Conversations With Jonas

My spouse (Jonas Sollers) says some truly hilarious things. They're also really bad at texting. I like to make fun of them for that. This blog is here to capture my daily hilarity for all of you. None of this is staged. Trust me, he's at his least hilarious when he's trying to be funny.

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"It's all good. We're all somebody's rando."

--Jonas Sollers

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Me (trying to buy a shoe rack): That one's really tall. I can't reach the top of that.

Jonas: Yeah?

Me: It's 72" (185cm) tall.

Jonas: You can reach the top of me!

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"It's because you're a stubborn try-hard that we have friends." ‐‐Jonas Sollers

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"Lots of people are born on days."

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"I'm not about to Google 'Phantom tennis racquet'."

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Jonas: You can't spell ask without A SK.

Me: I simultaneously love you and hate you.

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"I don't know. Maybe I'm haunted."

--Jonas Sollers

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Actual conversation Jonas just had with himself...

Jonas: I sent myself an email with a bunch of things.

Jonas: *checks email on his phone*

Jonas: I thought I sent it to myself. Did I not press send and it's just sitting open in my drafts on my computer?

Jonas: Ugh. I fucking hate you, Jonas!

*long pause*

Jonas: Oh. Wait. Here it is. It's in my spam folder.

Bonus SK content...

Me: You sent yourself a spam email?

Me: *hysterical laughter*

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Me: I probably could have tried, but I didn't.

Jonas: *walks all the way in from the other room with his hand in the air*

Jonas: Yes! My whole fucking life! HIGH FIVE!

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"People who don't have a you are really missing out."

--Jonas, to me

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Me: Ugh, I'm so old. Why haven't I died yet?

Jonas: What happened?

Me: The TV just told me it was the 30th anniversary of The Little Mermaid.

Jonas: uggghhhhhhh

Jonas: *dramatically lays face down on the floor*

Jonas: I think I just did.

Jonas: I'm going to haunt this part of the floor.

Jonas: ...

Jonas: Just kidding, this is way too uncomfortable. I'm gonna go haunt somewhere else.

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"Sometimes scissors need to get somewhere in a hurry."

--Jonas Sollers

[angelsymbol]

you think coming out as gay is hard? try telling marvel fans you dont like tony stark

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I showed this post to Jonas and the following conversation occurred.

Jonas: What if I come out AND say I don't like Tony Stark?

Me: hm... honestly I think the Marvel crowd would focus on the Tony Stark part.

Jonas: Good. This is a good plan. Just walk in like 'hey, everyone, just wanted to say that I'm asexual, biromantic, and consider myself basically genderqueer, and also I think Tony Stark is nothing but a spoiled rich white man who needs to act like a child at all times, and I thought we weren't supposed to like bros like that.' And then we can all discuss the important and apparently controversial last part of that statement.

Jonas: you can put that on the internet. In fact, you *should* put that on the internet.

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"You're the best. You're overly complicated and confusing, but you're also the best."

-Jonas Sollers (to me!)

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"People who *actually* know how to play football are going to be like, 'But, bro, how are you going to be able to feel the ball?!' And I'm like 'WITH MY HANDS' 👐👐👐"

-Jonas, trying on these new football boots with what he described as '18 layers of sock and shin guard'

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Jonas: There *has* to be an ice cream emoji that looks like vanilla.

Jonas: *scrolls through phone*

Jonas: *keeps scrolling through phone*

Jonas (unnecessarily loud): YOOOOOOOOO!

Jonas (more calmly): I found it.