(He/Him)

[contortedmind]

I can no longer open this app in public because everyone has randomly decided that this is THE WEEK to draw Castiel from Supernatural on a leash.

[contortedmind]

Dudes. I just figured out the perfect way to start my stupid fucking middle school oc's story

[contortedmind]

When people say a fandom is toxic and that fandom is so popular that everyone and their mothers at least knows about it, that says more about the general population's toxicity and evilness than the kids who just wanna make little characters to interact within their favorite show. Sometimes you just gotta accept that the vast majority of people have poor morals.

[contortedmind]

Do y'all ever read something for a fandom and you immediately know that person is in like 3 other fandoms based on their vocabulary choices?

[maswartz]

AI toys for young children need tighter rules, researchers warn

In first study of its kind, Cambridge researchers found AI toys could misread some children's emotions.

[contortedmind]

So crazy that I can overeat like all day and STILL BE FUCKING HUNGRY AT NIGHT. WHAT THE FUCK

[contortedmind]

Sex is cool and all but does your boyfriend have a Pinterest board full of quotes, cats, and little memes about you? I didn't think so.

[contortedmind]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Guys. #fanfic and #ao3 are on the top 10 right now and I'm convinced it's because Mournwiththemoon finished Down Then Left on AO3. I started reading this thing a long time ago. Or at least what feels like a long time ago. I've changed a lot and I've become a better reader. I will definitely be rereading this entire thing because it took til now to recognize that the crappy PA that Octavius feels bad for and hires is the monkey from the original movie, Dexter. Yes ik. I'm stupid for not realizing that or maybe not remembering that. Anyways. Here is the link. PLEASE READ IT. You can literally get away with reading this without knowing the movie, god knows I almost definitely started reading this before I actually saw the movie. 

Description:

Chapters: 35/35 Fandom: Night at the Museum (Movies) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Jedediah/Octavius (Night at the Museum) Characters: Jedediah (Night at the Museum), Octavius (Night at the Museum), Larry Daley, Ahkmenrah (Night at the Museum), Lancelot (Night at the Museum), Attila the Hun (Night at the Museum), Amelia Earhart (Night at the Museum), Dexter (Night At The Museum), Kahmunrah (Night at the Museum), Al Capone (Night at the Museum), Theodore Roosevelt (Night at the Museum) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Office, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Slow Burn, Fluff and Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Midlife Crisis, Eventual Smut, Internalized Homophobia, Mutual Pining Summary:

Octavius is balls deep in the closet and a mild midlife crisis. Jedediah just wants to fix the elevator.

AKA the corporate loser x mechanical engineer AU that literally nobody asked for.

[contortedmind]

Guys. I'm going to a hockey game tomorrow. With my boyfriend (omg I have a boyfriend, that's crazy. Good for me). This is so heated rivalry coded gang.

[contortedmind]

Hilson going on the kiss cam at a concert and they hide like the CEO and his mistress send post.

[contortedmind]

THE GAY HOCKEY MEN ARE GONNA BE TORCHBEARERS AT THE FUCKING WINTER OLYMPICS. 🗣️🗣️🗣️

[contortedmind]

[contortedmind]

THE GAY HOCKEY MEN ARE GONNA BE TORCHBEARERS AT THE FUCKING WINTER OLYMPICS. 🗣️🗣️🗣️

[cloudabserk]

yuna hollander the woman that you are.

[contortedmind]

RED WHITE AND ROYAL BLUE REFERENCE

[contortedmind]

I want to write a book in which nothing goes wrong. Every chapter is a character's perfect day and they go out and they are great and they do their best and it's enough. Every chapter, a new person is happy.

[contortedmind]

So I might do this but I want to do just people experiencing universal bad experiences and then universal good experiences. I just wanna write, I don't think anyone would read this tho.

[contortedmind]

I want to write a book in which nothing goes wrong. Every chapter is a character's perfect day and they go out and they are great and they do their best and it's enough. Every chapter, a new person is happy.

[contortedmind]

You guys, I just read a fic with a guy giving their best friend a blowjob being the premise and the guy receiving was very scientifically like "I'm going to ejaculate any second now" and then the other guy GAVE HIM A THUMBS UP.

[superhell]

house md - runs in the family

[contortedmind]

Reposting again because I keep referencing this video and have to scroll all the way to year old posts to get to it.