It was almost too strange to be here without all the noises ; seeing the empty hall with no footsteps, no talking, no loud laughter. It opened an old wound I tried to heal, I tried, I tried, I tried not to go back here because I knew it would fracture my heart into pieces. I tried to leave as soon as I could but my feet were taking me to wander, touching every parts of this place, trying to dig up those memories that I've buried deep somewhere under the trees. My hands wandered, touching every parts of those walls we filled with colorsโevery color radiated laughter, every color radiated tears too, each colors remind me of different people and different ways I love them.
In this place, I've loved so many and hurted by manyโevery corner of this place has sense of belonging, but this was also the place that taught me everyone was never mine. No one was never mine. And I was never somebody else's either.
I saw those empty halls and the thoughts of the first boy I fell in love with rushing all over me. I saw him standing there, smilingโthe smile I would never forget. I felt like I could love him over and over. Him, my first, was standing there holding his journal, but a second later he vanishedโleaving me with the same grief I felt two years ago. I felt like running, I wanted to hold those hands and I wanted to tell him how much I loved him and how every little thing he did made my heart flutteredโbut he was already gone, or maybe he was never there at the first place.
And then I saw those stairs, which used to be one of my favorite spots. I saw that girl, who used to be someone I talked to about everythingโwhom I loved with all my heart, who was always there with me. She said something funny and I laughed, but when I ran towards her, she was already gone, leaving me with the good memories we created together. And then I was left alone, the solitude scared me.
And then I kept seeing faces, those faces that I wished to see again, those faces that resembled good times. And I heard noises, laughter, laughter, laughter, and the melody we were familiar with. And I saw those who are now at peace up there in the sky, those people I wished had more time, but they left this world too early, leaving us all with misery and sorrow.
I loved, and I hurted, and I cried, but then I laughed, and I fell in love, and I created thingsโall in one place. And now that everything has changed, I refused to come back to this place because it might bring too many dearest memories and I hated it, I hated them for they're all just memories, something I can't hold, something I can't touch.
Everything moves so fast but I'm still embedded to this empty hallwayโwishing everything to happen all over again.
turnnoffyourmind
andulkaphoto
tangentwithtanner
blakekathryn
