I
I can’t say sorry because that’s not good enough and lord (whatever lord I don’t know whether or not to believe) knows I’ve tried and I can ask for forgiveness for all my sins and the shit that I let leak out of my now seemingly filthy mouth but I am not yet worthy of such kindness yet I still seem to stumble upon that shit and now everything is driving me fuckin crazy but I’m close to not let it break and my dear poor self the life I’m living is not a victimless crime and yet the shit that I’ve done I’ve never been locked up for so maybe once I get caught with the shit that I’m smoking or the shit that I’m dealing I’ll feel less guilty about my awful self and if I were to finally accept and love myself I feel I’d only do so if I felt I could be worthy enough to consider myself the bad guy but even the bad guys are mindful and rational at the least and sure yeah you can say I’ve got the stuff for it but I’m still young and maybe there’s enough room for change but you can’t save someone who doesn’t think they’re drowning you can’t help someone who doesn’t feel they deserve it and I can’t let anyone help a joker like me I’m meant for the dead but I keep living and the only change I know is the kind I slide off tables and into my pockets