Russia's most awkward chef

One awkward journey into parisian gastro scene

[cookinjack-blog]

Guess who's deadpool now

[kachinaslol]

[insertfancyurl]

Wait this is actually so helpful

[pinkrhinoceros]

where was this when i was making my lembas bread

[dumnhpy]

My American brain says “Nice.” My Chef brain says “Hey asshole, no math like this in the Metric System.”

[cookinjack-blog]

I only need this at home but thaaaaaank youuuu

[cookinjack-blog]

Bacon wardrobe malfunction

[cookinjack-blog]

I heard my chef talking to the Manager: - this girl... every day is same for her, she takes care of her dog... what fulfills her life? We should give her more job like this ( talking about VIP banquet we held the night before). Meanwhile in my head: - what can fulfill my life? Oh that's easy! Let me help you😊 Higher salary?:) 2nd day off?.. longer vacation, maybe? 🙈

[cookinjack-blog]

[tezukalol]

Going in the walk in like…

[somebody-got-time-fo-dat]

Especially if you’re FOH

[poetic-chef]

this is everyone in a restaurant lol. I’ve know some legit ass chefs walk into a walk in and then walk out asking what did they go in there for lol

[chefconfessions]

I’m glad I’m not the only one with a shit memory lol

[cookinjack-blog]

In that case I'd just stand there under the fan (if it's a cold room), chilling out, thinking of Siberia

[where-lies-the-strangling-fruit]

I got the tip of my finger bit by the mandolin yesterday (kitchen appliance) and then when I took off the band aid because it had gotten wet, a bit of skin ripped off so it was bleeding in two places because I AM THE BIGGEST KLUTZ AND DEAR GOD WHY DID I CHOOSE THIS PROFESSION 

[cookinjack-blog]

On St Valentine's Day I burnt the shit out of my left forearm and got my right point finger cut by oysters in 3 places. Like who said oysters were aphrodisiacs? Fuck ya, man!

[cookinjack-blog]

-What are we gonna do tomorrow, Brain? -Same as everyday, Pinky, take over the mayonnaise

[dadsacook]

One of the hardest things I find to do working these “weird” hours is finding time to hang with friends. They are always asleep by the time I get done, and the ones that are still awake are still working on the line.

[rachel2denise]

All of my friends are in retail and I constantly fight to have a day to see them. If they aren’t at work I am and if I’m not at work, they are. I hate this whole “need for a social life” thing.

[philly-punks-and-skins]

What are… friend?

[youthxcrew69]

I work six days a week and don’t have nights off, I haven’t seen a human I don’t work with in like 8 months lmao

[philly-punks-and-skins]

The chef I staged with the other day has been working 7days a week for over a month yet was telling me how he drove out to Jersey to chill with some girl. Like what how?!

[modisoperandi-deactivated201902]

What is he on meth?

[philly-punks-and-skins]

Nah dude he’s just really trying to enjoy life while also cooking. He may have gone on a weekend so he didn’t have work til like 3pm to open for dinner but still

[modisoperandi-deactivated201902]

To be real all of you are my only friends

[philly-punks-and-skins]

With the way life has been going I’m right there with you. I’m lucky enough to live in the same city as @youthxcrew69 but we still never get to chill.

[cookinjack-blog]

All of my colleagues and myself don't get enough sleep. We look like a cross between a panda and a zombie. Why? Because we worked extra hours? Or had a tough shift? Hell no! It's because we come home and get stuck in the web in order not to waste the only hours of personal time for sleep.

[swanqueenissofuckingendgame]

My coworker can’t spell quiche so he always just labels it ‘Q’ 😆 @chefconfessions

[chefconfessions]

hehe

Cooks as a rule seem to be horrible spellers lol

[cookinjack-blog]

A little bit of Hong Kong English: 1) My coworkers can’t pronounce the name of oyster “La Fleur Pour Carina”, so they call it “La four Pon”. 2) One guest once asked me for “Spice-ko”. I was wondering, what the hell that was. Turned out to be “Tabasco”. 3) Sous-chef was eating noodles and suddenly approached to me: “Hey, you should try “spucktea!” Me: “spucktea?” He: “Spucktee.” “Spucktea?!” It’s spaghetti, we’ll, at least Hk version of it, and neither it looks like spaghetti, nor sounds like

[cookinjack-blog]

I want you all guys, wherever you are, to stop what you’re doing now and dance. You, that intern at a Michelin’s restaurant, too, stop crying and dance for a bit:) 10 seconds, doesn’t matter, but do it and have fun

[cookinjack-blog]

Knife is my pen, on food I write

Why I became a chef: 1) Kitchen is a routine, but the only kind that is never boring; 2) Kitchen is a battle between mess and order, they switch suddenly, they flow one into another. Same goes for sound and silence; 3) K contains a healthy amount of cruelty, because you certainly don't want your crab to die before you execute it,no, you want it to be alive when you steam it, so when you see it's legs fall off you're satisfied af, like "yeah, it's fresh, hmm, was fresh..." Same for oysters, you shuck it, see the movement, oh yeah, it's alive, alive! Now I'll kill you with lemon juice 4) Your K-buddies must be crazy and mostly in a good way. Any of you know a boring chef? I don't 5) You're close to food, of course, I'd be a fucking liar if I don't say this. In case of zombie apocalypse, I'll close myself in a food storage and wait for the better times

[cookinjack-blog]

When chefs play games for kids

[cookinjack-blog]

When your boss asks you to have your pictures taken but you're to insecure about your looks #cro #badchick #chefslife #cheflife #cook #hkig #hk #kitchenlife #bof #chefsofinstagram #chefs #chefmode #bohlife #chefconfessions #chefslife

[cookinjack-blog]

Fired up

It’s Saturday, july 16, and it fucking hot in Hong Kong, yesterday was, tomorrow will be. One can teach English with these sentences: It’s hot in Hong Kong.

It was hot in HK yesterday.

It will be hot in HK tomorrow.

Evacuate the dancefloor.

Raise your hands those of you who work in HK or any other tropical or subtropical paradise. How many degrees? Hot kitchen, anyone?

[nicolettesachef]

I work in the desert. In summer, our kitchen sits at easily over 105° It’s usually about 100°+ outside.

I’m so grateful Chef doesn’t always make us wear coats and we have an endless supply of popsicles.

[cookinjack-blog]

Holy! How you survive? After shift I can't put my pants back on coz my feet are swelling haha Last week I had a meeting with the chef clothing designer, I asked her to make my jacket thinner... She: "do you wear anything under?" Me: "hmmm, no, it's kinda already too hot for me to put extra stuff under the jacket" She: "if I make the jacket out of a more lightweight fabric, it will be transparent..."

[cookinjack-blog]

Me watching Caesar dressing being mixed for the first time:

Huge bowl. [ok, looks like we are preparing for a big ol’ roman wedding]

Store-bought bottle of Caesar dressing. [wait, u use this sauce as a base and add something to make Caesar dressing more… Caesar?]

Anchovies [poor little fish must have been left to die in this oil, no fucking way I’m gonna try this sauce when it’s done]

Mayonnaise [what? Hahahaha ok]

2 cups sugar [ u know, I’m a bit concerned about potential health danger of this fatty weapon]

“Ok, seems to be done”, - my partner says. “Wanna try?”

No thanks.

“Just a little bit”

I know you just don’t wanna try it yourself.

So we try one micro drop of this and…

“Mmm I think it’s good”

Yeah, u know, like usually…

“Fuck I need to wash my mouth!!!”

[fuck-customers]

This is a fuck me story. I feel so guilty because I called off today and I really didn't want to let my Coworkers down but I'm exhausted.. My migraine is going on two weeks and I even got sent home yesterday but ugh I feel bad :( how do y'all cope with that guilt?

[where-lies-the-strangling-fruit]

This happens to me where I work sometimes. I try to tell myself that being sick happens - it’s part of life. Sometimes I have bad mental days that won’t allow me to function right and I know it’ll make working more tedious than it should be. After talking with the management team, they completely understand.

[chefconfessions]

Just remember taking care of yourself is important!

[peroxidepirate-blog]

It helps to recognize when you wouldn’t be able to be effective anyway. I’m sure you’ve been on the other side of things, where it’s sometimes easier to work shorthanded than with someone who can’t keep up with the demands of the job that day. And it helps to remind yourself that you’ll be a stronger, better cook for having the chance to rest, so you’ll go back once you’re feeling better and kick ass. Good luck!

[chefconfessions]

Agree 100% :)

[cookinjack-blog]

Hey, come one, my grandma's brother got disabled this way - went to work while having a simple flu, this led him to being paralyzed for 1/2 of his life. So just make sure you use 100% of your day off to recover, that makes a good worker too. Because when you have some weak spots and you ignore your body signals, you are in risk if growing a garden out of one rotten fruit.