I've been in the background of system spaces and syscourse but haven't posted. Finally decided to make a shitty system account i guess.
A syscourse blog, so everyones wondering: but are you pro or anti endo??? The answer: I'm Anti-harrassment, anti-misinformation, and anti-dni (for myself, ill respect yours). Whoever you are I will treat you with respect, regardless of my beliefs. I have the disorder that fragments you and makes things unclear, I am not putting a discourse stance on my blog because I cannot tell you every alter will agree and every post will match it. I can tell you we will take system accountability to make sure we are focused on productive conversations.
Sign offs, we're a 10 alter system but only will have sign offs if alters choose to participate. Names not included, you can call us by the emoji or name of emoji if necessary. We're frequently co-con and may sign off to reflect that.
This is due to, not inspite of, the fact that trauma is a reaction not an event.
I have several different traumas. Some affected me more than others. Those ones are worse. Being beaten near death affects me less than when I was emotionally abused by my father. So being emotionally abused was worse than being physically abused and almost dying. For me.
Thats the thing, not all trauma is equal. Not because some events are worse, but because some reactions will be worse depending on how someone internalizes it. Two people can have the same traumatizing event, and one can be heavily influenced by this in their daily life and the other completely fine.
I've met people with less trauma, and things routinely considered less severe, than what I have experienced that were far more traumatized than I am.
Not all trauma reactions are equal, and since trauma is the reaction, that means not all trauma is equal, however...
All traumatic events have equal potential for harm
"you aren't owed kindness from the entire system just bc some of us are your friends" WRONG!
1. people are allowed to be upset if you're mean to them.
2. holy dodging system accountability.
3. you're all the same brain. it's actually normal to expect your friends to be nice to you.
4. if you're consistently a jerk to your friends and dodge it with "well that PART doesn't like you" you're sort of an asshole. that person deserves decency. handle it within your system mayhaps.
idk just. my bf read this post out to me and holy entitled.
Btw I love u Ampersand devs. You don't deserve the misinfo spread. Your app is the best alternative I've found, and bugs are part of any app. Take as long as you need, distance yourself from the shitty parts of the community all you need. The people who are out here loving every bit of your app do exist.
ampersand isn't "shutting down" by the way. it's codeberg is literally regularly getting updated still. there's a whole blog post from today about this, which covers topics such as "it's offline and cannot really shut down even if development stops sometime in the future". where the hell are you getting your misinfo from.
For a community based in having alters and different parts of yourself with their own unique opinions, thoughts, ect the system community (esp the syscourse side) seems to get realllyyyyy mad at people for having inconsistent or non-specific opinions. Like obv itd be easier if every alter agreed, unfortunately its kinda written on the tin that thats not happening without a lot of progress and communication.
Obv when it comes to things that cause harm some level of accountability has to be held, but my post isn't rlly trying to tackle those things™️.
please love the plurals of color in your life when you can, especially the queer and disabled plurals of color. life is already so hard, please make sure they know that they're loved and wanted. don't assume, make sure you know for certain.
in all seriousness it's very alienating knowing theres Something Wrong With You. like seeing your mental illness come through in your behaviour and thought processes and knowing it's irrational and unhealthy, knowing other people are reading you as weird or stupid, and not being able to do anything about it is such a lonely experience
Tw: internalized ableism and saneism, medical neglect
Denial and imposters syndrome. Just smth I wrote up about invalidating yourself because of medical neglect leading to a lack of diagnosis. Also a touch of "I'm not disabled enough because nothing is wrong with my body" self invalidation kinda shit. Things are, in fact, wrong with my body. But. First point™️.
Not rlly supposed to be a super venty thing or anything, just some thoughts i wanted to get down. Below the cut.
"Do mental disabilities count?"
I ask the owner of a disability server, advocate group, a safeplace.
I quiet my voice when someone speaks about being in a wheelchair, or using a cane. Disabled voices deserve to be heard, after all.
Am I allowed to do this? I wonder, as I apply for accommodations from my college. I mean, I'd be able to make it in the building without the accommodations. I'd maybe even pass the classes, even if I sent myself to another ward pushing past my limits.
Because It's only my mind thats broken, right? I know my mind is broken. People tell me I don't act, think, feel the way I should.
The same people tell me I'm too young to be in pain.
My parents told me it made no sense my vision was failing, so I must be faking.
My doctor shrugged off my chronic gastrointestinal issues, constant joint pain, fatigue, hypermobility. I was only a child when it all started. Children don't get sick.
When my period didn't come for two years, the doctor said "We'll give it another year- it'll surely be fixed by then".
My first bloodtest was done at 18.
Well, aside from when I was hospitalized as an infant from another unknown health issue.
There wasn't.. follow up. No constant hospitalization. No tests over and over until they finally found it, and I could say, "thats it! Thats why it all hurts so bad!"
My results came back poorly, as they have since then. Thyroid problems, high white blood count, test after test with yellow letters telling me somethings wrong. Irregularities across the chart. I had asked doctors over and over again to do something for my constant pain. It never worked. But now they did it: a test.
The results? Inconclusive. Everything is wrong, no one knows why, and nothing will get better.
So I ask... "Do mental disabilities count?"
Because I know my mind is broken. I know what's wrong with me. That someone hurt me, and a doctor seen the wound it left. Its funny in a way. People often say things like "I wish I was physically disabled: then no one could say I'm lying or exaggerating".
For me it was so easy to find therapists who seen that I was hurting. To get people to recognize those issues. It took a few years to figure out the big stuff: but from day one they acknowledged that something was wrong.
My body falls apart more every day. Yet I still sit there wondering if I fit into those spaces for people who are hurting. Because... it's only my mind thats broken, right?
- sincerely someone who wrote this while their hip was about to dislocate from hypermobility making their bones do wild shit. Still don't know why that happens but i guess we're living with it.
do not post your triggers, cues, programs, any of that shit on tumblr dot com. point blank period. do not just hand that info to people who may want to hurt you.
i am not saying this to fearmonger. don't put that shit on a public blog.
Syscourse as a system with very different feeling alters is wild cuz why are we stopping one alter from making solid statements about us being pro-endo and getting us kicked out of DID spaces while another alter is insisting we should announce that we're so universally anti-endo and completely disregarding prior alters feelings.
This is why we can't put a stance in bio or use a dni - safe to all (harassments bad no matter what). May disagree with literally anyone and itll change all the time.
We're actually hoping this blog will help us agree on a side eventually so if anyone wants to suggest syscoursers with good takes or recourses or anything else from either side please do so.
