Remember that time I started a fitness blog about two summers ago? Yeah, good times.
So I do have some legitimate confessing for y'all.
College. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have the slightest difficulty transitioning into college. I'm going into my third year--that's so strange.
For the last few weeks leading up to my summer, I had been contemplating on whether or not I wanted to re-boot my blog. Running a blog is a lot of work, but I really missed it. It kept me on my toes about the "latest & greatest" in the health & fitness market and I love being able to help & educate people in an area that is so near & dear to my heart.
Well one day, I had wished a friend "happy birthday" on Facebook. Not expecting a response back, I was surprised when I had a notification from her pop up the following day.
My friend's "thank you!!" was followed by an unexpected, "P.S. I totally read your blog, it was so cool! Keep it up!"
That solidified it for me. Sometimes all you need is to know that there was at least one person out there who read what you had to say.
I'll be completely honest:
I've learned a lot about myself in these last two years of college. During this time I have questioned everything that I ever thought I wanted to be and do. I went to advisors, psychologists, and took full advantage of the career center (especially during my time at FSU--go Noles!). I had convinced myself that I wasn't meant for this way of life. How could someone like me help, guide, support, & teach others about a lifestyle I couldn't even seem to grasp? I doubted my abilities to succeed.
I was beyond lost. My parents could tell with every phone call home. It was a rough transition to college for me. I think I mistook this confusion for the desire to transfer from FSU because I assumed that would fix everything. It fixed nothing--at least not what I thought it would.
I went into college in the summer of 2012 being in the best shape of my life. Felt truly beautiful, strong, & confident about myself and what I had to offer for once. But by May of 2013, I found myself 20 pounds heavier. That's right. 20 (two-zero) pounds.
I never even admitted that number to anyone--not even my parents. Granted, it's not like I could hide it from people who had known me. I mean, my face had swollen up like a balloon so it was pretty obvious to those that hadn't seen me in a few months.
So here is the truth. Confession .046 I suppose
I was embarrassed. I was ashamed. And I was by no means comfortable in my own skin--I couldn't advise people how to live a healthy lifestyle. It wouldn't be right of me.
Forget the physical part though, I was unstable mentally. I was in competition mode from age 16 (when I began training for competition one) to age 18 (when I stopped training for my second competition). I didn't know how to live except for on the extremes--either a "stage ready" diet or a meal of trying not to binge eat. For almost two years I lived like that. By the end of my competition run, I was worn out. I didn't know how to be healthy anymore. I just knew how to diet for a competition and binge eat like it's a cheat meal. I didn't know what foods fueled my body, how my body reacted, or how to just eat in a normal & healthy manner. I forgot that there was a happy medium of healthy that I could happily live in. It was either a restricted diet or everything.
(*Note: the above paragraph is all me. It's how I take things, especially after training for so long--I just forgot how to be normal.)
Then I went to school. For the most of my first year, I was miserable, and I felt alone (but I was too shoved inside my own world to realize just how loved I was). So I stopped exercising, and eating well was a thing of the past. What happened was that I forgot why I fell in love with health & fitness in the first place.
By mid-March of 2013, I was tired of being so constantly unhappy, so I decided to change. I finally kicked myself in gear. The passion wasn't just going to come back to me one day: I knew I had to work for it, get happy with myself again, and recreate that passion I had buried so deep within me. I got back into the gym and treated my body and mind right. By summertime, I had contacted a well known photographer in the fitness industry--Natalie Minh--and scheduled a shoot for the end of July 2013.
I worked my butt off. And I had come to find some normalcy once again. I would get random compliments from people saying they could tell I worked out (which to me, is the highest of compliments).Having someone notice the hard work you put in is such a wonderful feeling.
Let me hit you with another truth:
You can be as fit as you want and reach the body you want, but it means nothing if you don't pursue these things for your own wellbeing. You must take this journey for reasons beyond just "looking good" or else this "lifestyle change" will be just another phase you went through.
Do it for your future & unseen happenings: did you know that your abdominal cavity only has the protection of the abdominal muscles (aka your core)? Well, it does. And accidents happen. Wouldn't you like to know that an injury was prevented from being worse than it could have been because of your tight core?
Do it for your family: My dad is 57 years old. He does tabata training, and he just left the house for a run--in the sand. When we are at the beach, he gets out there with me to throw the football. I've been fortunate enough that at my age of 20, both of my parents are still as healthy as they are. It's provided so many fond memories for me and opportunities to hang out with them. Coming from a daughter whose parents were able to do anything and everything active I asked of them growing up, I can say how much I loved and appreciated that time together.
Do it for yourself: It's okay to want to do this strictly for yourself. You deserve to feel comfortable & confident in your own skin. Study after study after study has shown the positive influence on healthy lifestyles and decreased risk of diseases such as Alzheimer's, Dementia, & Cardiovascular disease (the world's number 1 killer). It's okay to do this because you want to look good--who doesn't? But having that be your primary source of motivation only gets people so far.
Find your own reasons like I found mine. Set goals. Make changes. We have one chance to make this life worthwhile. Don't waste time & work with the cards you've been dealt.
I had to write this post & be truthful with what has happened over the last two years. It's been a long time coming, but things are finally getting back into a groove for me. I'm starting to remember why I fell in love with the health & fitness industry--which is one reason why I felt comfortable starting the blog back up.
As I sit here writing this, I think of how far I've come (more so mentally) since I was 18. It took me a long time to remember what a normal healthy diet should look like & to regain the fire that I once had. (*side note: I just looked up from my screen and there goes my dad jogging in the sand past our house--that's something I have yet to even do).
So here is my official confession (and maybe the longest) for this first post to the reborn blog:
Do what you love. Find your passion & your fire, and pursue that wholeheartedly. We are all guilty of wasting too much of our short life on this earth doing too many things that leave us unhappy. Think about this for a moment: What if we all chased after our dreams? How much happier would everyone be? Find your niche. It's okay to be in love with your job! There isn't anything in the books that says, "you must live a mediocre life with a mediocre job that isn't actually what you love to do." I don't care what you want to pursue as long as it is your passion and your fire.
We as human beings must learn to seize the moment, seize the day, and seize our lives.
