Critique for Daniel
First, I feel as though, as angry as the character is in the beginning, he would be listening to more intense music. Mood usually affects what we're listening to.
I also think the voice-over is unnecessary, which is something we discussed in class. We'll know how Riley's feeling based on his expressions, actions, and what's going on around him.
Favorite part of the entire script was the stepdad's dialogue to the mother. Not sure if it was humorously written, or if Alex just performed it well, or both, but it was hilarious and got the point across.
Something I didn't like—the fact that the old man was lying in the form of a cross. It came across as ridiculous and super over-the-top, plus unrealistic if he was just in a car crash. You're going to reveal the man's beliefs in the ensuing dialogue, so this is unnecessary anyway.
I also feel the whole interaction between the man and the kid should be reworked a lot, for several reasons:
-The kid is seventeen, but he's being spoken to as if he's never heard of Christianity. Furthermore, whether he's a Christian or not, he would know the answers to many of the questions he asked already. Unless the character's retarded or six, he'd also ask better questions.
-There's no way the kid would immediately be so interested in Christianity, either. There would've been plenty of opportunities leading up to that point in his life for him to find out more about it, so for him to suddenly want to know everything and more about Christianity and the bible, et cetera, just wouldn't happen. He would've already researched those questions. As it stands the main character just isn't believable.
-Another problem I had was with the old man. If Riley just saved the man's life and was taking him to a hospital and the man immediately starts talking about Jesus and nothing else and continues on as such for the rest of the ride, Riley would take everything the man said with a grain of salt. He would think he was a crazy old religious proselytizer. Which would be true.
-Also, being forced into things was what made him leave home, so I highly doubt he'd immediately be so receptive to someone trying to force him into any religion.
-The dialogue between the man and Riley is meant to be very heavy and have a profound effect on Riley, but the answers the man provides are pretty pat answers and wouldn't really convince a non-believer.
Overall I think it would help if you had a clearer idea of a message you were trying to get across, or a main goal. Or, if you have one, just try to make it clearer. Approach fewer grand ideas, instead choosing to focus on a couple small ones more in-depth. Try to put yourself into the eyes of Riley or ask someone else how he'd react in the same situation and use that as Riley's initial reaction before gradually becoming more receptive to the ideas of the old man. Have the old man portray his views in a more convincing manner, and in such a way that they would genuinely interest someone instead of in a way that would have the listener dismiss him completely as obnoxious and crazy.















