when did i ever have something that was truly mine
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Kiana Khansmith

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2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year

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@cosmicreverie
when did i ever have something that was truly mine
i’m so anxious all the time lately & just want a break
welpppppp it’s been a year since me and my last serious relationship ended .. damn shit goes by fast lol. year reflection time :O
of course i was sad and shit, but i feel like i got over it pretty quickly? i think it’s because i was technically over the relationship a few months prior, but didn’t feel like i could break it off since we had a year lease we couldn’t break.
i feel like i haven’t really done anything “revolutionary” or “new” or “cool” in the past year, but i think it was good anyway
solo trip to taiwan/bali (was supposed to be w henry but i went anyway c: !!)
did a spartan race with coworkers
reconnected with old coworker who later became my bf.. :O
invested a LOT into this new relationship. we are the type that are good friends, but once in a relationship complete opposite.. im ENTJ, he’s ESFJ. im anxious attachment, hes avoidant attachment. im very verbally/physically affectionate, he isn’t at all. it has been very hard tbh, but i feel positive about how it’s going.
went to seattle + LA with bf
i got some serious speed gains in snowboarding. started to feel very comfortable going 40+ mph.. but that led to....
..breaking my ankle right before covid, but it helped me feel prepared for SIP and manage my emotions better during the pandemic (lowered expectations)
started drawing again BUT only posted 6 drawings LMAO. i have 3 more in WIP.... im so slow and unmotivated to finish drawings.. : (
biked a lotttt bc i have more free time without commuting. currently at 2.2k miles biked! (last year i biked 1.2k miles)
became a BWTM for cycling
educated myself a lot and much further about BLM and participated in a protest
started rock climbing (right b4 covid)
just got into roller skating (this week actually, and im obsesseddd)
started my bike specific IG and made some cycling friends in other countries! it’s rly cool to see their routes too. but i need to not get sucked in and care about likes and vanity shit like that lol..
started cooking more... im still bad but hey atleast im trying lol (but still suck ass)
started golfing again bc bf wanted to learn lol
oh duhh moved into a new apt!!! i love having my own place now, no stress from crap roommates loll. decorated it a lot and it really feels like mine ;_;
dived deep into genshin... LOL. but now roller skating is my new obsession so this kinda died. ima pick it back up in a bit lol
became a plant mom! my apt is rly dark/cold tbh so the plants make it feel x9000 more homey hehe. learning about all my different babies is exciting, i have like 22 lol. some are hard to keep alive though cuz my apt is very cold ;_;
work has honestly just been a grind since the start. i feel like ive learned more but also haven’t. trying to work on some stuff im not comfortable to write about yet but we’ll see..
i guess that was more than i thought. most of it is random side hobbies lol. i hope i dedicate enough time to one to get actually good at it instead of spreading myself too thin.
i need to be better about habits
I can’t wait until I’m at least 2 years in my career.
was not fun LOL. It’s all good now, got out of that job after only 7 months \( o u o )\
Now 3 yrs into my career :O
im now 4 years into my career and carrying my company’s entire paid social strategy on my back bc i have no support and gonna be so ridiculously busy lololololol am i happy about this? no not really lmao
professional/personal dev • digital media strategy (social/prog + planning / XF collab) • OI design-thinking projects / writing articles (tba still) sports/exercise • endurance cycling (+ALC +bianchi team) • snowboarding dbd • social rock climbing
creative • atleast 1x/wk drawing for pjfy misc one-off projs (low priority) • cooking (my skills suck tbh) • sewing classes (?) • volleyball league (oct but prob not w covid) • update personal website (slot in during shelter in place) • losing 10 lbs which will never happen lmfao
i think for now i’m going to 1. give up snowboarding bc it isnt sustainable and i dont have friends that do it 2. limit my time given for design-thinking cuz it always feels like a backburner anyway..
wowee so much has happened in 2017
new job new apartment new relationship / fell in love for the first time in 2 yrs becoming (and stopping..LOL) as an exercise fiend (got into serious cycling, boxing, yoga, hiit) doing fundraisers while cycling 2 cycling accidents lmao going to a lot of concerts interviewing final rounds at my dream company (ideo) was in an article for the USF magazine getting closure in 2 past relationships volunteering in the political space
i’d say it was a big year
k 2018 –
basic snowboarding to above average (double black diamonds / moguls) illustrated a website storybook first trip with a bf (japan) lots of volunteering for SF AIDS Foundation + mentorship programs serious fundraising + cycling 551 mi from sf to LA lots of portland trips started drawing anime stuff again first solo international trip new job again
it feels like a lot happened this year but also not lol
2019
moved in with ex then separated in q3 lmao got significant gains in snowboarding, did ma first ollie + legit gully carving got into running (12 mi mile --> 10 mi mile @ 5k) camped for the first time hit a career/salary milestone became chapter lead for OISF & did 3 events lots of domestic travel: portland, SD, LA, summer tahoe, seattle solo trip in taiwan/bali cuz even if breakup ima still go lol first year as an ALC TRL biked 1.2k miles total started getting into habit tracking + yearly plan blueprint started dating again and wow guys in late 20s are like buff now??? then reconnected with my old coworker n started seeing each other
dont draw anymore
but heres some from the past year
why is it so hard to draw :( i have no patience to finish anything lol
“Happiness will come to you when you let go of the hurt that is holding you back.”
— Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
you need to give yourself permission to be happy now. not when you lost weight, not when you found your soulmate, not when you have more money. we seek excitement from future events, but once those goals are met, the temporary pleasures will pass and they will be replaced by the next fantasy. devote your full attention to your inner self and appreciate being in the moment. happiness is never external, but a way of living and appreciating life. it’s not reality, just the way you perceive it. so go and shift your focus from the outcome to watching yourself grow.
I’m so dead on weekends
Can’t be productive :(
Need to change something
Work has been so busy lately though >__<
I’m putting hard limits on apps now
I spend way too much time on my phone when I’m already on the computer all day at work sigh
20 hrs a week is literally a part time job..
Such a waste
Hope it helps me and helps my anxiety too bc I feel like I’m wasting a lot of time lately
Things that are easy to forget:
some days are just bad in every way, but one bad day doesn’t mean your life is bad.
there are good days and good people too.
it’s easier for your brain to focus on bad things so do your best to concentrate on the little things that make u happy.
mistakes and no obvious progress doesn’t mean you’re not improving.
things do get better. bad things are temporary.
you deserve to relax, it’s not a waste of time.
you are more loved than you know.
i feel like im doing so much but im not good at anything
makes me feel like a big poop inside
I kno I shouldn’t care but it kinda sucks dating someone for a year before and they didn’t even wanna seriously commit to you & never say they love you but move in with the next person they date after a shorter amount of time haha
I feel like that happens a lot though lol