@noxyoumove
as much as he tries to pretend otherwise, bucky cannot deny that even though he is free, he remains in a state of never-ending fear. the bang and laughter of people playing outside the apartment building, the blaring of car horns and the rumble of thunder. everything seems to twist in his mind until he can hardly breathe for the fears of it. when he is alone, it is almost easier. he can fall apart and there is no guilt, and only a little shame in it. but when steve is here, bucky feels that if he breaks, he will be letting him down. and so he sits as though a statue made of steel, unyielding and immovable on the couch as steve enters the sparsely furnished apartment that is bucky’s own, for the very first time. ❝ i’m going. to buy some plants i think. ❞ he swallows, desperate in the wake of a judgement that comes from someone he cares for, someone he wishes to make happy.
