The oblivious heathen

rebloging what I liked and what I want!!!!😋😘

[ramen8008]

Wonder Woman: Batman, we could make good use of Nightwing with this. Would you call him?

Dick, who's filling in for Bruce as Batman: I'll call him

---

Hal: you've gained some muscles

Jason, dressed as Nightwing: I started working out

Hal: Damn. What's the routine cause I just saw you last week and you look completely different.

Jason: steroids

Dick, as batman: *chokes on coffee*

---

Superman: We might need someone who's good with guns, hm... Hey Nightwing you're in contact with redhood, right? Could you have him come?

Jason, as Nightwing: ... I don't see why not

---

Wonder woman: this security is an issue we need someone who can hack this system long enough for us to get pass

Superman: hey hood, any chance you can give red robin a call?

Tim, with 5 inches of padding, as redhood: on it

---

Hal: isn't robin usually with you all?

Flash: yeah we could use him with this one

Superman: Red Robin, would you call in Robin for us?

Damian, in red robin costume: he's dead

[teamredsoverworkedpremployee]

Peter: *picks up phone* oh hey, DD! How’s it going? Drug bust tonight? I’ll be there. Oh, and the chimichangas? Yeah, DPs got ‘em covered. Maybe bring some change, I doubt he’ll remember that the sauces cost money now. Yeah, see you then. Bye. The rest of the avengers sitting around the meeting table: Peter: what? Tony: please tell me DD and DP mean Donald Duck and department Peter: no, they mean— Tony: I think you misunderstood. Please lie to me. Peter: oh okay then—

[mallalada]

get yourself a main character whos two primary emotions are "little cunt" and "catatonic with grief"

[learning-to-fly-on-my-own]

Is this anything

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

i dont think any of you understand how important i am to the plot

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

you can kill me off but everyone will stop watching

[kamalahkhan]

- Tony Stark 

[incorrectbatfam]

Jason: Just to be sure, are you asking me romantically or platonically?

Roy, on one knee, ring out: You did not just fucking ask me that—

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce: Commissioner, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!

Comm. Gordon: I thought we were having steamed clams.

Bruce: Oh no, I said steamed hams. That's what I call hamburgers.

Comm. Gordon: You call hamburgers steamed hams?

Bruce: Yes. It's a regional dialect.

Comm. Gordon: Uh-huh. What region?

Bruce: Uh... Gotham?

Comm. Gordon: Really? Well, I'm from Five Points and I've never heard anyone use the phrase steamed hams.

Bruce: Oh, not in Five Points, no. It's a Bristol expression.

Comm. Gordon: I see.

Comm. Gordon: *takes a bite*

Comm. Gordon: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Batburgers.

Bruce: Oh, no. Patented Wayne Burgers. Old family recipe.

Comm. Gordon: For steamed hams?

Bruce: Yes.

Comm. Gordon: Yes, and you call them steamed hams, despite the fact they are obviously grilled.

Bruce: Uh... you know, the... one thing I should... excuse me for one second.

Comm. Gordon: Of course.

Bruce: *enters the kitchen, sees it's on fire, and swiftly leaves*

Bruce, pretending to yawn: Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped.

Comm. Gordon: Yes, I should be—

Comm. Gordon: *sees the light from the kitchen*

Comm. Gordon: GOOD LORD, WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE?!?

Bruce: Aurora Borealis?

Comm. Gordon: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?

Bruce: Yes.

Comm. Gordon: ...May I see it?

[incorrectbatfam]

Duke: Well look who it is. My old friend. The conses of my quences.

[incorrectbatfam]

Dick, angry: You thought you could keep it a secret.

Bruce: What do you mean, son?

Dick: You don't remember, do you? What you told me all those years ago? You told me that when an ice cream truck plays music that means it's out of ice cream.

Bruce: I'm sorry, I just assumed you discovered the truth about these things a long time ago.

Dick: Well, I didn't.

[incorrectbatfam]

Damian: I honestly prefer to kick a man when he's down. It's the easiest time to do it.

[incorrectbatfam]

Bette: What does "competitive salary" even mean?

Stephanie: The salary will be competing against bills.

[incorrectbatfam]

[when the family is beefing again]

Tim: We agreed we'd meet without backup. Are you alone?

Jason: Yes. Are you alone?

Stephanie: *steps out of the shadows*

Tim: No, I lied.

Damian: *also steps out the shadows*

Jason: So did I.

Tim: I see. But here’s the thing...

Cassandra: *drops from a rooftop*

Tim: I lied twice.

[incorrectbatfam]

Who in batfam thinks labubus are cute and who thinks they are ugly little shits

They're adorable: Damian, Cassandra, Carrie, Bette

They're cute but overhyped: Dick, Cullen, Stephanie

They're ugly but the appeal is understandable: Duke, Barbara, Kate, Luke, Selina

They're just ugly: Jason, Harper, Helena, Alfred

They're yet another illustration of how much of our culture is dictated by consumerism: Tim

What the fuck is a labubu: Bruce

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce: Joker, I’m afraid you’ve gone mad with power.

Joker: Well, of course I have! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It’s boring! No one ever listens to you!

[incorrectbatfam]

Damian, to Tim: It's okay to be sad, sometimes we need to let our feelings out. Just let yourself be sad.

Dick, walking in: Oh that's so lovely, well done. Why is he crying?

Damian: I hit him.

[incorrectbatfam]

Tim, to himself: Be safe.

Duke: Did Tim just tell himself to be safe?

Stephanie: He calls it self care.

[incorrectbatfam]

[interviewing for the Justice League]

Bruce: Why is there a gap in your resumé?

Harley: Why is there a gap in your staff?

[incorrectbatfam]

Barbara: It’s okay to take off your glasses once you feel you’ve seen enough for the day.