Confessions of a College English Professor

[confessionsofanenglishprofessor]

Passion Pivot?

I’ve heard long-time teachers talk about how they no longer love teaching, and to be honest, I usually dismiss these comments because these comments always seem to come at discouraging times when the teachers are frustrated about administrative changes, had a particularly trying day, etc. 

However... for the first time, I feel like I’m in this slump where my passion for teaching has severely pivoted, and I’m trying to figure out how to regain my perspective. 

Anyone else with me? 

I want to love going to class, talking with students, helping them find their voices; instead, I’m struggling this semester, dreading what problem I will have to face today, wondering what negative voice my students will bring to class today, and overall feeling drained and unable to find the energy for passionate teaching. 

I’m hoping that writing this post, acknowledging these feelings, and recognizing that I am in this passionate-less place at the moment will be the first step in regaining my perspective and my love for teaching. 

For those struggling to regain your love for the classroom, you are not alone. Feeling this way does not make you a bad teacher. Sometimes, we need to take a moment, take a breath, work on ourselves, and then go back into the classroom stronger and more passionate than ever. 

[confessionsofanenglishprofessor]

To Grade...Or Not To Grade

Interestingly, I have chosen a profession that will always include homework; therefore, on days like today, I find myself debating whether or not I will/should/can/want to grade my students' completed assignments. Grade? Possible repercussion: this week's burnout, boredom, red eyes, all-nighter... Don't grade? Possible repercussion: freedom, embarrassing apology to students, an all-nighter tomorrow, OCD stress, feeling unprepared or unprofessional... To grade or not to grade? This is the question. The answer: it's a balancing act. I can't grade and prep for class to the point that I have no life, but I am a teacher; therefore, I cannot neglect my responsibilities. Today, the answer is to grade part of my students' assignments and leave the rest for tomorrow. Hopefully, my fellow instructors who are struggling with this balance will find comfort in the fact that they are not alone.

[confessionsofanenglishprofessor]

Summer Deceived

Who thought all college instructors had the summer off? I have to admit the possibility of having summer off sounded pleasant to my ears, as this has been a long first year. As this depressingly small blog can testify, my personal time has been limited, so extra free time may have been a welcomed change; however, summer has deceived me. I'm working ever day, teaching, grading, and for the most part, enjoying summer on the weekend. There is no summer off! Free time may be even more limited due to the summertime expectations of family and friends, so to sum up, general expectations fur or about teachers have once again fallen short, as my colleagues and I continue to work through the summer, with too much to do and too little time.

[confessionsofanenglishprofessor]

Plagiarism and the Rising Crime Rate

Okay, I really do realize that most students hate writing papers, but why do they find it so difficult to turn in their own work? I did not ask for an elaborate research paper; I really only asked for students to write papers about themselves, so why do I get papers about strangers from the internet? More disturbing: why do my students feel the need to defend themselves and express a belief that plagiarism is okay? 

Regardless of the reasons I have heard for plagiarism, it is, in fact, using someone else’s words, ideas, and work without giving credit—it is stealing! My students recognize stealing as taking a candy bar from the gas station or robbing the bank, yet they struggle to understand the implications of “borrowing” someone else’s intellectual property. Even when I help them see that the words belong to another, they struggle at separating their ideas from their source’s and creating original phrasing. Nevertheless, I can at least understand the struggle that comes with researching a topic and getting lost in a myriad of source information. I do not understand turning in a story about another person when asked to write about a personal life experience. If it isn’t their experience, then how is it about them personally?

[confessionsofanenglishprofessor]

Overload, Overwhelmed...Overdrive

So the blog is still not particularly faithful, as this is the third week of my second semester as a first-year instructor. However, I have some unexpected news to share. Last semester was my first semester ever as an instructor, but I worked as an adjunct with three classes, adding a fourth near the end of the semester. This semester continues my first year as an instructor, but it is my first semester as a full-time faculty member too! Not only have I been hired full-time, but I am teaching a sixth overload class and taking on the role of lead teacher for two different courses. My admiration for full-time faculty has increased tenfold, especially those who have to go home, care for family members, and take care of all the personal issues that can really consume our time. Teaching, planning, meetings, advising, coordinating...the list goes on as the hours of the day grow shorter and shorter. For the instructors like me, who are new to part-time, new to full-time, or still dreaming, some days simply feel like treading water, but there are good days too. I am not a perfect teacher, but I strive to be a great teacher every day. All we can do is keep working toward our goals, constantly bolstering our doubtful and tired minds. One…day…at…a…time…

[confessionsofanenglishprofessor]

Blog Failure...Teaching Consumes Time

I now realize that planning to blog about my experience every week was a bit ambitious as a first year professor/instructor. Where exactly does all the time go? Some of the time consuming activities are writing lesson plans, creating class activities, making online quizzes and tests, choosing question prompts, and GRADING. Putting a time limit on grading has definitely been a struggle for me, but this is one limitation that I know I need. The grade is simply what the student has earned, so it helps no one if I agonize over my gradebook and the pile of graded assignments, wishing that I could magically change students' understanding and grades. 

I've also realized that I need to make time for me to pursue my own interests in my academic field, rather than allowing teaching to consume every moment of my time. After all, I don't want to lose my love for my subject area because I am so overwhelmed with all the "things"  I think I need to do in order to share that love. 

So, for anyone who might be reading this, I plan to blog more faithfully in the coming semester. I will not be overwhelmed, and hopefully, I will have some good advice to share later down the road.

For now, I advise all upcoming instructors to recognize how many details need our attention. Syllabi need to be revised, quizzes written, activities created, lessons taught, assignments graded...Rinse and Repeat; however, we are also still individuals with lives, families, personal problems of our own, and though we need to do the things listed above and do our jobs well, we need to be prepared for students who take advantage of new instructors, habitually ignoring assignments, coming to class unprepared, and trying to make their problems our problems. Compassion and empathy are, I believe, inherent qualities of good teachers, yet these are the very same qualities that can be used to destroy us and distract us from our goals: to teach students and to help students grow as individuals. 

[confessionsofanenglishprofessor]

Feeling Unprepared

I knew the first semester would be difficult because the school, requirements, and students would all be new; however, I had no idea that I would feel so disorganized and unprepared. The semester is almost to the mid-point, and I still feel like I'm barely treading water. Thankfully, I don't feel like I'm hopelessly drowning (that was the week before school started). Still, I consider the years, courses, instructors, and practice assignments that have helped me get to this point in my career, and I wonder why I was required to write many lesson plans and unit plans without ever covering the material I was most likely to teach as a first-year college instructor. Was my knowledge and ability assumed? If so, why was I required to prove my competence and knowledge where other materials and lessons were concerned?

[confessionsofanenglishprofessor]

Automatic Failure

Well, plagiarism is bound to happen eventually, regardless of the content area and warnings from both instructors and administration. However, I’m a bit surprised to have encountered plagiarism so soon. I think I expected to see it this semester, but I naïvely thought it would come after the mid-semester point, when the level of difficulty increases and assignments become more demanding. Nevertheless, plagiarism reared its ugly head today, appearing in the middle of a personal essay. I wonder what other plagiarism surprises I may encounter this semester.

[confessionsofanenglishprofessor]

Lack of Motivation

This week, my students seemed completely uninterested in completing assignments. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how to motivate them effectively. My initial approach has failed, as they are uninterested in the subject, doubtful that I also complete the assignments, and clearly unprepared for class. The in-class, essay test for the week revealed their ultimate lack of motivation, as many students failed to complete the test, to submit the test, and even to show up for the test; therefore, I think I must resort to grading my students for their severe lack of performance. I detest giving bad grades, mostly because i feel that my students should succeed if i am teaching the material well; however, this stems from pride, and statistically, my students success does not solely rely on my performance. So, I think students who never showed will receive zeroes, while students who failed to finish and submit must receive the appropriate point deductions. Admittedly, I don't foresee a positive, motivational outcome. In fact, I expect nasty remarks and bitter complaints, all of which will correspond with the less than delighted remarks that I received this past week.

[confessionsofanenglishprofessor]

Second Week Blues

Okay, so anyone who has ever taught knows that teaching is no walk in the park; however, I did expect the honeymoon phase to last more than one week. After being offered advice and materials from one student and told my method of teaching was confusing by another student, I gave a quiz that my students totally bombed. Now, giving a challenging quiz would be a quality of a great professor, but I can honestly say there was no challenge or trick to this quiz. My students' comments and overall failure this week, which I know in my mind is completely their own, made me feel like a failure as an instructor. So, the question remains: am I a great professor or not?

[confessionsofanenglishprofessor]

Unanticipated Occurrences

Okay, so week one has come and gone without being what I expected. I think what disrupted my fantasy the most was the number of unexpected occurrences. I was not prepared to start in a strange building, with strange computers, and different types of devices in every room. I also admit that I was unprepared for students coming on different days, not at all, and with different materials. The first week is over, but some of my students still don't have books or access to our online platform (which I am learning to use for the first time). So, my question this week became, not "what order do I want to cover information," but "how should I approach the information?" In essence, do I have to ignore the fact that my student still have no books next week? Do I just proceed with the material? Let them play on my sympathies and seek additional info? Fact is, I can't stall; I have to cover the material.

[confessionsofanenglishprofessor]

Orientation Day

“Orientation Day,” the lovely words that excite first-year instructors, induce feelings of accomplishment, and generally, force instructors to face the reality that the school year is about to begin, whether they want it to or not. For all those instructors who looked forward to orientation day, I completely understand, as I initially saw it as my introduction into the professional world of academia, and I do still associate it with such an initiation; however, the illusion of the orientation ideal has been dispersed. Perhaps, I am not typical, as I was struggling through my orientation after having surgery three weeks prior. Still, the overall confusion of the orientation day was not what I anticipated. Despite my efforts to take meticulous notes, a great deal of information escaped me, particularly several of the numerous helpful names thrown my way with the suggestion to contact these individuals for this and that. The contradictory instructions, instructions that seemed clear at the time, and the occasional hints that “hand holding” would not take place further surprised me, ruining the shiny image of the ideal and welcoming “orientation day” from my imagination. 

[confessionsofanenglishprofessor]

Oh, the Confusion!

So, the school year is approaching, the excitement is building, the class lists are presented, the schedules laid out…and then everything changes. I really should have been prepared for this possibility, as my mother was an educator for many, many years; however, in my excitement, I allowed myself to get too attached to my schedule. For that reason, I was a bit disappointed when the weekdays, times, campus location, and even subjects I had planned to teach all changed. Oh, the confusion of academic planning and enrollment numbers! Let’s just call the change a momentary stumbling block and say that I am back to being excited and nervous, though I sincerely hope my schedule does not change anymore. 

[confessionsofanenglishprofessor]

A little extra information to help explain the difference between an instructor and a professor. (At least this is how one university explains it.)

[confessionsofanenglishprofessor]

Entering the Workforce

Okay, so the title is a little deceiving; after all, I have had a job before. I'm a little aggravated by the number of people who continue to welcome me to the "real world." Seriously? In which world have I been living? On the other hand, I have to admit that this will be my first position as a college-level instructor. Having admitted that, I must also admit that I am both excited and nervous. I'm definitely expecting an interesting year, hence the first post of this blog, "Confessions of a First Year Professor." Here again, the title is a little deceiving, so I'll clear the air--I'm not actually a "professor," just an "instructor." Either way, I'm looking forward to "entering the workforce."