[coolieoho-blog]

i’m so fucking tired of being sick and in pain holy shit i can barely move or think i have a skin biopsy tomorrow and im very scared

[coolieoho-blog]

i finally scheduled my skin biopsy. it’s next week. my health is getting worse everyday. i had the worst rash yesterday, it was painful and swollen and covered my entire face. i’ve had a fever for two months straight. i woke up with 10 bruises on my legs as well as some sort of cut that has begun bleeding under the skin. it’s so gross looking. the lymphnodes in my neck are so swollen that it hurts to turn my head. my joints are extremely stiff and swollen and my hips and knees feel like they’re dislocating. i’m constantly in pain. just doing the laundry makes my muscles burn and ache and exhausts me. everything hurts and i’m so tired of being sick. it sucks so fucking much how neurologists and rheumatologists are always booked so far in advance. i am trying my best to take care of myself, but i’m getting sicker and i’m just so fucking scared

[coolieoho-blog]

i was reminded today how i have nothing to live for. the only way i could get myself to not try to kill myself was letting myself hurt myself. for the first time in fucking years. i don’t want to do any of this anymore. i’m so tired of fighting. i don’t want to wake up

[coolieoho-blog]

feeling oddly okay with dying

[perrfectly]

[coolieoho-blog]

just a reminder that i am dying i can barely move bc my body is so heavy and i’m really only half conscious. been awake 5 hours and i’m bout to call it a night

[coolieoho-blog]

doctor agreed about lupus waiting on results i’m so scared

[coolieoho-blog]

i really think i’m dying

[coolieoho-blog]

my doctor told me that more than likely, i have lupus. and that the three other skin problems i have are incurable and i’ll have them for life. getting the tests done tomorrow. have to find a rheumatologist and possibly a hematologist. don’t know how to feel other than a lost cause

[erupted]

[understands]

[harmed]

Sixteen Candles ( 1984 )

[thelonelyplayboy]

[dreamandwake]

[harmed]

[harmed]

via weheartit

[coolieoho-blog]

now that i’ve developed new visible symptoms, i think my family finally believes how sick my body. fever for a week, constant rashes on face and legs and arms, bruises, red and swollen joints, ulcers. i’m dying but at least my family is taking me seriously now