Well, i had to put this somewhere, so here it goes.
Well yeah
a year and a half a go i took a small hiatus from drawing since i had some tumors in my throat, looks like my tirodis got damage in an allergy reaction to a virus than infect me the year prior.
My mom and i went to the local hospital since my throat was inflamed and it was hard to breath/eat at the time, the doctor told me than i just need to eat fish and such.
A year later, nothing had changed, in fact it got a lot worse, i wasn’t able to pronounce some words anymore since my throat wasn’t able to store as much air inside as before.
So we went to the capital of the island to look for professional help, after a week of struggle and medicals checks, the doctors there told us than my tirods where so infected than they had to do surgery. They said than probably i could survive with just one of them, and so i agree to it.
2 days After the operation, the doctor told us than what i had in fact 1, but 3 tumors inside one and another and we where lucky than i got operated, since if we had waited much longer, i would had develop tiroid cancer.
Ever since im permanently medicated and if i stop taking my medication, since i no longer have tiroids, my brain start to fail and so my internal organs.
I will die withing a week of abstinence from said medicine, its a fact than i have wot live with it now. Even after a year of said event, i still haven’t been able to recover from this fact, it has damage me internally, and the number of mental breakdowns and depression episodes i suffer, have do nothing but increase over the last few months.
Lets just say than the operation and the recovering process leaved me both mentally and emotionally cripple, a scar from what i haven’t been able to recover just yet... and then, it happen.
Fast-forward to 3 days ago, i was checking in the mirror, and the tumors have returned, smaller, yes, but they were still there, and they are starting to hurt...
After the shit and suffering i have went trough... the problem still lives.
Soon, my mother and me will go back to the capital to see the doctors again to check these tumors as soon as possible.
But i fear the worse, to be honest... I fear than in the time than all of this have happen the traumas have develop into cancer cells and that’s why they have returned.
I dont think i will be able to handle another operation in my current state, i dont think my brain can tolerate more physical trauma.
I can’t handle more pain.
This is not a suicidal note, nor an asking for founds post, im just too emotinally drained for any of this, some times ending it all seems like the best idea...
No pain, no suffering, no depression, no sorrow...
Yet i want to live, to see these i love to smile and be happy.
I dont know what to do
dont know what to think...
...I’m just tired...
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