lau @crestfalllenn - Tumblr Blog

xx mine

sometimes i think that the worst part might be that what you did permanently changed me. the rest of my life is shaped by what you did to me. there is an after you, bleak and bleeding.

and i have to carry it around. i have to take care of it. i have to step around all the broken glass of it. sometimes i think i have finally outrun it; only to find it dripping from my sink. panic attacks in grocery stores - the acrid taste of you suddenly overwhelming. i cannot touch with clean hands; i'm too covered in this silken slime you left on me.

sometimes, though. sometimes i think the worst part is actually that despite all evidence to the contrary - how i scrambled for your approval, took ever-smaller pieces. despite the red flags and the warning signs and the days i spent angrily saying i deserve to get what i need. despite all of it.

i loved you anyway. and knowing that. absolutely broke me.