who gives a damn if we lose the war?

"You hang on to your pain like it means something. Like it's worth something. Well, let me tell you, it's not worth shit. Let it go. Infinite possibilities, and all you can do is whine." "Well, what am I supposed to do?" "What do you think? You can do anything, you lucky bastard, you're alive! What's a little pain compared to that?" "It can't be so simple." "What if it is?"

[corbininman]

Camilla [21.14]: wyd

Corbin [21.23]: Proofreading mind-numbing articles.

[corbininman]

Luka Maksimov​.

     “Yep!”

     Luka leaned toward Corbin, batting their eyelashes, “And first love.”

   “I’m honored.”

[corbininman]

Luka Maksimov​.

    “Yes!”

    “Because you love me and I love you.” Luka looked at Corbin with faux doe-eyes, “You’re my first, big guy.”

   “Your first what?”

   “Video game victim?”

[corbininman]

Luka Maksimov​.

     “You done with me for the night?”

     “Or you wanna try playing a game or two?”

   “You mean do I wanna spend a few hours getting my ass handed to me?”

[corbininman]

Luka Maksimov​.

     “Okay, okay. You’re right.”

     “Well… guess I’m just gonna have to find out how fucked I am.”

   “Yeah.”

[corbininman]

Luka Maksimov​.

     “Even if you felt… I don’t even know how to explain it.”

      “Like I said, something you never felt before. Like… am I supposed to back away from that? What if I think about it forever?” Luka shrugged, sighing heavily as he leaned against the kitchen island, “Guess we can’t all be as stable as good ol’… what the fuck did they call you?” He swiped the air with his hand, “Whatever. Sorry to disappoint, I guess.”

   “Don’t do that. I told you, I don’t know.”

   “I haven’t been in that position.”

[corbininman]

Luka Maksimov​.

     “I know, alright? You’re thinking… he’s a Toy Soldier. He’s a killer. He’s a bad person and that much is obvious. Whatever I’m feeling about him makes that moot, right? Something along those lines?”

     “What would you do if you were me? Like… if it’d been your ex or some shit. Seriously.”

   “I don’t know.”

   “Finding out something like that would be… an immediate dealbreaker for me.”

[corbininman]

Luka Maksimov​.

     “I know I feel a certain way about him and it’s different from what I’ve felt for anyone else. So… I don’t know?”

     “Not like I have a bunch of experience when it comes to romantic feelings and relationships.”

   “… Yeah.” Corbin had other things to say, perhaps more cutting than what he’d already offered, so he kept them to himself. There were limits to how many times he could make his point, and if Luka had made his mind up, no words would matter, anyway.

[corbininman]

Luka Maksimov​.

     Luka couldn’t help but laugh, nodding as the doors slid open and he had to use a key to get in through the final set of doors. “I know. I wasn’t being serious on the criminal thing and I thought it was pretty obvious what I meant by that.” 

     He moved through the penthouse as he spoke, tossing the paper cup into a bin under the sink in the kitchen before fetching a new glass for some water. “I don’t think I really need to elaborate on that.” Rapists. Murderers. And not the kind who did it out of necessity for business, but for pleasure. No code of conduct, no morality, no line they couldn’t cross. “Yeah, Julian might kill me if he was asked to do it and the pay-out was good, but that’s just as likely of happening without fucking him. Anyone who finds out who I am can choose to make me a target, and I’m already a target of some people, they just don’t know my real name or face. He’s not gonna just kill me out of the blue one day. If anything, it’s his buddies who’ll probably do that first.”       If he had to guess, it’d be Queenie. Arin was scarier at face value, but Julian’s best friend had something more sinister slithering under the surface, and every time he’d been around her, part of him had been waiting for the inevitable weapon in his face — if he’d even get the chance to see it before he was dead. He couldn’t put a finger on what it was exactly, but Luka felt the less time spent around her, the better. “Still seems like seeing if it could be an actual… thing is worth the risk. So! He’s not the worst kind of degenerate fuckhead? Better?” He flashed Corbin a smile, offering him a glass of water as well.

   “No…” Corbin accepted the water, but set it down on the counter next to him.

   “You really feel that way about him?”

[corbininman]

Luka Maksimov​.

     They strolled toward the elevator, Luka punching the button with two fingers before stepping back and glancing at Corbin. “Well, Julian and my social lives are also mostly separate. And I know, she wasn’t Julian. Still…”

     “What if this is it?” The elevator arrived and Luka stepped inside, waiting for his friend before he laid his thumb against the PH button, waiting for it to read his print before it lit up green, the doors sliding shut before it spurred into movement. “What if he’s it, you know? What if this is my greatest fucking…” He rolled his eyes, twirling his fingers in the air before he took a drink of his coffee, which had gone cold, “Romance story crap? Like no one else is ever gonna make me feel like this and I’m debating throwing it away because he’s— he’s not the worst kind of criminal.”

   “Wait.”

   “First of all, we’re all criminals. That’s not… And what’s the worst kind? In your opinion?”

[corbininman]

Luka Maksimov​.

     “I can feel your judgmental disappointment through your skull.”

     “You can’t tell me you’ve never made a bad relationship decision.” Luka threw his hands up, turning to unlock the door into his apartment building, “And alright, so it probably wasn’t life threatening but… really… how can we even guess? There was already drug dealer husbands floating around that we couldn’t exactly avoid. As I remember… your ex was pretty comfortable with Julian’s partner.”

   “I’ve done my best to. And I’ve made my stance on him clear; just not to you, seeing as you’re neither married to him nor spending time with him.”

   “And as far as my ex goes… I don’t know. Our social lives were mostly separate until we moved out west.”

[corbininman]

Luka Maksimov​.

     “Fair.”

     “I’ll try to avoid him.” Luka sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “It’s not like I don’t know who he is. I do. Like I said… I’m just… really attracted to him. It turns out I’m a lot weaker in that arena than I thought.”

   “Yeah.”

[corbininman]

Luka Maksimov​.

     “I know you want me to say I’ll never see him again but I can’t promise that because… like I said, I like him. If you’re gonna ask me for any more logic, I don’t have it. I just do.”

   “I just don’t want to see you get hurt.” His disappointment in Luka for being able to see past something like that in a romantic partner was another matter, and one he chose not to bring up in further detail.

[corbininman]

Luka Maksimov​.

     “I don’t know. Then I guess he fucks me up?”

     “Though I think it’s more his style to just ghost me altogether. I’m not the one who tried to insert myself into his life and pretend I’m someone I’m not. But you’re right, I’d be better off putting my energy into someone else. Probably a fuck ton safer.”

   “Probably.”

[corbininman]

Luka Maksimov​.

     “Honestly?”

     “I assume he’ll ghost me. I don’t try to get involved in other parts of his life.”

   “Luka, I’m serious.”

   “What if you don’t part amicably?”

[corbininman]

Luka Maksimov​.

     “You would. And it should. It does…”

     “I think he likes me too.”

   “Not to be crass, but…” Corbin leaned a shoulder against the wall beside the door. “What happens if he stops?”

[corbininman]

Luka Maksimov​.

     “So… you’re right. So… I also have feelings which are probably going to make doing whatever the right thing is extremely difficult.”

   “I would think that recent… discoveries would make it fairly simple.”