I have been my entire life. I’ve gone through the usual cycles of fad dieting followed by even longer periods of acceptance and eating whatever I want. I always managed to stay around 200-220 pounds, I had convinced myself that this was an acceptable weight that looked good on me.
10 months ago I moved to Austin with my boyfriend. For the first few months we lived with my parents, both of our stuffed crammed into a tiny bedroom. I was not happy. I hated my new job and I was 6 hours away from my friends and a job I loved. I moved here for an adventure and it was not working out how I hoped. I ate my feelings a lot. Pizza every night, fast food for every lunch, at least 3 cokes a day, Ice cream multiple times a week. Honestly I usually lived this way (although this was definitely more extreme) but I really didn’t think much of it. I was just living in the moment and indulging without a second thought.
In May we got our own apartment and I got a new job that I liked. I started to go out more and even made a few friends. Things were starting to look up but still my eating habits stayed the same.
2 weeks ago I decided to buy a scale to replace the one I sold when I moved here. A few coworkers had recently started to diet and have had good results so I started to maybe possibly think about dieting. The scale stayed in its box for almost a week. I really didn’t want to know how much I had gained. I liked the lie I told myself. I knew I gained weight but I convinced myself it was probably only 10 pounds or so. Living that way was comforting. It meant that I didn’t have to be responsible for what I was putting in my body. Finally, this past Wednesday I worked up some courage, unboxed the scale, stripped down “so I wouldn’t add extra weight” (lol) and stepped on.
Two hundred and fifty five pounds.
Ouch. Last I remembered I weighed 220ish. I had gained 35 pounds in 10 months. I laughed it off with my boyfriend then went into the bathroom and cried. I never thought i’d weigh this much. I know you’re probably wondering how that could be considering that I said I ate pizza, ice cream and fast food every day. But I really just didn’t think it would happen. I weighed myself a few times in 2016 and then before that I couldn’t tell you when I weighed myself. I guess in my mind I just thought my body had stayed the same. My weight gain was always slow and steady so it never seemed alarming to me.
Seeing that number was definitely a huge wake up call. I cant keep going like this. I know if I do i’ll be pushing 400 pounds in no time. So this is it. Time for change.
For the past week I’ve been cutting out carbs and sugars. I really don’t know how to diet but the way I see it I put on all this weight by eating carbs and sugars so it seems most logical that to lose it I need to do the opposite. Of course I want to lose weight but really right now I just want to feel better. For the past few months my skin has been horrible and I’ve been experiencing shortness of breath and frequent dizzy spells. I am going to the doctor for this next week so I don’t want to self diagnose but I think my diet is a major component to how I’ve been feeling. I am only 27 years old but lately I feel 50. What I’ve been eating has to be the main reason why.
So this is the beginning. The start of a major life change for me. I know I will probably make mistakes and I know I will have set backs. I have cheated a few times this past week but I wont beat myself up over it. I know I have issues with food, I know its my addiction. I’m just going to strive to do better every day.
I will be using this blog as a food/weight loss/lifestyle journal. I feel like this will help me have some accountability. Tomorrow I will be weighing myself again. I am hoping for some encouragement in the form of a few pounds lost but no matter what I am in it to win it.