wiktoria

this user has garbage in their own maind

[queen-of-dreams]

girls night!!

[chodeboy-deactivated20260710]

customer: hi how are you today

me: 

[iwishhiwasdeadl-deactivated2021]

[loukessler]

[mkaiser323]

It’s fun to chant “Bloody Mary” into your car’s side mirror three times and watch her jog and try to keep up.

[iamdone9]

Being a dick even to demons

[desperatehousecat]

me on death row

officer: you have one last meal, what do you want

me: hmm idk what are you in the mood for

[jaiology-deactivated20181217]

*hears footsteps toward my room* please don’t

[rapewhistled2013login-deactivat]

she said spank me and i slapped her with the word of the lord

[strongbowdarkfruit]

i know what you’re going through i read the perks of being a wallflower 

[charmancler]

my phone’s dying and i’m sort of jealous

[memelovingbot]

she wears short skirts, i wear communism

[hmlye]

[dizzyboy-deactivated20170326]

[depressed-furby]

[toocooltobehipster]

disney character: mirror mirror on the wall, who is the farest of them all? mirror: look, susan, beauty is a socially constructed concept which can be defined in many ways by different people. moreover, regardless of which definition is used, it cannot be quantified and therefore cannot be accurately compared. 

[neonmanatee]

this one time I ran a red light on mistake and I didn’t notice it was red until it was too late so I just ran the light screeching like an angry pterodactyl the entire time

a cop was at the intersection so he pulled me over and when he came up to my window he was wheezing cause he was laughing so hard and he said

“ok so i know you ran a red light and that’s really bad and you should never do it again but i’m not gonna give you a ticket cause that was the funniest thing i’ve ever seen and my partner can’t get out of the car cause he’s laughing so hard he’s about to pee himself”

i forgot that i’d had my window open when i ran the red light and the cop told me that all he heard from my car was this really high-pitched “screeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

and that’s how i got out of getting a ticket for running a red light

[eclipsebykimlipmp3-deactivated2]

my mom: it’s really not good to eat past sunset me, whose circadian rhythms have aligned with a nearby raccoon’s: your rules don’t apply here