Eternal Damnation

Akos D'Amore - 25 - Ex Demon "Is there really a difference between a bad person and a person who does bad things, or does one just convince themselves of that to seem better than they really are?"

[cinnamonrollmercie]

Now that they were outside, she allowed herself to tune the rest of the world out. Sidney splashed into a puddle of mud, caking her black boots brown. She was a woman who didn’t mind getting dirty. Materialistic things, as attractive as they may be, were there one day and could be gone the next. It was nothing she couldn’t clean later. The drizzle, though light, made it difficult to look up at the sky. She blinked the cool water from her eyes, knowing that the weather created the illusion that she was crying, especially with her mascara beginning to streak down her pale face. She had gotten good with using her attitude as a front to mask how lost she felt. Ever since she arrived here, she felt a weight crushing her chest. There was no place to go, but walk around in circles. Back on Earth or the real world or wherever home was away from this oblivion, she could never stay in one place for too long. Girl on the move–that was Sidney. Run from the problems she created and from the people she used. Run to discover herself. But it all remained a blur like this rain. And now as she looked at the sky, which was a bland gray as if nothing else existed past the horizon, she could feel that weight making her want to sink down.

Looking over her shoulder to Quiet Boy, she smiled and hung onto the peace the rain gave because it was quickly slipping away. “Sometimes. It makes me feel…alive.” Was that even the right word for it, when she felt to numb on the inside? Thinking about it was killing her vibe, so she stopped, or at the most tried to switch her focus. Slowly twirling to face him, her arms were still held out collecting the droplets in her open palms. “Has anything or anyone ever made you happy?” She was suddenly curious, finally acknowledging his previous words. Everything was always easier said than done, so she understood that it might not work that way, but it depended on whether he had tried before.

[akosdamore-blog]

Akos had never minded the rain, having always found such weather to be an apt descriptor for his own moods -- of course, his changed as quickly as they did in the West, from what he’d heard. What was that one saying? If you didn’t care for the weather in California, wait five minutes -- now that was an accurate depiction of his moods. Ever-changing and never carrying anything lasting, never carrying anything he could cling to -- he found himself in a perpetual state of uncertainty and discomfort, regardless of any progress he’d made with his psychiatrist. Of course, it was readily apparent that if he’d made any, it’d been tossed aside by the castle and its hosts, plunging him back into what seemed like the worst state he’d been in since... ever. Every time is the worst since ever, he added miserably, having been able to somewhat grasp what his doctors had mentioned about a lack of emotional permanence -- nothing stayed. Nothing ever stayed; not people, not feelings, not anything.

Nothing was permanent and he knew that better than anyone, he thought.

As she glanced over towards him, he managed to shake away a bit of his misery, righting his expression the best he could. “Alive?” he asked quietly, his brows furrowing slightly before he glanced over and out into the distance -- which, admittedly, wasn’t much with the thickness of the fog -- running her admission through his thoughts several more times. “I guess... that makes sense,” he said after his pause; it was his way of admitting that he felt similar, though he couldn’t gather together the words to say it outright. He figured that it wasn’t necessarily something she’d want, knowing she shared something with him, because he was quite certain he was absolutely terrible company, and overall an awful person. He found himself surprised by her question, shifting his weight as he wracked his mind for an answer -- nothing came to mind. “I... I don’t... think so...” he answered somewhat hesitantly, bringing his hands closer towards his chest and wringing them nervously. While honesty was something he strived for, it always left him anxious.

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

As he explained a little further about the demonic species, the intensity set in Penny’s features slowly began to fade. She listened to him carefully, repeating every word he’d spoken twice in her head to get them to stick. It wasn’t until his last sentence reached her ears that she tore her gaze from Akos, arms crossed tightly over her chest as she walked to one of the tables and stood against it. Just as quickly as her anger had pinpointed him, it was replaced with heavy regret for yelling at him the way that she had. If she’d ever taken that tone with Leighton she’d have been sure to earn herself a strong punishment – but he wasn’t Leighton. This wasn’t the barn. This was somewhere far scarier, far meaner than her waning obliviousness would let her see, and reality of that was only beginning to dawn on her now. “They are strong too. And… have you seen their eyes?” She asked softly, curious blue hues landing on him. Since he hadn’t mentioned that particular frightening feature about them, she wondered if maybe she had a thing or two to share with him about the demons too. “What happens if the demons get inside of here? What will they do?” She’d always been too afraid to ponder such questions alone.

[akosdamore-blog]

He felt himself beginning to relax as the intensity faded from her expression, hoping his partial explanation had been enough to placate her, even just momentarily. He knew he couldn’t expect her to behave any differently when he himself had shown worse behavior over less, but he desperately wanted her approval and that meant ensuring that she wasn’t angry with him. He couldn’t begin to comprehend that someone could want him to be around, but he wanted to believe her -- needed to believe her -- and thus treated her words as if they’d been true. She hadn’t said anything to the contrary, after all, and despite that it was horribly unlikely to him that her affection was genuine, he could deal with self-deception, for a while. For a while he could accept that she wouldn’t need him like he needed her, needed others, and that while seemed like a long enough stretch of time for someone who lacked the ability to measure it. “Yeah, they... they are,” he said, still coiling his fingers together nervously -- it only worsened as she mentioned their eyes, the soulless pits of darkness that remained one of the easiest tells that someone was demonic. They also happened to be terrifying, in his experience, and could appear on even the nicest of people, proving that trusting others was an overall unintelligent thing to do. “I’ve... seen them, yes.” Lived with them, as well. “If we’re lucky, they’ll... they’ll just kill us and move on...”

[wesley-bates-deactivated2020011]

Anyone who wasn’t familiar with the supernatural might look upon Akos and think he was being attacked by a disease. The beast from within was tearing him apart, wanting to be let out of it’s cage. All he had to do was accept it, then the pain would go away. Wesley wanted to help, as if being an accomplice to evil would earn him his own abilities back. He didn’t need the demon instinct to wish suffering upon others though, or to cause it. “Look at you. Pathetic. Weak. This isn’t you.” Something about Akos whining was very comical. The ghost of a smile reached the corners of his mouth. As the other spoke, he picked up on the change in tone. He was almost there. It shouldn’t take long to persuade him now. “You can.” His gaze was full of scrutiny, wondering if the male would fall over from the panic attack and faint from shortness of breath. “Hurting is inevitable.” Wesley didn’t plan on dying today. Even when death greated him, it had never been something he feared. He was indifferent when it came to his own safety, making him lack caution in a room with Akos while technically being the one more human. “Let me help you. You won’t regret it.” The cruelty in his smile was a promise. Even if his acquaintance refused, he would take proper action. “You’re cold. I know the perfect remedy. Trust me. Have I ever failed you before?” That could be arguable, of course. Whether someone wanted it or not, Wes could stir up trouble. Here he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

[akosdamore-blog]

Wesley’s words carved through him like knives, the hiss of disapproval digging him further into what was beginning to feel like a grave – and not the metaphorical sort, either. He nearly felt like he was on the edge of death, barely floating between this world and the next; becoming a demon apparently didn’t work in quite the same way when one was alive. And from what he understood, unless someone back on Earth had managed to kill him without his knowledge, he was very much alive. “It is me,” he nearly whimpered, grating his teeth together with the effort to both contain his erratic emotions and keep himself from shivering – the irony was that he didn’t feel cold anymore; he felt like someone had decided to dip him in fire, and yet the shivering had only continued to worsen. “I’m pathetic. I’m weak,” he insisted, and though his tone conveyed the willingness to sound convincing, it appeared more that he was speaking to himself, rather than the man who’d stumbled across him. He needed to convince himself that he wasn’t a monster. Unfortunately, he’d never been terribly convincing with himself in that regard, and already he felt his resolve beginning to crumble – Wesley was right. It would stop his pain, stop his illness… but it was also a horribly selfish idea. Putting himself before someone else’s well-being, when he himself deserved nothing less than the agony he was experiencing. “I know it is!” he snapped, the beginnings of a growl creeping into his tone – he knew hurting others was inevitable. "But I can’t… I can’t do it… I can’t…” He repeated it several more times to himself, the conviction in his tone lessening with each word that escaped him, and he reached up to curl his fingers in his hair.

[reasonturnedregret-blog]

Nodding as though he understood the others difficulties when it came to socializing, the teenagers first response was to reach into his pants pocket. “This might help.” He voiced as he stood up, digging around until he felt the correct pattern of the bag he’d been searching for. Pulling out a rather large, mostly full plastic bag with little bumblebee’s scattered all across it, Logan pulled the seal apart and reached inside to gather three of the small white capsules. “It’s Molly,” He revealed as he discretely slid the three pills across the table to Akos, before quickly sealing the bag again, and returned it to his pocket. Most people knew the drug by its common street name, and he could only assume at this point that this guy was familiar with what it was; though, he waited another beat to give him a chance to ask anything he might feel the need to. “Oh, and if you need something else to help you sleep or relax, I’ve got some of that too.” He added, his voice just above a whisper. It was too dangerous to use the real name of a drug so common, his reference to weed fairly vague if he did say so himself. Logan didn’t trust anything about the castle though, not even down to the food he ate every day. For all he knew, even the walls had ears, and he wasn’t willing to put himself or his stash at risk. There were too many various kinds of addicts here, and some he wanted to avoid more than others.

[akosdamore-blog]

Another sharp spike of anxiety dug itself into his stomach as Logan reached into his pocket, the thought that he might’ve been carrying a weapon floating into his mind -- an entirely ridiculous thought, of course, given that he’d said it would help him, but he found himself unable to shake it. At least until the teenager slid three capsules across the tabletop, causing his brows to furrow in uncertainty -- drugs? He’d had issues with substance abuse himself, though his drug of choice had always been alcohol; anything else hadn’t seemed necessary, especially when it was entirely legal to drink oneself to death, should they feel up to the task. He’d broken the rules a fair bit in his life -- the worst of which called for capital punishment -- but that might’ve been the one disaster he hadn’t dug himself too far into. “Uh,” he started lamely, keeping his eyes trained on the pills he’d been offered -- Molly? What did that even mean? He felt as though he were supposed to have known what he meant, but his lacking background didn’t offer him any assistance in figuring things out. “I-- I don’t--” He broke off, shame coiling itself around his throat -- not knowing something had always been embarrassing for him, and unfortunately that list extended onwards for quite some time. “What... is it..?” he managed at last, though he’d pulled his gaze away from both the capsules and the other’s face, casting it lower. Everything that left the stranger’s lips seemed to cause him varying levels of confusion, the vague language he’d chosen upon only causing him more internal distress.

[wesley-bates-deactivated2020011]

It was Akos. A terribly human version of the man he knew. Even after losing the demon part, he continued to look at everyone as human and himself as something more. He considered himself special in that way. It didn’t matter that he didn’t have a shred of demonic abilities or instinct within him. Wesley had always been aggressive with a yearn to terrorize others. He preferred to be the victim and to manipulate situations that would backfire to gain a sickly sweet pleasure, but he did get his kicks by preying on the weak. He was a walking contradiction. The years spent during his return to the asylum were a mess of attempting to be socially acceptable. Doing the right thing made people happy. But that constantly conflicted for his need to hurt both himself and others. Built relationships only to self sabotage by showing his true colors. Not with Akos. Not yet.

His dark hues trailed down to the other’s hands, or rather the claws that weren’t subtle. They weren’t full length, but anything was better than nothing. And Akos was trying to fight it? The agony trembling in the male’s features became clearer. This wasn’t just an episode of some sort, it was a battle. “Control it?” What was wrong with this guy? Why would anyone want to resist such power? The surprise on Wes’ face shifted to a concrete authoritative look. Who was he kidding? Akos always did have a bit of trouble with letting go. All he needed was a little push over the edge. “Then don’t. Stop resisting it. Give in. All your pain will go away. You know it will.” Wesley was entirely jealous. He wanted it and he didn’t have it. He would have to make do with feeding off of Akos’ energy. Frankly, he didn’t want to lose his acquaintance either and had no hesitance with being the voice of reason. “Don’t be afraid. It’s your nature. It’s what you’re meant to be.” Wesley had gotten closer, his eyes locked on the other as if he had an influence within the depths of his wicked eyes.

[akosdamore-blog]

He shivered, his temperature having plummeted into what felt like several degrees below zero -- as if to confirm his thoughts, a thin layer of frost crept out from underneath his feet, causing another strangled noise to tear itself from his throat. He hadn’t been cursed with demonic instinct, not yet, but he could feel its beginnings brimming within him, waiting for its chance to influence again. In any case, instinct or not he’d always been prone to violent outbursts, and more than that, he was having severe difficulties in control human aspects of himself, let alone the obvious display of lacking control over his newfound demon ones. He wished to God that someone would strike him down, end his pain before it became another’s, but he doubted that someone holy would heed his prayers -- he’d never deserved mercy, and he seriously doubted that it’d ever be afforded to him. Unfortunately, left without an answer, he wasn’t sure how long he’d be able to hold onto his humanity -- that foul darkness could creep into him, fully fledged, at any moment, and that wouldn’t bode well for anyone in his vicinity.

“N-no! No, I can’t-- Wes, I can’t!” he practically whined, clenching his jaw as another bought of shivering overcame him, his breath ghosting from his lips in a cloud of must -- he felt like he was freezing to death, but he knew that death wouldn’t take him, not yet. Not ever, if things continued on the way they were -- he could only hope that the demons who’d trapped him there would eventually decide to allow him his much-desired end. If he knew demons, though -- and he unfortunately did -- he knew that they’d do anything to prevent him from wanting his fate. Only when he begged and pleaded against it would they ever grant him death. He could only hope that he’d find something strong enough to chain him into an empty room, in the hopes that starvation would take him before he was forced into feeding. “I can’t...” he repeated, though his tone took on a certain weakness, an uncertainty that he despised -- was he considering this? Truly, honestly considering giving into evil, as he’d occasionally done in past times? “I don’t-- I don’t want t-to hurt anyone... or y-you...” he hissed through chattering teeth, curling his arms back around himself in a futile attempt to warm himself.

[wesley-bates-deactivated2020011]

Wesley had always had a love for fire. An old ability allowed him to conjure it at the tip of his finger. He currently walked down one of the corridors, his focus trained on each snap the friction of his thumb and middle finger made. Right hand. Left hand, for good measure. Right hand. Nothing. “Fucking…fuck.” He grumbled sharply under his breath. It wasn’t fair that David had gained back some power. He was Wesley Bates. The power deserved to go to himself and it would be accepted with open arms. Hell, he’d pay whatever price to speed up the process, assuming he’d gain back any abilities during his stay at the castle. His hand curled into a fist that was on the verge of punching the wall due to his selfish anguish when noise drew his attention into one of the bedrooms. On second thought, it wasn’t the noise. It was the person he had caught a glimpse of that made him backtrack several steps after passing by the open door. The sight completely stole his attention; his fist relaxed and he invited himself to step over the threshold. “Akos?” Something was wrong, though. He could sense the aniety in the atmosphere. It was smothering, as if the air was contaminated and the source was the other male. This wasn’t right. Where was the man he remembered? The guy who understood the thrill of the hunt? The one who could spill blood and take his fill, the same as he could when hungry? There was no blood staining Akos’ lips, no…familiarity. This might as well have been a stranger. Even as he wanted to question what was wrong, Wesley already knew. He had just never witnessed it first hand because they were the type of companions to bond through a mutual activity instead of the nitty gritty details of each other’s lives. He was torn between leaving and standing there–the later won.

[akosdamore-blog]

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that he’d been trapped in what appeared to be some sort of oblivion; it wasn’t fair that the demons who’d trapped him here had decided he’d be better off as one of them; it wasn’t fair that he’d been sliding back into it with more ease than what should’ve been possible. He’d thought, briefly, with relief, that he’d been saved from such a fate when the original curse had broken, that never again would he be forced to take another’s life -- not that he hadn’t before his death, but he’d found it much easier to refrain when he hadn’t been something that amounted to a savage killing machine. Secluding himself away from others would’ve worked better without that nasty instinct, and while he’d hoped and prayed that Hell would keep him in its depths (of course, he sung a very different tune during his torture, he knew) instead of spitting him back out into the asylum... it hadn’t done much.

After what felt like half a lifetime of torture, he’d woken up as a demon himself, and self control was much more difficult when there was a component of himself that required suffering to live. Though he himself hadn’t had any issues with dying -- permanently, at that -- his instinct kept him from giving in, kept him in a cycle of violence that he hadn’t been strong enough to break. Now it was back; now he was beginning to lose the humanity he’d fought so hard to maintain, and already he felt the prickle of that particular darkness underneath his skin, willing him to give into it again. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t. The horrible guilt, the shame, wasn’t worth satisfying it and it never would be -- even in the asylum he’d sobbed himself to sleep many times over how much suffering he’d caused, once he’d been safe from prying eyes. He flinched as a voice permeated his panicked thoughts, and though his anxiety had been horrid beforehand, he felt a fresh wave of it crash over him at the man’s appearance.

It was Wesley. 

“G-go... go, please...” he managed through a burst of hyperventilation, his fingers curled into tight, semi-clawed fists. “I-- I can’t... control it...”

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

Heaving a deep breath, Penny’s fingers tensed as she curled them. She couldn’t handle the thought that he really didn’t know – everyone had always known more than she did about everything. She’d lived her life always leaning on someone, taking instruction for everything she’d ever done. It left her unable to control her emotions now that she was forced to go through them on her own and start thinking for herself. She was cracking under the pressure of her own mind, the overall tense energy of the situation she believed they were in making it worse, compounded with her dislike for the very negativity inside of her. “Tell me everything you know about the monsters.” Sights like a magnet to his eyes, Penny swallowed as she attempted to read him. While her frustration was misdirected at him, she also wanted to give him reassurance and comfort – though even she knew that she couldn’t have it both ways; she was at a loss for what to do.

[akosdamore-blog]

Akos wrung his hands, guilt continuing to eat away at him as she continued to appear bothered -- he’d been responsible, after all, and it pained him to realize that he’d caused her a lot of emotional turmoil since he’d arrived. It’d only been what, a few hours? Already he’d upset her more than once, more than twice, even, and he wondered why in the world she’d still decided to stick around -- regardless, he didn’t doubt she’d change her mind sometime soon, if not that very night. He stepped back over towards the couch, curling his arms around himself as his thoughts drifted back to the foul beasts that (probably) lurked within the castle walls, swallowing nervously. He wasn’t even sure where to begin with explanations, but he figured that he owed her the effort, after all he’d done. “They’re demons,” he began, anxiety lacing his tone, “from Hell. They’re monsters, but they... they can make themselves look like people. Like anyone...” He swallowed again, remembering his first few encounters with the creatures -- they hadn’t been interested in killing him, especially once they’d picked up on the fact that he’d wanted to die. “That’s... I don’t know what else to tell you...”

[cinnamonrollmercie]

She could feel how tense he was in her hold. It wasn’t like she were hugging him either. She had the urge to pat his forearm, but that’d probably make it worse. Not that Quiet Boy would believe it, but Sidney wanted to reverse his doubt about her, even though she was having fun with it. But it didn’t seem like he had a problem with only her, it must be him against the world. That meant it would take a lot of effort to prove herself worthy of some sort of acquaintanceship. The young woman didn’t have the patience to tip toe around his emotions every time they hung out, because yes she did see them running into each other after this. It was bound to happen. She was going to try for now, but there was no telling how long it would last. “That’s a nice smile.” Her gaze caught it, though it had gone as quickly as it appeared. “Too bad it was full of shit.” As harsh as that may come across, her voice was soft and full of musing. It wasn’t to offend him, but rather call him out on the fakeness behind it. “It was a nice try though. You don’t have to smile if you don’t mean it.” She didn’t know if he needed to be told that. Perhaps. She remembered the way the world forced her into pink dresses and shoved respectable manners down her throat. She had rebelled against the idea of being a supressed little girl. She could roar just as mighty as men and take control of her life. Her therapist would disagree with the last part, but that fucker wasn’t around anymore to discuss all her bad choices. “Maybe you need to find something that makes you happy. Then it’ll be easier because you won’t think about controlling it. Things just might be naturally better.” Opening the door that led outside, she let go of the arm and skipped ahead. Her arms extended on either side of her, welcoming the drizzle falling from the murky clouds. Her face was angled towards the sky and her eyes closed. All she could do was imagine freedom, instead of being trapped like a mouse in a maze.

[akosdamore-blog]

Given that he’d leapt between rage, a panic attack, and then rage again -- and now appeared to be caught between a wave of emotions he liked to refer to as undetermined -- tense was a bit of an understatement. He couldn’t bring himself to trust the woman beside him, even after she’d said that she’d only been rude to pull him out of his panic -- was she even telling the truth? She’d mocked him before, without reason, and was it really so strange to assume tht she’d done it again, and merely lied to save face? On the flip side, could he really assume that she was so horribly manipulative that she’d pull something like there just to gain some sort of better standing with him? He didn’t believe for an instant that he was worth that, and even if she’d just wanted to avoid another of his horrid outbursts, could he really blame her? Of course not. He winced out of habit as she caught his less-than-truthful smile, though he’d known all along that it’d been a poor attempt -- in any case, her voice hadn’t given him the same discomfort that it had beforehand.

In fact, she seemed softer somehow, less abrasive.

He pulled his gaze off towards the side, misery bubbling up within him -- something to make him happy? What a joke! “I don’t... I don’t really think it works that way,” he answered, trying to keep his shift back towards depression out of his tone, and to his credit, he might’ve have managed it. Even so, it wouldn’t change the fact that, internally, he’d probably become more miserable than he had in his entire life, and in truth, he’d rather have trudged back into a random room and curled up underneath a bed than humored her idea of heading outside. As she pushed open the doorway and released him, he seemed to relax just slightly, stepping out into the rain and peering into the fog that’d sunk into the area. Despite that she’d only wandered off a short distance from him, he already found himself having trouble seeing her -- suddenly, with the threat of losing her hanging over his head, he decided that being alone was a worse fate, and followed after her. “Do you like this... um, this kind of weather?”

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

As she saw the slight tremble in his shrug, Penny was unconvinced that he was telling her the truth. He knew something, that much was obvious to her, and it ticked her off that he wasn’t sharing whatever it was that he was keeping from her. Another frown pulled her features tight together, her limbs tensing with her own anxiety as it continued to grow within her, bringing her closer and closer to the brink of snapping. “I don’t know,” she echoed back in a somewhat mocking way, wide blue hues fixed on Akos. Biting down on the inside of her bottom lip, she studied him carefully with a tight jaw; why was he lying to her? He was lying to her, she was utterly convinced now. Her mood was suddenly completely on the flip side now, angry and hostile toward him. Unable to stop herself from unleashing her anxiety and taking it out on him, the freckled girl was quick to point a finger at him. “Liar,” she hissed, long locks falling forward over her shoulders. “You do know. You know something and you are keeping it a secret! Why are you lying to me–friends aren’t supposed to do that! Stop lying!”

[akosdamore-blog]

The mocking note in her tone proved to surprise him, that shock showing clearly in his expression, his anxiety over whatever monsters lurked in the hallways momentarily forgotten -- had he done something wrong? He wondered briefly if, by not knowing, he’d managed to disappoint her, and the more the thought stuck around in his headspace, the more weight it seemed to hold. Guilt settled in the pit of his stomach, and he ducked his head down, wishing the floor -- or a demon -- would swallow him up -- she didn’t deserve a friend as useless as him. As she continued, his surprise returned in full force, though it was jut as fleeting as it’d been before -- he couldn’t blame her for believing that he wasn’t being truthful. Had he been truthful? He’d admit that he couldn’t quite reach a definitive answer, especially with what he’d said -- did he knew which was worse? He was willing to bet it was the demons... which meant that he had lied and was a terrible, terrible person who deserved nothing less than to be torn apart, again. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, sorrow lacing his tone, and he curled further into himself, pulsing with shame. “I’m-- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to...” What did it matter? Clearly intent meant nothing. 

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

Perhaps she should have checked where the window led before offering her suggestion, but the thought hadn’t crossed her currently chaotic mind. The only thoughts that seemed consistent at all were to protect her friend, and that there was something coming to get them regardless of the fact that she had no actual proof. Her suspicions were only as concrete as theory. Scurrying over to the window to get an answer to his question, Penny paused as her hands met the windowsill. There was nothing outside from what she could see, only a long drop that would surely bring them both to their deaths. Even standing so close to it made her stomach flip, so she backed up a little bit before twisting her body to face him and shook her head to tell him it was no good. Most of her ideas tended to be unrealistic, but she’d felt such a confidence in that one that she couldn’t help but feel disappointed, which only sped up her growing frustration. “What would be worse,” she began, already creased brows pushing together further. “the monster, or the fall?” Penny had never been attacked by a demon before, therefore she wasn’t aware of what power they held, or how truly dangerous that power made them. From what she’d seen of them, it was merely their appearances – a wide variety of them, at that – that sparked fright in her gut. Even in that moment it was hard for her not to picture their shadowed eyes, and she began absent-mindedly wringing her hands after tucking the drawing under her arm.

[akosdamore-blog]

He watched anxiously as she scurried off towards the windows, his own feet feeling as though they were weighted down -- he couldn’t bring himself to move. He wasn’t particularly afraid of heights, but he couldn’t escape the idea that if he moved too close to the window, something sinister would reach in through the glass and grab him. It wasn’t a rational thought, he knew that quite well -- what could reach through glass? It was more likely he’d have time to back up while the creature broke it -- but it dug itself into his mind all the same, hissing that it was real into his mind. He didn’t want to believe it, couldn’t with what he knew, but it kept him from moving to join her by the windows, his throat constricting as he awaited any fates that’d meet her. He released a breath he hadn’t known he was holding as she twisted back to face him, finally managing to banish the paranoid thoughts that’d crept into his mind -- really, the most dangerous part of the room was probably the door. After all, demons were well-equipped to deal with physical obstacles, and he knew from experience that blocking entrances did nothing aside from offer false comfort -- should any demons wish to get in, they could either break through (the dramatic ones often did), or simply will themselves inside. He felt the noose of fear coiling around his throat again as she spoke, not wanting to think about being attacked by demons again. So, naturally, that was precisely where his mind took him -- back to his death. Trying to force his panic back down into the depths of his mind, he offered a small (if somewhat shaky) shrug. “I don’t-- I don’t know...”

[cinnamonrollmercie]

She could see him trying to decide what to believe. As he began to speak, her smile grew. He was taking her word, meaning she was getting away with it. This was a little win for Sidney, who was silently proud of herself for coming up with an excuse for her lack of a filter as well as managing to actually get him to lower his volume. Her arm tightened around his as if she were prepared to keep him with her even if he was planning to break the link. Truth was, she would’ve taken hold had he been too chicken–anxious–to do so at all. The corners of her mouth curved up in a more friendly way as she looked at him and she gave a tiny, playful nudge before leading them down the hall. “Lighten up, buttercup.” While the male had agreed to escort her, which certainly made the blonde happy, she couldn’t ignore that he must’ve felt pressured. That was fine though. If this is what it took until he was able to not be so uptight, then she had no problem proposing ideas and urging him to tag along. It made her wish it was a little more genuine on his part, but beggars can’t be choosers. “Have you always been this…wound up?” Before asking, she had searched for an appropriate way of phrasing as a way of proving she would try for good behavior. Her gaze remained ahead. The closer to the courtyard they got, the quicker she walked. It took self restraint to not skip the way there.

[akosdamore-blog]

Though he tried, he couldn’t banish the flicker of anxiety that’d settled in his stomach entirely, especially once her arm tightened around his own -- it nearly felt like a possessive gesture, and being that she hadn’t exactly been kind earlier, he couldn’t shake the idea that her intentions weren’t either. Sure, perhaps he didn’t deserve anything less than the worst, but that didn’t necessarily mean that he’d welcome it with a wide smile -- he was much too paranoid for his self-loathing to cause behavior such as that. As her smile seemed to become more friendly (a ruse, perhaps?), he felt himself trying to loosen up the tension in his shoulders, though he fount it difficult to even feign comfort with anxiety writhing in his stomach. Resisting the urge to apologize, he forced a faint smile onto his lips in reply, though it quickly faltered and died -- he’d never been particularly good at faking smiles, and any and all of his abilities in lying vanished in the wake of fear. “Yeah, kinda...” he replied, wishing he could’ve answered differently -- unfortunately, his issues had cropped up fairly early in his life, and he’d never been able to make much headway in his treatment, even before he’d died. In fact, he couldn’t remember a time where he hadn’t been this way, and couldn’t conceptualize ever being without his illness, even in the far off future. Perhaps especially in the far off future, given that he couldn’t even be certain he had one, now that he’d been trapped and left for dead. “I can’t control it.”

[cinnamonrollmercie]

A smile slowly split her face. It was innocent, but simultaneously displayed that she was aware of having offended him. She didn’t say anything yet, instead opting for silence as the demon-man–whatever the hell he was–switched moods. It was visible on his face in the way the nauseating taste that looked to be in his mouth was extinguished by a wave of intense ferocity. Of the two battling emotions, Sidney liked this one. The anger was an amusing challenge that she could bounce off of, whereas his anxiety made her feel at fault. She disliked taking the blame for her own actions and certainly was wiping her hands clean of it here. Rather than touch on what he was saying, the young woman took a different route. “It worked! How’s your chest feeling? Better, right?” Keeping her arms crossed, she leaned her shoulder against the wall. “I knew that twisting the stick up your ass would make you come to your senses. Welcome back, you looked like you were about to faint.”

Her expression, though amused, portrayed seriousness. Had it been her plan from the beginning to ruffle his feathers to snap him out of his episode, even at the expense of his bark? Quiet Boy would never know. It wasn’t like he could do anything, but take her word for it anyway. Or not. What he believed didn’t exactly matter, but if she got away with it, then it wouldn’t be the first time she managed to have an influence of sorts on another person. She saw an opportunity to twist the truth and took it. It had worked after all, hadn’t it? No longer was he about to suffer cardiac arrest, but was back to his big brooding self. “I know, not the nicest plan, but it worked. So! What do you say about still escorting me outside? I promise to try to be on my best behavior?” The blonde was already extending her elbow out to him, suggesting that he should hook his arm around hers and they could make off like they were on the yellow brick road. Mainly she wanted to see if he would take it or if he didn’t hold the capacity to be that close because she had repulsed him. The flicker of a challenge wavered in her eyes, contrasting her smile. “Unless you’re allergic to vagina or something.” She waited a beat before erupting with a laugh. “Kidding! I’m just yankin’ your chain. Come on. Starting now.” With her pointer finger she crossed her heart.

[akosdamore-blog]

Of all his emotions, anger seemed to be his best and brightest, and influenced him more than anything else, so long as he excluded his intense paranoia. Because of this, it took several extra moments to notice the smile that’d slipped onto her lips, and several more extra moments to determine whether she was merely mocking his rage. With the show she’d displayed earlier, he wasn’t sure doubting that was the right course of action – she sure as hell didn’t appear to be anyone kind. In fact, the longer he stared at her smile the more sinister it seemed to become, and he half-expected fangs to poke out underneath her upper lip – and maybe horns and a tail, too, though he supposed at present that he didn’t have much room to bother himself with disgust, unless it happened to be the sort that was pointed towards himself. As it happened, she hadn’t displayed any demonic tendencies – a lack of basic empathy, sure, but he’d never actually expected others to extend it towards him, and thus he figured that any mean-spirited remarks he got were well deserved. He certainly wasn’t in any position to be angry even in the event she was a hidden demon, especially considering that he clearly appeared to be one himself – it was a wonder his anger hadn’t brought out any claws!

A wonder that he was thankful for, of course.

His rage began to dissipate as she finally spoke, confusion coiling around it like a thick and heavy serpent, drawing it back into the depths of his mind. She’d meant to make him angry? Deliberately stoked the fires of his rage, in the hopes that it’d ease his panic? He shifted his weight somewhat uncomfortably as he worked through whether that was the truth, suspicion rising from the depths to join his confusion in swallowing his fury. “I– I guess…” He began, his eyes flickering down towards her smile as once again, he went through the motions of figuring out the intentions behind it – it didn’t look nearly so sinister now, though he couldn’t ignore the flicker of unease that called from the back of his mind. Then again, he never got rid of that voice, ever, as his paranoia was more than equipped to weather any storms of treatment that’d looked to eradicate it – in part, he figured, due to his isolation. The psychiatrist had always argued that he needed to socialize with others, hadn’t he? Not that it mattered now; the man couldn’t help him while he was trapped in a demon-infested castle, especially not while he was part of the infestation himself. And he seriously doubted he could help get rid of the discomfort he felt in her company, both her words and expression still proving to make him uneasy. “…Okay,” he agreed after a moment of hesitation, though he didn’t reach to take her arm until she continued, the statement creating a knot of anxiety in his stomach – she was challenging him, and the punishment for refusing was undoubtedly more ridicule.

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

He didn’t sound too certain of his decision in her opinion, but all she needed was for him to say the word – the moment the last two words left his mouth, she was moving around the room again. “I need to make it safe then.” She voiced as she picked up her stool and carried it over to the door, pushing it against it. There didn’t appear to be a lock, at least not one that she could recognize. Scurrying over to one of the shelves, Penny began to push it from the side as hard as she could with all of the strength she could muster, knocking off most of the tools that had been set on it. Struggling for a moment before it finally budged, her own anxiety eased fractionally at her success. There wasn’t any expectation for him to help; if anything, she wanted Akos far, far away from the door and hopefully at the other end of the room. That was the safest spot she could think of – when suddenly she was hit with a brilliant idea, if she did say so herself. “We can escape through the window if the monsters come.” She suggested, nodding with her words. Spinning around, the brunette slammed her back against the shelf she was still working against, knocking it forward hard enough to get a good rhythm going, making it easier for her to eventually force it against the door. Unfortunately, she didn’t believe that was enough to keep them out. Penny snatched up the drawing off of the table, holding it close to her protectively. If they did come they weren’t going to take it from her; they weren’t going to take him from her.

[akosdamore-blog]

Akos’ brows lowered in a furrow as she spoke, his confusion as to her meaning evident in his expression -- safe? He hadn’t thought such was possible while they were trapped in the castle, especially now that night had fallen upon them. Safety seemed like a thing of the past, something slipper and elusive -- nothing that’d be found easily among the shadows that lurked at every corner, growing larger as the light died. Still, even the smallest of comforts would’ve been greatly appreciated, and thus he said nothing as she slipped over towards the door and pushed a stool against the handle -- he didn’t think it would do much, not against the supernatural, but he wasn’t going to pretend he felt slightly more safe with something up against the door. In any case, it could easily act as an early warning system -- as the door didn’t lock, anything searching the halls for prey would most likely try opening it the regular way first, and it was possible it’d give them enough time to scurry off and hide while the demon worked on busting the doors open. However, that thought was promptly erased from his mind as another floated to the surface -- they could teleport. So much for false security. He watched anxiously as she worked on shoving over one of the shelves, finally deciding that she looked as though some help would be appreciated, and figuring that it might take his mind off his paranoia for at least a few seconds -- that was good enough for him. Before he could offer any assistance, however, she’d jarred him out of his thoughts with her voice, and by the time he’d pieced himself back together the shelf was already planted firmly against the doors. “The windows?” he asked, swiveling around to glance in their direction. “Do you... where do they lead?”

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

The thrill of her words being returned to her by Akos spiked high momentarily, before fleeing from her as though she’d never felt it at all. Too focused on the potential danger that could easily find them, the lost girl swallowed hard, brows coming down into a deep furrow as she continued to watch the door with a hard gaze. Even as his voice reached her ears, Penny didn’t shift even slightly, not to look at him or show him that she’d heard what he’d asked; she appeared as still as a statue. Though, after a beat of listening to absolute silence carefully, suspiciously, she finally allowed the breath she’d silently been holding in to be exhaled through her nose. “I don’t… I don’t know.” She admitted, wide eyes flickering to him briefly, landing on the door again a second later. She knew the place just about as well as he did, and judging by what he’d asked, she didn’t have high hopes that they were going to find somewhere comfortable, and hopefully smaller – large spaces tended to make her nervous in the dark. It felt like something was always lurking in front of her face or right next to her, both of which was a feeling she didn’t handle calmly. Penny stood up from her stool, facing Akos as she stood before him. She was used to following someone else’s lead, and she looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to make a decision for the both of them, her expression displaying just how unsettled she was becoming by the minute. Worse than wondering if one of the monsters with the black eyes was already out in the hallway was waiting for it to come in and get them.

[akosdamore-blog]

Akos had his own problems when it came to darkness, a great majority of which had stemmed from living at Michaelson’s for so long -- demons ran rampant during the nights, and while he’d been one of them for most of his stay, he couldn’t help but fear them as humans had. He’d always felt slightly pathetic for being afraid of his own kind, but it’d been nothing new; he feared humanity for many different reasons, and he feared himself for many more. Unfortunately, now that he’d returned to life, he wasn’t able to protect himself (or others, though he’d never actually tried, other than hiding himself away) nearly as easily, and he couldn’t help but allow a dull flare of panic to settle in his chest. Demons, apparently, had brought them here, and it wouldn’t surprise him to know that they lurked within the halls at night, ready and willing to tear into anyone who discovered themselves in their grasp. However, the art room wasn’t necessarily a safe haven, and was much more open than he felt comfortable with -- he couldn’t stay here and be sure that he, or Penelope, someone who’s life was much more valuable, could be safe. That said, therein lied the problem: How could they find somewhere more hidden if the beasts were lurking in the hallways? Of course, there wasn’t any proof that monsters were waiting out there for an opportunity to kill, but he couldn’t shake the thought from his mind, especially since it made enough sense. They were trapped, it seemed, and with each second that passed the reality of that statement crushed him that much more, his heart-rate beginning to pick up as his anxiety worsened. “Uh,” he began, glancing around the room suspiciously, as though there could be demons among them in that moment, “Why don’t we... I don’t... I don’t know. Maybe we should... stay here.”

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

She had to fight another urge to leap up and smother him into another embrace, but she did so successfully and stayed seated with her hands curled in her lap. “I’ll remember you.” She said suddenly, sticking her neck out playfully before leaning back in her seat once again. Gaze shifting past him to look out of the window she’d stood at minutes ago, Penny’s features began to contort until there was a small frown left plastered on her face. “It’s going to be dark soon.” She observed by where the light was now coming in through the glass. The sky had already begun to dim, and it was slowly taking her happiness along with its light. The scary monsters usually came out at night, or so she used to hear from her bedroom at the asylum, and worry stuck her upon realizing that they had probably followed all of them here, one by one. Pulling the skin from her lips with her teeth, the brunette shifted her sights to the door, as though she was expecting someone or something to burst through at any moment. “…Are we going to stay here tonight?” Refusing to look away from the only entrance into the room, her hands tightened into small, anxious fists. It had nothing to do with their current surroundings. To be frank, she didn’t feel like she could feel safe anywhere; maybe she could keep lookout for Akos while he slept, as she knew she wasn’t going to get a moment of decent slumber.

[akosdamore-blog]

It seemed that today was filled with surprises, and the notion that she might continue to say such things was equally as surprising -- she’d remember him? Him? He didn’t quite feel that he deserved to be remembered, and as far as he knew, everyone in his old life had felt similarly -- even his parents had never come calling once it’d been confirmed he’d lived (sort of), never so much as picked up the phone to give him a hint of the affection he’d been craving. However much he drilled it into himself (and really, it wasn’t hard) that he was completely and utterly undeserving of anyone’s attention, he couldn’t deny that it’d contributed to his hopelessness -- if his own parents didn’t want him, didn’t care whether he lived or died, how could anyone else? Of course, Penelope hadn’t ever stated that she truly cared about his well-being, only that she’d remember him, though he found it difficult to separate the two -- his psychiatrist had called it black and white thinking. He’d admit quite readily that he still wasn’t sure what he’d meant by that. “I’ll remember you, too,” he offered, though he doubted his words would have the same effect on her. As she continued, he glanced around, noting for the first time that she appeared to be correct -- it was nearly dark, and the castle around them had already begun to become more foreboding. Suddenly, as if it’d never appeared in the first place, his cheer vanished and anxiety scrambled to take its place. “U-uhm,” he stammered, twisting his hands together nervously, “Is there anywhere else to stay?”

[reasonturnedregret-blog]

A distant energy surrounded Akos, and Logan couldn’t stop himself from picking up on it, probably because it was all too familiar, similar to the vibe that usually radiated off of himself, or so he’d been told once or twice. In a weird way it made him feel more comfortable conversing with the other guy, like they had an unspoken understanding, though he wasn’t assuming the brunette was on the same page as him. Therefore, he made a point of keeping the overall information about himself nearly as limited as his opposite’s. “No, man. Just drop by whenever you feel like it. I’m usually in my room anyway, and uhm…” He paused, lips pursed before he quickly poked his tongue out to wet them. “I dunno if you’re into dope or anything of that kind, but if you are I can cut you a free sample.” Revealing the existence of the secret stash of drugs he’d managed to smuggle into this place upon arrival wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but so long as he didn’t tell him where he’d hidden them, he figured letting Akos in on his secret could be a test of trust – not that he was willing to place all of his trust in him, but a small amount could be the start of something. Logan’s only solution to his opposites problem was to speak first, filter later, though he didn’t think that would appeal to the man; he seemed too… concerned with how that could play out in the eyes of someone else, and rightfully so; the teenager simply didn’t carry the same worries around with him. “With everyone, or when there’s a hot girl type of situation?” He inquired further, hoping to get a few more details into his problem.

[akosdamore-blog]

He vaguely remembered that he might’ve been slightly irritated with the sort-of-stranger before, but the feeling had long since left him, replaced with something infinitely more pleasant. Logan didn’t seem to be terribly unhappy with his company either, though admittedly people could be quite good at hiding their true feelings -- of course, the thought seemed somewhat ridiculous being that he’d already extended an offer for hanging around. He wondered briefly if it was pure desperation, an undying starvation for human company that made him easier to swallow, rather than any actual connection, but he supposed that it wouldn’t matter either way. Either way, he’d figure out some way to make himself unwelcome, and he might as well have enjoyed the dull flickers of attention Logan had offered him -- he wasn’t delusional enough to believe that he could pull the same isolation tricks he’d pulled in Michaelson’s here. He didn’t have many doubts that he’d try, at some point (old habits died hard), but in that moment it felt so utterly unappealing that he couldn’t help but pray (not that God ever listened to him, and rightfully so) that the other man’s intentions weren’t totally self-serving, even if it was precisely what he deserved. “I might take you up on that,” he answered, hoping that his anxiety wasn’t visible on Logan’s end. He blinked as he continued, his mouth drying as the unfamiliar phrase reached his ears -- what did he mean? His first instinct was to go with drugs, but that didn’t narrow things down very much, and in any case he still felt horrendously stupid for being ignorant as to his meaning. Instead of saying any of this, however, he merely answered with another, “Uh... yeah, sure.” Unfortunately, as Logan went on, he found himself more confused -- why would talking to a girl, even an attractive one, though he wasn’t quite sure what that really meant himself, make any difference? “Just... everyone, I guess,” he said, masking his confusion for a second time.

[conditionedforcrazy-blog]

“Really, truly!” The shorter brunette nodded, each movement her head made felt like it was working to convince him even more, though the truth of that lied with him. She could hardly remember that they’d fallen into a yelling match a few hours ago – the memory of which was easily replaced with the present. As Penny didn’t like negativity and reacted at even the slightest sign, she found it easier to push out unwanted thoughts in favour of the kind she appreciated to a much a greater extent. Freckled hands coming up in small fists at her collarbone, she tightened her fingers on and off in an attempt to hold in her excitement. Whenever she’d had too much energy before it always opened up the possibility of a punishment if she didn’t behave, and while she didn’t think Akos was the type to inflict the same consequences Leighton had, she wasn’t comfortable knowing that she could accidentally tick him off. “I wish you could keep it, but you will remember it, won’t you?” She checked, long eyebrows lifting eagerly. Even though she hoped they would always remain the way that they were now with each other, there was no way to be sure of what the future held. The mere thought of that started a cold drip inside of her, and her expression slowly began to fade.

[akosdamore-blog]

The confirmation that she’d truly meant the compliment extended towards him was more than enough to fire up his good mood further, and he felt his smile growing wider -- it was an alien expression, after so long, but he couldn’t deny that it felt far more pleasant on his features than a scowl. Much like Penny, the memory of their argument had already faded from his mind, forgotten until insecurity and doubt sunk their claws back into him, convinced him that his intentions couldn’t ever be good -- for the moment, neither had much of an effect on him, his spirits having risen too high to be easily brought down. A slight pang of regret hit him as she spoke about his inability to keep it -- unfortunately, paint wasn’t nearly as permanent on skin -- wishing that he could’ve remembered her gesture more easily. Memories were fleeting when it came to him, and they often twisted themselves into more negative forms as time went by. Still, there wasn’t much to be done about it, and he resolved to keep it for as long as he was able. “I’ll remember it,” he promised, lifting his gaze back to her face, in part to solidify the meaning behind his words -- it was unbecoming to promise while looking away, and he felt like those who did often held their fingers crossed behind their backs.