Is it bad that i feel like your responses to me on here are insincere sometimes? Because they could apply to anydbody, just like those horoscope things, and it feels more like I'm mocking myself when I read them than actually feeling more confident -- sorry, I don't want to be mean here I just feel bad reading some of thse and not being able to believe them
A/N: Hey pal. You’re not mean at all, I totally understand what you’re saying. I am so, so sorry you feel that way. That hasn’t ever been my intention, but it’s not to say I’m not at fault for it.
I will say when I’m answering asks specifically concerning confidence tips, I am trying my absolute hardest to be sincere and meaningful and not write them off as “i googled your question and threw some nicknames in to make the answer cute.” At times, I attempt to keep the Confidence Sanders “character” by using certain words (‘darling,’ ‘love,’ etc.) or phrasing things a certain way (see: alliteration), but I try and take my time giving any advice as best I can. I’ll spend a solid half-hour writing something out to make sure the message coming across has as few negative implications and makes as much sense as it can make.
That said, I am by no means an expert at psychology or giving advice- or even being confident in my own self. I’m tentative to give too much advice in a certain direction here simply because I don’t know the full story behind every anonymous ask, and I don’t want to give too-specific (or simply bad) advice to where the original asker isn’t able to apply anything I give them. I try to tell people what I would want to tell close friends in similar situations, or what I would attempt to tell myself if my brain would ever listen. Unfortunately, that sometimes means my advice isn’t the most helpful. You may have seen that a lot of my answers deal with baby steps or small, simplistic attempts at improving confidence and self image; this is because I, in my experience, have found starting there is an easy and positive place to start because it creates small moments of feeling successful, rather than trying to do entire self-image turnarounds and feeling as though you’re setting yourself up for ‘failure.’ I would hate to give some grandiose piece of advice and people struggle to get there simply because the foundation for self-confidence wasn’t there to start with.
I promise I’m never writing these from a place of insincerity or even without giving them my full attention.
However- I also want to say that I’ve felt that way before in the past. Where you’re reading some self-help article or some piece on self-care and feeling mocked and ridiculous for it? I’ve felt that too. I hated reading anything telling me to slow down, check in on myself, take a break, listen to music, etc. I would start reading them and then get a few sentences in and just feel repulsed by it and turn away.
I don’t know if this applies to you, but when I chipped away at that feeling- for me specifically- it turned out to be shame at reading it- shame at really investing myself in that information. I was afraid to show, even just to myself, my own vulnerability and the cracks in my armor- the yes, i’m reading something telling me to take a bath and light some good-smelling candles because maybe, just maybe, i want something telling me to be kind to myself, that i need to be gentler with myself. that maybe i couldn’t take going 100 miles an hour all the time. It was- for me- the exact same reasoning behind me dismissing my own feelings and ignoring the fact that i was clinically depressed for the vast majority of last year.
^^ …speaking of, that’s actually a decent example of where I have the issue with giving out specific advice; because that feeling of shame and vulnerability might not be your case at all, and it may not have helped you realize anything, and I’d feel like I hadn’t helped you at all with it.
I think the thing with confidence and advice on it is that sometimes the baseline can apply to just about everybody, and that’s where the insincerity can possibly come from. If I was certified or even better-versed in advice I could probably give more specific examples- and I’ll work on that as we go- but for now I’m tentative to say too much in case something goes awry.
I hope this helps you understand where I’m coming from a bit more; once again I am so sorry any of it came across as insincere, and I’ll work on that as best I can. If you wind up digging to the root of that feeling and finding that it is from a place of denying vulnerability, my advice would be not to poke and prod at it, but to let yourself read something and really believe it. and repeat it in your head a few times, and catch a bad thought or two and dismiss it before it really manifests and solidifies itself in your head.
