I'm a Liability @cosmiicfairy - Tumblr Blog

me rn

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#i really hate the weekends sometimes #I'm glad to be off work. I'm glad to be able to have my time. but i hate the crushing loneliness and isolation i feel #i hate being reminded that I'm just. alone #i have a roommate sure but he doesn't hang out with me anymore. we barely talk #my mom declines invitations to do stuff together or she does them with my step sister despite claiming she doesn't like her #i have no friends irl anymore. all my friends live far away and they're busy and i feel bad constantly relying on their company when they #have other things to do because my inability to be alone isn't there problem #so i just. isolate. because i don't want them to feel like I'm being too needy and i don't want them to feel burdened with my bullshit #but i just really fucking hate this feeling. I'm tired of feeling it all. the. time.#i just want to kill myself and be done with it lmao #anyway

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#every time i think I'm past the overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. something new comes along and reminds me that i still #very much am carrying the weight of it in my chest and probably always will #my mom told me she and my step dad were going to his lake property for the holiday. what she didn't tell me was that apparently #my step sister. her two month old. her boyfriend whom they hate. and his animal killing son were all invited #but i wasn't.#they did this in april for the tulip festival too #i asked my mom if she'd come with me to the verizon store to get a new phone because i really. really hate doing things alone #and my roommate has already made a comment to me about how he already has go 'sacrifice a day off every week for cleaning' and doesn't want #to do things on his only other day off. so I'm just kind of sat here like oh. okay. because he's made it pretty clear he doesn't want to #spend time with me in that way. if at all. and it's like....#I've already lost all my irl friends. i don't have anyone else in this state #everyone i want to be around and be with lives 2000 miles away at best. or in another country at worst. and i just #it makes it really hard to want to stay and live yknow #because what point is there to still being alive when I'm just /alone/#no one wants to be near me or be around me so why do i fucking bother

hoaxghost

holding on by a god damn thread

crazytriss

stupiderat

A comfort so sweet it feels like dying

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#hm.#feeling particularly.... vulnerable and alone today. so that's fun #tells me my period is probably around the corner but in the moment i just feel suddenly like my friends hate being around me #and that I'm Too Much #maybe i just need some sleep idk #i just feel extremely.... replaceable and forgettable lol #and i just feel so alone again and i don't know why

wiremotherworshipper-deactivate

"i just don't like masculine women" literally i'm so sorry for you loss. i hope you get well soon

angel-faggot

need someone to match my freak and my unbearable romanticism

porcelain-rob0t

the european mind cannot comprehend the 48 oz dunkin bucket

derryderrydown

Excuse me while I look something up...

1.4 litres????

politenotice

interestingmistakes

musings-of-a-rambling-man

chronic illness really is fucking wild. I'm not sleeping because I'm so sick and can't get any proper rest because of it. but by not getting any sleep or rest it is making me sicker to the point of being non functional. which is making it so i am more exhausted but am sleeping less so i am getting worse. like what is this looney tunes shit

#what if i just killed myself instead like #this shit is so fucking ass i literally have been bed ridden for two weeks

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#i know in part it's my period talking but fuck i just want to kill myself #I'm so fucking sick of this. I'm sick of not being able to eat. I'm sick of everything making me violently ill #I'm sick of doctors not fucking caring because I'm fat. I'm sick of no one LISTENING TO ME #I JUST WANT TO EAT. IT'S A COMFORT TO ME AND I CAN'T FUCKING EAT ANYTHING #EVEN FUCKING BREAD MAKES ME VIOLENTLY SICK #AND THEY JUST DON'T CARE THEY DON'T FUCKING CARE BECAUSE IM FATTY MCFAT FUCK AND THEY DONT CARE #IVE LOST 30 POUNDS IN 3 MONTHS WHY DOES NO ONE CARE ABOUT THAT #EVERY FUCKING WEBSITE IS LIKE 'seek medical treatment ASAP for unexplained and unintentional weight loss'#BUT THEY DON'T CARE!#ITS AFFECTING MY JOB. MY WORK. MY RELATIONSHIPS. EVERYTHING #im in constant fucking pain in some way or another #I cant eat because it makes me sick but if i dont eat it makes me sick i cant fucking win i just want to die

at this point i think my doctors just want me to kill myself and get it over with lmao

#I'm so fucking tired of dealing with healthcare

I've lost 30 pounds in two and a half months because i literally can't eat anything without severe gastro issues and an urgent care doctor told me "well the human body can survive for a long time without food, so drink some gatorade! 😃" and i considered mass murder

#2 hours spent waiting to be seen and she saw me for 5 minutes. pressed on my stomach. and said i was fine #the most I've managed to eat in a day in the last two weeks was a few slices of turkey. some mashed potatoes. and some oatmeal #and even that made me nauseous and bloated but at least it was something #on sunday i had some chicken bites from Costco and they gave me such bad heart burn (unseasoned chicken btw) that i woke up choking #on the acid in my throat. and yesterday i had to clock out early because two singular slices of oscar meyer deli turkey #made me run to the bathroom 3 times in a 30 minute span with so much hell coming out of me i thought i was dying #this shit isn't fucking normal #but because I'm a fat ass no one cares #i have no energy. i can barely keep my body moving because I'm so fucking exhausted and frustrated and no one cares

comfybutter

Mommy's going to take you out of the freezer and leave you in a room temperature environment, ok? Awww you're already dripping condensation... There's a puddle gathering at your base, my leaky little condensation slut.

maidthings

can you put that on a coaster

comfybutter

No. I want her to see all her little circle stains on the table...

maidthings

okay thats cute and all but this table was my grandmother's so i would really appreciate it if you could stop and actually consider other peoples belongings for 2 fucking seconds