Things Conservatory Professors Say

Funny things our professors tell us, from classes at the conservatory at the university of the pacific

[conservatoryprofs]

It's just like life, you know? You can't run away from the dissonances or they'll just come up in other places, messy and out of tune.

Dr. Cetto

[conservatoryprofs]

It's funny, people rehearse but no one ever hearses.

Dr. Wood

[conservatoryprofs]

The rule of thumb we can learn from Tchaikovsky is never marry your stalker.

Dr. Waltz, Survey II

[conservatoryprofs]

Oh composition majors, there is hope for you. Don’t do it this way.

Dr. Waltz, Survey II (on Berlioz and his obsession with Harriet Smithson)

[conservatoryprofs]

It’s a nasty way to die. Get yourselves checked.

Dr. Waltz, Survey II (On Schubert and syphilis)

[conservatoryprofs]

Of course, assuming that your virginity gives you your strength.

Dr. Waltz, Survey II

[conservatoryprofs]

Wagner is one of the most well written about. Besides Jesus and Napoleon.

Dr. Waltz, Survey II

[conservatoryprofs]

This is not Stuff Conservatory Profs say, but frankly, it should be. This is the best bio of Bach ever, and one of the best crash courses in counterpoint to boot. 

[conservatoryprofs]

Berlioz didn't like the conservatory. He was like Dave Brubeck here at the conservatory.

Dr. Waltz, Survey II

[conservatoryprofs]

‎"Romanticism... It's like Lord of the Rings... It's also like Twilight."

Dr. Waltz, Survey II

[conservatoryprofs]

On the internet, no one knows if you're a dog or a music history professor...

Dr. Waltz

[conservatoryprofs]

Hey you guys, do you know what cuckold means? I’ll tell you, just don’t tell your mothers.

Dr. Waltz, Survey II

[conservatoryprofs]

The only ones who can get away at showing up at rehearsals at 1:00pm exactly are pianists. Well unless you need to pull the condom off the piano.

Dr. Shands, Chamber Class

(bestandworstofkailing says "If one of you guys were at Chamber class today, please feel free to correct me.")

[conservatoryprofs]

This is not Stuff Conservatory Professors Say, but you will enjoy it. Really.

[conservatoryprofs]

“…So, after World War 2 is over, Ligeti splits to Vienna……Ligeti splits……Ligeti…splits…Get it?”

Dr. Wood, Theory IV, on Gyorgy Ligeti

[conservatoryprofs]

I hate to insult you guys, but that's pretty much my job.

Dr. Cetto in Sight Singing

[conservatoryprofs]

They could fly a dog around the earth, but they couldn't record their own concertos.

Dr. Cooper on Soviet Russia