MAYBE IT'S ME BUT...

[cool-maybeitsmebut]

Change

So I was having a conversation with a friend and she started talking about words that describe seasons of life, which got me to thinking of the word that describes my life right now………

CHANGE

I am knee deep in a season where lots of things are changing

-I am no longer working fulltime

- I am about to go back to school to pursue my PhD

-One of my closest friends has moved from DC never to return and my little Kay moved as well (DC folks: Nobody else is allowed to move till 2018)

-I had to leave my gym,(that may not be a big deal to you but I loved my gym……like a lot)

- I have to change the way I eat because this food thing is getting out of hand

- The framework of my family is in the progress of changing, (that is all I am gonna say about that for now)

For a person like me that lives according to routine and a schedule, change is hard, I mean like a serious struggle. In a recent sermon that I listened to the pastor talked about Jacob and how when he wrestled with God, he clung to Him until he was blessed. Jacob held onto God. The pastor talked about all the things in life we cling to that isn’t God and that made me really think. Suddenly I realized that some of the things that I cling to for stability were the very same things that were changing.

I find security in my job……Goodbye teacher and hello fulltime student

I find comfort in food (primarily sweets.. no judgment)…..God is showing me how detrimental that can really be for my life.

I find counsel and stability in my friends…..my friend who has always been my rock has moved away and my little kay moved as well.

As the dust began to settle and reality started to sink in I realized that the end of 2014 is going to look very different than the beginning of 2014. All these emotions started to flood in, (which I also struggle to deal with but I will save that for another time) I started to do what every “good Christian” does... FIND GOD IN THE MIST OF EVERYTHING. The truth is that the things that I hold on to are good, but they aren’t God, which led me to a saying that every southern black Christian has said or heard at least once in their life. Hold on God’s unchanging hand……… I have heard this many times in my life but I never really took it to heart. The other day I was thinking about that saying again… and it finally hit me; I can be kind of slow at times so it took a while. The only thing in life that doesn’t change is God so I have to cling to Him. Of all the things that I could possibly place my faith, hope, happiness, and security in the only thing that doesn’t change is God…… maybe God is changing so much around me to shift my focus back to Him fully, to help me stop treating Him like a secondary source. Does that mean I will never again work, eat sweets after a long day, or talk my friends’ heads off about the strange things that go on in my head……HUH NO, but it does mean that I can’t let anything or anybody take God’s place in my life because everybody and everything will at some point……CHANGE

Hebrews 13:8 Jesus is the same yesterday today and forever more. 

[cool-maybeitsmebut]

Higher Hope

 Maybe it’s me…..But I want to have…..Higher Hope……this is the title of a song that I have known for most of my life thanks to my mom who played The Florida Mass Choir all the time. ( Youtube the song then buy the album it is AMAZING). Recently this song has given me new life. I feel like this song is how I want to be in my life…..like for real.  The part of this song that has resonated with me the most right now says…….my soul in anchored in Jesus, I have higher hope.

As I listened to the song I started to think about what it really means to have higher hope. I mean what does that look like in my life? What am I hoping for? Do I truly feel anchored in Jesus? What things have happened in my life that has caused me to stop having higher hope? So many questions….when my mind gets focused on something it goes all over the place.

As I continue this journey to 30…..273 days to go, I have realized that I stopped hoping for things a long time ago. I mean of course I hope for a peace and productive day at work and to not offend people too much with the things I say, but aside from that not much hope has been going on in these parts. I think the reason for this is…....WORRY and FEAR.

Worry in my life has been my constant companion. I tend to worry about everything. I worry about work, health, finances, and the future. I am the type of person that is always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have the ability to think up the worst case scenario and make it my reality for my life. This constant worry has kept me up many nights and has stopped me from having the peace that God freely offers me. It has also stopped me from walking fully into what and where God has called me to be.

So as I end the first quarter of 29 and also 2014, I have made an executive decision to replace my old friend worry with a new friend, hope.

  In order to do this there are a few things that I must do

Let my faith and hope take me to places that I have always been afraid to go.

I have to really take hold of Jeremiah 29:11. (Look it up )

I have to quiet the chatterbox of my mind that always tell me things that are contradictory to Gods promises and God’s love for me

In essence I need to have higher hope.

[cool-maybeitsmebut]

Family..........

This post started as a conversation between one of my besties and myself but then I had a similar conversation with my cousin the very next day. I decided that, (in my Shug Avery voice) Alicia, maybe God is tryna tell you something. . Ever year I make the journey to Florida to visit family and as an official adult in the family I get to see things differently. One thing that I have noticed is that things are changing. I am seeing a division in my family that I hadn't seen before. Don't get me wrong all families have drama but what make families cooler than friends is that feeling of......regardless of what happens we are family. I  am starting to not have that feeling anymore.....sad but true. After talking to others about their families I realized that this is not just an issue in my family. So I thought about it and listened to what I felt the Lord placing on my heart. Now let me start by saying I am not an expert but I have been told that the purpose of having a blog is to state your opinion so here is mine.

This post is mostly for my family but if this applies to you feel free to apply it to your life. Beside I did post it on social media.

I think that is order to maintain a healthy loving family 4 things must come into play.

1. Communication

If communication is the key to any relationship then as a family we need to learn something that I teach children......USE YOUR WORDS!!!! If someone says something that hurts your feelings go and tell them (in calm tones of course) and give them the opportunity to apologize as oppose to "feeling a way" or talking to everybody else about it except that person who actually hurt you( side note there are definitely some people who will be receiving an email/text/call from me about some things so that I can practice what I preach).

2. Give people grace

Family members probably more than regular folks can be "team too much". They are always in your business, always stating their opinion about things that you never asked them etc. Yeah I get it and it is very annoying, but sometimes you have to get out of your own feelings and give your family something that God always give us.....GRACE!!!!! Don't always assume that someone is intentionally trying to hurt you. 

3. Forgiveness

Now there are times when family says things and does things that are extremely hurtful, so what do you do in that type of situation???? Forgive Forgive Forgive. We MUST work of this. I think that if we could truly forgive each other then we could get rid of some of the bitterness that keeps us in bondage. Generational curses are real and if we continue this pattern of not forgiving  and having bitterness in our hearts it could trickle down to the next generation and nobody wants that . Also you don't have to wait for someone to apologize before you for forgive them. Forgiveness is more for you than for anybody else. God forgives us on a daily basis so how dare we not forgive each other.

4. Love-

This one is pretty simple but difficult at the same time. We need to love each other. When we say the wrong thing and "do too much" God loves us regardless and perhaps we should try that with our family.

God placed each and every one of us in this family for a reason,( even the crazy folks).  So I think it is duty to make the most of the family that we have been placed in.

Now if this post offends you please communicate that with me, give me some grace,forgive me, and love me anyway!!!

Love Ya, like really I do 

Alicia Kay  

[cool-maybeitsmebut]

Post 2

Maybe it me..... but priorities are important!!!! For example  today when I went to Midas to get my car serviced and my mechanic gave me a list of things that need to be done with my car I had to asked him to tell me what needed to be done today and what could wait till tax refund time....See PRIORITIES!!!

30 before 30 update

There are officially 351 days left until I turn the big 30. So far I have checked three things off my list of 30 things to do before I turn 30.

1. Start a blog----YOU ARE READING IT 

15. When God closes a door STOP trying to open it . This a lesson that I have been working on in many aspects in my life................so many words but none for this blog (A lady has to keep some things to herself).#stillworkingonit 

23. Watch what I say----Yo, this one has been super hard especially with going back to work, but I don't think I have had to apologize to anyone for blowing up at them for over two weeks.... thankful for little victories. Luckily, my small group is reading the Book of James and if James doesn't get you together I don't know what will.

That's enough for today 

[cool-maybeitsmebut]

GETTING MY DRAKE ON!!!!!!

Maybe it's me but......

I am one of those people that has a hard time expressing myself to the general public or to anyone for that matter, which probably explains why I normally feel so misunderstood. I mean I am not a heartless person I just subscribe to the mindset that, "REAL G's CRY IN THE DARK". This mindset has protected me from lots of foolishness but at times it has it's drawbacks  So with the encouragement of some family and friends, I have to decided to let people in a little more than normal. Since I express myself best in written form this blog will serve as a way for people to know SOME of the crazy things that go on in my world. Now don't expect me to be all "lightskin and sad" because that will not happen. This is going to be an interesting ride......hopefully I'm ready 

Okay so I have just entered the world of 29 and though I am one step closer to the big 30 I very happy to see 28 go. 

As a gift to myself I put together a list of 30 things to do before 30.  

1. Start a blog------- WELL ONE DOWN 29 to go 

(side note: I like making lists and checking things off of them)

Alicia Kay 

[4gifs]

[accordingtokarynrose]

Friends, family, or romantic relationships, this is what love looks like.

[damnmcginty-blog]

"All I know is, you and I belong together. I mean, I have always been able to talk to you, to make you laugh. And I’ve always, always wanted to take care of you."

[accordingtokarynrose]

when you realize that boy meets world told you everything you needed to know about love