For years you strung me along thinking that if you just got it together we could someday be. That if just maybe I got it together with you we could just be. That just maybe one day because of our oh so deep love it could work. 18 months later and the ball dropped. I took too long? I stayed too long away? You loved someone harder? You want just a friend? It’s logical? It works? You really happy? You spent 20 months portraying a ugly picture to me off how unhappy you were. How no one compares to me how you put me on this pedestal and you compare everyone to me and no one ever meets the criteria. Because simply no one is me. I cherished you and what we had. You quickly related everyone and everything to me. I never compared nothing or no one to you. You were that special. You and I weren’t as special as I thought. It’s so easy for you to love someone else more or even how you loved me and that shows me that you didn’t love me as much as I thought you did and as much and I loved you and that’s what causing all this confusion. I spent months away, I admit that but you know why. You were my heart, there was nothing on this earth I wouldn’t do for you. For awhile I felt like you truly felt the same. But when things changed you did too. Yea I left you but I never stopped loving you, never stopping caring and most importantly I never started loving someone else. I understand everyone is different and deals with things is different ways but that’s just a wicked way to see your ex. For months your so unhappy being manipulated, stepped on and taken for granted. I hated seeing how people mistreated you. Dealt with you in ways I wouldn’t even wish on my worst enemy. And because they knew they could get away with it because you allowed it.. for whatever reason. When we first broke up, I begged you to be friends, but you said no, all of me or none of me. I lost my best friend in this bullshit. Now a year plus later you want me to be your friend and watch you “love” someone else, as I still love you. You will never understand the damage that can an has done because I never did and won’t ever do something like this to you. My heart too big and your heart too cold to realize or care about who you hurt or even grasped what I’m talking about. This break up has changed us both. It’s cause so much pain and damage I look at you and I become confused, devalued and ashamed. You look at me you see resent, pain and neglect. But we both love, we still love, even if we don’t know why or how we know we still do.
When you wanted me back, I said no, now that we trying to be friends, it's complicated. I might not want you to be mine today but I never want you to be someone else's either but like you said I gave that up.. but you forced me to give it up when I really didn't want too.
My heart couldn’t allow me to love or even get that close to another man because my heart was always with you. I thought maybe you would be on that pace too but I thought wrong or I should say I expected more from you. You tried but you didn’t try hard enough, you didn’t want too. You was so comfortable with how much I loved you, I guess you didn’t think I was worthy of the hard work. Ever since I met you I made you see how hard I went and would go for you. But it’s life and people change and life goes on no matter how hurt and heart broken you are, the person who breaks your heart usually does it twice. It looks like your trying to full a gap, this void that you can’t seem to fill up. I’m going to let you live your life thinking you can find what we had in someone else but the truth is you never will… and I won’t either
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