2am thoughts

Moving on and closing chapters

[crazyologist]

So... I haven't written a single new poem in an entire year... Hoping that 2020 comes with some inspiration and lots of rhymes... Need to revive my tumblr

[crazyologist]

[crazyologist]

I've been called a walking contradiction or an introverted extrovert but I just think I'm a crazy normal twenty something living in a confusing time trying to fight the labels and new world order https://www.instagram.com/p/BwCsDowHZIL/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=11xvpsbwhfsbj

[crazyologist]

❤️❤️❤️ https://www.instagram.com/p/BvaJq_RHzmi/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=142yei2u7hjuj

[crazyologist]

[crazyologist]

Lost in translation

Words oh words I call upon you now

Guide me through this forage I now know as my thoughts

So many words I see but neither can I express

So easy they used to come just yesterday yet it feel like euons ago

Words oh words such beautiful cruelty you've bestowed upon me

So easily you have deserted me

How lost I feel without your comfort

Jambled is my emotions and soul without you to help me understand

How can I feel if I do not know?

For you took my subconscious along for the ride

[crazyologist]

Anxiety

Heart beating so fast I can feel it jumping out of my chest

Wish I'd just get a heart attack already and end it

But there's no end to this pain it's bone deep and I can't help but let it

Ever left like you were drowning and falling at the same time well that's nothing to suffering inside me

Don't know what's worse the heaving or the constant fear

Wish my brain would be de-oxygenated already so the thoughts would stop running through my brain I'm de-stressing

But the anxiety has my heart chained in a tight fist and let up

Stomach churning so bad I gotta keep it empty just to get through the pain

Cause stomach cramps are better than dry heaving to a pain unknown to so many its invincible in its invisibility

So you wanna know what's wrong me?

You couldn't handle it

I keep to myself because if I reveal all the crazy and fear within me it'll ruin your soul for life

[crazyologist]

Anxiety

Heart beating so fast I can feel it jumping out of my chest

Wish I'd just get a heart attack already and end it

But there's no end to this pain it's bone deep and I can't help but let it

Ever left like you were drowning and falling at the same time well that's nothing to suffering inside me

Don't know what's worse the heaving or the constant fear

Wish my brain would be de-oxygenated already so the thoughts would stop running through my brain I'm de-stressing

But the anxiety has my heart chained in a tight fist and let up

Stomach churning so bad I gotta keep it empty just to get through the pain

Cause stomach cramps are better than dry heaving to a pain unknown to so many its invincible in its invisibility

So you wanna know what's wrong me?

You couldn't handle it

I keep to myself because if I reveal all the crazy and fear within me it'll ruin your soul for life

[crazyologist]

Words

These words I try to find yet they elude me, how hard it been to find meaning in a world so bleak I wish I knew where to begin but there's no beginning when you begging to be understood. How has this world gotten so far within my skin I cannot describe myself without falling apart? So many words to choose from but neither can do justice so many lost souls and no ancidote yet it all seems pointless because as misunderstood as we are its only our hearts that can save us I wish I knew where to begin and yet I write with the hope that someday I may be able to pick myself up and let it all pass so many words I have thought but none have stuck so I look at all the letters of the alphabet and hope they can guide me solemnly through this bleak moment. But in these words I find solace

[haleyincarnate]

Guys, I need your help.

Currently, my boyfriend (as all of you have come to know as “wolfman” in my posts’ tags) has recently lost his house with his mother and her husband. The landlord was an absolute dick, and with unexpected medical leave for his mother and her husband being retired, my love has been forced to provide all of his income to paying for nights in a hotel for the past month straight. Sadly enough, that money has been used up and they are now having no choice but to sleep in their cars. Being able to eat, put gas in their vehicles, and shelter/feed two dogs is proving practically impossible at this point when two of them are out of work, and wolfman cannot leave his own dog alone in the car for 8-10 hours to work a shift at his place of employment. Obviously I would be grateful for him to stay with me until he can get back on his feet, but my own dog dislikes others, and therefore he cannot temporarily room with me.

This situation is incredibly heartbreaking and utterly kills me to see him send me videos of how he’s had to black out his car windows with blankets and towels just to feel remotely comfortable sleeping in a hotel parking lot. He deserves so much more than this.

——

So until further notice, my Etsy shop has a coupon under the name “WOLFMAN30” you can use to receive 30% off all poetry chapbooks and collections of mine, all being eBooks. Every bit of money I make in sales there is going to him so he can have some sort of safety blanket during these trying times.

http://etsy.com/shop/haleywrites

——

In addition, however, any donations would be HAPPILY accepted. My paypal is linked with the email “[email protected]”, and anything that goes there will be going straight into his pocket to help.

——

Please, PLEASE help if you can. Even the smallest amount is going to make a vast difference for him during this chaotic time in his life. He’s been through so fucking much as of late anyway.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and please share if you can.

[crazyologist]

Withering Souls

Trampled down misunderstood but still standing

I used to think that just standing was okay it meant I survived

But how do you survive a war when you run away from a battle?

Caught between the crossroads of being myself and being a better person

Shit gets so bad I have to decide whether I should be a good Christian or a 21st century woman

Misjudged so much I became my worst enemy

I'm always told of all the things I am from others perception it's like being kicked from so many different directions

Don't get me wrong I appreciate some fair critique because I know I'm flawed past imperfection

But I've come to realize the biggest mistake I've made is hold it in when I've been hurt

So many excuses I've given myself to rise above it however one cannot rise above truth

So here I am now lost beyond belief

Keeping my mouth shut instead of telling the painful truth but it's okay because silence is an answer too

Because of you ain't got nothing nice to say it ain't worth the thoughts right?

So how do I know how to express myself when so many chains are holding me back?

Oh mercy upon mercy why the guilt for these wild thoughts running amack in my mind? Lost in this darkness with my guilt ridden heart. When do I flow through nirvana and let these manacles break free? So many paths but none known so I forage through this self made cave on my own. Help me oh universe for peace I seek. Blessed are those who are found but I fear my battered soul no longer has a home all I wish for is that someone carve of this stone I was once into a resemblance of who I strive to be oh how I miss those days of cherished truth and humbling honesty. But to live in the past I cannot pleasure for growth I seek. Forging my way through the darkness as I seek to catch a glimpse of my broken withering soul. Smithereens just passing above me like a tease shattered by despair is my conscience. My withering soul is bound my withering soul I hope to find

[crazyologist]

chilled vibes with my girls and guys Sunday night chilling after a hectic and long study sess...hope I don't run into snakes lol but yeah it's been fun #ZiniVibes (at Gooderson Mtunzini Forest Lodge)

[crazyologist]

I'm not the most patient person but give me a few shots(tequila) or a bottle of vodka, Gin, Jameson, Jack Daniels( or any New Orleans{South and Sweet}Bourban), whiskey or any amber/dark/black scotch, rum, tequila or even gin( not London Dry- esp. Old Buck)>and I'll be around for that adventure>>>even to the campus pools

[crazyologist]

Untitled reportorial

Sometimes it doesn't take much A drop of the rain A blow of a leaf The chill of the wind The ruffle of your hair The hairs on your nape You know what I mean? It takes you on purpose Consumes you whole Takes away your breath Encompassing your soul Your mind a fog of a wormhole Making you numb It can never be captured It will never be compared It's futile It's a mystery...❤️

[crazyologist]

Uncertain

do we have to do this all the time

slaying the ghosts only to create new ones?

when did it become a norm?

why do we attain to the unconditioned probabilities

patiently assisting the depths of our pains

making it a theory of our unknown lives

play by the rules unaccustomed

here is where we die

untitled are our true feelings

do we have to do this all the time?

do we have to stay in this parallax

do we have to always wait for the world to crumble?

when we have to just let go?

do we have to do this all the time...

I leave the answer’s in your unspoken heart

do we have to do this all the time? 

[crazyologist]

My world

We live in a world where being someone everybody likes is more important than being yourself

A world where we intentionally hurt people and call it white lies

Where truth and justice never finds a home

A world taken over by corruption and fraud

We live in a world where its okay to turn a blind eye rather than confront our problems

A world where cheating is acceptable because we didn’t DTR

A world filled with frenemies instead of forgiveness

A world where hatred consumes us instead of love

A sad world we live in

Filled we hypocrites yet we say we have a reason to celebrate?

I found my world from all this negativity

My world...

My world is filled with good no great friends

warm loving people

knowledge and education

And so much to be grateful for that i could write a sequel

My world is amazing

Perfection at its best

Where honesty is nothing to be shamed for

Being yourself is what we celebrate

love is eternal

That is my world

[crazyologist]

Relentless

That moment when you want to cry so badly but no tears come Everything comes to the surface but it all seems like a dream Playing through your mind like a song It all seems so hard yet so futile Where do you even begin? How do you salvage what you can't even begin to explain? I'm lost for words It's relentless Shaking like a leaf, ready to cry but nothing comes to the surface