The Lost Girl

Penelope Sandoval . 19 "How do I salvage me?" Thoughts on repeat, I am unraveling. Everything's affecting me!

[akosdamore-blog]

Akos wrung his hands, guilt continuing to eat away at him as she continued to appear bothered – he’d been responsible, after all, and it pained him to realize that he’d caused her a lot of emotional turmoil since he’d arrived. It’d only been what, a few hours? Already he’d upset her more than once, more than twice, even, and he wondered why in the world she’d still decided to stick around – regardless, he didn’t doubt she’d change her mind sometime soon, if not that very night. He stepped back over towards the couch, curling his arms around himself as his thoughts drifted back to the foul beasts that (probably) lurked within the castle walls, swallowing nervously. He wasn’t even sure where to begin with explanations, but he figured that he owed her the effort, after all he’d done. “They’re demons,” he began, anxiety lacing his tone, “from Hell. They’re monsters, but they… they can make themselves look like people. Like anyone…” He swallowed again, remembering his first few encounters with the creatures – they hadn’t been interested in killing him, especially once they’d picked up on the fact that he’d wanted to die. “That’s… I don’t know what else to tell you…”

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

As he explained a little further about the demonic species, the intensity set in Penny's features slowly began to fade. She listened to him carefully, repeating every word he'd spoken twice in her head to get them to stick. It wasn't until his last sentence reached her ears that she tore her gaze from Akos, arms crossed tightly over her chest as she walked to one of the tables and stood against it. Just as quickly as her anger had pinpointed him, it was replaced with heavy regret for yelling at him the way that she had. If she'd ever taken that tone with Leighton she'd have been sure to earn herself a strong punishment -- but he wasn't Leighton. This wasn't the barn. This was somewhere far scarier, far meaner than her waning obliviousness would let her see, and reality of that was only beginning to dawn on her now. "They are strong too. And... have you seen their eyes?" She asked softly, curious blue hues landing on him. Since he hadn't mentioned that particular frightening feature about them, she wondered if maybe she had a thing or two to share with him about the demons too. "What happens if the demons get inside of here? What will they do?" She'd always been too afraid to ponder such questions alone.

[akosdamore-blog]

The mocking note in her tone proved to surprise him, that shock showing clearly in his expression, his anxiety over whatever monsters lurked in the hallways momentarily forgotten – had he done something wrong? He wondered briefly if, by not knowing, he’d managed to disappoint her, and the more the thought stuck around in his headspace, the more weight it seemed to hold. Guilt settled in the pit of his stomach, and he ducked his head down, wishing the floor – or a demon – would swallow him up – she didn’t deserve a friend as useless as him. As she continued, his surprise returned in full force, though it was jut as fleeting as it’d been before – he couldn’t blame her for believing that he wasn’t being truthful. Had he been truthful? He’d admit that he couldn’t quite reach a definitive answer, especially with what he’d said – did he knew which was worse? He was willing to bet it was the demons… which meant that he had lied and was a terrible, terrible person who deserved nothing less than to be torn apart, again. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, sorrow lacing his tone, and he curled further into himself, pulsing with shame. “I’m– I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” What did it matter? Clearly intent meant nothing. 

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

Heaving a deep breath, Penny’s fingers tensed as she curled them. She couldn’t handle the thought that he really didn’t know -- everyone had always known more than she did about everything. She’d lived her life always leaning on someone, taking instruction for everything she’d ever done. It left her unable to control her emotions now that she was forced to go through them on her own and start thinking for herself. She was cracking under the pressure of her own mind, the overall tense energy of the situation she believed they were in making it worse, compounded with her dislike for the very negativity inside of her. “Tell me everything you know about the monsters.” Sights like a magnet to his eyes, Penny swallowed as she attempted to read him. While her frustration was misdirected at him, she also wanted to give him reassurance and comfort -- though even she knew that she couldn’t have it both ways; she was at a loss for what to do.

[akosdamore-blog]

He watched anxiously as she scurried off towards the windows, his own feet feeling as though they were weighted down – he couldn’t bring himself to move. He wasn’t particularly afraid of heights, but he couldn’t escape the idea that if he moved too close to the window, something sinister would reach in through the glass and grab him. It wasn’t a rational thought, he knew that quite well – what could reach through glass? It was more likely he’d have time to back up while the creature broke it – but it dug itself into his mind all the same, hissing that it was real into his mind. He didn’t want to believe it, couldn’t with what he knew, but it kept him from moving to join her by the windows, his throat constricting as he awaited any fates that’d meet her. He released a breath he hadn’t known he was holding as she twisted back to face him, finally managing to banish the paranoid thoughts that’d crept into his mind – really, the most dangerous part of the room was probably the door. After all, demons were well-equipped to deal with physical obstacles, and he knew from experience that blocking entrances did nothing aside from offer false comfort – should any demons wish to get in, they could either break through (the dramatic ones often did), or simply will themselves inside. He felt the noose of fear coiling around his throat again as she spoke, not wanting to think about being attacked by demons again. So, naturally, that was precisely where his mind took him – back to his death. Trying to force his panic back down into the depths of his mind, he offered a small (if somewhat shaky) shrug. “I don’t– I don’t know…”

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

As she saw the slight tremble in his shrug, Penny was unconvinced that he was telling her the truth. He knew something, that much was obvious to her, and it ticked her off that he wasn’t sharing whatever it was that he was keeping from her. Another frown pulled her features tight together, her limbs tensing with her own anxiety as it continued to grow within her, bringing her closer and closer to the brink of snapping. “I don’t know,” she echoed back in a somewhat mocking way, wide blue hues fixed on Akos. Biting down on the inside of her bottom lip, she studied him carefully with a tight jaw; why was he lying to her? He was lying to her, she was utterly convinced now. Her mood was suddenly completely on the flip side now, angry and hostile toward him. Unable to stop herself from unleashing her anxiety and taking it out on him, the freckled girl was quick to point a finger at him. “Liar,” she hissed, long locks falling forward over her shoulders. “You do know. You know something and you are keeping it a secret! Why are you lying to me--friends aren’t supposed to do that! Stop lying!”

[akosdamore-blog]

Akos’ brows lowered in a furrow as she spoke, his confusion as to her meaning evident in his expression – safe? He hadn’t thought such was possible while they were trapped in the castle, especially now that night had fallen upon them. Safety seemed like a thing of the past, something slipper and elusive – nothing that’d be found easily among the shadows that lurked at every corner, growing larger as the light died. Still, even the smallest of comforts would’ve been greatly appreciated, and thus he said nothing as she slipped over towards the door and pushed a stool against the handle – he didn’t think it would do much, not against the supernatural, but he wasn’t going to pretend he felt slightly more safe with something up against the door. In any case, it could easily act as an early warning system – as the door didn’t lock, anything searching the halls for prey would most likely try opening it the regular way first, and it was possible it’d give them enough time to scurry off and hide while the demon worked on busting the doors open. However, that thought was promptly erased from his mind as another floated to the surface – they could teleport. So much for false security. He watched anxiously as she worked on shoving over one of the shelves, finally deciding that she looked as though some help would be appreciated, and figuring that it might take his mind off his paranoia for at least a few seconds – that was good enough for him. Before he could offer any assistance, however, she’d jarred him out of his thoughts with her voice, and by the time he’d pieced himself back together the shelf was already planted firmly against the doors. “The windows?” he asked, swiveling around to glance in their direction. “Do you… where do they lead?”

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

Perhaps she should have checked where the window led before offering her suggestion, but the thought hadn’t crossed her currently chaotic mind. The only thoughts that seemed consistent at all were to protect her friend, and that there was something coming to get them regardless of the fact that she had no actual proof. Her suspicions were only as concrete as theory. Scurrying over to the window to get an answer to his question, Penny paused as her hands met the windowsill. There was nothing outside from what she could see, only a long drop that would surely bring them both to their deaths. Even standing so close to it made her stomach flip, so she backed up a little bit before twisting her body to face him and shook her head to tell him it was no good. Most of her ideas tended to be unrealistic, but she’d felt such a confidence in that one that she couldn’t help but feel disappointed, which only sped up her growing frustration. “What would be worse,” she began, already creased brows pushing together further. “the monster, or the fall?” Penny had never been attacked by a demon before, therefore she wasn’t aware of what power they held, or how truly dangerous that power made them. From what she’d seen of them, it was merely their appearances -- a wide variety of them, at that -- that sparked fright in her gut. Even in that moment it was hard for her not to picture their shadowed eyes, and she began absent-mindedly wringing her hands after tucking the drawing under her arm.

[selinabruce-deactivated20170814]

a damaged soul does not equal a weak one.

[whenyouhearthissong]

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Are You Lonesome Tonight? - Elvis Presley

[akosdamore-blog]

Akos had his own problems when it came to darkness, a great majority of which had stemmed from living at Michaelson’s for so long – demons ran rampant during the nights, and while he’d been one of them for most of his stay, he couldn’t help but fear them as humans had. He’d always felt slightly pathetic for being afraid of his own kind, but it’d been nothing new; he feared humanity for many different reasons, and he feared himself for many more. Unfortunately, now that he’d returned to life, he wasn’t able to protect himself (or others, though he’d never actually tried, other than hiding himself away) nearly as easily, and he couldn’t help but allow a dull flare of panic to settle in his chest. Demons, apparently, had brought them here, and it wouldn’t surprise him to know that they lurked within the halls at night, ready and willing to tear into anyone who discovered themselves in their grasp. However, the art room wasn’t necessarily a safe haven, and was much more open than he felt comfortable with – he couldn’t stay here and be sure that he, or Penelope, someone who’s life was much more valuable, could be safe. That said, therein lied the problem: How could they find somewhere more hidden if the beasts were lurking in the hallways? Of course, there wasn’t any proof that monsters were waiting out there for an opportunity to kill, but he couldn’t shake the thought from his mind, especially since it made enough sense. They were trapped, it seemed, and with each second that passed the reality of that statement crushed him that much more, his heart-rate beginning to pick up as his anxiety worsened. “Uh,” he began, glancing around the room suspiciously, as though there could be demons among them in that moment, “Why don’t we… I don’t… I don’t know. Maybe we should… stay here.”

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

He didn’t sound too certain of his decision in her opinion, but all she needed was for him to say the word -- the moment the last two words left his mouth, she was moving around the room again. “I need to make it safe then.” She voiced as she picked up her stool and carried it over to the door, pushing it against it. There didn’t appear to be a lock, at least not one that she could recognize. Scurrying over to one of the shelves, Penny began to push it from the side as hard as she could with all of the strength she could muster, knocking off most of the tools that had been set on it. Struggling for a moment before it finally budged, her own anxiety eased fractionally at her success. There wasn’t any expectation for him to help; if anything, she wanted Akos far, far away from the door and hopefully at the other end of the room. That was the safest spot she could think of -- when suddenly she was hit with a brilliant idea, if she did say so herself. “We can escape through the window if the monsters come.” She suggested, nodding with her words. Spinning around, the brunette slammed her back against the shelf she was still working against, knocking it forward hard enough to get a good rhythm going, making it easier for her to eventually force it against the door. Unfortunately, she didn’t believe that was enough to keep them out. Penny snatched up the drawing off of the table, holding it close to her protectively. If they did come they weren’t going to take it from her; they weren’t going to take him from her.

[akosdamore-blog]

It seemed that today was filled with surprises, and the notion that she might continue to say such things was equally as surprising – she’d remember him? Him? He didn’t quite feel that he deserved to be remembered, and as far as he knew, everyone in his old life had felt similarly – even his parents had never come calling once it’d been confirmed he’d lived (sort of), never so much as picked up the phone to give him a hint of the affection he’d been craving. However much he drilled it into himself (and really, it wasn’t hard) that he was completely and utterly undeserving of anyone’s attention, he couldn’t deny that it’d contributed to his hopelessness – if his own parents didn’t want him, didn’t care whether he lived or died, how could anyone else? Of course, Penelope hadn’t ever stated that she truly cared about his well-being, only that she’d remember him, though he found it difficult to separate the two – his psychiatrist had called it black and white thinking. He’d admit quite readily that he still wasn’t sure what he’d meant by that. “I’ll remember you, too,” he offered, though he doubted his words would have the same effect on her. As she continued, he glanced around, noting for the first time that she appeared to be correct – it was nearly dark, and the castle around them had already begun to become more foreboding. Suddenly, as if it’d never appeared in the first place, his cheer vanished and anxiety scrambled to take its place. “U-uhm,” he stammered, twisting his hands together nervously, “Is there anywhere else to stay?”

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

The thrill of her words being returned to her by Akos spiked high momentarily, before fleeing from her as though she’d never felt it at all. Too focused on the potential danger that could easily find them, the lost girl swallowed hard, brows coming down into a deep furrow as she continued to watch the door with a hard gaze. Even as his voice reached her ears, Penny didn’t shift even slightly, not to look at him or show him that she’d heard what he’d asked; she appeared as still as a statue. Though, after a beat of listening to absolute silence carefully, suspiciously, she finally allowed the breath she’d silently been holding in to be exhaled through her nose. “I don’t... I don’t know.” She admitted, wide eyes flickering to him briefly, landing on the door again a second later. She knew the place just about as well as he did, and judging by what he’d asked, she didn’t have high hopes that they were going to find somewhere comfortable, and hopefully smaller -- large spaces tended to make her nervous in the dark. It felt like something was always lurking in front of her face or right next to her, both of which was a feeling she didn’t handle calmly. Penny stood up from her stool, facing Akos as she stood before him. She was used to following someone else’s lead, and she looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to make a decision for the both of them, her expression displaying just how unsettled she was becoming by the minute. Worse than wondering if one of the monsters with the black eyes was already out in the hallway was waiting for it to come in and get them.

[akosdamore-blog]

The confirmation that she’d truly meant the compliment extended towards him was more than enough to fire up his good mood further, and he felt his smile growing wider – it was an alien expression, after so long, but he couldn’t deny that it felt far more pleasant on his features than a scowl. Much like Penny, the memory of their argument had already faded from his mind, forgotten until insecurity and doubt sunk their claws back into him, convinced him that his intentions couldn’t ever be good – for the moment, neither had much of an effect on him, his spirits having risen too high to be easily brought down. A slight pang of regret hit him as she spoke about his inability to keep it – unfortunately, paint wasn’t nearly as permanent on skin – wishing that he could’ve remembered her gesture more easily. Memories were fleeting when it came to him, and they often twisted themselves into more negative forms as time went by. Still, there wasn’t much to be done about it, and he resolved to keep it for as long as he was able. “I’ll remember it,” he promised, lifting his gaze back to her face, in part to solidify the meaning behind his words – it was unbecoming to promise while looking away, and he felt like those who did often held their fingers crossed behind their backs. 

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

She had to fight another urge to leap up and smother him into another embrace, but she did so successfully and stayed seated with her hands curled in her lap. “I’ll remember you.” She said suddenly, sticking her neck out playfully before leaning back in her seat once again. Gaze shifting past him to look out of the window she’d stood at minutes ago, Penny’s features began to contort until there was a small frown left plastered on her face. “It’s going to be dark soon.” She observed by where the light was now coming in through the glass. The sky had already begun to dim, and it was slowly taking her happiness along with its light. The scary monsters usually came out at night, or so she used to hear from her bedroom at the asylum, and worry stuck her upon realizing that they had probably followed all of them here, one by one. Pulling the skin from her lips with her teeth, the brunette shifted her sights to the door, as though she was expecting someone or something to burst through at any moment. “...Are we going to stay here tonight?” Refusing to look away from the only entrance into the room, her hands tightened into small, anxious fists. It had nothing to do with their current surroundings. To be frank, she didn’t feel like she could feel safe anywhere; maybe she could keep lookout for Akos while he slept, as she knew she wasn’t going to get a moment of decent slumber.

[akosdamore-blog]

It took more effort than he was willing to admit to suppress a strangled noise from leaving his throat, the compliment perhaps the most surprising thing that’d happened to him all afternoon – then again, without emotional permanence, everything felt as though it was the most surprising. “Really?” he asked, allowing himself a single flicker of pride at how casual he’d managed to keep his tone, though it was more quiet than what might’ve been normal, and still held the ghost of surprise hidden within it. He wondered whether it would’ve been inappropriate to return the compliment, because quite frankly, her own smile was probably much nicer than his own – it was almost childlike, seemingly untouched by the horrors of the world. He tore his eyes away from her face as her own dropped back down towards his forearm, and he proceeded to watch as she blew on the drying picture. “Yeah,” he answered, his tone softer than it’d been before. Nothing that came close to the gesture of affection she’d shown him had been given to him in the entirety of his life, and it was all he could do not to burst into tears with how emotional he felt himself becoming because of it – keeping himself quiet, at least, helped keep his voice from sounding too choked. “I love it, actually.”

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

“Really, truly!” The shorter brunette nodded, each movement her head made felt like it was working to convince him even more, though the truth of that lied with him. She could hardly remember that they’d fallen into a yelling match a few hours ago -- the memory of which was easily replaced with the present. As Penny didn’t like negativity and reacted at even the slightest sign, she found it easier to push out unwanted thoughts in favour of the kind she appreciated to a much a greater extent. Freckled hands coming up in small fists at her collarbone, she tightened her fingers on and off in an attempt to hold in her excitement. Whenever she’d had too much energy before it always opened up the possibility of a punishment if she didn’t behave, and while she didn’t think Akos was the type to inflict the same consequences Leighton had, she wasn’t comfortable knowing that she could accidentally tick him off. “I wish you could keep it, but you will remember it, won’t you?” She checked, long eyebrows lifting eagerly. Even though she hoped they would always remain the way that they were now with each other, there was no way to be sure of what the future held. The mere thought of that started a cold drip inside of her, and her expression slowly began to fade.

[akosdamore-blog]

He couldn’t help but feel slightly envious of her ability to list favorite things so easily, when he himself almost felt sick to his stomach with anxiety whenever similar questions were thrown his way – he’d learned early on that it wasn’t normal not to have formulated some sort of identity before one entered middle school, and it’d often been something of an insecurity for him. Still, envy wasn’t the only thing he felt, especially not when she was displaying such obvious excitement – he found it difficult not to feel similarly, his hyperempathetic tendencies causing similar feelings to race through him. He remained relatively silent as she continued to paint onto his arm, unsure of how to respond to her verbally and hoping the smile that was still spread across his features was enough of an indication that he wasn’t ignoring her, or something equally as rude – he couldn’t stand the idea of upsetting her yet again. He bit his lip as she went on, a different sort of emotion writhing in his gut – affection. She wanted to protect him? He didn’t deserve protection, least of all from someone so wonderfully kind. But he couldn’t refuse without sounding pitiful – and she’d already said she didn’t want him to hate himself; the least he could do was make it less apparent – and so instead, he answered, “Thank you.” Even with his lower lip still tugged between his teeth, his smile (and his gratitude) was more than obvious.

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

“You’re welcome.” Happiness danced in her eyes as her gaze ran over his smile, her own practically radiating the joy she felt. Placing the paintbrush down on the table, Penny forced her lips to meet, though the same curve remained, enthusiasm and all. “You have a lovely smile.” She commented innocently, shoulders pushed down. She hadn’t taken notice of how nice he looked wearing a warmer expression before, but it couldn’t be missed now. It was in the moment that she took a mental picture of him, rounded eyes slipping to his forearm again before she began to blow on the paint in hopes it would be completely dry in a few moments. She knew the picture she’d created on his skin would probably be gone by morning, and she didn’t mind as long as he saw it before anything could ruin it. “Do you like it?” The brunette asked, gesturing to his arm with her eyes. More than anything she wanted to keep making Akos smile, but second to that, she was desperate for his approval and wanted him to like her work of art.

[akosdamore-blog]

At the time, he hadn’t thought his drawing to be anything particularly valuable, and he couldn’t say (honestly, at least) that he didn’t still hold the same opinion – it wasn’t anything special. Still, she seemed to like it well enough to treat it as something more than that, and that was more gratifying than he felt comfortable admitting. He could nearly feel himself buzzing with happiness, barely able to remember that just mere moments before he’d been trapped in his years-long feud with severe depression. In fact, he couldn’t remember why that’d been the case in the first place – life seemed too good to waste time with negativity – the fact that he’d been trapped in an ominous castle seeming to escape his notice. He bit his lip at her question, uncertainty flickering in his otherwise cheerful gaze; what did he like? He didn’t know. Identity – which often included such things – hadn’t ever been something he’d held a firm grasp on. “I don’t know,” he answered, offering a slight shrug, “what do you like?” It felt better to shift the focus back onto her, especially when focusing on himself didn’t seem to dredge up much – besides, she was definitely more deserving of the attention than he was; despite his swing back towards joy, his opinion surrounding himself hadn’t changed very much. He was still awful, it was just that living and being around others seemed more worth it and safe than it normally did. He nodded, stiffening his posture as she told him to keep still, through his eyes wandered down towards his arm as she began to pain, his head cocked and his expression holding a hint of curiosity.

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

What did she like? That particular list could go on forever, she was sure, but that didn’t make his question any less appealing. “Oh, that’s easy. I like birds, and people, and fountains, and bugs, and pudding!” She emphasized the last one, sitting up a little taller as she shimmied her shoulders again. It was a habit born out of excitement, though she forced herself to calm down again a beat later, as she didn’t want to mess up her painting. She wanted it to be the best effort she’d ever made, more so for him than her own satisfaction. Completing the cloud with the green paint, Penny went on to concentrate on creating the castle sitting on top of it, blue hues glued to his arm. “I like to dream, too. I saw a castle on a cloud in my dream once.” She could still find the vivid image of it filed away in her head when she tried hard enough to see it. Moving to dip the tip of the paintbrush into the paint, she glanced up at her opposite before returning the brush to his skin. “Leighton once told me that nothing can harm me in my dreams, so now I am giving a piece of it to you so nothing can hurt you either.” The freckled girl concluded through a small, happy smile, her gaze running up to his eyes as she finished, slowly pulling her hand back with the art tool.

[eremofobia-1933]

[akosdamore-blog]

It’d been so long since he’d had any sort of affection at all that he wasn’t quite expecting the hug he was given, especially not the sort that threatened to topple the both of them over. Still, while he was startled by her actions, he couldn’t say that they’d been unwanted – in fact, he nearly felt on the verge of tears with how happy he’d become, having not realized until that moment exactly how lonely he’d truly been. He’d always made a point to suppress that particular feeling, having never doubted for a moment that he neither deserved nor would get any affection from others, and in order to ensure that he’d isolated himself completely. The only person he’d talked to in the decade he’d been trapped at Michaelson’s had been this therapist, and he’d even struggled to keep himself in his presence without bolting out the door – it was pathetic; he knew that sometimes, but he’d never tried to stop himself. He’d never deserved to stop himself – still didn’t, but he couldn’t find it in himself to reject the attention she’d decided to bestow upon him. “Is it… really?” he asked, torn between feeling pleased that she’d liked his sketch – he thought it was garbage, himself – and saddened that she apparently hadn’t experienced anything nicer. Of course, he supposed that she could’ve been exaggerating, but he found it difficult to tell with her. “If… If you want to, you should… I’m sure you’re better than you think.”

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

“Mhm! I’m going to keep it safe forever.” Penny assured him with a nod, though she didn’t move the drawing just yet, and she wouldn’t until she had somewhere else to bring it. She figured it was safe on the table for the time being, as anything had yet to happen to it -- and God forbid that something did. Feeling encouraged, she lifted herself up by leaning forward on her hands onto the table, looking up to him as she considered his words for a beat longer. He was right -- why should something like not being good stop her from doing it? “What do you like?” She asked as she moved away from the table and over to the shelves on the side where the jars of paint sat. She took one of every colour she could carry, packing them into her arms to the point that a few had tumbled down onto the floor. As she went to pick them up, another few fell loose from her grip, leaving her practically empty handed. “Hmph.” She huffed, pressing her lips together in slight frustration. Finally choosing just the green paint jar, she abandoned the others on the floor and walked the short distance back to her opposite. She unscrewed the lid as she reached the table and placed it down, dipping her index finger into the thick liquid. “You can’t move, okay?” She instructed, before reaching out to draw a dark green cloud on the centre of his forearm.

[patronushqs-ads]

“Okay, okay!” Kayla giggled, happy that Penny seemed super enthusiastic about heading out to the courtyard. Her face practically lit up when Penny took her hand. Kayla immediately squeezed it for any sort of comfort, to express that she, too, was excited, beaming uncontrollably at her. “Come on!” She told her, tugging at her hand and dragging her in a run out of the room and down the halls. “It’s downstairs and it’s gorgeous. It’s got like… a fountain. And so many places to sit. And the grass is really pretty. It’s a beautiful place to just sort of relax.” Kayla hurried down the stairs carefully and headed towards a door that led to the courtyard. “It’s just through here!”

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

The only times that Penny had seen a fountain as far as she could remember was when she’d been out with Leighton, scoping for his next victim, or luring them into a trap. She wasn’t proud of it, but she didn’t feel guilty about it either despite the lives her compliance had cost. Somehow she managed to keep the darker thoughts on the edges of her mind far away from what was really important to her -- and although being mutually responsible for various kidnappings should have been important to the girl due to regret and self disgust alone, it wasn’t. She remembered always wanting to run through the water and splash around like she’d seen other people doing, but she’d always been forbidden from doing so. Keeping up with Kayla, a small squeal escaped the brunette at her words. She raced ahead to the door, pushing it open with enough force that it hadn’t closed behind her right away, leaving enough time for the petite blonde to slip through after her. The sun burned her eyes, causing her to squint in the light. Bringing her hand up to cast a soft shadow over her bright blue hues, Penny looked around, lips pulled back over her teeth in a smile. It was amazing -- and there was the fountain! Suddenly, she broke into a run towards it, hair whipping in the wind behind her; she felt free.

[akosdamore-blog]

For the first time in a good while, he felt genuinely happy – so happy, in fact, that a genuine smile spread across his lips. It wasn’t the sort he’d been trying for before, the kind that vanished too quickly and didn’t quite meet his eyes; it surprised him that he could even manage such an expression at all, given that it must have been years since it’d last appeared on his face. More surprising still was the fact that he felt a buzz of energy, of excitement and it was most definitely her presence that’d done it – he couldn’t even bother to chide himself for getting attached too quickly, because at that particular moment he couldn’t fault the action. Who wouldn’t get attached too quickly? She was kind enough to light up the whole world, and more than that, she wanted him around. “I’m… I’m just really happy that you don’t want me to leave,” he replied, biting his lip – was that awful to admit? Was there something wrong with expressing such a thing? He’d never heard anyone else do it in his entire life, and as quickly as his cheerfulness had appeared, it stifled itself with worry – of course, nothing seemed to be able to vanquish it entirely, something he was incredibly grateful for. He watched as she walked back over towards the table, his eyes flitting between his sketch and the girl peering down at it. “Yeah, you can have it,” he said, nodding ever-so-slightly. He didn’t have much use for it, himself, and he almost liked the idea of her holding onto it.

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

It was as though bells were ringing in her head when she’d heard his words; she didn’t want him to leave and he didn’t want her to want him to leave--which meant he didn’t want to leave at all, right? Despite the minor confusion over how it’d been phrased, she was sure she had it right in her head. Penny felt like she was a piñata about to burst open and spill all of her happiness all over the place. It wouldn’t be such a bad thing if it was contagious, and perhaps it might’ve been as she ran at him the second after he agreed to let her keep the drawing. Coming at him with enough force to make anyone think she was trying to knock them over, she locked her arms around him, the side of her face squished against his shirt. “Thank you!” She beamed without considering that it might not have been the norm to be as physically affectionate as she was. Regardless, it was something that she needed, and she wasn’t ready to give it up just yet. After a moment, Penny released her arms from around him and immediately bee-lined for the drawing again, shimmying her shoulders as she placed her palms down on the table top. Fascination was fixed in her gaze as she stared down at it. “This is the nicest thing I have ever seen.” She said honestly, unable to tear her eyes away. “...I want to paint you something, but I’m not good.”

[akosdamore-blog]

It was one of those situations where he felt as though a good pinch would wake him up – completely and utterly unbelievable. Never in a million years would he have expected for someone else to admit that they liked his company, to reassure him that his presence was wanted and that he wasn’t something of a menace. He’d always been quite certain that the only reason others put up with him at all was due to the fact that it was considered rude to tell someone, directly, to fuck off – that said, he couldn’t totally dispel his doubts as to whether she’d decided to do something similar. “No, I don’t mind,” he answered quietly, his voice feeling strangled in his throat, his mind unable to clearly process the fact that she wanted him around. He was wanted; he was wanted; he was wanted. It looped in his mind endlessly, the words strung together but difficult to grasp – he still felt the urge to pinch himself, though desperate for the attention (it was positive, even!) she’d given him, he refrained. If this were some convoluted dream, he didn’t want to wake up, especially if that meant he’d be alone again. Yes, such was precisely what he deserved, but he couldn’t bring himself to suffer through it again – he’d done that for ten long years and in that moment he felt like he’d break if he tried it again for even mere minutes. “N-no, I won’t leave. I promised,” he confirmed, shock still racing through him at an uncontrolled pace. He righted his expression the best he could as she spoke, though wonder still sparkled in his eyes. “I’m… I’m fine, don’t worry about me. I won’t faint.” He wouldn’t. He couldn’t. He felt too energized for sleep, and he doubted that even a blow to his head would be able to force him into it at that point.

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

That settled it -- if he didn’t mind, then she didn’t either, and just like that, she’d been cleansed of her embarrassment. Although, in the back of her mind she was sure that this particular personal issue would be revisited in the near future. His confirmation brought a bright smile to light up her features, bouncing herself cheerfully off the floor once. Relief came soon after when he assured her that he was fine, and she took him at his word. He was convincing enough, not that she really knew any better. He must have been thinking about something though, and with the thought now implanted in her brain, she couldn’t not pry. “Something is on your mind.” She stated matter-of-factly. “What?” Inside, she was proud of herself for being able to tell that much. Lowering her limbs back to her sides, she turned from her opposite and walked back over to the table where they’d been sitting, eyes scanning over his drawing. “May I keep this?” Penny asked, looking up from the artwork. She didn’t have a place to put it, but she wanted something that could always remind her of him, even when he was with her. She didn’t have such a luxury with Leighton, which only reinforced the internal need to have something of his, should anything happen to Akos as well.