Creed Bratton Quotes

[creedthoughtsdotgovslashcreed]

You don't wanna piss off Dwight Schrute. We've killed zombies together.

[creedthoughtsdotgovslashcreed]

I'm not sure if I have a cold or if it's just ectoplasm leaving my body?

[creedthoughtsdotgovslashcreed]

Took the words right out of my mouth.

[creedthoughtsdotgovslashcreed]

Have you worked anywhere other than Dunder Mifflin?

Let me tell you something Mr. or Ms. Beast... little ol' Creedy has never worked a day in his life. I don't like to think of it as work, it's more about a journey, an adventure... small things we do just to pass time and get the green (know what I mean?). Except for the time I worked as a government spy, that's a whole different story. 

Thanks for the question! Later skater.

[creedthoughtsdotgovslashcreed]

They don't ask questions if you carry a suitcase and some old plane tickets and look like you're in a rush.

[creedthoughtsdotgovslashcreed]

In case you were wondering, my spirit animal is a duck billed platypus.

-- Creed Bratton.

[creedthoughtsdotgovslashcreed]

Asked my agent to push the Bangkok film where I play a neurotic fluffer suspected of murder during a porno film shoot. It's too juicy to lose

-- Creed Bratton.

[justinxlowe-deactivated20140129]

[creedthoughtsdotgovslashcreed]

People ask if I do anything to stay in shape. Truth is, not much. I'm on that old seafood diet. I eat rotten seafood hoping to get food poisoning and drop a few pounds. This week I gained 5, but I've got a good feeling about those shrimp I left out on the counter.

-- Creed Bratton.

[creedthoughtsdotgovslashcreed]

My doctor told me I need to get in shape this year. Well, he's not actually my doctor, he's more of a part-time pharmacist. And he didn't actually tell me I needed to get in shape, he alluded to it by giving me a bunch of stationery bikes. You know, note cards with drawings of bicycles on the front? I'm not sure how that's going to get me in shape, but I got his message loud and clear. I think.

-- Creed Bratton.

[creedthoughtsdotgovslashcreed]

There’s a fat man that sits by me. He has some sort of jar of multi-colored power beans. I need those beans, man.

-- Creed Bratton.

[creedthoughtsdotgovslashcreed]

Toes are a luxury, not a right.

-- Creed Bratton.

[creedthoughtsdotgovslashcreed]

I wonder if land insects ever get jealous of the flying ones. I bet they do. If I saw a man flying around while I had to walk around like an idiot, I’d be jealous. I’d shoot that guy down the first chance I got.

-- Creed Bratton.

[creedthoughtsdotgovslashcreed]

The only place I won’t dance for fun is on people’s graves. I dance on people’s graves for disrespect purposes only and nothing more.

-- Creed Bratton

[creedthoughtsdotgovslashcreed]

The song Puff The Magic Dragon is about exactly what you think it's about: the post-colonial effect on the exportation of the culture of Southeast Asia.

-- Creed Bratton.

[creedthoughtsdotgovslashcreed]

Did you ever see that "take a penny, leave a penny" bowl at a cash register? I always take a penny. It adds up. Took me 17 years, but I was finally able to buy a fairly nice pair of khaki pants. Thanks, AM/PM!

-- Creed Bratton.

[creedthoughtsdotgovslashcreed]

The best Creed moment is when he's the manager and asks his assistant to find out what language something is and begins to talk in gibberish

Holy mackerel! Did you just enter my mind and read my thoughts?

That is mine as well!