LifeofaLoner @crazylifeofaloner - Tumblr Blog

“Using drugs is my passive way of being suicidal. I want to die but i am often too scared to make the attempt. so instead I engage in self destructive behaviors like getting high. I’m very aware that if I don’t stop the drugs will kill me one day. Part of me wishes that day would come soon, while the other smaller part wants me to live.”

— excerpt from my journal 4-5-19

nicolethedopefiendqueen

I think a part of my addiction to drugs was also a addiction to the chaos that comes with active drug addiction. The drugs and the insanity that surrounded my life filled a void. I was crazy and so was everything around me. I became to accustomed to living this way that when things quieted down around me I didn’t know how to cope with sitting with alone with myself without distractions. I couldn’t handle the emotional pain so i numbed it every chance i got with drugs.

freshgalaxystudent65

Fuck sobriety

social--ideas

addiction is not a moral failure or a choice. addiction is a disease and a mental health issue, and we owe it to those struggling to treat is as such.

eatsleepdraw

lucky-lust-blog

cloudqueenofamphetamine

the-drug-addicts-diary

“they will prepare you for your first high. they will tell you what to expect, they will tell you all they can about the taste, the sting, the rush. they will tell you how you might feel euphoric, how it will be fun and how you will enjoy literally every second of it, how you will wish these moments could last forever. but they won’t prepare you for your first crash. they won’t tell you about the suffering of addicted soul and mind. they won’t tell you how painful it is to crave another hit, but realizing it won’t really give you what you want or need. they won’t tell you about the desperation, lies, fights, tears, consequences, fear, psychosis, injuries and how you will wish these moments wouldn’t last forever…while knowing they probably will.”

— 14 hours of sobriety

nicolethedopefiendqueen

“being in the midst of the destruction of drug addiction has me all fucked up. I forgot how depressing this shit is. why did i put myself in this position again?”

— excerpt from my journal 7-11-18

Can I be saved?

Why am I acting like someone who wants to die?

I really thought I was okay for a minute there.