Tsubaki Usa

Oh man I love cosplay and I love chatting with people in cosplay! Come ask my cosplays cute questions~ 

[wolf-1-xex]

Chiyo Sakura

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[dorieanun-deactivated20231026]

Hmm lately I’ve only been doing really rough sketches, changing the pace a bit with okegawa. If you’ve read this far I definitely with all my heart and soul recommend you read oresama teacher it’s my favorite manga of all time.

Edit: I meant kangawa ahhhhh how could I have mixed them up, I’ve read the manga like 6 times ahhhhhhh

[cosplayertsubakiusa]

I know that I need to give up on this crush for this girl. She is straight and has a guy who she likes and he is cool. If they’re not dating yet they probably will end up together eventually. She sees me as a really good friend who is there to support her.

But that’s the bad part about having a crush on someone. Despite knowing all of these factors, I selfishly wish that none of those factors exist and that I still have a chance. I want to be the most important person in her life. And currently she’s making me feel that way. She’s making me feel like I’m so important to her and so special to her that I’m mistaking it for a deeper meaning. Maybe it’s because I’m one of her new friends and she wants to get to know me better and for us to be forever close. Maybe that’s why she’s making me special. But it also hurts me. Because, at the end of the day, I know the truth. I’m not that special to her. There will be someone more special to her than me. 

I dunno... I’m kinda wanting to make a terrible mistake because I want to escape this feeling of happiness and sadness...

[cosplayertsubakiusa]

I’m feeling so fucking insecure and lonely.

I can tell that we live very different lives to the point that it feels like I’m such a huge outsider. I know she’s trying to get me into her life but... the closer we are trying to get, the more I can tell how different and how uncomfortable I feel trying to be in her life. Not because I like her. It’s uncomfortable because I’m trying to be a social person just to be in her life when I’m a anti-social person. I feel pressured to do things a different way that a social person would do when I’d much prefer my anti-social ways of doing them. It’s just... takes so much of my energy... so much of me not being me... and it hurts to know she wants me to be there. As a social person. And I’m bad at saying “No” to stuff like that. But it makes me so insecure. It makes me feel so isolated. 

I’m going to go recharge myself now.

Tomorrow I have to go buy a better present for her. I got her a shitty present. I don’t know what would be a great present for her, but I found out I got her a shitty present. So I feel insecure about that. I’ll feel better when I get her a better present.

[cosplayertsubakiusa]

I make bad life decisions but at least I’m happy. v-v;;

Why do I still like that straight-ass girl? I don’t know but my interactions with her always make me fall for her more instead of giving up more. Until the interactions stop. And then I remember that she’s straight.

I also realize that it doesn’t help that I’ve developed an obsession through her called Beyblade. And I’m just feeding that obsession because “THESE CHILDREN ARE SO GODDAMN POSITIVE AND THEIR VIBES JAM INTO MY HEART GIVING ME POSITIVE VIBES!!!!” And so whenever I’m into Beyblade, I think about her and get giddy. Until remembering that she’s straight. 

Also, I went and bought my first Beyblade today. ^0^;; and got the Beyblade app... I’m trying to bust through so much of my hw so I can be a child and play around and maybe catch up on what I’ve apparently been missing out on.

[cosplayertsubakiusa]

I love watching one of the Oresama Teacher manga pv that a japanese publishing company made because it’s probably the closest thing to getting an anime for that series currently. And I’ve been waiting for even an anime short for the series about 8-9 years.

[cosplayertsubakiusa]

I knew it. I mean, I guessed it. I was prepared for something like this to just pop up and ruin my plans. But like... it doesn’t make it any less disheartening. 

Well, let’s throw plan and strategy out the window and just have fun while I internally struggle with myself to not be disappointed or cry. 

[cosplayertsubakiusa]

I got some shit organized.

I got plans to hang out with my crush in 2 weeks.

I watched the first Ant Man movie, just in case we decide to watch the new one.

Now to decide: Do I finish Beyblade Burst and move on to Evolution OR Do I rewatch the Incredibles in case we decide to watch the new one? Or do I jam pack my time with both? That is an option. 

Usually such a decision I would post on my instagram story but I don’t want my crush to know that I’m doing so and she follows me lol

[cosplayertsubakiusa]

Shit. I’m so happy I’m kinda shaking in excitement. 

I also accidentally threw my phone out of happiness and surprise. It’s fine but... sorry phone.

[cosplayertsubakiusa]

When watching a series that you don’t completely understand but... the main character is so full of positive vibes that you feel positive too. You’ve got no idea how this show is entertaining but you want to keep watching it for the positive vibes. Was there a tense situation? I don’t know, I didn’t feel it. I just felt pure joy from this child.

Edit:

I’ve found like 3 children I love in this series and I want to cosplay them. Dammit.

[cosplayertsubakiusa]

Today was a rather unhappy day.

I’ve been happy for quite some time now. Actually enjoying my life. Truly thinking that I am happy and being productive. 

But today, that came crashing down. It makes me think that all of my productivity that I’ve been experiencing has just been a waste of time. It makes me think that I’m a waste of space.

But I don’t want to give up my happy vibes. So I’m sticking to my “new” habits, going to continue my actions that make me feel productive, and well... screw my life over by falling in love with an anime series I have no interest in for the mere fact that my crush absolutely loves it.

Today might have been a shitty day. But tomorrow can be a better day. And so can the next.

[cosplayertsubakiusa]

I hung out with her today.

I can’t tell if I am “in love” with her or if I simply enjoy her becoming my friend. But either way, I am happy that she is in my life. I think that’s more important than worrying about how deep these feelings run.

I am happy to have met and gotten to know her.

[cosplayertsubakiusa]

NOTE TO SELF:

You do not have a crush on her. You do not have a crush on her. Stop having a crush on her you don’t even fully know her. You will 100% fully regret your life choice if you let yourself have a crush on her. Besides, she is most likely straight. So even if you do develop a crush on her, you won’t be able to catch her attention. So do not get a crush on her. You are deprived of human interactions, which is your own fault, and just because she is offering to hang out with you, which none of your friends have done this summer but it’s understandable because life and because you don’t invite them to, does not mean you have to develop a crush on her. So do not have a crush on her. Act normal, do not treat hanging out with a friend as a date, and do not get your hopes so high up in the sky because it will most likely crash down and burn.

...

I probably 100% have a crush on her ffffffuuuuuuuuu--

This crush is destined to fail.

How did I even get a crush on her? I barely know her? I just thought it was cool and she was literally like a bottle of sunshine so if I got to know her or just sometimes find out how she’s doing that I’ll get some happiness from it. I didn’t think I’d fall in love with her. Aaahhh, if I don’t act natural then I’ll totally come off as a weirdo and she won’t even want to be friends with me. Friendship lasts way more than love. Think of her as a friend. Maybe your crush is because you want to develop a friendship with her but you’re so nervous that you think it’s a crush. That’s definitely it.

You do not have a crush on her.

[cosplayertsubakiusa]

I just created the most hilarious poll (or at least I get a kick out of it all)

I am trying to figure out what I should actually watch and finish next for anime. So I put up the options I’m kinda interested in on my instagram story.

The last poll I put down

“Because I know I don’t finish anything when I should so I want to finish stuff before I move on:

Option 1: Yea you don’t finish shit

Option 2: You haven’t finished shit?”

It’s so hilarious to me because of the amount of people who can’t believe I haven’t finished shit.  I haven’t finished Free! Eternal Summer, yet I cosplay Momo. I haven’t finished all of the Haikyuu stuff, yet I cosplay Yachi. I haven’t watched the anime of Bungou Stray Dogs, but I’ve read a lot of the manga. I haven’t watched Yuri on Ice, yet I like and support my friends cosplays and fanart. I haven’t finished Aggressive Retsuko, mostly because relatable af and I wasn’t going to wait for episode release of 100 eps.

[cosplayertsubakiusa]

Aggressive Retsuko...

Do you mean the anime that gives me vibes that that will be life? The anime that is predicting my future? The anime that, when it first came out, I couldn’t believe how unpopular it was but I couldn’t finish watching it all because it was way too relatable and was trying to release 100 eps and I couldn’t bother with waiting for each episode release? So that now that it’s popular because of Netflix (???) I am once again suffering from way-too-relatable things?

BTW, WHY DID IT TAKE NETFLIX TO MAKE THAT SERIES POPULAR INTERNATIONAL?!?!?! I MEAN, SURE IT WAS KINDA OVERSHADOWED BY ONE PUNCH MAN, HAIKYUU SEASON 2, OSOMATSU-SAN, AND BOKU NO HERO ACADEMIA, BUT SERIOUSLY??? 

I mean, I’m not salty about Netflix making it popular... Nor am I salty about the fact that I’m going to have to rewatch the earlier episodes and the new Netflix episodes... And suffer from realizing that it’ll be my life. ahahaha..ha...haaaaa

[cosplayertsubakiusa]

BOOM DONE WITH A REPORT!!!

I TOTALLY THINK THAT MY REPORT IS TERRIBLE BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT I HAD TO WRITE OR HOW TO WRITE WHAT I NEEDED TO WRITE; HOWEVER, I AM RATHER CONFIDENT WITH THE NUMBERS I GOT. WORST CASE SCENARIO I JUST FAIL THE WRITING PART AND DO GOOD WITH THE CALCULATIONS.

I AM READY TO CRY BECAUSE I AM SO DARN HAPPY I DID IT. ;A;

NOW I NEED TO RELEASE SOME STRESS FROM ALL OF THAT WORK.

[cosplayertsubakiusa]

As tagged by @romanadvoratrelundar23 Thank you very much!!! <3

10 songs I’m currently obsessed with

Anyone who wants to can do it, it was supposed to be 10 people tag but since I’m not as active I really don’t know anyone else to tag but @rubyssapphie

1. Ring Ding Dong - SHINee

2. Pick Me - Produce 101

3. Cut My Hair - Mounika feat. Cavetown

4. The Crush Song - Issa Twaimz

5. TT - TWICE

6. Suki Suki Daisuki - Jun Togawa

7. 200% - Akdong Musician

8. I’m Everywhere - TeknoAXE (because I’ve gotten into Jacksepticeye again)

9. The King - VIXX - Moorim School OST

10. Kimi Ja Nakya Dame Mitai - Oishi Masayoshi - Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun OP (because I will randomly have this song in my head)

Bonus: Uraomote Fortune - Ozawa Ari. Another GSNK song. Because I have it as one of my ringtones so I just sing along with my ringtone.