Conversations with My Kids

I have 3 boys.These are just some of the conversations we have had. Enjoy.

[conversationallyquirky]

Conversations with my kids….

Took them swimming the other day.

10 yr old: You know things look really skinny under water. My legs look like spaghetti.

Me: Really?

10 yr old *disappears under water* You look like lasagna.

Me:

[conversationallyquirky]

Conversations with my kids….

Took them swimming the other day.

10 yr old: You know things look really skinny under water. My legs look like spaghetti.

Me: Really?

10 yr old *disappears under water* You look like lasagna.

Me:

[conversationallyquirky]

Conversations with my kids…

Me: [9 yr old] you need to look up “plight” in the dictionary and write down the definition.

9 yr old: Everyone knows what that means.

Me: Okay, what does it mean?

9 yr old: It’s when you’re nice and use your manners all the time.

Me:

[conversationallyquirky]

Conversations with my kids…

Me: [9 yr old] you need to look up “plight” in the dictionary and write down the definition.

9 yr old: Everyone knows what that means.

Me: Okay, what does it mean?

9 yr old: It’s when you’re nice and use your manners all the time.

Me:

[conversationallyquirky]

15 yr old: *flipping through dictionary to look up the word besieged* Wait was is this? The books of the Bible? You’ve got to be kidding me.

Me: What? The Bible has chapters called books and they all have names.

13 yr old: What is the Bible anyway?

Me: *sweating* Well, it’s a book that Christians use to pass on their teachings. It uses stories to teach lessons. Like Noah’s Ark.

Boys: *blank stares*

Me: You know Noah and the Ark right?

13 yr old: Um, no.

Me: God decided that people were too sinful and was going to send a flood to wipe them out except for Noah and his family who he told to build a big boat and to gather 2 of every animal.

15 yr old: Oh, you mean the guy from Muppets from Space.

Me:

[conversationallyquirky]

Conversations with my kids...

Watching Fantasia Pastoral Symphony

13 yr old: Oh great.

Me: What?

10 yr old: Ugh, mermaids.

Me: Mermaids?

13 yr old: Yup. That’s my guess.

10 yr old: What?!

Me: Ha! Centaurs!

13 yr old: Oh man, I did not see that coming.

*Boy centaurs come charging on the screen*

10 yr old: Oh no, it must be mating season.

Um, can we not erase their human side? Did you not see the cupids? There is romance involved. This isn’t National Geographic.

[kellyn1604]

Conversations with my kids…

My child is savage.

9 yr old: Do you always take pictures of your baking to brag to people?

Me: Um…yeah? That’s kinda why anyone posts anything. And I’m just kinda proud I’m learning to bake.

[conversationallyquirky]

15 yr old: *flipping through dictionary to look up the word besieged* Wait was is this? The books of the Bible? You’ve got to be kidding me.

Me: What? The Bible has chapters called books and they all have names.

13 yr old: What is the Bible anyway?

Me: *sweating* Well, it’s a book that Christians use to pass on their teachings. It uses stories to teach lessons. Like Noah’s Ark.

Boys: *blank stares*

Me: You know Noah and the Ark right?

13 yr old: Um, no.

Me: God decided that people were too sinful and was going to send a flood to wipe them out except for Noah and his family who he told to build a big boat and to gather 2 of every animal.

15 yr old: Oh, you mean the guy from Muppets from Space.

Me:

[kellyn1604]

My kid’s grammar. Has anyone ever heard of or used the word beeves? As in more than one beef.

[kellyn1604]

So, if you know me, you know that boogers, snot, and loogies make me gag and throw up. Literally. Why I thought this would end differently, I don’t know….here goes….conversations with my then 6 yr old…he’s 8 now.

6yr old: Mommy, we’re hungry.

Me: Well that’s too bad. No food for you.

6yr old: What?!! No food!

Me: Yep, no food.

6 yr old: But we’re hungry!

Me: Nope. No food for little boys. You can eat your boogers.

6 yr old: Eat my boogers! That’s gross.

Me: Yeah. You can get a straw, stick it up there, and suck ‘em out.

6 yr old: *laughing hysterically* Ewww, Mommy, that’s so gross!

Me: Ok, I’ll make you dinner.

6yr old: No, Mommy. Look. I’ll eat my boogers.

Me: No! Don’t eat your boogers!

6yr old: *finger up nose* I’m gonna do it.

Me: No! I will throw up if you do.

We’re both laughing at this point. His finger is knuckle deep in his nose. I am looking away, saliva is pooling in my mouth. I can feel the gag coming.

6yr old: Ok, Mommy, I won’t.

I look over and that little devil sticks his finger in his mouth. I start gagging. He does it again. I run to the sink and throw up in it. Guess what we learned? 6 yr old is a sympathetic vomiter and starts gagging.

He looks at me with tears shining in eyes and sticks his finger in his nose. He eats it. I gag and he gags. It’s his turn to vomit in the sink.

I have to threaten him with time out to get him to stop. He runs down the hall victoriously shouting…

6yr old: I made Mommy laugh so hard and then she throwed up!

Note to self, just because little boys think boogers are funny doesn’t mean you should joke about them. They will weaponize them and use them against you.

[conversationallyquirky]

Conversations with my kids...

Words I’ve had to say today, that I never thought I would say.

Me: I am not going to keep discussing the Britney conservatorship with you.

9 yr old: Why not?

Me: Because that’s not what you’re supposed to be learning about!

So homeschool’s going well. He caught me watching a documentary and now we’re both apparently lawyers.

[conversationallyquirky]

Conversations with my kids...

Words I’ve had to say today, that I never thought I would say.

Me: I am not going to keep discussing the Britney conservatorship with you.

9 yr old: Why not?

Me: Because that’s not what you’re supposed to be learning about!

So homeschool’s going well. He caught me watching a documentary and now we’re both apparently lawyers.

[conversationallyquirky]

Totally normal that my kid catches flies and puts them on spiderwebs then watches the spiders wrap them up, right?

[conversationallyquirky]

Conversations with my kids…

Me: You want to watch Snow White?

8 yr old: No.

Me: Have you even seen it?

8 yr old: Yes.

Me: Then what happens?

8 yr old: She eats a poisoned apple. And gnomes. So many gnomes.

Me: Gnomes?

8 yr old: Yeah.

Me: So many gnomes in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs?

8 yr old: Yeah.

Well, I guess we know which “gnome” you are.

[conversationallyquirky]

Conversations with my kids…

Me: You want to watch Snow White?

8 yr old: No.

Me: Have you even seen it?

8 yr old: Yes.

Me: Then what happens?

8 yr old: She eats a poisoned apple. And gnomes. So many gnomes.

Me: Gnomes?

8 yr old: Yeah.

Me: So many gnomes in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs?

8 yr old: Yeah.

Well, I guess we know which “gnome” you are.

[conversationallyquirky]

Conversations with my kids…

8 yr old: Mom, if you marry a girl so you can live in her mansion but you love another girl, that’s super cheating, right?

Me: Um, yeah?

8 yr old: Called it.

Me: Why would you ask that?

8 yr old: I don’t know.

What is going on in that noggin? I mean, just remember your mother when you’re living the good life as a gold digger and don’t sign a prenup if you plan on cheating.

[conversationallyquirky]

Conversations with my kids…

8 yr old: Mom, if you marry a girl so you can live in her mansion but you love another girl, that’s super cheating, right?

Me: Um, yeah?

8 yr old: Called it.

Me: Why would you ask that?

8 yr old: I don’t know.

What is going on in that noggin? I mean, just remember your mother when you’re living the good life as a gold digger and don’t sign a prenup if you plan on cheating.