Secret admirers seemed too cliche to actually be a thing. Or at least, that’s what Evan used to think.
It was the typical formula of High School romances in dumb, romance films trying to be hip or cool. It was just too good to be true in real life.
Or well, so Evan thought.
Because he had a note sticking outside his locker, which just said “Dear E, You look really cute today.”
And it was February, ironically, which was the most romantic month of the year, or at least Evan thought. He was a hopeless romantic who just wanted some affection.
But not like this. He would’ve preferred to just be told upfront, because he would take what he could get at this rate, especially after realizing his fixation with being with Zoe was just loving the idea of someone like her, and not actually her, so he was still hurt by that, despite the fact that she didn’t even do anything to him. He thought he wouldn’t ever have a chance at romance again,
Well, until that little note.
Evan felt a twinge of doubt reside deep inside himself, and he tried to convince himself that it was meant for him, because he didn’t know anyone that had a locker by his with the initial E. For once, he just wanted to take something like this and enjoy it, instead of freaking out, having a panic attack for no reason whatsoever, or letting his insecurities get the best of him.
So, he tucked the little note in his pocket, and decided to let it be, despite his mind screaming that it wasn’t meant for him, and left for his next class.
It really shouldn’t have surprised him to see another letter fly out of his locker.
Evan hoped he was mentally prepared for it, but no, he wasn’t, because he had to fumble around for the half sheet of paper, while Jared treaded closer and closer to him, so that was inconvenient, because he wanted to read the little note, but nope, it had to be Jared, and his fucking car insurance, just like usual.
“Hansen!” Jared called, and Evan hated how harshly he crumpled the letter into his palm, and down inside his back pocket. “What’s up? We haven’t talked in a while.”
Really? Did he have to do this now? “Oh, I-I’ve been fine. Normal, boring life, you know?”
Jared gave him a look that said “Are we really going to do this?”. “I saw that letter in your locker. Spill.”
Of course he did. That was just his luck. “I don’t know, Jared, I just got it.”
“I can’t believe it! Someone’s writing to you, Evan Hansen! Aren’t you like, most likely to be forgotten?” Jared barked out a laugh.
He tried not to let that comment hurt because he’d heard it a thousand times before, but it still did. He looked away, choosing to ignore it. “I’m… going to class.”
“Buzzkill,” he joked, but made no effort to stop him. “Hey, tell your mom I was nice to you so my parents will pay my car insurance, alright?”
Evan didn’t answer him, knowing it would’ve been preferred.
It was different every day.
“You hunch in on yourself to try and hide. Don’t. I see you. You’re beautiful.”
“I don’t understand how a stutter is cute, but yours is. Sorry, that’s probably annoying to hear.”
“I hate seeing you cry. Reminds me of how ugly the world is (not saying you’re ugly).”
It was nice. Too nice, so where as it was hard for Evan to believe it was all meant for him. How was it all meant for him? Who could dedicate all this time into just him?
So, feeling a need to do something in return for them, he left a small thank you letter, saying how he appreciated all the stuff they said about him, and that they really brightened his day.
But Evan really hadn’t anticipated a response.
I’m glad my letters make you happy. It’s nice to know I’m doing one good thing in life. I won’t tell you who I am, but if you’re as lonely as you say you are in your letter, text me sometime? (xxx)-xxx-xxxx”
Normally Evan wouldn’t accept things like this, but curiosity be damned, he wanted to try and get closer to Secret Admirer, and hopefully figure out who they were.
Evan: Since you’re not going to tell me who you are, can you tell me what to call you?
Evan made a mental note to change the contact to that.
C: leave the puns to the professional.
Evan: Why don’t you use my name in your letters?
C: it felt impersonal. I know you, but I don’t know you, like in real life.
Evan: Ah. That makes sense.
Evan: Well now you can use my name. Since we’re talking now.
C: suppose you’ve got a point there lol
And they sort of just kept going on from there. C didn’t like to talk about his home life, and was persistent in learning more about him in general. He seemed thrilled with every new little thing he learnt about him, and would tell non specific stories around every topic.
C: did you ever go to autumn smiles apple orchard??? The had THE BEST apples
C: me and my sis would roll down the hills there. They were super big.
C: and one time my dad brought a remote controlled plane. He accidentally sunk it into the lake there though
Evan: Aw that sucks. Did he apologize?
C: old man never was good with words. He just said “sorry kids, we’ll get a new one”. Like, that was my favorite toy?? You fucker??
Evan: Are you… still holding a grudge?
C: one does not simply forgive their dad after he fucks up so badly.
C was incredibly passionate about protecting rights and nature, and would send Evan long paragraphs at random, most often in the middle of the night.
Was it possible to be crushing on someone Evan didn’t know? Actually, scratch that, he did know C, just not in real life. Like an online relationship, just without the distance.
C: hey, Valentine’s Day is coming up. Wanna be my valentine?
Evan didn’t think he was serious at first, because he was a secret admirer, and his identity was going to remain a secret no matter what, but what would it hurt? Maybe C would leave him a lollipop or something.
Evan: Sure! You’re probably the only person who’d ask heh.
But on that Friday, Valentines Day, he wasn’t expecting to see Connor Murphy waiting beside his locker, a white teddy bear in his arms, as he wore a dark purple sweater with his usual skinny jeans and combat boots. For once, he seemed to put effort into his appearance, because his hair seemed to be detangled and fluffed, showing off a nose piercing, along with a few others on his ears.
Evan hadn’t overdressed that day. He just wanted to wear a light pink short sleeved button up he’d been saving for a special occasion, with loose ended jeans, and his uggs that clashed horribly with the outfit all together. It was a complete disaster, Evan was painfully aware of this, but there wasn’t much he could do about it now.
“Hey Ev, it’s me…” Connor smiled at him, fiddling with the teddy bear. “Now you can finally ‘C’ me,” he joked lamely.
Evan couldn’t stop the smile forming on his lips. Connor’s was too infectious. “Is that— a c-callback to when we first met?”
“Obviously,” the latter chuckled, handing over the teddy bear. Apron further inspection, it was holding a little heart that said “You’re too much to bear!”.
“Can I— can I hug you?” Evan asked sheepishly, holding the stuffed animal close.
Connor opened his arms up, seemingly all too willingly. “Come on in.”
As Evan wrapped his arms around him, he briefly thought about all the rumors that were spread about this guy. He threw a printer at his teacher, Mrs. G, in second grade, he was bullied, he supposedly did drugs and got kicked out of a private school, and he showed up to school high. Then again, Connor showed a completely different persona from behind the letters and texts he received up until that very day. He had a sneaking suspicion that his classmates were wrong about him.
“Can I walk you to class?” Connor asked softly. “And take you to The Orchard tonight?”
“One thousand percent yes,” Evan whispered back, holding onto him tonight.
Once the two separated, Evan gently set the little bear inside his locker, and let Connor walk him to his first class period of the day. They ate lunch together, held hands, and talked. He wasn’t sure what they were, but that didn’t matter.
So what if secret admirers were cliche? Evan’s made him more happy than ever.
