[cozyacademia07]

[cozyacademia07]

I honestly don't know what's wrong with me

I can't follow a schedule to save my life. Literally, no matter how bad the consequences are. It's just one obsession after the other. It started when I was around 13, and even then i had some kind of inkling that I have this problem. It ranges from anything like specific movies and books, to academic interests. I don't do what needs to be done, what has to be done. Lyk studying regularly or something. I just want to get high on something, and then just leave it and move on to the next thing when I'm bored. If i don't have that high i endlessly scroll or spend my days completely dissociated. Everything is just one obsession after the other, i just need that high. I spent my first 12 years being the perfect child academically and behaviour wise because my family had serious problems and i didn't want to add on to that, then this started when I was 13. And then there are the random depressive phases in between. I'm so fucking done, I'm so tired

I honestly have no clue what's wrong with me. I can't seek professional help because I have that childhood image to maintain. I just feel like there's really something fucking wrong with me, it's annoying that i just can't function normally like other people

[cozyacademia07]

Applied for internships and started hating my entire existence lyk why is it so embarrassing

[cozyacademia07]

Why is it literally so embarrassing to write a cover letter lyk I'm dumb af and everything coming out of my mouth sounds stupid, will u take me as an intern?

[cozyacademia07]

I'm at the "I have to apply for an internship" stage and I am NOT liking it 😭😭

[cozyacademia07]

U ever think so much about a paper that ur literally simultaneously thinking about ideas for it while sleeping??

[cozyacademia07]

I fucking hate Tumblr sometimes

I just searched up dhurandhar 2 here for the fun of it, and i kid u not there is so much of that x reader shit with ppl like major iqbal lyk are u fucking kidding me!? What the actual fuck is wrong with u guys!? This guy's a real fucking terrorist who caused one of the biggest terrorist attacks in the country. Go fuck yourselves, i fucking hate u guys

[cozyacademia07]

Since my exams had just gotten over I was taking a break, but I'm starting tomorrow

01/06/2026

-> Pending paper

-> Finance course

-> news articles for new paper

[cozyacademia07]

Inject Ophelia and Soldier, Poet, King into my veins

[privystudies]

[cozyacademia07]

It's the end of the first academic year in college, and I think despite how genuinely awful it was mental health wise, i think I'm better than I've been in a long time.

Possibility the biggest, and best lesson i learnt in the harshest way possible was that u can't save people who don't want to be saved. U can't fix people who won't try to change in spite of the damage and emotional exhaustion they're causing to other people. I learnt that trying to be there for others shouldn't come at the cost of your own health. Very literally, because I spent the semester on meds as my literal diagnosis was extreme emotional exhaustion, for which I needed mood stabilizers and meds to sleep.

If people aren't willing to acknowledge the hurt they're causing despite u giving everything to them, they're not worth sticking with. Ur not wrong to drop them and want to look after yourself and guard your own peace. And yes, this applies even if they have mental health issues, because god knows I've fallen for the trap of sympathizing with them and excusing them again and again. But I've learnt that the hurt they caused, the emotional exhaustion, all that pain, it's not excusable because they have a condition, it only matters that they don't care and won't take accountability for their actions just because it'll make them uncomfortable, which is honestly kind of pathetic

I just hope that they eventually realise the impact of their actions just so they don't hurt other loved ones this way, because no one who cares that deeply about someone else deserves this. I learnt this lesson in the harshest way possible, at the cost of my own life, both personal and professional, but I'm still glad i learnt it, because now i feel the kind of peace i didn't know i could

[cozyacademia07]

Update: my sister making things about herself the second i tried to tell my mom this is proof enough lmaoo (we didn't even know she was listening). Lyk most of this message is about her. It still hurts, especially because my mom dismissed me too, but it's about time I started doing what will benefit my life

[cozyacademia07]

It's the end of the first academic year in college, and I think despite how genuinely awful it was mental health wise, i think I'm better than I've been in a long time.

Possibility the biggest, and best lesson i learnt in the harshest way possible was that u can't save people who don't want to be saved. U can't fix people who won't try to change in spite of the damage and emotional exhaustion they're causing to other people. I learnt that trying to be there for others shouldn't come at the cost of your own health. Very literally, because I spent the semester on meds as my literal diagnosis was extreme emotional exhaustion, for which I needed mood stabilizers and meds to sleep.

If people aren't willing to acknowledge the hurt they're causing despite u giving everything to them, they're not worth sticking with. Ur not wrong to drop them and want to look after yourself and guard your own peace. And yes, this applies even if they have mental health issues, because god knows I've fallen for the trap of sympathizing with them and excusing them again and again. But I've learnt that the hurt they caused, the emotional exhaustion, all that pain, it's not excusable because they have a condition, it only matters that they don't care and won't take accountability for their actions just because it'll make them uncomfortable, which is honestly kind of pathetic

I just hope that they eventually realise the impact of their actions just so they don't hurt other loved ones this way, because no one who cares that deeply about someone else deserves this. I learnt this lesson in the harshest way possible, at the cost of my own life, both personal and professional, but I'm still glad i learnt it, because now i feel the kind of peace i didn't know i could

[cozyacademia07]

Exams over yayyyyy

[rott-y]

"Just take deep breaths"

THAT DOES NOT FUCKING WORK.

[cozyacademia07]

Idk why I'm posting this here, it's literally like 5:40 in the morning, but I'm just laying in bed crying about losing my best friend because it's so fucking unfair. She didn't deserve to suffer so much from cancer for 2 fucking years. She didn't deserve all that horrible pain. And now she's just gone, she never got to live her life like the rest of us, never got to go to college or just experience the joy of seeing life as u get older. God damn, I miss her so fucking much

[blackrooster7508]

I didnt even do anything and i am tiredd

[cozyacademia07]

Okay i have to know, is it just my country's education system or do undergrads in finance barely have to do any extracurriculars at all? Lyk, I'm in law school and it's genuinely insane here, no matter how much u do it's not enough, but then I see someone in finance and they've lyk... joined 1 club or something. I'm asking because I'm looking for someone to co-author with on an interdisciplinary publication, but literally all of my mutuals' CVs are blank, and i genuinely don't know if it's just the field or if i just have a lot of incompetent mutuals lol.

I genuinely don't mean this offensively, I do understand that some fields are more hands on than others (so is law but the theory is very important too), i just need to know so that I don't end up teaming up with some lazy person who's just going to use ai for everything

(note: if it helps I'm going to start my second year, and my mutuals are around the same age)

Plsss help me out and reblog for greater reach, i really need to know this lol