone but, because she had tasted the food of the underworld, she was obliged to spend a third of each year (the winter months) there, and the remaining part of the year with the gods above.

(x) Shido: Hm… But, this place does smell of the dead though. I’m sure that some sort of death will lie at the end of Milgram. Es: Smell of the dead?  Shido: Yes. I can somewhat recognise it from experience… A place which is filled with the smell of the dead, that is. 

the greenhouse and shidou's home are the underworld where he got trapped in and feels like he belongs there, might be (one of the reasons) why he insists that he should die already. these places are a morgue in reality, pupa said that the organ extraction and preservation happens in the morgue (upd: the bodies go to surgical center where the organs are removed and conserved then it goes to morgue, and these areas are placed in the same block when it comes to organ donation -pupa). in triage even when after he gains some will to live his very home becomes the morgue of the hospital, the underworld. like it is haunting or following him together with his feeling of guilt.

but when he walks in, there is purpose for his actions (his family). I think in triage we see his family clearly because after the experience in milgram he remembered what was his initial motivation - living for the sake of someone else. while in throw down his victim is a silhouette made out of flowers, like this is not someone relevant anymore. I'm also thinking of flowers being used for funerals, and considering that the flowers in the greenhouse are organs of dead people, in this sense the flower person is no more than a corpse.

If you could bring someone back to life, who would you choose? I can't choose anyone.

in triage his family is a dream, a vision, it disappears in the end but he remembers them again before putting on gloves. his family is gone but there is a new purpose now.

(x) Persephone, as a vegetation goddess, and her mother Demeter were the central figures of the Eleusinian Mysteries, which promised the initiated a happy afterlife.

Shido: Other than that… If this is the afterlife, then this place must be hell. But, if I set that idea aside, then… This is just real life. I, myself, am in normal condition; it’s where I am which is unusual. I may not know the reason behind this place or how it works, but even if I tried to escape from the reality of it, nothing would really change, right? Es: You sure are composed, aren’t you?  Shido: That’s just my personality. I just simply don’t think bad of it—this place, I mean.  Es: You mean, Milgram? Shido: Yeah, this place will put me to death. 

The Mysteries represented the myth of the abduction of Persephone from her mother Demeter by the king of the underworld Hades, in a cycle with three phases: the descent (loss), the search, and the ascent, with the main theme being the ascent (ἄνοδος) of Persephone and the reunion with her mother. 

(x) E: Anyways, your eyes sure have gained some life since we last saw each other. Back then, you always wore an expression that made it hard to tell whether you were alive or dead, but…

there is also quite a big emphasis on arcs/gates in both mvs, in throw down greenhouse is constructed with arcs, and in triage he walks past them/they appear in the background. they remind me and pupa of cemetery gates. there is also a thing with an entrance to the underworld, the door in triage separating the real world and the insides of the mortuary that are a dream/a vision.

it's romantic architecture which is most prevalent in Italy -pupa

The city of Epizephyrian Locris, in modern Calabria (southern Italy), was famous for its cult of Persephone, where she is a goddess of marriage and childbirth in this region.

in throw down it can be similar to mahiru's birdcage as the underworld that he's trapped in. but unlike mahiru who can't leave the cage shidou appears to be the one who is in control of the underworld.

While the return of Persephone to the world above was crucial in Panhellenic tradition, in southern Italy Persephone apparently accepted her new role as queen of the underworld, of which she held extreme power, and perhaps did not return above; Virgil for example in Georgics writes that "Proserpina cares not to follow her mother", – though note that references to Proserpina serve as a warning, since the soil is only fertile when she is above it. Although her importance stems from her marriage to Hades, in Locri she seems to have the supreme power over the land of the dead, and Hades is not mentioned in the Pelinna tablets found in the area.

The epithets of Persephone reveal her double function as chthonic and vegetation goddess. The surnames given to her by the poets refer to her role as queen of the lower world and the dead and to the power that shoots forth and withdraws into the earth. Her common name as a vegetation goddess is Kore. Günther Zuntz considers "Persephone" and "Kore" as distinct deities and writes that "no farmer prayed for corn to Persephone; no mourner thought of the dead as being with Kore." Ancient Greek writers were however not as consistent as Zuntz claims. In the religions of the Orphics and the Platonists, Kore is described as the all-pervading goddess of nature who both produces and destroys everything, and she is therefore mentioned along with or identified as other such divinities.

Shido: Please listen to me, Es. I’ve killed people. Lots of them as well. It was for such a selfish reason too. I’m a fine specimen of what a genuine murderer ought to be. [footsteps] There’s no reason for you to forgive me. And, I don’t have the desire to be forgiven either. I said that I wished to not be forgiven. But… because I was forgiven, I was able to save the lives of the other prisoners. That’s the truth. …I can’t ask you to not forgive me anymore. If I’m not alive, then I can’t protect their lives.

(x) The word chthonic, or chthonian, is derived from the Ancient Greek word χθών, "khthon", meaning earth or soil. It translates more directly from χθόνιος or "in, under, or beneath the earth" which can be differentiated from Γῆ, or "ge", which speaks to the living surface of land on the earth. In Greek, chthonic is a descriptive word for things relating to the underworld and can be used in the context of chthonic gods, chthonic rituals, chthonic cults, and more. This is as compared to the more commonly referred-to Olympic gods and their associated rites and cults. Olympic gods are understood to reference that which exists above the earth, particularly in the sky. Gods that are related to agriculture are also considered to have chthonic associations as planting and growing take place in part under the earth.

in throw down shidou is taking care of flowers while in triage he's carrying vegetables and fruits home. both mvs feature wilting or rotting of something that was fresh. he got both the power to nurture fresh plants and the power to make them wilt/rot.

the greenhouse in throw down is generally pretty dim, it's mostly done in brown palette, and there are a lot of shadows. while triage has a lot of light and blue/white palette, making it look heaven-ish.

In the Eleusinian Mysteries, her return from the underworld each spring is a symbol of immortality, and she was frequently represented on sarcophagi. The beliefs of these cults were closely-guarded secrets, kept hidden because they were believed to offer believers a better place in the afterlife than in miserable Hades.

(laugh) Not dead... Yeah, she's(?) definitely not dead... I finally understand the value of what I've been robbing people of...

At Locri, a city of Magna Graecia situated on the coast of the Ionian Sea in Calabria (a region of southern Italy), perhaps uniquely, Persephone was worshiped as protector of marriage and childbirth, a role usually assumed by Hera (in fact, Hera seems to have played no role in the public worship of the city).

For most Greeks, the marriage of Persephone was a marriage with death, and could not serve as a role for human marriage; the Locrians, not fearing death, painted her destiny in a uniquely positive light.

Zeus, it is said, permitted Hades, who was in love with the beautiful Persephone, to abduct her as her mother Demeter was not likely to allow her daughter to go down to Hades. Persephone was gathering flowers, along with the Oceanids, Artemis, and Triton's daughter Pallas, as the Homeric Hymn says, in a field when Hades came to abduct her, bursting through a cleft in the earth.

the name of the song is "throw down" -pupa

After Persephone had disappeared, Demeter searched for her all over the earth with Hecate's torches. In most versions, she forbids the earth to produce, or she neglects the earth and, in the depth of her despair, she causes nothing to grow. 

Regardless of how she had eaten pomegranate seeds and how many, the ancient Greeks told the myth of Persephone to explain the origin of the four seasons. The ancient Greeks believed that spring and summer occurred during the months Persephone stayed with Demeter, who would make flowers bloom and crops grow bountiful. During the other months when Persephone must live in the underworld with Hades, Demeter expressed her sadness by letting the earth go barren and covering it with snow, resulting in autumn and winter.

(x) The fruit is typically in season in the Southern Hemisphere from March to May, and in the Northern Hemisphere from September to February.

throw down was released on dec 11th (winter). the real world is mostly done in pale, blue palette and while the scenery on the screenshot above is somewhat not real (it looks like dry desert) it appears to be actual autumn or winter outside, people are also wearing warm clothes.

however there are trees with leaves reflecting in the windows, and when shidou is walking away, supposedly going to the morgue, there are trees with leaves and blue sky with clouds.

the greenhouse is filled with colorful tropical flowers, it's sunny inside the first time it appears, and shidou's outfit is also pretty light, with tropical pattern on the shirt.

triage was released on march 22nd (spring) and in this mv he gets reunited with his family. the real world appears to be placed in spring or summer.

though the insides of the house and the frames with current time shidou are in cold palette again.

there is also a switch between spring-ish palette and winter-ish palette several times. the first time it happens with flashback/family shidou and current time/work shidou.

no idea what's going on with the cover art door but here are our observations on the wrap paper. maybe its wrap paper because we're not supposed to see what's wrapped inside -me. eternity (immortality/cycle of life and death), crowns (queen of the underworld), flowers/snowflakes (four seasons), etc etc

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shidou is a mother figure post

I don't know how to start this let's just get to it

cr: voice drama 1, voice drama 2, amane's vd, timelines

Family as a priority

I want to put as a disclaimer that I believe Shidou was an absent part of the family. He is bad at handling children, and he doesn't seem to be good at partnership either (saying he was relying on his wife). Gunsli explains it all in this post.

That said, the fact that he talks so much about prioritizing family above everything, and the way he's associated with children not only in his own behavior (his attitude towards Amane and Es) but symbolically (his first vd is named "Molech" which is associated with child sacrifices, and his name consists of kanjis "lion" and "child") has always been curious to me. Looking at it through the lens of traditional values and gender roles.

Shidou is a person who wants to be a Proper Member Of Society.

Why did you choose your current workplace? Because I thought it'd let me contribute to society.

So I'm not surprised that he got a "proper" profession which gives him a respectable, helpful position in society (which we see being recreated in the prison) and a "proper" family with wife and two kids at a pretty young age (judging by his children's appearances he was likely younger than 25 when they were born. Talking about this, education in medicine fields takes a long time, so he could be still in university or freshly graduated from university). However, rather than establishing himself through this social position, he's trying to establish himself through family and position of a father and a husband. "Family", "love" and "parenthood" are all strong motifs in his story, also considering he's paralleled with Mahiru who is very much "traditional family is the path to happiness in life". And in the end he prioritized saving his family member(s) over staying loyal to his work principles.

He also realized "what he was taking away from people" only after losing his own family.

"In order to save the life of someone you don't know, please let me kill your family," I told them. It doesn't even take much thinking to realize how cruel that is, but… I didn't realize it until the very end.

So his family was more of a value for him than his work, ideologically. The way he talks about his work in general makes me feel like he didn't really go for it as a "career". Like he chose it because he couldn't think of any another way to be "helpful" to others and not because it was interesting for him personally or promising financial stability.

Have you contributed to society? I had thought my work was a contribution to society.

Since I can provide treatment, I have to do something about it.

But… because I was forgiven, I was able to save the lives of the other prisoners. That’s the truth. …I can’t ask you to not forgive me anymore. If I’m not alive, then I can’t protect their lives.

I… I took a lot of pride in my work. I considered it a good deed.

I thought so, too. Doing it for a good cause... without a single doubt.

I think that Shidou perceives being a father/husband as something more honorable for him than being a doctor. Which is something associated with the gender role of a woman rather than the gender role of a man. In traditional gender roles men are supposed to prioritize career; being a good father and a husband is a bonus, achievement, but it's not the first thing that is supposed to define you. While women are supposed to be mothers and wives, to the point that "woman", "mother" and "wife" are synonyms - it's not an achievement but a standard. Father/husband is Shidou's standard. Besides, he became one at a pretty young age, and was likely preparing for it from an even younger age:

I started going out with my wife in the 2nd year of middle school, and we've been together ever since.

Finding a partner and getting married early is also something more expected from a woman than from a man. As I mentioned, while we don't know the exact ages of Shidou's children and his age when he got married, it's possible his family was completed before he finished university or right after it. Which makes me think of Mahiru again. I talk about it in detail in children and adults but here's a snippet from it:

When Mahiru shows obsession with romance, she's not only searching for ultimate happiness and way to brighten her possibly depressing life, but also for the sense of independency, in the only way that she can think of while growing up sheltered. She is almost finishing university but is not thinking about getting a job because do women even need jobs? Marriage and children are way more important matters to think about.

And it also makes me think of Mikoto, from the same post:

But he's doing everything that adults do! Have a job, overwork yourself, live alone. I don't remember where I've seen it, but someone mentioned that his apartment has really few pieces of furniture but there's a TV that is a symbol of "wealth", even though in the current year barely anyone watches TV, especially not someone who is 23. He also asks Kazui what kind of hobbies he has because he wants to have something he can do for a long time, maybe because Kazui is the oldest in the prison and significantly older than Mikoto compared to Shidou. "Being an adult" is like a checklist, once you check everything, you can be reassured that you're now mature and independent.

And here I see contrast between two male characters who want to be Proper Members Of Society (and take pride in being ones rather than Fuuta and Kazui who are miserable about not being ones).

Do you have a desire to get married? Yup. But that’s a story for after I’ve accumulated a good enough track record and go independent though.

What was the cause of your parents' divorce? He chose work over family. But well, at least that's what my mom told me, so who knows!

Because Mikoto, being the only man in the family, thinks that he must first establish himself as a professional in his field before he can even consider the possibility of having a partner. So, the fact that Shidou thought of getting a family and a job simultaneously, and possibly got a romantic partner even before he thought of his career plans (2nd year of middle school is like 13-14 years) is interesting to me. Shidou actually puts quite a big focus on romantic relationships in general.

Tell us about your dating history. I don't remember much but, I had one girlfriend in kindergarten, and in elementary school I had two relationships. I started going out with my wife in the 2nd year of middle school, and we've been together ever since.

Which makes me think of Mahiru again. They even have extremely similar answers sometimes.

What is the ultimate form of Love? Being together until death do us part. Being always together.

What are you willing to sacrifice for love? Everything. Everything.

Would you rather be the one to confess your love, or would you rather receive a confession? I think I'm the type to prefers to be the one confessing. I want to be the one to do it! Eh-! But I've always been the one confessing, so maybe I want to try being confessed to for once!

What is the definition of happiness? To be promised an unchanging tomorrow. Having a romantic heart.

Which implies they have a similar "romantic", idealized mindset on life and especially on partnership and family.

Did you have a good relationship with your family? Yes. It really was a family as happy as you could dream of.

And the fact that Mahiru has an idealized mindset on partnership has a lot to do with her being a woman. Romantic narratives are targeted at girls and women, and they are typically not expected to have interests outside of romance. The easiest example is that "shounen" as a category is more associated with adventure and action genres while "shoujo" as a category is more associated with romantic stories that explore people's feelings towards each other in-depth. Mahiru takes her knowledge on human relationships from these idealized stories. So again it's interesting to me how much Shidou shares the romantic mindset with her, like he was also taught it and lives by it.

Caretaker > protector

Shidou is exposing his savior complex in t2. Now, it's rather the gender role of a man that is associated with being a "savior" (prince saving the princess and whatnot). "Doctor" is also rather associated with men, while nurses/assistants are associated with women. But the thing is how Shidou "saves" people/takes care of them, especially in comparison to other characters.

Characters that have traditionally masculine traits (in behavior, appearance, or symbolism) are Fuuta, Kazui, Kotoko and John/Mikoto (uh, depending on who you think is who but I'll use just Mikoto). They all used brute force to protect other people, and have a focus on "physical strength" in general (the first three have a timeline conversation on this topic, and all four were involved with Kotoko's attacks). Fuuta, in t1, entered the interrogation being prepared for a fight and called himself the representative of the prisoners, because he was told by Yuno that Es was cruel to her during the interrogation; even on the internet he used verbal violence to "protect" others with bringing justice and punishing the wrongdoers. Kazui was sent to work in police and protected Fuuta from Kotoko's attack because his physical build allows him to do so. Kotoko and Mikoto self-explanatory.

Shidou though:

Mahiru: Shidou-san…… you’re really good-looking. Personally I think you’d be better if you ate a bit more, but you’re slim and tall, and well put together to boot…… You must’ve been super popular up until now, right?

State the meaning of your name. I think it means to wish to become strong like a lion. It seems I don't live up to that name at all.

Shidou is implied to not be physically strong. While we're here on the topic of appearance, I want to mention that he's said to be good-looking and popular among women several times:

Jackalope: Prisoner 05, Shidou. Well, I guess after me he’s the second most handsome here. But they always say the best-looking guys are nothing but trouble. Not that I’d know.

which makes me think of bishounen trope (bishounen refers to those younger than 18-20 but this is the most well-known term in non-Japanese fandom spaces so I'm using it):

(x) A popular Asian character type, the bishōnen, or "beautiful boy", is a male character that possesses androgynous or "feminine" physical traits. He is usually tall, slender with almost no fat and little to no muscle, and no body or facial hair.

Actually the very emphasis on his appearance can be seen as something associated with women, or rather the way this emphasis is made. It's worded like his appearance is used as a weapon of sorts.

But they always say the best-looking guys are nothing but trouble.

Shidou: ……yeah, that’s true…… I did my share of fooling around in the past. Mahiru: Oh~? That’s not the sort of answer I’d expect from you. I’ve got it! Somebody told you that if you replied like that people wouldn’t resent you so much, right?

In narratives especially, appearance being used as a weapon is mostly associated with female characters (femme fatale trope and such).

Back to the topic of saviors. The way Fuuta, Kazui, Kotoko and Mikoto are being helpful/caring to other people is through being protectors, guardians, shields and weapons. But Shidou is being helpful through being a caretaker and a healer. He doesn't protect from the attack but he helps to recover after it. This is a traditionally feminine way to be a "savior". Men are soldiers while women are nurses and such. Compared to traditionally masculine characters who are rather reactive and preparing for future attacks,

Kotoko: ……Mukuhara Kazui. Thanks to you, I wasn’t able to properly serve justice to those who did something unforgivable. I’m currently acting as an agent for our prison guard Es. Don’t get in my way next time. Kazui: Oi oi, don’t be silly, Yuzuriha-chan. There’s no way I could just look away from your outrageous display of violence. Anyway, even disregarding the fact violence against those voted guilty isn’t a part of Milgram’s system, what you’re doing is just acting recklessly based on a broad interpretation. As long as I’m free myself, I’ll stop you.

Shidou is calm, soft-spoken and providing, staying in the rear.

What are your thoughts on Amane's changes? The adults need to do something about it. It's frustrating because I can't move due to treating people's injuries, so I have no choice but to leave it to someone else.

As I mentioned earlier, the way he talks about his job makes me feel like he chose it because he couldn't think of any another way to be "helpful" to others. So putting these two ideas together he decided to be helpful through a traditionally feminine way.

While we're here (again) there's something that was noted by a person on twt back in t1, that post is now deleted I think but it stayed in my mind.

Shidou means "lion" (獅) (shi) and "juvenile, child" (童) (dou).

The first kanji means literally just "lion", but that person connected it to Chinese guardian lions:

(x) The male lion has his right front paw on a type of cloth ball simply called an "embroidered ball" (繡球; xiù qiú), which is sometimes carved with a geometric pattern. The female is essentially identical, but has a cub under the left paw, representing the cycle of life. Symbolically, the female lion protects those dwelling inside (the living soul within), while the male guards the structure (the external material elements).

There's also that one of Shidou's main narrative foils is Kotoko who is a woman expressing traditionally masculine traits (physically strong, makes being someone's "fang" (again, shield/weapon) her whole personality, puts a lot of emphasis on intelligence and logic, etc.) Kotoko is a woman who is fighting while Shidou is a man who is healing. Kotoko is muscular and has somewhat unremarkable appearance (with short hair that is easy to maintain and sport clothes, easily disguising herself) while Shidou is slim and noted to be handsome several times, like his appearance is one of his "strengths" or rather something he can use as a weapon. They are paralleled through being Amane's teachers:

Amane: ……what’s wrong, Shidou-san? Your hand has stopped marking. This is mathematics, so there’s no questions about the answers. If I got something wrong, please mark it with an X. Shidou: I…… I just don’t understand. If everything about MILGRAM is true…… why did a child like you have to become a murderer? Just imagining what sort of circumstances must have led to that, it makes me so sad……

……please give me back my test. It seems you don’t have the concentration levels required to be my teacher. I’m going to get Kotoko-san to teach me instead.

Kotoko: Treat you like a child? Hah, you’ve got to be kidding. Back when I was your age, I was already the person I am today. I don’t have any plans to let you get away with something just “because you’re a child.” ……remember that. There, I’ve finished marking. 83%. How do I put it… Even though you act like this, it’s not like you’re super brilliant at studying or anything, huh.

Kotoko puts a lot of emphasis on intelligence and logic as I mentioned earlier, Nott has some posts going in more detail about it (here and here). In these interactions with Amane I find it interesting that Shidou gets carried away and is considered incapable of teaching because he gets distracted by emotions. While Kotoko is rational, stoic, and criticizes, even scolds Amane as needed. Do I need to explain the stereotype that women are emotional and incapable of thinking while men are level-headed and the only ones capable of science. Especially that the emotion that distracts Shidou is pity towards a child.

Motherly behavior

More about traditional gender roles. "Mother" is expected to be soft and caring but also dedicated to the children and always looking after them. That often results in a behavior that is delicate on the surface but overcontrolling in its nature. "Mother knows best" sort of thing. (Shidou can be explained with a single "mother knows best" so well that I wish I could end here, but I'm a yapper) Which is a behavior that Shidou expresses a lot, and it also comes back to what I mentioned about him being heavily associated with children in his behavior: out of all prisoners, he's the one who is always somewhere near young prisoners trying to force his concern onto them. His good intentions ending up in behaviors that are intrusive and uncomfortable, or him straight up saying "you're wrong let me explain how to do everything Properly" but disguising it with "I'm just concerned".

Now, Shidou, in general, appears pretty non-pushy in his personality. In the beginning of the trials, he seems kind of shy in conversations with people, often makes pauses in his speech, like he's hesitant or careful, or gets lost in his thoughts/prefers to keep his thoughts to himself (like in the conversation where he's teaching Amane). He doesn't want to bother and is not good at communication.

Shidou: ……do you mind if we talk? It seems you’ve relaxed a bit more recently, Kusunoki-kun.

I see…… In which case, I wonder if I could ask for a box of cigarettes? I don’t want to be a burden, so I don’t mind if it’s the same brand as whatever Mukuhara-san is getting.

Shidou: ………… Is that so… I apologise. I’m sure everyone else will be happy to eat it, so don’t worry about it. Sorry for intruding.

I'm not sure what to say to that…

He's also noted to be reserved in his expressions.

Shidou: No, I know nothing. ……I’ve never really had an expressive face.

With the same expression no matter who comes I don’t feel scared because I don’t know

Presumably because he's suppressing his emotions in general, ending up feeling lost and indifferent in a way.

“NO” in my dream I am making you cry again, I am being blamed “NO” the hesitation I killed Is holding its breath and sniffing out lies

It becomes more and more diluted, it doesn’t have any flavor even if it’s chewed If it’s not needed, I’m not interested Here and there is such a waste There’s no meaning in it, yes and no, it doesn't matter. It’s all how you say it

No thank you, it’s none of your concern

The correct answer, I don’t yet know But there are lives that need safeguarding

That is to say I think Shidou is straight up shy and somewhat anxious person. So he is quite soft-spoken and delicate in his behavior. Nott noted on this topic that the way he cuts flowers in Throw Down is tender, he's not shown doing anything brutish. And the way he forces his concern onto young prisoners also appears pretty delicate on the surface. He's not being sharp like Kotoko. But behind this seemingly soft attitude is an anxious desire to control his environment, so everything can be Proper, the world can be the way he wants it to be so nothing bad can happen again.

What is the definition of happiness? To be promised an unchanging tomorrow.

Because mother knows best, and knows what should be done so everything can be good. And so his attitude towards young prisoners starts as soft and develops to be more and more forceful in a subtle way.

Shidou: That’s good…… You were crying so much, so I was concerned for you. ……yeah, I’m sure. Your family will definitely be worrying about you. I…… hope you can go back soon. Mu: Shidou-san…… did you come here to comfort me……? I’m sorry, I’d thought you were…… a scary person…… fufu.

Shidou: Sakurai-kun……? Show me your hand. Haruka: Heh!? No, I…… There’s, n-n-nothing wrong. Shidou: Show me. ……the palm of your hand is bleeding. I’ll have to disinfect it.

Amane: I don’t need it. I’ll gratefully accept your well-wishes, but I don’t eat things like that. Also…… Shidou-san, I can’t say I’m especially fond of the way you assume that all children will love frivolous things like this. Shidou: ………… Is that so… I apologise. I’m sure everyone else will be happy to eat it, so don’t worry about it. Sorry for intruding.

Shidou: Amane…… I don’t think that’s true. However smart you may be…… you’re still just a child.

Shidou: No, I don’t understand. It’s my job as an adult to teach you that throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to make everything go your way. If it’s a test of endurance you want, I’m happy to oblige, Amane.

Through both of his voice dramas he's trying to convince Es to make their judgement according to his advice.

You're being annoyingly persistent, Shidou! Know your place here.

Because he knows better.

If you want to hand down the correct punishment for me, then all you have to do is put an end to my life and it'll be over in a blink of an eye.

This sick joke, I can’t take it any more, I surrender You don’t even know yet, and yet

It's also like he is constantly evaluating Es' capability in their interactions. Explaining when they make a mistake, or praising them when they're right in their knowledge.

Ah, well… I was just thinking about how despite being a child, you've really done your research on this.

I don't know what circumstances you face while guarding this prison nor the reason as to why you're doing it, but I'm sure that it must take a toll on you emotionally as well. So, please do your best. *Pats head*

Shidou: I see… If I feel pain, then it's proof that I want to live? Es: Hmph! Shidou: ...Well, with that being said, here's my counterargument to it. It was the nociceptors in my shin which felt that pain. So, it's nothing more than a reaction caused by pain signals being transmitted to my spinal cord and then to my brain. That phenomenon is called nociceptive pain. Es: What? Shidou: What I'm saying is… Even if I do want to die, pain is something which will still involuntarily occur. And therefore, you, Es-kun, were making a mistake in your claim.

Shidou: Let's digress for a moment. Have you studied criminal law? Es: Well, the most important parts at least. I've been learning about it since I started working as the Guard. Shidou: Excellent. So, for example, if someone harbors a criminal or tampers with evidence in order to protect that criminal, that is a crime in itself, right? Es: That's articles 103 and 104. Shidou: You remembered well. Can you recall article 105 as well?

Nott has a post on Shidou and Mahiru paralleling Amane's parents. Here's a more proper/elaborate phrasing of my tags on it: I think that Amane's situation, the way both of her parents are emotionally neglecting and her mother is abusive, makes her view her parents as sort of concepts. A concept of criticizing and overcontrolling parent on one side - her mother, and a concept of loving parent that will praise her but doesn't have enough time for her on the other side - her father. Shidou and Mahiru end up paralleling these concepts. With Shidou being the concept of "overcontrolling mother".

Amane: Shidou Kirisaki… His actions violate our rules. I have given him a warning. If he continues, I suppose it will be inevitable for me to intervene.

State the name of your victim. There is no victim. Only those who were served punishment.

Is there anything you wish your parents would have done? My mother should have kept her faith to the very end.

Is there anyone you hold in high esteem? My father. My father has been on a journey for a while, but that is something very honorable.

What are your thoughts on Amane's changes? If I were healthy, I would want to play with her a lot…

What do the people you respect think about your sin? I just followed what I've been taught. So obviously they'll praise me and tell me that I did good.

If you had to make one of the prisoners part of your family, who would you choose? Shiina Mahiru. Her innate goodness might have brought the two of us closer, maybe.

Flowers & pomegranates

Smaller details that might or might not be relevant but Shidou is heavily associated with flowers and flowers are associated with femininity. His image color is violet/wisteria/lavender shade all of which are derived from flower names. The other characters I can remember being associated with flowers are female characters who are the most gender-conforming out of the cast.

Also pomegranates or something

(x) Zeus, it is said, permitted Hades, who was in love with the beautiful Persephone, to abduct her as her mother Demeter was not likely to allow her daughter to go down to Hades. Persephone was gathering flowers, along with the Oceanids, Artemis, and Triton's daughter Pallas, as the Homeric Hymn says, in a field when Hades came to abduct her, bursting through a cleft in the earth. After Persephone had disappeared, Demeter searched for her all over the earth with Hecate's torches. In most versions, she forbids the earth to produce, or she neglects the earth and, in the depth of her despair, she causes nothing to grow.  When Hades was informed of Zeus' command to return Persephone, he complied with the request, but he first tricked her into eating pomegranate seeds. Hermes was sent to retrieve Persephone but, because she had tasted the food of the underworld, she was obliged to spend a third of each year (the winter months) there, and the remaining part of the year with the gods above.

From what I know this story is focused on the grief of a mother/reunion of a mother and her child although in mass media it's interpreted in the context of romantic relationships.

Regardless of how she had eaten pomegranate seeds and how many, the ancient Greeks told the myth of Persephone to explain the origin of the four seasons. The ancient Greeks believed that spring and summer occurred during the months Persephone stayed with Demeter, who would make flowers bloom and crops grow bountiful. During the other months when Persephone must live in the underworld with Hades, Demeter expressed her sadness by letting the earth go barren and covering it with snow, resulting in autumn and winter.

There are trees without leaves outside but trees with leaves reflecting in the windows. There are also both dry/wilting and living flowers in the greenhouse. Also the general switching between empty real life landscape (which could as well be autumn or early winter) and greenhouse with colorful blooming flowers.

THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!! writing this killed my brain in million ways I can't do this anymore