Crazy Ro11ercoaster

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” - Marilyn Monroe Stay Beautiful!-Ashley xx

[spiritualmissfrizzle]

Artist unknown.

But exactly was the “right” choice to make that dream my reality?

Let me tell you, everyone had an opinion. I loved it.

My science and logical brain raved over the information each person so readily gave. There was just simply so much data.

I made lists and graphs and spread sheets outlining what the potentially be the “right” choice for me could be.

Then, my aunt suggested NYC. “Everyone should live in The City in their twenties. It’s character building.”

Great suggestion. Yes. I’m going to do that. What a better place to discover myself. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Might as well go to the concrete jungle, as Alicia Keys so eloquently crooned in 2009, “If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.” That’s where I’ll find my dreams (and hopefully myself).

And so I found a job on LinkedIn that was so perfectly crafted to be my launch pad to success. “Market Research for Consulting Firms. Learn about different industries and support great minds solving even wider problems.”

I applied, I got an offer, and I took the job. It felt… right.

New Season: Ashley Takes New York City

It was week three that I realized that I had been hoodwinked, bamboozled, and led astray. This job was simply not what I had been sold in all the interviews. It was glorified sales and recruiting. Plain and simple.

And me? A holder of a Neuroscience degree?

There’s got to be more to my first job than this key-clacking jester’s job that a monkey could do.

I am more talented and capable than scraping leads from a database and copy and pasting mass “Hey hun!” messages on LinkedIn.

As I sat there at my standard issue corporate desk in the heat of August 2019, all I could feel was this drowning sense that I had been lied to and made the wrong choice. Messed up somewhere translating my subtle tug’s message. Again.

DO YOU TRUst your intuition? Take this quiz to find out

What was I doing even doing here? It played on repeat in my mind, over and over and over.

New York City was wicked expensive in 2019 for a new grad. I couldn’t afford to do all the bright, shiny, artistic and personal development activities that all the adults in my life told me I needed to do for Future Me.

And if I wanted to set her up for success, I really needed to do all of them.

I could barely make rent and also have a social life to make new friends. If you’ve ever been to The Big Apple, you know that you can’t walk outside without $439 being charged to your credit card. ‘Tis the law!

So I began to search for meaning and understanding, silently choking on the fear that I might be the problem.

I inhaled any and every meaning making system I could find.

Tarot. Reiki. Astrology. Nude Portraiture. Yoga. Breathwork. Aliens. The Enneagram. Astral Projection. Herbalism. Existentialism.

You name it, I probably tried it.

And yet, I still felt like I was slowing decomposing inside.

MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.

[vexheart]

the rain knows all my secrets

[spiritualmissfrizzle]

[spiritualmissfrizzle]

source unknown.

[spiritualmissfrizzle]

Self-abandonment is just self-protection in disguise, which is a symptom of perfectionism.

[spiritualmissfrizzle]

Debunking oversimplification number two: separating who’s who.

When you don’t know, trust, or listen to your intuition, your intuition can blend into anxiety and become one jumbled mess.

Especially when what your intuition is whispering is terrifying to your anxiety.

Your muffled intuition: “You find what you most deeply seek when you move to the Eternal City.”

You: “I’m desperately weak and must move easily?”

Your monotonous anxiety: “This isn’t easy, so if you move, you die.”

Lack of clear communication leaves a whole lot of room for misinterpretation.

So, you’re left internally dialoguing, trying to mediate and unable to tell the difference as it all garbles together in auditory chaos.

Was I anxious? Was that an intuitive feeling? I’m pretty unsettled right now. Who said what? Am I getting an intuitive hit about my anxiety? Is my anxiety freaking out because of what my intuition said? Anxiety, please. I just want to know what my intuition said.

It’s beyond irritating, which only fuels your anxiety and deepens the internal haziness. No one’s shouting, no one’s whispering, and it’s all just becomes white noise on Level 10.

Fortunately or unfortunately, staying safe and not dying on the steps of the Vatican sounds a lot more important than what you maybe heard about finding what you seek.

And you don’t really think your purpose is to become another plot point in a James Bond movie.

[spiritualmissfrizzle]

USE YOUR INTUITION TO TURN LOOPS INTO SPIRALS.

Your intuition is the tool you wield to weave your loop into a spiral. Your intuition is calming guidance from your soul to guide in the midst of absolute chaos.

It is your connection to your truest you so that when you feel beyond lost, you can remember what feels right and what feels deeply wrong to you.

In its most rudimentary state, your intuition is a traffic light. Red light? Green light? Yellow?

It's like your soul’s built-in GPS.

Not only does it help you figure out where to go, but also is your pulse check that reminds you of your big why behind it all.

Listening to your intuition actively builds your trust in yourself. The more you listen, the louder and stronger it gets.

DO YOU TRUST YOUR INTUITION? TAKE THIS QUIZ TO FIND OUT

And also listening to it is like champagne bubbles in your soul.

So, you’re ready to spiral towards the life of your dreams?

To click your heels three times and poof into a life that is full of magic and feels vividly you?

Wipe off the confusion that’s fogged up your mirror and take an honest, eye-opening look at you.

Decide to be done with the same old stories and pointless remakes.

Narrow in on what feels right (and wrong) to you. Like real dig deep down into it. Excavate all the nooks and crannies.

Search for your liberation within your misfortune.

Pick up that plume weave the most epic reboot of your looped story. Turn up the dial on your inner narrator and get down and boogie.

Strap on your cowboy get ready for where life is about to take you.

Not only will you stop spending prime Friday Night real estate being haunted by Casper the Ghost but all of a sudden, out of the blue, someone new will poof into your life.

Someone who, just by existing, makes you feel like you’re bathing in honey and drinking the most divine one-of-a-kind Sonoma wine.

Someone you gush over with all of your friends, kicking your feet giddily, swimming in all the gooey heart-melting feelings.

Someone who has a dedicated notes app titled [INSERT YOUR NAME]’s faves with nearly 250 entries of every little thing you’ve ever mentioned you have a smidge of an opinion about.

Someone whose gaze drips into your soul as you slow-dance at 11:28pm in the refrigerator light.

Someone who makes you feel like you’re writing your own epic Oscar-worthy romance with in realtime. Every moment feels like you’re coming more and more alive.

A life that is, in the most pinch-me way, is wholly different.

Because you heel-nudged the kickstand that had you doing donuts in the mud and pointed your handle bars at the brightest future you can concoct.

Out of your loop, you’ve spiraled into your new era.

And oh boy, you have no idea how good it’s about to get.

[spiritualmissfrizzle]

[spiritualmissfrizzle]

[crazy-rollercoaster]

Healing sounds like — thank you for all that you taught me, that I learned from you. I hope you can find happiness.

[crazy-rollercoaster]

In the irritation of seeking perfection, we forget how much we love those in our lives. 

[crazy-rollercoaster]

You can’t sabotage it with the right person, you’ll just never meet them. You won’t attract them.

[soaveintermezzo]

Praga, Cecoslovacchia.

[o-rgasms-deactivated20130115]

[womansfilm]

your ruthless efficiency in disembarking from this aeroplane has captivated me mademoiselle

[brok3np4radise-deactivated20250]

You cannot make everyone think and feel as deeply as you do. This is your tragedy … because you understand them, and they do not understand you.

Daniel Saint

[rawhoneybliss]

I am manifesting the most beautiful life for myself.